Saving My Submission BN (31 page)

“Hopefully that’ll be enough to lock him away for a
while. Call me when you get here. We’ll escort you in,” Ian advised.

“Aww, now you’re making me feel like fucking rock
star. I could get used to that.”

“Don’t let it go to your head, asshole. And watch your
six.”

“Ten-four,” James confirmed. “Hey, I know Dylan and
Nick are cooking up there. Save me some dinner.”

“Then you better get your scrawny ass up here before I
eat it all,” Drake taunted.

“Dammit,” James grumbled. “I forgot you were there,
Drake. You’d better not eat it all, or I’ll kick your big ass.”

“Better bring a fucking army then, son,” Drake taunted
with a grin.

James laughed. “I’m on my way.”

After dinner, Sanna and I cleaned up the kitchen. Nick
and Joshua kept watchful eyes on us and I realized how animals in the zoo felt.
Joining the others gathered around the massive river rock fireplace in the
great room, Sanna eased to the carpet between Dylan and Nick’s feet. With a
courageous breath, I followed her lead and knelt by Joshua’s feet. I didn’t
want to analyze my outward show of submission; it just felt right.

Glancing down at me, his eyes widened in surprise
before his nostrils flared and he sucked in a deep breath. Pride was written
all over his face.

“Easy, tiger,” Ian chuckled, sitting in a big leather
chair across from us. “I’ve got some rope if you want to tie her to the coffee
table.”

“Don’t tempt me,” Joshua warned with a wicked grin.

“I’m not trying to bust your balls… well, not too
much, but you’re the one that’s tied up in knots, man,” Ian laughed. Dropping
his gaze to me, he cocked his head. “Explain something to me, Mellie. Are you
one of those subs that only want to submit in the bedroom or something? I don’t
get that; I never have. Help me understand that. What am I missing?”

I exhaled a heavy sigh. “I wish I understood it, but I
don’t; at least not fully. No, I don’t want to keep it exclusively confined to
the bedroom, but I can’t get the divided parts of my brain to come together.
One side is strong, the other is weak.”

“Excuse me?” Savannah squawked with a look of
surprise.

“I don’t mean you, sis,” I exhaled with a suffering
sigh. “I’m talking about me.”

Ian blinked as Drake shook his head and let out a
snort.

“What?” I challenged sarcastically.

“Mellie, Mellie, Mellie. If you think submission is
weak, you’ve never really submitted. I think you’re equating compliance with
weakness,” Ian stated in disbelief.

“Well… in a way, it is. I mean, all you really have to
do is try to make your Master happy. It’s not hard.”

“Oh, sis. Do you honestly think I’m some kind of damn
doormat?” Sanna huffed.

“No,” I cried.

“It takes a hell of a lot of strength to hand over
every part of your body, mind, and soul. If you think that’s easy, you’ve never
fully submitted before.”

I frowned. Was she right? I hated the fact that she
had me questioning my own beliefs, but what I hated more was the look of pity
in her eyes.
 

“Dude,” Ian exclaimed as he stared slack-jawed at
Joshua. “Are you hearing this? Did you know she felt that way?”

“Not outright,” Joshua smirked. “But I suspected as
much.”

Bristling, I clenched my jaw. Ian was mocking me. What
an asshole.

“Tell us about the other side,” Drake urged.

With a disgruntled frown, I pondered whether to answer
any more questions. I didn’t want to hand Ian any more ammo to scorn me with.
As if sensing my reluctance, he cursed under his breath.

“I’m sorry, Mellie. I’m a natural born smart-ass. I
honestly wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings or make fun of you. I was just
giving Joshua some shit, and my lack of sensitivity toward you backfired in my
face. I’m sorry, girl. I really am.” By his remorseful expression, he meant it.
“Please, carry on.”

Pursing my lips, I nodded. “There’s another part of me
that’s strong and independent. I’ve achieved a lot of success with my business
and keep my life on track when I’m in charge. I do what I want, when I want
without having to answer to anyone.”

“But you have submissive longings, right?” Drake
asked.

“Yes. But I can’t combine the two sides of me. I won’t
sit here weak and defenseless with Walker or Tideway out there ready to strike.
That just makes me a victim.”

“So why are you sitting at
Master
Stephen’s feet?” he pressed, emphasizing
Joshua’s alter ego.

“I… It… it feels right. At least for now; just not all
the time.” I shook my head, confused by the Dom’s questions and my own
frustration at trying to sort out my jumbled emotions.

“But, Mel,” Sanna interjected. “The sub has all the
power. Even when you submit, you’re still in control.”

Nick chuckled. “Don’t let all that power go to your
head, precious.”

Sanna grinned. “Never, Master.”

“There,” Ian exclaimed as he pointed to Nick and
Sanna. “That’s a perfect example, right there.”

“What?” I asked confused.

“Ian,” Joshua interrupted. “Can I have a word with you
in the kitchen?”

“Sure.” The other Dom shrugged.

Watching the two men saunter off, anxiety spiked, but
in a totally different way. Joshua was brewing something, and it wasn’t another
pot of coffee.

“Why such a pensive expression, girl?” Drake asked
with a tiny smile.

“Oh, gee. I can’t imagine,” I scoffed, drawing a frown
from the big Dom.

“I know you’ve been in the lifestyle before, and
obviously Kerr was as inept then as he is now. But surely you remember
disrespecting a Dom can get you into serious trouble.”

Drake’s disapproval saturated me like cold winter
rain. My snarky comeback wasn’t earning me any submissive brownie points. They
simply made me look like an unmanaged brat.

“I’m sorry, Sir.” The apology rolled off my tongue
without an inkling of thought.

A knowing smile curled on Drake’s lips as he nodded in
forgiveness.

“Whatever they’re cooking up isn’t important,” Nick
noted with concern. “The lesson attached to it is.”

“It might be the push you need, sis.” Sanna grinned.

“What’s wrong about going at my own pace?”

Drake chuckled. “Because setting your own speed means
you’re only submitting to yourself, sweetheart. If you’d been trained properly,
you’d know that.”

I wanted to argue with him, but I couldn’t. It made
sense. I didn’t solve my dilemma, though. Meshing the two opposing sides seemed
a daunting task in my mind. I knew there was a submissive side of me; I simply
didn’t know if I could give her free reign and not lose part of me in the
process. Before I could dissect my feelings further, Ian and Joshua strolled
back in the room. Their serious Dom expressions worried me.

Oh shit, this isn’t
going to be good.

Joshua didn’t smile as he stopped and bent, cupping my
chin in his warm palm. Focusing on his tender touch, I tried to calm the dread
crawling under my skin.

“We’re going to try a little experiment… a test, if
you will,” Joshua began to explain. His expression softened slightly, but
expectation pinged off him like a live wire, charged and hissing. “Ian and I
are going to prove to you that your inner sub will respond to the Dom and not
the man.”

“Are you up for a challenge, Mellie?” Ian didn’t
bother disguising his dare. If he were blindly pushing buttons, he’d hit a
winner on the first try, thus tossing down the gauntlet. I couldn’t just let it
lie there. Squaring my shoulders, I stuck out my chin.

“I never turn down a challenge,” I replied with a
tight, combative sneer.

“Mellie,” Joshua warned. He had to have felt the
tension spike within me. “Put your hackles down, girl. This is an exercise to
help enlighten you. No one is backing you into a corner. Understood?”

He and Ian wanted to open the doorways of my
submission, but why? Joshua had already seen it… numerous times. Darting a
quick gaze around the room, I was met with a myriad of expressions. Drake
looked intrigued, Nick curious, Sanna concerned, Dylan suspicious, Ian expectant,
and Joshua hopeful.

“Yes,” I responded hesitantly.

Lifting his hand from my chin, he stood. “Good. Now
stand and strip.”

“Excuse me?” I choked.

Sanna’s gasp of surprise barely registered in my
brain, I was so stunned. “Master Stephen… I don’t think—”

“Kitten, you will remain quiet or we’ll take you
upstairs,” Nick warned with a scowl.

Sanna pinched her lips together in a tight, angry
line. Anger flashed in her dark eyes before she cast them toward the floor. The
room was totally silent. Anticipation, razor sharp, sang in the air.

“I won’t repeat myself. Do it,” Joshua demanded in an
unusually harsh tone. And dammit…why did it turn me on so much?

He wanted me to strip. Okay. No big deal; or at least
I wanted to convince myself it wasn’t. Lots of men had seen me naked—so had my
sister; that didn’t bother me. Hanging out in my birthday suit in front of her
Masters? That wasn’t what
skeeved
me out either.
They’d seen my bare ass cheeks at Genesis. Pondering the real reason I balked
at Joshua’s request, I realized it was the unknown. The lack of control over
what he intended to was what kept me resting on my heels and refusing to follow
his command.

Coward. Sanna went to
bat for you and got duly chastised for it, too. You owe her the satisfaction of
not backing down.

“Fine,” I countered with a huff. Scrambling off the
floor, I stripped; quickly, hoping no one would notice my trembling fingers.
But as Joshua danced his gaze over my nude and trembling body, I knew I’d
outed
myself.

Smiling, he brushed his hands over my shoulders and
down my arms. “The other part of this exercise involves the realization that
you can be both strong and submissive. It takes strength and courage to be
vulnerable. Let’s see how strong you really are, little one. Do as Ian tells
you. Make me proud.”

My heart felt as if might explode from my chest. He
was passing me off to another Dom… the Dom he shared women with, no less. I
couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let Ian touch or fondle me; not with Joshua right
there watching, as well as the other
Doms
and
my sister. Panic paraded through me and my
cheeks blazed in embarrassment. I had to put a stop to this awkward and
embarrassing little test.

“Her safe word’s ‘fantasy,’” Joshua casually offered
up, as if divulging my favorite color, or flavor of ice cream.

“I was just about to ask. Thanks, bro.” Ian took a
step closer, our eyes locked in a war of wills. A slow smile tugged the corners
of his mouth. “You may no longer speak until given permission, unless it’s your
safe word. If you are willing to proceed, nod your head, please.”

With a sour expression, I jerked my head and bit my
tongue to keep from lashing out at him.

“
Hrm
, this might be harder
than I thought,” Ian smirked. “Stand in front of the fireplace facing us, girl.
I want you to cast your eyes toward the floor and kneel like a proper
submissive.”

Shooting daggers Joshua’s way, I stomped my way to the
designated spot, but I didn’t kneel or lower my gaze. Defiantly looking past
Ian, I stared at my sister. Peeking up at me, I saw pride and unwavering
support glimmering in Sanna’s dark eyes.

Smiling internally, I gave her a slight nod before
snapping my head toward Joshua, now squatted down next to Drake’s chair,
talking quietly with the big man. How long was he going to allow this stupid
charade to continue?

As long as it takes.
You’re the one that opened your big mouth and accepted Ian’s challenge. Big
mistake. Huge.

“Look at me,” Ian instructed. When I did, he flashed
me a tight, controlled smile. “Are you refusing my instructions, girl? Or just
trying my patience?”

Good god, where had Ian been hiding that powerful,
badass Dom-
tude
of his?

“What exactly is that that you two are aiming for
here?” Dylan asked, rising to his feet and pinning Joshua with a disapproving
glare. “I meant both physical and mental pain when I told you not to hurt her.”

Joshua stood as if squaring off for a knockdown,
drag-out.

“I’m not aiming to do either, Dylan. If you’ll sit
back down and watch, I think you’ll understand.” His tone was brittle and
sharp. It was the same tone Joshua had used when Davis Walker interrupted our
session at Genesis. A cold shiver raced down my spine.

The Dominant stare-off lasted several uncomfortable
seconds before Dylan gave a curt nod and sat back down.

“Continue, Ian,” Joshua instructed in an icy command.

Ian snapped his fingers and I zipped my focus back on
him. “Follow all my instructions, or safe word out. I won’t remind you again.”

Ian wanted to test my will… poke at my self-restraint?
Oh buddy… bring it. I wasn’t about to go down without a fight.

With a loud huff of annoyance, I eased to my knees
onto the thick pile carpet. Darting a contemptuous look Joshua’s way, I could
see a fire of pride and desire dance in his eyes. Blood pooled and throbbed
behind my clit. Just looking at the man’s feral hunger and approval turned me
on like a damn light switch. My pussy started to weep. There was something
fundamentally wrong with me. Trying to ignore the sexual need flickering inside
me, I cast my eyes toward the floor.

“You look gorgeous in that pose, Mellie,” Ian praised
quietly before his tenor took on that cutting Dominant edge. “I want you stand
up again for me. Close your eyes and count to ten. Center yourself for me,
girl. Let that sweet submission inside you flow through your veins. Then I want
you to kneel again for me.”

Slowly rising to my feet, I did as he instructed.
Inhaling a deep breath, I mentally started counting to ten. A soothing sense of
peace began to settle through me.