Scars and Songs (39 page)

Alex raised his hands, “Oh, me first, and this is to everyone at the table. Okay, answer this...Where is the craziest place you have ever had sex?”

That’s a stupid question.  I wanted to know why Grace didn’t fucking want me anymore.  I wanted to know why she banged Ethan while I was in jail,
for her!
  I rolled my eyes (for a minute I thought I was going to actually pop them out of my head because they were so drunk. I mean I was so drunk; fuck it, I don’t know what I mean. All I knew was that Grace was mean.) I sat back down while everyone went down the line giving their stupid answers.

“Bathroom,” Brayden said.

“A fast food ball pit in the kid’s play area,” Alex laughed answering his own question. Everybody moaned. “
What?
” He said red in the face. 
Oh God, yeah I remember that.  It was so gross, balls were everywhere
.

Conner and Lea both giggled and said, “Ferris wheel.” 
Gah
, I remembered
that
too.

When it was my turn, Alex laughed and said, “Please do not say jail cell, because I’ll piss myself right here, dude.”

“Shut up,” I laughed, took a deep breath, looked at Marie and flat-out lied, “My answer is probably going to change later, but right now, fire escape.”

“Boozer’s bathroom,” Marie giggled.

“Car,” Tucker said.

“Park,” Ethan whispered.

When it came to Grace’s turn, I struggled to stay seated across from her.  Nervous anxiety, raw and carnal, made my heart beat skip and stutter.  Her eyes locked on mine, then she leaned forward, wrapped her perfect plump little lips around the straw, and drank her entire drink. 
She didn’t give an answer
.

The rosy blush that reddened her cheeks made it hard to try to look away from her.  The strange thing was, she didn’t try to look away from me either.  The staring contest made my blood beat faster.  My body shuddered, absolutely unable to look away from her gaze.  Those silver eyes of hers were stunning. 
Stunning
.  Stun-NING.

“Hey, I got a question!  When did you lose your virginity?” I heard Marie ask the table giggling. 

Brayden started the round of answers again.  “With these guys as my friends in high school, I was lucky if I got a girl even to look in my direction,” he laughed.  “I was seventeen, and deprived because of these idiots!”

“Yeah, seventeen here too!  Prom night.  It took like two seconds, that poor girl.”
Alex laughed.

Conner and Lea both took their shots. 

“Sixteen,” I answered.

“I would have done
all
of you if we went to the same high school.  I was fourteen.” Marie giggled.

“Twelve,” Tucker bragged.

“Bullshit, you’re probably still a virgin!” Ethan laughed.  But he didn’t offer an answer for himself and just drank his shot.

Grace’s eyes still stared into mine.  She drank her shot.  Holy alcoholics anonymous! 
Is she freaking trying to get plastered and why the hell is the bar spinning faster?

About that time, Marie started to slide her hand along my leg under the table.  I didn’t want to break eye contact with Grace, so I just grabbed at Marie’s hand and squeezed until she yelped. 
Sorry, but my junk might seriously fall the eff off it I stuck it in her.  Crap, now, I’m having inner dialogue in my head and I sounded like Lea.
 

I had no idea what the next question was because I was drowning in the silver oceans across from me.  I just answered with, “Silver.”  Everybody looked at me and laughed. 
Idon’tcarethisisn’tatest
.

Grace drank another shot.  Her eyes wobbled a bit. 
She’s just as tanked as me
. 
I should stand up and tell her I love her.  Show her my wings, oh yeah, they’re gone
. 

“Okay, okay…I got one for the beautiful Grace Taylor, who hasn’t answered a thing here tonight and is getting so drunk that Tucker might start looking good to her,” Alex teased.  “How many people have you slept with, and is there
ANYONE AT THIS TABLE
you might
LIKE
with a capital
L,
AND have you and Lea ever licked kitties?  Please tell me yes.”

Grace slurped her drink up and Conner threw something across the table at Alex, but it went so fast I couldn’t see what the hell it was.  Looked like a duck.  I swear it had freaking wings. 
Not like me, I ain’t got wings.  Nope
.

When I focused my eyesight back to Grace, she was still looking at me but now she was biting that bottom lip of hers and I lost it.  I didn’t know what the hell took possession of my body but something did and I jumped out of my seat, slammed my hands down on the table (mostly because I could not stand up correctly) and had a damn tantrum.  Yeah.

I believe what I tried to say was, “The point isn’t to get fucking smashed, Grace! Be fucking HONEST!”  The words all slurred together and I kind of sang it to the tune of
Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star
.  So.  What.  We were all drunker than drunk.  Me, reigning king of all drunkards.

Grace just sucked on the straw, with her eyes locked on mine, until it made that slurpy
nothing is left on the bottom
sound and smiled, “Is that what the point is, Shane?” Then she threw the straw at me.

Holy sweet mother of Mind Erasers.  I jumped out of my seat again. 
When the hell did I sit back down?
  I dunno.  Anyway, I jumped out of my seat again. “My turn for a question!” I yelled.  My body shook, and swayed to the right, and left.  I held onto the table for dear life.  “Answer this, Grace, how was it to
fuck
Ethan? While you’re at it, answer this, while you were
fucking
Ethan, did you think about that ex-boyfriend of yours that you
loved
so damn fucking much you couldn’t be with me? Remember Grace? The night you told me about him while your hands were wrapped around
my
dick!” I slammed my palms against the table and spilled my drink across the top of it.  Then I slumped back and Alex, great friend that he is, caught me and shoved me back up into a standing position.  That was awesome of him.  AWEsome.

Everybody fell silent.
Um, crap, I can’t believe that just flew out of my mouth.
Lea dropped her head in one of her hands and grabbed for Grace under the table with another hand.  Conner called me a drunken idiot,
like I didn’t know this information about myself already
.

Grace sat up straighter and then leaned forward toward me. “I don’t know how it is to fuck him, Shane, because I did not
fuck
Ethan. I have never slept with anyone, actually. I was saving myself for that ex-boyfriend...he was in...um…jail, but when he got out, he didn’t want me anymore and he left me.” Harsh vibrant streaks of crimson tore through her flawless ivory skin.  I fell back into my seat as if she just slapped me across the face. 

Ethan leaned across the table at me, “Seriously, bro?  You think I would do that to you?  I know how you feel about her.  Stop screwing it up, Shane.  You
love
her,” he whispered.

I almost threw up, right there in front of everyone.

“Well, good evening there,
Bruce McHardon
, would you like to come out and meet the prettiest little virgin in the world? Grace, please, please, please, may I have your V-card. I will take such good care of it, I promise.”  Alex said, first addressing his lap then looking up towards Grace.

Grace smiled at him and laughed sarcastically, “Thanks, Alex, but I’m pretty sure I’ve just been royally fucked over, so I’m good for now. Thanks.”

Yep. I almost threw up right in front of everyone. Again.

“There’s no way you are a virgin! Like, you’ve never been with a guy before? What do you do?” Marie asked, laughing at Grace. 
Oh damn, this is getting worse
. 
Don’t throw up, don’t throw up
.

Grace locked her stare back on me again. 
Oh my God, I am so in love with her
.  “I’ve been with guys, just not full blown sex. And what do I do? Well, one of my best friends is a vibrator. It goes from
Oh Yeah,
to
Who the Hell Needs a Man
in ten seconds flat.” She turned her gaze on Marie, “You should try it,
Marie
. In the long run, it’ll be a lot less heartbreaking than Shane can be.”

Can’t. Open.  My.  Mouth.  I will vomit
.

Tucker jumped up, stumbled around the table and drunkenly threw an arm around Grace, “Grace, you’re so beautiful. Please don’t give Alex your V-card. I took you to Masa, Grace! We could go there again and get that champagne you love, and then we could get a room at any hotel in the city.” She flung his arm off her and her eyes darkened with fury.

“Oh, wow. Hmm...um...I rather stick burning hot pokers in my eyes and eat crap, but thank you so much for the offer, Tucker. It was so kind of you, seriously,” she said through clenched teeth. 
So in love with her
.

Ethan smiled at Grace, “Well, I think it’s pretty damn amazing.”

Alex grabbed onto one of Ethan’s shoulders, “Amazing? Dude, that’s the hottest thing ever. Oh my God, do you remember when she wore those little pink teddy bear pajamas?” He licked his lips looking at her, “Grace, my love, we need to create the most epic experience for you...”

With a roll of her eyes she stood up. She wobbled a bit;
I seriously thought she was drunker than I was
. She rested her hands down on the table trying to stand straight. “Well, thank you everyone. Why the fuck don’t ya’ll just...just continue the discussion of my vir..viginny…ginity, because in no way would that be, let’s say, uncomfortable or embarrassing in any way to me. E...specially in front of Hot Pink Lips there,” she slurred, pointing to Marie.

She pushed her chair in and moved backwards. “You guys can all take a vote on who I should hand my V-card to. There’s no problem with that, right, Shane?” She shoved the table at me a bit. It didn’t move much, but she tried. “Since I’m not in the fucking band anymore, right? I can fuck any one of these guys. Right? That’s not a problem for you, right?”

Oh shit.  I think she’s mad at me.  Now she knows how I felt when I thought she was giving it to Ethan
.  But, I couldn’t say anything to her.  For one, the opening of my mouth would cause me to puke and two, well, I had been a complete and utter douche to her and I deserved all her anger and more.

“Fuckasstard!” She screamed at me. 
Yep, I deserved to be called that, whatever that is.

Marie giggled drunkenly. “What’s a fuckasstard,
Virgin
?”

Oh, I wish one of the girls would shut that chick up. 
But seriously what is a fuckasstard?

Grace leveled her eyes on Marie.
Holy Mind Erasers, this is the drunkest conversation I ever watched.
“It’s a fucking asshole retard or a fucking ass in a leotard. Both you and Shane have fucking awesome lipstick.” She shoved the table at me one more time for good measure. It didn’t move, but I don’t think she noticed.

Grace stumbled away to the bar and tried to climb over, but sort of crawled up on a stool, slipping off twice. “Ry...an,” she sang.

Marie sucked in her teeth.  “That’s pathetic, really.  Maybe she couldn’t find anybody that would do her.”  She grabbed at my sleeve and tried to yank me up.  “Come on, Shane.  Take me home, so I can show you how much of a virgin I’m not.”

Lea slapped her hands down against the table top, causing everybody to jump and look at her.  “Why don’t you have a nice big cup of
shut the fuck up?
  Go home and lay by your
dish
.  And the next thing that comes out of your mouth about Grace will be accompanied by your flying broken teeth.  Do you understand the language I’m speaking, or do I have to translate to stupid slut for you?  Run the fuck along now, go play a game of Hide and go fuck yourself.”

Then Lea eyes snapped to mine, “And you. Shane, man the fuck up and cut this shit out.  It’s going to be a long hard lonely road to walk on waiting for her to forgive you if you keep this crap up.”  She leaned over the whole table and whispered loudly in my ear, “I think the worst hell you’d
ever
be in would be a life without her, knowing this was your
last
chance ever to be with her.  Don’t be a douche rocket!”

Lea slid back across the table and I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and typed a text to Grace.  Lea was right but I was too damn drunk to talk to Grace. I’d only screw it up more. 

Shane: I am so fucking sorry

Marie patted my shoulder and walked away.  Thank God. 

I need to get Lea flowers again
.

The conversation in front of me continued.  “Um…what the heck is a douche rocket?” Alex chuckled.