Scars and Songs (22 page)

Her eyes traveled down to my towel and rose slowly over the skin of my stomach and chest; lingered over my tattoos and right into my eyes.  Her pulse sped faster.  I felt it beat little drum solos beneath my fingertips.  Her mouth was about to lie to me, but her eyes were telling me the truth.

“Nothing about you scares me, Shane.  I just don’t want you getting the wrong idea about us.” 
Why the hell is she pushing me away?

“I know, I know.  There
is
no us.  I’m not talking about staying here to...Grace, you really think so little of me to think that I want to stay here so I could try to...forget it, Grace.”  I shook my head and walked to the stairs.  “I’ll break down your walls, Grace Taylor.  You aren’t going to know what the fuck hit you,” I said, continuing up the stairs.  Then I took the coldest shower anyone has ever taken in the history of the universe.  And it didn’t help me one damn bit.

I left her alone for almost three hours, sat my ass down on her couch and stretched my feet up on her coffee table.  I caught up with my favorite television shows and watched two episodes of
Sons of Anarchy
and two episodes of
Family Guy
.

Then I made some grilled cheese sandwiches and brought them down to her as a peace offering.  “I thought you’d be starving by now,” I said as I knocked on the laundry room door.

She lifted her head off her arms and smiled.  “More bored out of my skull than hungry, but thank you.” 

I matched her smile.  “You know, Grace, you don’t have to stay down here.  I promise you I won’t bite,” I smirked.  “Well, unless you ask me to,” I teased to lighten the mood.

“Shut up,” she smirked back at me.  “I’m sorry about before,” she said digging into her sandwich.  “I guess I’m just a little freaked out by the whole Carl Sumpton thing.”  The girl was blatantly lying to me and it was killing me to know why.

I shrugged, playing at her game.  “Do you remember him at the hospice?”

“Not at all,” she said, hiding her mouth with her hand because she was chewing.  “He did look familiar, but not from anywhere I could pinpoint.”  She threw up her hands.  “There were so many people there.  I used to play my guitar for Jake every night, well, up until the last few days. There was always a different crowd of people surrounding the door listening. But if he was comatose, he shouldn’t have known anything about me. I barely left Jake’s room, let alone walk into other patient’s rooms.”  She stuffed her face with the sandwich, it was freaking adorable.

“Maybe he thought your playing stinks,” I said taking her empty plate.

“Probably.  I mean, I am almost as horrible as you!”  She was laughing, no trace of the tears from that morning or fear of Carl Sumpton.  Her strength and non-whininess was kind of non-girlie.  There was something different about Grace Taylor that made me so intrigued.  Maybe that’s what these feeling were, and not just the simple fact of her looking like Selah.  I just couldn’t help wondering what the hell she was hiding from me.  If only I could put my lips to hers, I might be able to gauge her feelings a little more.  If I still had my wings, I’d know everything through her lips. 
Not having my angel abilities sucked, but being human and not in control of human emotions was worse
.

The shrill buzzing of the dryer echoed through the small room.  Grace didn’t even flinch from the startling sound.  She just sauntered over to the machine and took out her clothes, deep in thought.  Piles of clean freshly folded clothes lay on the small table near the wall.

The little red lace bra from the first night I met her sat on top of one of the piles.  My body stiffened.  I had to touch it. 
Sue me; I am just a man after all
.  I won’t lie, even if I was still an angel I would still try to touch it.  I held the bra and panties up.  Damn they were soft, silky, and lacy.  Okay, this shit is new to me; I never got excited over a freaking piece of material before.  No, it wasn’t the damn material.  No.  It was the thought of it being on Grace’s soft skin. 
Shit.  This was freaking bad.  I had to snap out of this
. 

I heard her gasp when she saw me holding her things.  She had a sexy smile on her face too. 
Real sexy
. 

“Hey, Grace.  Maybe getting an eyeful of your lingerie woke up our friend Carl from his coma.  These are pretty intense undergarments. I know I’ll be thinking about them later tonight!”

Walking over to me, she gave me a friendly shove.  “You are a jerk, Shane Maxton,” she laughed.

The shove was more than friendly too, because she kept her hands on me and my skin burned right through my shirt where her hands were.  Yeah, there was something really different about Grace Taylor.  I wondered again if she was part of my punishment.  Well, if she was, then I was going to enjoy
this
hell.  “Thanks, that’s like the nicest thing you’ve called me so far.”

Biting her bottom lip, she just shook her gorgeous head at me.

I helped her fold the rest of her clothes and carry everything upstairs.  I kept the red lacy crap on top of the pile I carried just so I could look at it some more.  She smiled at me knowingly. 

When we got to her room, I collapsed on her bed and watched her as she quietly put her clothes away.  I kept the red lacy goodness on my ches
t, holding it hostage, smiling.  I laid back, folded my legs across her bed with my hands behind my head.

After everything was put away she stood above me and grabbed her bra and panties, but I grabbed her hand instead and didn’t let her go.  She didn’t struggle.  She just looked right into my eyes.

I nodded my head toward her guitar, “Will you play something for me?”

Seeming to think about it for a minute, she nodded her head and I let her hand that held her red lingerie go.  Then the damn girl bit her bottom lip at me again and flicked the red lacy lingerie in my face, turned and grab
bed her guitar from its case.  I’m not freaking lying when I say that I have had a raging massive hard-on since I woke up. 
I might need to visit a hospital if I didn’t find some sort of freaking relief soon
. 

Guitar in hand, she pushed me over across her bed and sat cross-legged in front of me.  “What are you in the mood for?” 
Finding out what it feels like inside you
.

“Surprise me,” I said instead.

She started with the theme from
Sesame Street
, then played
You’re so Vain
by
Carly Simon, Lost Cause
from
Beck,
and ended with
(I Hate) Everything About You
by
Ugly Kid Joe
.  I smashed her in the head with one of her pillows.  “Nice, Grace.  What was that, a montage of how I feel about Shane songs?”

Grace smiled wide.  “Gee, am I that easy to read?”  She teased.

“Play something that means something to you,” I whispered.

A slow sexy mischievous smile crossed her features.

Her fingers whipped up a soulful jazzy melody with an edge to it.  She locked her gaze on mine and the rough raspy lyrics of
Piece of My Heart
fell from her perfect lips. 

Tense.  Deep.  Fiery.  The music was emotional, but the way her voice reached out and claimed my soul was maddening and fierce.  Feelings bubbled to the surface of my skin and I felt like screaming out. I clutched at the blankets covering her bed.  It was as if Grace was gone and the spirit of Janis Joplin was singing right in front of me.  When she finished the song and her lips were parted from her breathlessness, I strained my muscles trying to hold myself back from her.  My entire body ached to ravage her. 
It was insane
. 

“You are simply the most amazingly talented person I’ve ever met,” I whispered.

“Eh.  I bet you haven’t met too many people then.”

We stayed there, searching each other’s eyes.  She slid her guitar off her lap, thumped it down on the floor behind her, and laid her body on its side face to face with mine.

When I looked down to her lips, they parted and I lifted my hand to her neck gently and pulled her closer.  I could hear the fast draws of her breath and feel her pulse racing through her veins under my thumb.  Her body leaned in and her hand glided slowly up my arm to the hand that held her neck, entangling her fingers with mine.  My chest was thrumming wildly for the taste of her lips.

Then fast footfalls ran down the hallway and she broke away from me and sat up quickly.  Lea slammed open the door demanding to know why there was a police car outside their apartment.  Conner came running in about two seconds after her yelling the same thing.

I freaking needed another cold shower.

“Dude, I’m telling you.  I don’t think it’s a good idea,” Conner said as he flipped through the channels.

We had been sitting in Grace’s living room for about an hour talking about the Carl Sumpton situation, and the girls were showering and getting ready for Grace’s first gig with Mad World.

“Yeah, well, I really don’t care, bro.  I’m staying here to protect Grace until they find that guy,” I explained.

“You’re going to push her away, dude.  Grace isn’t like all the other girls you’re used to.  And you’re kind of scaring the shit out of me,” he gave me a serious look and leaned in closer to me.  “You look like you can fucking inhale that girl.  Look, Shane.  I know you’ve been clean for like eight months, but when you’re around Grace, you look
high
again.  Are you
using
again?”

You have got to be kidding me
.  Everybody just always assumed the worst in me.

I bolted up and paced the room, Conner paced with me. 
I have no clue why
.

“Conner, I haven’t touched a drug in
nine
months!”  I raked my hands through my hair.  “Dude, you
know
me.  You
know
I’ve changed, and the freaking way I feel about that girl is so much different from all the others.  I’m crazy about her.”  I leaned back heavily against the wall.

Conner jabbed me in the gut, “Alright, Shane.  I’ll talk to Lea and we’ll see what Grace really thinks of you and we’ll go from there.”  Smiling he looked away from me towards the doorway, his eyes got wide and his face turned serious.  “Oh hell no!  No way, Lea!  Take it off!”

I followed his gaze and my mouth went dry. 
She was absolutely exquisite
.

Grace hesitantly stepped into the room sidestepping the now fighting couple.  I didn’t even look at Lea’s outfit; I couldn’t take my eyes off of Grace.

Her hair fell down in wild black waves with streaks of deep purple that reflected into her lavender-silver eyes.  A silky deep purple shirt plunged daringly down her chest showing the perfect perky roundness of her very full breasts.  A short fringed up denim skirt hugged her hips that showed off a pair of legs that went on
forever
.

I pulled myself off the wall slowly and greedily examined every inch of her bare skin. I lingered my gaze on her eyes and lips the longest and I knew she noticed because of the breathtakingly shy smile she gave me. I slowly walked over to her and gently reached for her hand.  I entwined her fingers in mine, lifted my hand over her head, and twirled her around slowly.

“I have never seen anyone more exquisite in my entire life, Grace.  You seem to have this knack of making me completely...breathless.”  I spun her around again, brushing the silky hair off her soft shoulders.  My breathing stopped; caught somewhere deep in my lungs.  Lightly touching the skin on her shoulder, I inhaled deeply, “You have another tattoo,” I exhaled in a whisper.  I traced the lines with my fingers, a pair of broken angel’s wings. 

The corners of her mouth slowly lifted upward sexily. “I bet that’s your signature line to try to pick up women, huh?” She looked right into my eyes, as if she was actually looking at the real me,
Shamsiel
, for the very first time.  “They are my angel wings.  To remind me and to honor what I’ve lost.”

I flinched as if she smacked me.  Selfishly, I wanted her to be talking about me.  I wanted her tattoo to be the pair of wings that I wore when I was an angel.  The wings that were broken and taken from my body because I had fallen in love with a human girl who looked just like her over two thousand years ago.  But, I knew it wasn’t for me.  “Your family,” I murmured.

Was my selfishness a sin?  What man could stand before this creature and not want the same thing?  I will never regret how I longed for her like I would never regret how I felt for Selah. 

What Selah and I shared was completely innocent; a simple kiss.  Before the world was what it is today, when there was paradise on Earth and angels walked among men.  A simple kiss which gave me an eternity in hell. 

I held Grace’s hand as we walked the snowy streets to the bar.  She kept her bottom lip tightly between her teeth the whole way as if she was holding back a secret.  And Lea kept giving our hands a sideways glance and a smile.