SCARRED (Scars) (12 page)

After talking to the kids for a few minutes and telling them how much I miss them and hearing them tell me about what they have been doing, I hang up the phone and head to bed. I am
exhausted and swear I was asleep before my head even hit the pillow.

A Ω A Ω A Ω

The fourth day is my day and I plan on sitting in that pool and drinking until I am shriveled up like a prune. After ordering breakfast from room service and taking a shower to shave, we throw on our swimsuits and head to the pool. I order a drink that the restaurant calls a PaiMai and lower myself into the water. A few minutes later, the bartender brings me this funny looking pineapple with straws sticking out of the top. They have taken pieces of fruit and designed a face on the front of the pineapple so that it looks like a tropical version of Mr. Potato Head. One sip and I am hooked.

I think the purpose of the multiple straws is to share the drink, however, they are so good I don’t want to let anyone even have a taste. Three hours later and I think I am ordering my sixth one, when the bartender comes and asks if I would like a different drink that I have personally run them out of fresh pineapples. I burst out laughing and address our new friends in the pool. There are two more couples seated with us, one couple are newlyweds also while the other are just dating and on vacation.

“So, what do you guys want to drink, I’m buying.”

Faith, the newlywed shrugs her shoulders.

I ask the bartender, “Do you know how to make a Chocolate Cake Shot?”

“Oh I love those.” Kathy calls out to me. She is the other female in the group. The one that has just gotten a new boob job and has no qualms about showing them and the surgery scar off. Believe me, every time I turn around she is taking off her top and showing us. If I wasn’t so wasted, I would probably be pissed she kept showing them to my husband.

“I don’t do shots and I have chocolate.” Faith answers.

“Please just one?” I beg her.

She looks at her husband, he nods his head before she returns her eyes to me and answers, “Okay, just one.”

Since the bartender didn’t know what I was talking about I had to get out of the pool and show him how they are made. I return to the pool carrying three shot glasses, the guys are all drinking beer so I hand out the sweet little concoctions to the girls. Holding mine in the air I shout “Cheers!” before tossing my head back and slamming it.

Turns out that Miss Faith was hiding something. Apparently she does do shots, and a lot of them. I know I was wasted and Jace had to tell me the next day that she got so drunk she started asking about having an orgy right there in the pool.

I am not sure what kind of reaction I gave her because in Jace’s description of making our way to the room at the end of the night I looked like the people from the old V8 commercial. You know the one where everyone is walking at an angle because they “hadn’t had their V8 today”.
Maybe I will get the full story tomorrow, both newlywed couples are supposed to go fishing again. Too bad I end up sleeping in the bathroom floor on the cold towel after I spend the entire night ‘praying to the porcelain Gods’.

A Ω A Ω A Ω

Bright and early the next morning we get up to go fishing again. Seriously, again….on my honeymoon. Jace says we are supposed to meet Faith and Mark in the main lobby in fifteen minutes so I take a quick shower and grab a bottle of water and my beach bag before heading out the door.

As we wait in the lobby, Jace starts laughing.

“What is so funny, I feel like shit and you are making me go out fishing again.”

“That…” he points toward the other side of the room, “is what’s so funny.”

I look across the foyer and see Faith and Mark catch a glimpse of us and make a quick turn and head in the other direction.

“Jordan, you are so evil, you scared them off.” Jace laughs bending at the waist and holding his gut. “Come on, I guess we are fishing alone today.”

“No, you are fishing alone today, I plan on sleeping the whole time.” I answer him.

When we reach the docks, the sun is still not up so I take my time to snap a few pictures before spraying myself down with sunscreen, throw on my sunglasses and get comfortable in one of the fishing chairs to sleep.

Two hours later I am awaken by Jace shaking me.

“Hey, how the hell are you sleeping through this?” He asks, “This water is rough as hell and you are sleeping like a baby. Don’t you feel sick?”

“No I am not feeling sick, and I could sleep a whole lot easier if you would leave me the fuck alone.” I snap at him before laying my head back and returning to a dream state.

Jace had a good day fishing and the last catch he had was a six foot Sailfish. That thing was huge and he was proud. He wanted to have it shipped back home and have it stuffed but I wasn’t about to spend two thousand dollars to have it all done. He settled for a bunch of pictures of him and his fish before we headed back to the resort.
Since my stomach is still not wanting to cooperate with my drinking binge last night, we settle for another dinner show before heading back to the room.

We snuggle in the bed for the rest of the night watching a movie and finally consummating our marriage.

A Ω A Ω A Ω

“So what do you want to do today?” Jace asks before I am even fully awake the next morning.

“I don’t care but I damn sure am not going fishing anymore while we are here.”

“That’s fine, I have had my fun, plus, nobody is going out of the marina
today. There is a hurricane baring down on the area.”

“So what are we going to do?”

“Well we have the option of flying out early or staying at the resort and praying there is not too much damage in two days when our flight is scheduled.”

“Really, I didn’t think we had to worry about hurricane’s here. It can’t be that bad.”

“From what I understand, on the rare occasion that Cabo does get hit, it is pretty bad. What do you want to do?”

“I say we stay here, wait it out and enjoy ourselves. We are already here and this place is beautiful.”

“We will be locked down at the resort, are you sure?”

“Sure, this resort has all kinds of shit. In fact, I think we should go have a couples massage at the spa and then have our own little hurricane party.”

“I’m game.” Jace responds before leaning in to kiss me.

We spend the last few days enjoying the weather, drinking banana coladas out on the sea wall watching the waves rush ashore. The hurricane passed about a hundred miles off shore so we didn’t get stranded but we enjoyed the party waiting.

Now it’s time for us to really figure out what life is all about. Time to go back to the real world; the world of mortgage payments, bills, kids, school, working and enjoying time with your significant other. Ahhhh, wedded bliss.

CHAPTER 14

2006

The last few years with Jace have been an eye opener to say the least. I do love my husband and I am happy, but there are a few little things that are starting to get under my skin. I know that there is no such thing as a perfect marriage or a perfect life, but the little things I am referring to should not be an issue. Jace and his friends have made those little things very big issues.

For starters, his friends are always here. I can’t seem to get rid of them.
I mean, I know he has friends and he should be able to spend time with them but Wayne practically lives here. He just walks in the door without knocking, invites himself and his girlfriend over for dinners without me having a clue. I get stuck entertaining the girlfriend while the boys sit in the garage and drink all night. When it is all over and done with, I am the one that has to clean up the mess they all leave. Hell, his girlfriend will not even get up and put her used plate in the sink. She just sets it on the table in the living room and leaves it. Talk about rude.

Wayne is also bad about bringing over a few of his friends that I don’t know at all and frankly, some of them weird me out. The ones that ogle me need to be smacked. The ones that pay entirely too much attention to my daughter are the ones that will get shot. I try and argue my point to Jace, but either he is not understanding my opinion or he just doesn’t care. Either way, something bad is going to happen, I can feel it coming.

I should have known by the way our honeymoon went, that fishing was going to be an issue. No, I don’t have a problem with him fishing, what I do have a problem with is that once a month he and a bunch of guys have to pack up and drive four hours to the beach and spend the weekend deep sea fishing. That shit is not cheap. This latest trip has gotten me so pissed off all I can see is red.

The past six months of my life have been extremely stressful. Apparently, my reproductive system is having some problems stemming from having a tubal ligation rupturing and almost killing me about ten years ago coupled with having my tubes tied after Renee was born. Add to that a diagnosis of endometriosis and you get the third major surgery in the last six months happening on Monday. Now you see why I have such a problem with Jace going fishing this weekend. It appears that fishing is more important than his wife’s well being and mental capacity.

I am scared to death. I know my body is not made to handle this much trauma is such a short period of time. The body has to have time to heal itself. Mine just keeps taking a beating over and over again. Monday, I will have to have a hysterectomy and I am not taking it very well. I need my husband to be here for me. Instead he just left on his fishing trip.

Tonight, I am going to stay home and spend time with the kids. We order pizza and rent a few movies. They are getting a little older now and movies are no longer cartoons. I am so fidgety, I can’t sit still. I keep getting up and finding something to clean in the house. Anything to take my mind off of what I am getting ready to endure.

Jace calls sometime around midnight letting me know they all got to the beach okay and he is headed to bed. Judging my the loud noises in the background, I doubt he will be going to sleep soon. They all sound drunk and like they are at a party. He had better not do something stupid while he is gone or I will kill him.

Saturday, I plan a day with my mom and the kids. We head out for lunch then shopping to try and keep my mind from wondering to the
inevitable. Mom insists on buying our lunch and succeeds in taking me on a shopping trip that is rare. I hate to shop but anything to keep me from breaking down.

My sister calls when we get back to mom’s house and offers to get me out of the house. She talks mom into letting the kids stay at her house so she can get me plastered. I know this is definitely not a good idea but it would be nice to have a night out, away from the kids and Jace since he is out of town.

I should have just went straight home. Instead, we went to the bar where I got really shitfaced. It just so happens that halfway through the night, I tell my sister I am going to call and check on the kids. In reality, I know they are doing fine at mom’s and just need to get a bit of fresh air. I step outside and light a cigarette when I notice a patrol car pull up in front of me.

Ah Fuck! I don’t have any wits about me to be able to stop this train wreck.

The car pulls around and stops in front of me before the passenger window lowers.

“Long time, no see stranger.”

“Well you know me, when I want to disappear, I disappear.”

“Right. That you do. I know that all too well.”

I throw my cigarette onto the sidewalk and stub it out with the toe of my shoe and walk around to the driver side of the car.
I know I am getting ready to cross the point of no return but right now I really don’t care. Gavin rolls down the driver window for me and I lean in and forcefully but sensibly attack his lips with mine. At first he is stunned but it only takes a few seconds before he succumbs to the attack and kisses me back.

I moan into his mouth before I pull back. “Gavin, I need you.”

“What do you need, baby?”

“I need you to hold me, to make love to me, to make the pain go away.” I answer.

“I think you have had enough to drink, you are not thinking straight.”

“I may be a little tipsy but I know exactly what I am doing.
I need this, I need to feel what only you can make me feel.”

“Get in.”

“I need to go let my sister know I am headed home. If I don’t she will worry about me. I will be right back.”

I run into the bar and
tell my sister that I am tired and need some sleep. She eyes me warily before she nods her head and lets me go. I jump into the passenger seat when I get back out to the car and Gavin pulls off.

While driving to a secluded spot by the lake we used to frequent, Gavin begins questioning me. “What is going on Jordan? You are starting to worry me.”

“I’ve just got a lot on my mind right now. The last six months have been hell and I’m gonna have surgery Monday. I am just scared that something bad is going to happen.”

“If you are having surgery Monday, what are you doing out drinking? You should be at home spending time with your husband, although I am not going to argu
e the circumstances right now. Especially since you are here with me.”

“Tonight was my sister getting me out of the house to take my mind off of everything. Jace has gone to the beach fishing with the guys.”

“Are you serious? When is he going to be back? Why would he leave you like that?”

“He should be back sometime tomorrow; and I have no clue why he does the things he does.” I sniffle
, unwanted tears starting to stream down my face.

“Shhh, please don’t cry. It tears me up when you cry.” Gavin comforts as he reaches across the front seat and pulls me to him. He wraps me in his arms and gently kisses the top of my head.

“I’m sorry, I should have never gotten in the car with you. This is not anything you should be worried about. You shouldn’t be the one here comforting me. Jace should be here.”

“I will always be the one to comfort you Jordan. You know it just as much as I do. No matter what has happened in our lives, you have always been mine. You will always be mine. Nothing and nobody will ever change that. I am glad you came out that door tonight. I will never regret you being
here with me.”

I pull back and look into his eyes.
The man sitting here is so kind. All I have ever seen is love in his eyes, tonight the love is there but there is also sadness.

Gavin strokes his fingers across my cheek. “Please don’t cry. I’ve got you, baby. I’m here for you.”

“I am so sorry for everything I have ever done to you. You deserve better than this.” I whisper across his lips.

“You have no reason to be sorry. Life happens, Jordan. One day we will be together, and nothing will stop us.”

“Please make love to me. If I don’t make it through this surgery, I want to go knowing that I was able to love you one last time.”

He slowly raises my shirt over my head before he reaches around and undoes my bra. When my breasts spring free, he cups them in his hands and places chaste kisses in my cleavage.
“Please don’t think like that.” He whispers, lowering me across the seat of the car before he runs his hands down my stomach and makes for removing my jeans and panties.

“Gavin, I don’t think we will be able to do this comfortably in the front seat.”

He opens his door and climbs out, shedding his uniform shirt and deftly lowering his pants and boxer briefs before he leans in and pulls me swiftly out of the car. I instantly wrap my legs around his waist clinging to him as if my life depended on it.

Standing tall, he shows no strain as he reaches down and positions the head of his dick at my entrance and plunges all the way into me. I let out a loud moan as I throw my head back feeling every thick inch of him. Gavin wraps his arms around me and continues plunging into me using my shoulders for leverage since my body feels like it is floating on a cloud.

“I have missed you so much. I miss this, Jordan. Damn you feel so good, like your body was made for mine.” Gavin says as he nibbles the sensitive area between my neck and shoulder.

This is what I need, what I have longed for my entire life.
I wanted aggressive, not domineering, not abusive and not docile. I wanted a man to take charge in the bedroom yet let me be the strong woman I am in public and in my professional life. This man, here holding me, loving me; this man is what I have always wanted yet kept running from. This man is not my husband, Jace.

Maybe it is the stress of my upcoming surgery, maybe I am going through a mid life crisis, albeit very early in life. We have gone in different directions for years but when we come together, it is
explosive. All I know is that I am safe in his arms and my entire world has been turned upside down.

No one can ever know about this. I will lose everything if anyone ever found out.

A Ω A Ω A Ω

Monday morning I go in for surgery guilt ridden over my actions just two days before. When Jace returned from fishing he spent the afternoon clean
ing up his fishing gear and throwing his laundry in the hamper, yet another thing he takes for granted. He never speaks to me about the surgery nor does he attempt to comfort me when it is obvious I have things on my mind.

CHAPTER 15

2009

“After the holidays are over we need to take care of the divorce but not until then. I don’t want the kids to stress about what is going on between us.”

“I don't want to do this Jordan. I love you more than you will ever know. Please don't let this happen to us. I told you I was sorry and that I fucked up. I don't know what else to do.” Jace pleads.

“Jace, there really is nothing you can do. You lied to me repeatedly, you always put your friends first and you got hooked on drugs. Do you even realize how many bills we could have paid off with the money you have spent in the past year on pills? What about how I feel about the drugs, you know my history, you know what I went through.”

“I know, I am trying to get off of them. You have to give me time. Please give me another chance.”

“Giving you another chance almost cost me my life. Do you not understand that. I almost died in this bedroom while you were too strung out to care.” I snap at him. “We have had this same discussion hundreds of times. I am so over it.”

“I didn't know what I was doing to you or our kids.”

“Exactly. You didn't know because you were too busy worrying about everyone else and when you would be able to get your next fix. Layla found me. Lying there on the floor. She thought her mother was dead and where were you, up the street at your brothers leaving nasty messages on the answering machine about how I was being a bitch because I hadn't showed up there yet. If you would have given and thought to it, your ass would have driven a half mile to check on me.”

“You said you were headed up there right behind me, how was I to know something had happened?”

“Umm…maybe you would have had a clue when I didn't show up within the hour. Not to mention that you caused my collapse. I was so stressed out over paying the bills and your health and you lying to me about the pills. I sat in that garage and begged you to tell me the truth. You wouldn't. You can't take any of it back now.”