Saving Alexander (23 page)

“Do you trust me, Sage?” Alex whispered, and Sage nodded. “Do you trust me when I tell you we have no more need for condoms? I had a test, Sage. And there’s nothing for you to worry about. I know you might have been worried about my past. I want to feel you skin to skin inside me. And I trust you. So if you’re all right with it, I’d like to give them a miss.”

“Christ, yes, Alex,” Sage groaned. “I want that too.” They’d talked about it but made no decision yet, and given what he was feeling now Sage knew he’d agree to anything Alex wanted. 

In one fluid movement, Alex’s warm, wet mouth was replaced by the silk of his body as he settled himself on Sage, taking him deep inside. Eyes closed, head thrown back, Alex enveloped Sage, and without the condom it was a sensation even more welcome than before. Their bodies blended in skin and heat, and Alex leaned back, placing his hands on Sage’s thighs, rocking back and forth on his shaft. Sage moved his hips in time with Alex’s bobbing.

“Sage, you always feel incredible, but fuck, this is definitely better.” Alex gasped and opened his eyes, and the intense focus of those beautiful, catlike irises was like magic for Sage. He heard Alex exhale a deep sigh and felt Alex press himself down, bending further backward to get more friction. 

Sage watched Alex rocking on him and strained to keep up his momentum. Alex’s other hand drifted to his own cock and stroked. Sage felt a sense of sheer contentment at the sight, the fact that this man had claimed his heart and flesh. The scars on Alex’s body made him realise just how much Alex trusted him, making Sage feel honoured. The scars were beautiful, just like his man.

Alex suddenly moaned loudly, his hips bucking as he came, his semen shooting out in hot, sticky spurts, covering them both with the salty scent of sex. At the sight of Alex’s climax, his pleasure, Sage’s groin flooded with a familiar prickling, the intense pressure giving him a pleasure he thought he might die of, happy and satiated. His own mini-explosion travelled all the way from his balls up his shaft to deep inside Alex. Alex’s muscles contracted around his cock, and Sage arched his back, his semen flooding Alex’s hot channel. 

They both lay spent and satiated. The sweat on their bodies cooled as Alex panted and moved forward to take Sage’s mouth, and the occasional tremors passing through both of their bodies subsided to shivers. Finally, when Alex had finished ravaging his mouth, Sage spoke. 

“As fun as that was, these bloody cuffs are chafing me. Do you think you could take them off?”

Alex laughed softly, rolling off Sage to take the small key from the bedside table then unlock the cuffs.

Sage winced, rubbing his wrists. “Squirrel or no squirrel, these are more uncomfortable than the last ones we used. What happened to those, anyway? I thought they were specially made for comfort and were a damn sight better than these.”

The smile disappeared from Alex’s face.

Sage looked at him in puzzlement. “Did I say something wrong?”

Alex’s voice was slightly wary when he replied. “I left them at Study in Scarlet. I haven’t had a chance to pick them up yet.”

Sage grew chilled despite the activity he’d recently been participating in. “You used those ones with Eric? I thought they were ours alone, not bloody communal ones.” He heard the disgust in his voice even as he said the words and his mood instantly darkened. It was a rising flood of blackness that swum up through the mire of his emotions. The resentment he’d thought
he
was controlling took control of him instead.

Fucking Eric and Alex’s damned sessions.

Alex spoke softly. “It was a couple of sessions ago, Sage. With me only going once or twice a month now, I haven’t had the chance to collect them.”

Sage sat up, his body tense as he leaned back against the cold metal of the headboard. “Eric used those on you or you on him? Exactly how does that work? The same way you’ve just done with me?”

“Sage, please. Let’s not go there. You know how I feel about it.” Alex’s voice was defeated.

Sage was no longer listening. His Black Irish was up and there was no stopping it until it had been totally spent.

“Is there anything else, other than your body and the handcuffs we’ve used in the bedroom, that Eric uses? The cock rings perhaps, or the silk ties?”

Sage knew he was being unfair but he was now on a roll and all the resentment he’d ever had in sharing the man he loved with another came seeping out of his pores like toxic waste leaking upward in a stream. “I already know about not being able to take you from behind because that’s how he does it, that’s ‘your thing’ and you’d rather I not, but is there anything else I really should know?” The mere words he spoke aloud made him imagine the other man behind Alex, driving into him. He swallowed, feeling sick to his stomach.

“Sage, please. Let’s not do this.” Alex’s voice was choked as he sat up, wrapping his arms around his knees.

“I think I have the right to know the answers, don’t you?” Sage said bitterly. “Just how exactly this other man uses you and you him, even if it’s not with sex anymore. So you say.”

Even as he said the words, Sage regretted them. But the heavy feeling in his chest still remained and the image was seared on his brain of Eric fucking or whipping Alex.

Alex shook his head fiercely. “No. There’s nothing else we use that he uses with me. There, are you fucking satisfied now?”

Alex leapt to his feet, his face white. He disappeared into the bathroom. Sage sat there, listening to the sounds of Alex moving around. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm his tortured soul. He lay back against the bed, closing his eyes, feeling the ache in the pit of his stomach and the taste of bile at the back of his throat.

The room was dark and quiet. He tried to get his mind back to where it needed be, to the place where he was supportive and understanding, just as he’d promised he’d be. Finally, with a deep sigh, he sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He pulled on his boxers, feeling like a complete heel. All the good he’d thought he’d ever done for Alex he’d just undone with a few cruel words and a spat of a sudden bad mood that had made what started out as a promising night into one tainted by his selfishness and impatience. He took a deep, shuddering sigh. He tried the bathroom door but it was locked.

“Alex. Can you let me in please?”

“Fuck off,” was the muffled reply in between what sounded like fists punching the wall.

Sage hoped he wouldn’t have to do any first aid. He sighed. “Please open the door. I know I was a bastard again, and I really need to apologise to you. But I want to do it face to face not through a bloody locked door.”

He waited patiently for a few minutes. Then he heard the tap running. Sage stood by the door, his arms folded, his chest aching at the trauma he’d just caused for someone that really didn’t deserve it. Alex had warned him that this state of affairs was something he’d have to face eventually. He’d sort of known what he was getting into even though in his wildest dreams he’d never thought he’d be so accepting of any of it.

Finally he heard the lock turn and the door opened slightly. He pushed it open, walking inside. Alex stood to one side, a towel around his waist, his face taut. Sage saw the streaks of blood in the bathroom basin. His stomach lurched.

“What the hell did you do, Alex?” The anguish in his voice was unmistakeable and Alex blinked. Sage strode over to him, gripping his wrists, seeing the bruised knuckles and blood on Alex’s hands. Alex regarded him without expression. His eyes flicked briefly to the tiles on the far side of the bathroom next to the shower and Sage saw the red flecks staining the cream surface.

“Christ, baby. Please don’t go hurting yourself like that because of me. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things. You know I can get these moods and the thing with the handcuffs just tipped me over the edge.” He moved toward Alex but his lover stepped back. When he spoke, instead of the anger Sage expected, Alex’s voice was resigned.

“It’s fine, Sage. You’ve been so patient with me so far and you have the right to go a little mental. No one has ever done what you’re doing for me and frankly, I’m surprised you’ve lasted this long. Three and a half months is longer than anyone else lasted. I’ve been counting the days wondering just how much longer the good times are going to last.”

Sage moved closer to him, pinning Alex between the sink and his body. Alex stared at him defiantly and Sage reached out, cupping his face in his hands, his thumbs caressing the strong curve of Alex’s jaw. He saw something flicker in Alex’s eyes, a fierce hope that disappeared almost as it arrived.

“You don’t have to keep going with this, Sage. I don’t expect you to.” Alex swallowed, his face filled with pain. “You can leave me,” he whispered and Sage’s heart broke at the defeated tone in Alex’s voice.

He had to fix this. No matter what it took. He wasn’t going to be the cause of Alex’s pain again.

Sage kept him close to him. “I need to tell you something. Something I haven’t said to you yet, but I need to.” Sage’s stomach lurched. He’d said these words to a man before but he truly didn’t think he ever meant them as much as he did now. Everything seemed crystal clear, he’d realised as he sat outside on the bed, listening to Alex punch a wall.

“I know it’s not been that long but I love you, Alex. Heart and soul. You’re my soul mate, the one person I want around forever.” Sage saw Alex’s eyes widen, the glimmer of hope coming back into his eyes. “This whole sharing thing is hard for me, make no mistake. I’ve never even envisaged being in the place I am now, but I’d do it all again in a heartbeat if I thought it would make you better, help you get over these demons you have inside you. I think I’m helping and then I go and fuck it all up again like tonight. It’s just so bloody difficult. And I will never fucking leave you. Never.” His voice choked and he stopped, uncertain what Alex’s reaction would be. He wasn’t quite prepared for the look of amazement in Alex’s eyes at his declaration of love.

“How can you love me, Sage?” Alex said wonderingly. “I’m so bloody damaged, and I have these needs and you hardly know me at all really.”

Sage pulled Alex to him, holding him tightly. “Because you’re brave and noble and an incredible human being. You have worked so hard at trying to overcome these needs you have. Look at where you are now, only seeing Eric once or twice a month. I promised you my help, Alexander Montgomery, and I really want to get you through this. If you’ll still have me after I’ve been such an arsehole.”

Alex’s face looked up at him with such adoration that Sage’s chest tightened. He hadn’t been sure if he felt the same way about him but the look in Alex’s eyes was saying what he hoped he’d hear.

“I love you too, Sage,” he said simply. “You’re my saviour. And you need to understand that whatever Eric does with me, he will never have what’s in here. This belongs only to you.”

Alex laid a hand on his heart and Sage’s own swelled with emotion at that simple gesture. Alex reached up, taking Sage’s mouth in a tender kiss that conveyed so much more than words. When they finally drew apart, both of them were a little tearful.

Sage knew he had to try harder. Alex had come so far. “Come on back to bed,” Sage whispered in his ear. “I think I just want to hold you close and go to sleep and forget all this craziness for a while.”

He took Alex by the hand, leading him out of the bathroom, switching the light off as they walked into the dim light of the bedroom. They crawled under the covers, Alex spooning into his back as he wrapped his arms around Sage’s waist. Sage put his hands over Alex’s as Sage drifted off into a calming sleep.

Chapter 22

Alex sat in Melanie van Pelt’s office as he waited for the psychologist to finish her discussion with her secretary. He stared down at the busy London street below, watching as people scurried on the pavements in the late September morning rush hour. Moments later, Melanie was seated opposite him.

“You’re looking very relaxed. Alex. I take it everything’s still okay between you and Sage?”

Alex chuckled as he sat back, his hands casually lying on the couch arms, his long legs stretched out in front. “Having an incredible man in my life and a lot of really good sex is definitely recommended.”

“It’s still good then?” Melanie leaned back, making a notation on her pad.

Alex nodded. “Sage has been the best thing ever for me, Mel. Whilst he hates what I do with Eric, he’s trying to deal with it. It has been difficult but he’s been so patient. We’ve had one or two little episodes of stress but we’re both trying to deal with it. We’ve been spending a lot of time together and we have a real relationship.” He smiled quietly. “He told me he loves me and I said it right back.”

Melanie nodded her head in approval. “That’s incredible news. It sounds like you’re moving along. You aren’t even coming to therapy as often as you were. I last saw you two weeks ago.”

“And I’m not seeing Eric that often either. My next session is in four days’ time—Friday. It’ll be about three weeks since I last saw him. I just don’t seem to be as needy as I was.”

Alex sounded very pleased with his progress and Melanie smiled. This man had every right to be proud.

“I’ve really toned it down; no heavy stuff. I don’t want Sage to have to see any bite or whip marks.” Alex grinned at the absurdity of the words. “And I’ve told Madame Duchaine that I no longer need the sex bit now I’m getting it from someone else. And it’s
so
much better.” He grinned. “Eric just has to put up with that part of it.”

Melanie smiled even though she thought Alex was being a little too hopeful about Eric’s reaction. “You and Eric have had a very intense relationship for over two years now, Alex. Are you sure that this gradual downplaying of it to almost nothing is going to be acceptable to him? He may not like the new rules and he may want you to find someone else to partner with.”

She didn’t miss the shadow on Alex’s face at her words.

“He has been very aggressive and rough when I do see him. I know he misses the full experience but that’s just not where I want to be now.” Alex’s voice was resolute. “I’m the customer and he needs to do what I want, not what he wants. I don’t want to lose Eric but if I have to, well, then he’ll have to move on. I have Sage now.”