Scars and Songs (47 page)

“Yeah, Grace.  Especially the part when I asked you to try to find
whatever it was you were looking for in me
.”

She gulped down the entire glass of wine.  “Shane,” she breathed.  “You are all I can see right now.”  Shaking her head, she blinked her eyes as if she was trying to shake herself awake from a dream.  Then she plunged the knife in, “Crap, it’s like I’m one of your groupies, right?  I
understand it now though, all the girls and what they were thinking, I mean, damn, Shane.  You treat a girl like this and she’ll definitely get the idea that it’s okay to give herself to you for a night.”

“You still don’t get how I feel about you, do you?”  I whispered.

Grace offered me a small shrug and gulped down more wine. 

“Is that what you think I want, just one night?” I asked her.

“Isn’t it?” She whispered.

“No, Grace.  Not with you,” I answered.  “And I’m sure going to have fun proving that to you,” I winked at her.

Grace’s body stilled, and then a shiver seemed to pass over her.  Those silver eyes grew large and her cheeks flushed five shades of crimson.  The rest of our dinner was full of us holding hands, touching each other, and jumping on her bike to rush home to be alone.

I drove up and backed into a small space between two cars in front of her building.  Just as I was about to get off the bike, Grace unstrapped her helmet, threw it on the ground
and slid her entire body against mine.  I fumbled and tore at my helmet strap as she slammed her lips hard against my lips. Letting my helmet fall, it bounced and rolled along the edge of the sidewalk.  Its echo danced against the buildings and silenced the city around us.

My hands slipped under the sides of her jacket and under her shirt; the heat from her body burned against my fingers setting me on fire.  I slid them slowly down, settling on the sweet curves of her ass, my heart pounding hard in my chest. She squeezed her thighs tighter around me and grabbed fistfuls of my hair.  Whimpering my name, she unzipped my jacket and glided her hands under my shirt and up over my chest.  Our mouths were hard and raw against each other’s.  Falling together and pulling apart, tongues sliding roughly, as if we couldn’t taste enough of one another.  Cupping her bottom, I stood up, her legs still wrapped around my waist, digging her heels into my back.  My cell phone vibrated in my front pocket and she rocked her hips against it. 
Damn, that was hot
.

I growled, gripping my fingers tighter.  “I need to be inside you,” I breathed into her mouth.  I climbed off the bike carrying her, kissing her lips, her neck, her jaw, clutching her tight against the front of my body.  My mind was insane with lust.  I needed to take her into the damn building before I slid myself inside her on the seat of the bike on a New York City street.  I never needed someone that much, ever.  I couldn’t think straight, all I could feel was the smooth hot skin under my hands and all I could hear were the low whimpers and moans of my name.  That was my world.

Carrying her up the steps, I fumbled and slammed her back against the front door; she moaned deeply into my mouth.  I pulled my head away and stared at her closed eyes.  Her lips were parted, and she was
panting
. 

I leaned forward, pressing her harder against the door and nipped her earlobe between my lips, giving her a sharp little bite.  I nipped down her neck, scraped my teeth against her jaw and raked them up again to her ear.  “Keys.  Now.”  I growled.

She reached around into her pocket, all the while giggling.  Pulling out her keys, she wiggled them in front of me and brushed her lips against mine.  “Take me in, Shane. 
Please
,” she whispered against my lips.

Holding her up against the door with my hips, I grabbed the keys, slammed my lips back onto hers. I jammed the key into the door, missing the keyhole a few times, until I finally opened it and we stumbled through the doorway.  I kicked the door closed behind us, leaned her up against the wall in the entryway and slid the zipper of her jacket down. 
I needed her clothes off, now.

“Um.  Hey guys!”  Lea’s
IRRATING
voice cut in. 

Grace froze. 
Screw that
, I kept kissing her lips.  She turned her head towards Lea and I kissed her cheeks and her neck, sliding her coat off her shoulders.  I wasn’t going to stop, oh hell no. 
I needed in
. 
Screw it, Lea could watch for all I cared
.

Lea cleared her throat,
you know, the one I wanted to strangle at this point
, “Wow.  I do hate to stop this beautiful thing that’s about to happen, but Conner and Ethan have been trying to call you, Shane, for like an hour already.”

Barely able to breath, I fixed my glare on Lea.  “Get to the point, Lea.  Is someone either dead or in jail?”  I asked, pulling out my phone and reading through the text messages.

Lea brows lifted.  She took a deep breath, shook her head and blew it out loudly, “No, worse.  Vixen4 just showed up at your apartment and they needed a place to crash.  And crash your place is exactly what they seem to be doing right now.  I’m sorry, Shane.”

This shit doesn’t make sense.  The guys could handle the girls of Vixen4. 
I gritted my teeth together, I did not want to leave Grace at all.

All the messages were from Alex pleading for me to come home.  All but
one
.  One was from an unknown number.

Unknown: You can’t have what’s mine.  Meet me outside, or I kill off your band one by one.  G.

“Damn, I forgot Ethan told them they could stay with us.”  I looked at Grace trying to explain, sliding my hands down her arms, “They’re a handful.” 
I’m going to kill Gabriel, then come right back here
.  I raked my hands through my hair.  “Grace, I…”

Biting her bottom lip, she leaned forward and whispered deep into my ear, “Will you try your best to come back tonight?  You have to finish what you started, Shane.  I’ll try to wait for you…”

I’m going to kill Gabriel
.

Kill.  Him.

As calmly as I could, I cupped my hands around the back of Grace’s neck and pulled her lips up to mine.  I nipped her bottom lip between my teeth and tugged gently, “God, baby.  You are delicious.  I’ll try my best.  If not, nine o’clock practice tomorrow. Vixen4 will be doing studio time after us.”  I didn’t want her to feel the anger shaking off my body or the intense hatred I had for the one being who had managed to hurt us for so long.  I needed to put an end to the game he was playing.  “I’m going to need to throw a bucket of ice down my pants,” I lied as I slipped out the front door.  I didn’t need a cold shower, Gabriel’s words had already done the job.

The anger in my body boiled as I ran down the front steps of her apartment.  Then a dark form moved quickly out of the shadows and quickly intensified into the solid figure of Gabriel.  Passing through the fence, cars and motorcycle, moving toward me expressionless, as if he hadn’t a care in the world.  Not yet realizing his death by my hand was moments away.

“Tsk, tsk.  Shane, I can feel your anger and fury like the weather.  I always loved how humans demonstrated their weaknesses so publicly.  Are you really planning to try to take my life?  My existence?  And as a human, how would you accomplish that feat?”

“Fuck you, Gabriel.”

“Yes. Perhaps
that
might leave a scar.”

Gabriel was in front of me instantly, hands grasping the collar of my jacket and dragging me into a small alleyway a few yards away from Grace’s apartment building.  He shoved me into the shadows of the buildings and I tumbled nosily into a couple of metal garbage cans that lined the alleyway.

I struggled to get up, my hands flexing and clinching at my sides.  “You really think I won’t fight you for her?  You think I’m going to give up so easily?”

Spreading his ancient wings across the dark walkway, he stood before me and glared down at me.  His eyes were wild, dark, tormented and so fucking
haunted
.  “She’ll never love a dreg of life junkie womanizer like you, Shane.  And I’m going to make sure she sees you for what you truly are.  You’re not the angel that she wants, you’re nothing.”  Slowly, he removed something from one of his pockets, and angled his hand, hiding whatever it was from my view.

Anger seized me, my fists shook with rage and I wanted to throttle him like an animal.  I shoved my hands against his chest, pushing him back, “I will fight for her.  And I
will
win.”

His hand, like a steel grip, claimed my throat and panic swept through me.  Lifting me with one hand and holding me above the ground, he rammed a syringe into my jugular, shoving filth into my veins.  Yanking the empty needle out of my neck, he dropped me to the ground and smiled down at me.  Euphoric heat surged through my veins.

“Gabe, you’re not fighting fair…” I lazily smiled up at him as the high gushed through my body. 

“That should be enough heroin to kill that pretty-boy shell you call a body.  Twice over.  Grace will only know you as the has-been drug addict you were.  They won’t find your body until morning, little brother.  By that time, I’ll have Grace wrapped around my fingers, Pretty-boy.”

“Aw, Gabriel, you keep calling me a pretty boy and I might start thinking you find me attractive,” I murmured as I fought with my body to stay in control.

“Even in your last breaths, you joke.  Just think about how your little Grace will feel when she sees you’re nothing more than a junkie.  Maybe, I’ll even add to her heartbreak by wrapping your dead body around one of your repulsive whores.  Then she’ll see Shane Maxton for who he really was.  Don’t worry, I’ll be the ANGEL who comforts her.”

His laughter echoed between the walls of the brick buildings that towered over my body.  My limbs started shaking violently and my mouth filled with foaming salvia.  My thoughts were warm and fuzzy, all I could do is scream out for Michael, and beg for some sort of help.

Then the heroin hit.  Warmth enveloped my body, it was one of those
warmths
that separated your mind from your body, and I could feel nothing of how my body was shutting down, convulsing and snarling on the cold street.  Everything felt perfect and I would have sworn that we lived in a world where everyone rode on pink unicorns and nothing could ever go wrong.  There was no danger, Grace was a lost thought and my veins almost burst with the high.

I know in my haze that I heard my voice calling for Michael, and somewhere deep inside my brain
, I sensed that this feeling wasn’t supposed to be this good.

My heart rate escalated to a wild drumming rhythm and my heart almost burst from the pressure.  My body was overdosing, but my high let me feel nothing but pure pleasure.  Somewhere inside the sublime euphoria, panic took hold, and my heart sped up even faster.  I felt my breaths coming out in struggling gasps and my brain pounded against my skull.  I wanted to die. 
Please Michael, take this poison out of me
.

Crawling out of the alley, I stumbled into the dark street and collapsed in front of a yellow taxi barreling towards me.  Brakes screeched, but then strong, feathered arms pulled me up, lifting me over the vehicle and into the night. 

Michael carried me; the heat and burn of the heroin tore out of my body, leaving me twisted and tortured, but utterly sober.  I blacked out, spiraled into nothingness, the earth falling from beneath my feet; I fell.  And I landed hard.

When I opened the door to my apartment with trembling hands, it was 7:30 in the morning
.  Cringing, I stepped into what looked like a frat party exploded all over my once clean walls. 
What the hell could make such a disaster?
 

My answer walked in on red stiletto heels, with wild and messy shoulder length dark hair, and wearing nothing but a pair of little red lacy panties.  Ignoring Bliss, heroin poster child, one of
original
Shane’s lifelong friends, I bolted to my bedroom (which one of the guys had the decency to lock for me).  My heart was hammering erratically in my chest and my hands shook violently from the quick withdrawal of the drugs in my system. 
How the hell was I going to get through a band practice like this? 
I knew from experience, this was just the beginning
.

I needed a run.  I needed to go for a run and work off this…
this… uncontrollable… feeling.
 
My legs shook.  I bounced on the balls of my feet.  My skin crawled.
  Fuck.  It was 7:40!  An hour and twenty minutes.  I have an hour and twenty minutes before Grace will see me.  She couldn’t see me like this.

I tore of
f my shirt and pants and ran into the bathroom.  Bliss was right behind me, yapping her high-pitched scratchy voice off at me, “Where the hell have you been all night?  Alex was telling me about your new little guitarist.  Says you got some serious feelings for her.  Shane Maxton don’t do serious.  What’s your story?”

I slammed the bathroom door in her face and turned the shower on.  I needed the shakes to stop.  I needed my muscles to calm down.  Scalding hot water slid over my body, sending searing pain through my skin, into my pores and veins.  Falling to my knees, my
body convulsed against the absence of the drugs.  I fumbled halfway out of the bathtub and grasped hold of the damp porcelain of the toilet bowl.  Nausea knotted and cramped at my stomach muscles until I purged what toxins were left inside me; my naked body twisting and fighting against itself across the cold tiled floor.  My temperature soared and my muscles ached savagely.