SCARRED (Scars) (10 page)

Gavin pulls away and stands up. He doesn’t turn to face me as he gets dressed and I don’t make any effort to get out of the bed to go after him.

“I wish you would reconsider Jordan. Tonight was different for both of us. Tonight was special and you just need to give me time.”

“I can’t do it Gavin. I’m sorry. I don’t have the guts to wait this out and wonder if what I am doing is right or wrong. I need to move on. There will never be an us. You know it as well as I do. Please go home to your wife and leave me alone.” I beg him.

Letting out a defeated sigh, he leaves the bedroom hanging his head. “I love you Jordan. Nothing you can say or do will change that.” Then I hear the front door shut. I lay in bed in a dreary haze for what seems like hours before I get up and go lock the house up.

Forget about him. It can never be….no matter how much you love him. He has moved on and there is never any future in the past.

CHAPTER
11

Spring 2000

I get up at the crack of dawn every morning and get the kids ready for the day. One goes to daycare, the other goes to kindergarten. Five days a week, I am to be in class by eight a.m. and learn. Then, I leave school my two thirty p.m. to pick up kids from school and daycare. I head home, change clothes, then take the kids to the night time babysitter before I am off to work for the next eight hours. By the time I get home it is almost midnight; I get the kids to go back to bed before I shower and settle in to complete homework. Wake up the next morning and do it all over again.

Damn, has my life changed over the last two
months. I stay so busy that I actually have to carry an agenda around to make sure I keep up with all the schedules and assignments. It’s pretty rough now, I feel like I hardly get to spend any time with the kids. Hopefully all of this will pay off in the end.

I have managed to cut all ties with Gavin, not that he didn’t try his best to break me down. Even after two months I still
have to fight myself and avoid his phone calls. There have been a few times when I was up late doing homework that I saw him creep by the house. My heart breaks every time he rides by but I know this is for the best.

After a month of feeling like the only conversations I have are with my children, my instructors, my boss, and my customers; I finally gave in and had my aunt give my phone number to the guy she was trying to get me hooked up with at Christmas. The only real contact we have had have been a few phone conversations here and there. I really does feel good to have someone outside this little circle I have built that I can talk to.
It also helps keep me from breaking and giving in to Gavin.

Jace seems like a good guy on the phone and we have met for lunch a few times but no real dates, not for lack of trying on his part though. His birthday is next week so I finally gave in to his persistence and agreed to take him out to eat dinner for his birthday; friendly basis only though.
I don’t have time for anything more than friendship at this point in my life. Hell, I am having a hard enough time getting Greg to sign the divorce papers I sent him last month.

A Ω A Ω A Ω

Since this is supposed to be a casual date to celebrate my “friends” birthday, we decide to eat at a local restaurant before meeting up with a few more people and go out to a club. I talked mom into letting the kids stay overnight at her house so I can enjoy the first night I have had out in over two months. As busy as I have been lately, this night is desperately needed.

Jace and I agree on
Mexican food for dinner and drinks. San Felipe has the best menu compared to the other like restaurants in town and they also have the biggest margaritas I have ever seen. During dinner we have easy conversation about nothing in particular and laugh at each others stupid jokes. The more alcohol we consume, the funnier the jokes get. I find Jace easy to talk to and fun to be around and really begin to like him when he doesn’t  get upset about the embarrassing display of “Happy Birthday” I had arranged to be sung throughout the restaurant.

After dinner we meet up with a few friends and head to a local club for more drinks and dancing. I should probably be a bit more conservative with my dancing but it has been so long since I have been out I cannot help myself. The night gets even better after Jace has enough alcohol in him to make his way out to the dance floor.
This is a total surprise to me since he blatantly stated during one of our many phone conversations that he does not dance.

Thank goodness I wore a pair of comfortable jeans and a halter top tonight because now I am a sweaty mess. Jace and I have been dancing for almost an hour nonstop and I need to refresh my parched body. I lean toward him and yell over the music that I am headed for another drink and motion towards the bar. Jace nods his head and follows.
At the bar, Jace orders another Bud Light and I get a bottle of water and a shot of Southern Comfort. I take a few swallows of my water and turn towards Jace to toast the shot before downing it. As I bring my head back straight I notice someone at the front door of the club.

Damn it! What the fuck is he doing here?

Gavin is standing just inside the front door with the bouncer and an ALE agent. Every hair on my body feels electrified when our eyes meet and I realize he is studying me. I quickly down the rest of my water bottle and grab Jace dragging him back out to the dance floor. Jace shrugs his shoulders and joins me when I begin to grind against his body on the floor. This is not the same dancing we were doing just a few minutes ago. This is me showing Gavin that I have moved on.

I feel like a laser is burning through me as I turn and back up against Jace on the dance floor. Closing my eyes I raise my arms and wrap my hands around Jace’s neck and he circles my waist with his. I can feel his hard on pressed to my back as he grinds into me. When Jace lowers his head and nips at the sensitive area where my neck meets my shoulders I open my eyes to meet the intense glare of Gavin. I grin at him and he turns, shaking his head before exiting the building.

Score one for Jordan.

We leave the club about a half an hour later with Jessie being the designated driver and chauffeuring us back to her apartment where we all parked our cars. Jace and I sit in his truck making out until we
realize the sun is coming up. One last kiss goodbye and I am off to my mom’s house to pick up the kids. With no sleep and a slight hangover, this is going to be a long day. Hopefully she will let me take a short nap before I take the kids home.

A Ω A Ω A Ω

Mom wakes me around noon so she can go shopping and I can get home. I feel a little rested and my hangover has subsided.

“So, how did everything go last night?” Mom asks.

“Really good. I had fun and I think Jace did too. I really like him, he
is fun to be around and we have a lot in common.”

“Well that is great. Maybe you will stay away from Gavin now.”

“Mom, don’t start. I have not spoken to him since New Years. I told him it was over and I meant it.”

“And how exactly is he taking it?”

“Not well. He has gotten better lately. He doesn’t call as much.”

“Is he still stalking you?”

“He is not stalking me! He has only drove by the house a few times in the last few months.” I lie, knowing good and well I am not telling her about the incident last night. “Well I am going to get going before we get into an argument over the past. Thank you for letting the kids stay the night. I really needed a break.”

“
You’re welcome but you don’t need to thank me. Those are my grandbabies and I love spending time with them. Call me later.”

“I will.” I answer as I corral the kids to the car.

CHAPTER 12

2003

Jace and I have been dating since the night we celebrated his birthday three years ago. It was slow going for the first few months as I slowly adapted to my life of work, kids, and school. Jace is
so wonderful and he never pushed, he knew that I had my hands full and waited patiently for us to spend time together.

Over the last three years, I have managed to finish college with two degrees and now have a good job at a local manufacturing facility. I get to spend more time with the kids than I used to and the steady income allows us to have a few of the better things in life. The kids are really growing fast and there are times that I wonder if it was good for me to go back to school when they were so young.
It took me forever to finally get my divorce finalized with Greg and, as of today, he is behind on child support and very rarely visits the kids. Maybe they are better off, seeing as from what I can tell, his drug use has gotten really bad.

Regardless of the bad taste my first marriage left, today is my wedding day. Jace has shown me that I really deserve to love again and he has filled the huge gap in the kids lives that was left by Greg.
Today I get to start over….a new life; or at least, a better one, hopefully.

Our wedding day goes off pretty well, only a few snafus here and there. Things like “you shouldn’t have washed your hair this morning because it will not hold the curl” and rushing to check us in at the airport hotel early so we are not dragging honeymoon suitcases all over the venue. I figured I would be a spazzed out freak after the incident with my sister when I found out two weeks ago that she still hadn’t gotten her bridesmaids dress. I’m not though, I am actually in a sort of tranquil state.

I wonder if mom has been slipping Valium into my drink today.

The wedding is a nice quaint one with about fifty or so guests; mostly family and an few friends on both sides. I am not that girly girl that has to have a lavish wedding with an overwhelming number of guests. I would have been happy if we had just gone to Vegas.
Of course, if we did that our families would probably disown us. At least I was able to keep it moderately simple. We had our wedding and reception in the banquet room of a local restaurant that is owned by long time friends of mine.

The wedding reception was pretty awesome after we were finished with all of the pictures that everyone wanted to take. The restaurant we were utilizing had a full bar and dance floor so over time the reception blended into the normal Friday night club crowd. This helped us our immensely seeing that what alcohol we didn’t provide for our guests was available for purchase at the bar.

I manage to get through our first dance together in my dress before I stripped it off me in the parking lot and changing into some clothes better suited for drinking and dancing. Most newlywed couples stick around receptions for only a few hours, however, since the bar was actually open until two a.m. our guests had a ball; drinking and dancing until our hearts content. I think Jace and I finally worked our way out of the bar around one.

Of course, getting to the hotel was going to be a mission in and of itself. Thank goodness I had gone earlier in the day to check us in or we would be standing in the lobby in the middle of the night trying to get our act together to get a room. That would have been nearly impossible seeing as I am having a time getting Jace into the car now. He has apparently had way too much to drink and is standing in the parking lot crying his eyes out about what his mom is going to do without him. Um, hello, she is married and she is an adult, I think she will be able to handle it.

When we finally make it to the hotel, the fun really starts. It is two in the morning and my drunken ass newly wed husband is stumbling up and down the hall beating on various doors telling people to wake up and celebrate our marriage with us.

“Jace, come on and leave them alone. We have to be at the airport in four hours to check in and I would like to get a little sleep.”

“Damn, I guess since nobody will come out and celebrate with us then you and I can celebrate by ourselves. Come here, I want some lovin’.” He slurs out as he tries to wrap his arm around my waits.

I laugh so hard at his attempt to consummate the marriage, “Yeah, not going to happen big boy. You can barely even stand up right now, I have no doubt in my mind you will be able to get it up.”

We reach the room and I slide the key card into the lock before I open the door and he stumbles past me and sits on the end of the bed. “You just watch and see how well I get it up sweetheart.”