Secret Seduction (12 page)

He pushed up from the mattress, walked naked into the living room where the broken packing crate sat, the contents he’d scooped off the front lawn scattered across the carpet. Flicking on the light, he combed through his keepsake box, unearthing his Eagle Scout good conduct medal. That made him smile. If his old troop leader could see him now, he’d strip him of the medal. Tanner’s conduct lately had been nothing short of dangerous.

He put the medal aside and kept digging until he found what he was looking for—the framed picture of him and Maria on their wedding day.

They looked so damned happy.

Maria was beautiful in her wedding gown, her dark hair curling down her shoulders, her eyes sparkling. His eyes were on her, even though he was supposed to be looking at the camera.

Tanner traced an index finger over their smiling faces. Stupid fools, not knowing what was ahead of them. He curled his hands around the frame, clutching it tight, thinking of everything he’d lost. For the longest time he’d been caught in a black fog, putting one foot in front of the other just to survive, going through the motions of daily living without being alive. Trudging toward an empty future.

Alone.

Thinking of all he’d been through had him closing his eyes, pressing his lips together. Tanner braced himself for the flood of despair, but the usual grief he felt did not ambush him with abject misery. Instead, he experienced an unlikely sense of calm.

Opening his eyes, he stared again at the photograph. It felt as if he was looking at total strangers.

Detachment, tranquil and unexpected, settled over him.

He was no longer that man in the picture and Maria was gone forever. Suddenly this calm feeling worried him. Where was the anger and grief he’d nursed inside his heart for four long years?

He tried to conjure it up. Tried to force the anguish. But he could no longer summon the anger nor the grief nor the black depression. They’d vanished, and in their place was a quiet feeling of acceptance.

Was this it? The place his friends and family had told him he’d eventually find? Serenity in the face of reality?

Maria was gone.

There was no need to feel guilty. Or angry. Or depressed. Or aggrieved. Emotions wouldn’t change the facts. Time had marched on.

It disturbed him. He felt as if he’d lost something important but necessary. Blowing out his breath, Tanner put the picture down, went to the kitchen for a glass of water and then walked out onto the back patio to peer at the condo next door.

The lights were out.

As he stared at Vanessa’s condo, he felt something new. Longing, wistfulness, hope.

You can’t have her. She’s off-limits.

He turned and went back into the house, more confused than ever. He might want Vanessa, but he couldn’t have her. No matter how badly he might want to do so, he could not make love to her again. The affair had to end. He couldn’t do right by her otherwise and at the moment, she needed his protection more than his love.

Tomorrow he would tell her their affair was over.

His decision made, Tanner went back into the house and fell into a hard, dreamless sleep.

When Tanner had started at Confidential Rejuvenations he’d issued everyone a card with his cell phone number. After doffing her blue surgery cap and matching paper shoe covers, she plunked down on the bench in the female surgeons’ locker room and sent him a text message.

You’re needed in surgical locker room 2, stat. Vanessa.

Fortunately she was the only female surgeon operating today. They’d have the locker room to themselves.

Her pulse thudded. She’d never done anything like this on the job and the excitement revved her blood. Seconds later, she heard the sound of shoes running in the corridor. The door to the locker room swung open and Tanner came barreling inside. His hair was mussed, his eyes wide with concern as if someone had just delivered him some terrible news and he was trying to escape it.

He stared at her. “What’s wrong?” he demanded. “Are you all right?”

“Now that you’re here,” she said, giving him her most arresting smile.

“What is it?” He broke their eye contact to gaze around the room, searching for trouble. “What’s the emergency?”

Vanessa crossed the room toward him, suddenly fearing she’d made a miscalculation. He didn’t seem at all in the mood for a frantic, furtive locker room quickie.

“This,” she said, sliding her arms around his neck and kissing him.

Tanner stiffened under her embrace and he did not kiss her back.

Vanessa realized then she’d made a big mistake. He removed her arms from around his shoulders.

“Was that what the stat text was all about? Nothing but a booty call?” He glowered.

Chagrined, she stepped back. Okay, now she knew why she’d never done anything impulsive like this before. It was stupid.

“Dammit, Vanessa,” he growled, and the intensity of his anger snapping in his blue eyes took her aback. “I thought something had happened to you.”

“I just thought—”

“You didn’t think. That’s the problem. You scared the hell out of me.”

Feeling more hurt than if he’d slapped her, she turned away. Her eyes stung and she blinked hard. Oh please, she was not going to cry just because he’d rejected her. “Sorry, go back to work.”

“Vanessa.” His voice was now gentler, softer.

“It’s all right.” She shrugged, still not looking at him. “You’re right. My behavior was completely inappropriate and unprofessional.”

“No, no. I was too harsh. I just feared something bad had happened to you and my mind wasn’t in the same place as yours,” Tanner said.

“Clearly.”

“Look at me.”

She finally dared to look at him. He had a wistful expression on his face that knotted her stomach. What was she doing? What had she been thinking? “You better get back to work,” she murmured.

“Vanessa…”

“Yes?”

“What are we doing?”

She shook her head. “If you don’t know, I certainly don’t.”

“Last night—”

She jumped in before he could say the words. “Was a mistake.”

“We’re co-workers,” he said.

“Confidential Rejuvenations is a fishbowl and a hotbed of gossip,” Vanessa added, miserably reading his mind. It was only natural that a place that kept so many secrets would harbor speculation and rumors.

“You’re a doctor. You don’t need anything tarnishing your reputation.”

“Yeah.” He was so damned right it hurt. She raised her palms. “Please forget it ever happened. I’m going to.”

“Are you talking about right now? Or last night?”

“All of it. Right now, last night, Emilio’s, everything.” She forced a laugh. “Apparently we’ve both got a lot to sort through.”

“I wish things were different.”

“Me, too,” she said. Then before things got to be more than she could handle, she moved to her locker. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to change for office hours.”

He nodded, but she could tell he wanted to say more. “We’ll talk. Tonight. After work.”

“I don’t think that would be such a good idea.” She had her head stuck in her locker, and didn’t even know he was gone until she heard the door whisper closed. Mortified at what she had done, Vanessa sank back down onto the bench and dropped her head into her hands.

Way to go Rodriquez.

What was the matter with her? Why did she feel so mixed-up? Normally she was self-assured, comfortable in her own skin, but something about Tanner shook her up in a way no one ever had before.

Hurriedly she changed clothes and left the locker room. It was almost lunch, but she didn’t feel like eating. Unfortunately she and Elle were supposed to have lunch at the little French sandwich bistro that rented out a space on the ground floor of Confidential Rejuvenations. Since the quickie with Tanner hadn’t gone according to plan, she arrived at the restaurant several minutes early.

Maxine Woodbury, the sixty-something emergency room ward clerk motioned her over from a table in the corner. “Yoo-hoo, Vanessa.”

Vanessa didn’t know the woman well, but she’d been at Confidential Rejuvenations since they’d opened the doors fifteen years ago. Seated beside Maxine was Vanessa’s scrub nurse, Chloe Garcia.

She wandered over. “Hello, Maxine, Chloe.”

“Elle told me to relay that she’ll be along in a bit. She had a meeting run late,” Maxine said.

“Thanks for letting me know.”

“Why don’t you join us until she gets here?” Maxine smiled and pushed out a chair.

The last thing Vanessa wanted to do was make idle chitchat after what had happened—or rather not happened—with Tanner, but she didn’t want to hurt Maxine’s feelings by sitting at a vacant table all by herself.

“Sure, thanks.” Vanessa sat down.

“How was your morning?” Maxine chirped gaily.

“Successful cleft palate repair.”

“You did an amazing job,” Chloe said. “Vanessa is a fabulous surgeon. You should see her in action, Maxine.”

“Thanks.” Vanessa nodded at the scrub nurse. Chloe had only been working at Confidential Rejuvenations for a few months. She was right out of nursing school and still learning. She was a sturdily built girl, with lank blond hair, a moon-shaped face and pale skin. She didn’t talk much in the OR, but she watched everything. “You’re really turning into an excellent scrub nurse.”

“You know how to command an operating room,” Chloe said. “You take over like it belongs to you.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say I take over.” Vanessa laughed. “But there’s a reason surgeons are known for their ego. If we weren’t confident in our abilities, we’d have a hard time saving lives.”

“No room for self-doubt, huh?”

“Something like that.”

“You ever have anything go wrong on a case?” Chloe asked.

“We’ve all had errors in judgment.”

“Anyone ever die because of a mistake you made?” Even though the girl said it lightly, there was a ghoulish quality to her voice that made Vanessa uneasy.

“I’ve been fortunate. No one’s ever died on my table.”

“I tried to get into medical school,” Chloe said wistfully, her pale blue eyes taking on a truculent expression. “But my grades weren’t good enough.”

“You could retake some basic courses, try to raise your GPA,” Vanessa suggested. It’s what she would have done if she hadn’t aced her premed courses and the MCAT exam. Once the way had been paved by the tuition gift from her anonymous benefactor, she’d been determined to become a doctor, no matter what. In a field where the majority of student studied diligently, Vanessa had been renowned for her work ethic.

Chloe shrugged. “It’s too hard. Takes too much time. I like having a life, you know?”

Honestly, Vanessa didn’t know. After her childhood, she hadn’t wanted any life except that of being a surgeon and helping people. She’d rarely dated since college. Medical school hadn’t left a spare moment for a personal life. She’d had a few sexual relationships with some of her fellow doctors, but those encounters had been about physical release and nothing else.

That was the kind of relationship she had been trying to have with Tanner, but it just wasn’t working out the way she planned. After this morning, she’d quickly realized that it was all or nothing with him. She’d either have to be in a real relationship or forget him.

Sadness weighted her bones, sagged her shoulders. She didn’t want to forget about him, but neither was she ready to commit to anything. It was too soon. She had too many doubts. She’d never had feelings like this before and she was afraid to trust them.

“Now, Chloe,” Maxine said. “It’s easier for you. You’re young and your father has money. You don’t have to live and die for Confidential Rejuvenations the way we do. Right, Dr. Rodriquez?” Maxine reached across the table to pat Vanessa’s hand.

The gray-haired ward clerk’s comment startled Vanessa. She made her life sound so…lonely.

But her life wasn’t lonely. She had friends and her work was fulfilling. She was so busy she often felt guilty for not spending more time with Fantasia. She had no place in her schedule for loneliness.

Sounds like a rationalization to me.

Before Vanessa could respond, Elle plunked down in the chair beside her. “Sorry I’m late. Have you ordered yet?”

She glanced at her friend. Elle’s cheeks were glowing and her eyes were bright. Ever since she hooked up with Dante, Elle looked so vibrant. Is that what love did for you? “Not yet.”

“Oh, good,” Elle said. “I’m starving. Wanna split the turkey club?”

“Sounds good.” Vanessa nodded, but she wasn’t listening to Elle. She was thinking about what Maxine had said.

“Nice visiting with you, Dr. R.,” Maxine said as she and Chloe stood to go. “See you back in the trenches, Elle. Toodles.” Maxine waved as she and Chloe left the restaurant.

Vanessa forced a smile for her friend and asked her how her morning had been, but long after Maxine had gone, she kept turning over in her mind what the ward clerk had said.

Was it true? Did she live and die for Confidential Rejuvenations? The answer, she feared, was a resounding yes.

A GLITCH WITH THE CAMERAS on the second floor of the main hospital corridor took Tanner’s mind off Vanessa for fifteen minutes. It was the only time during the entire day he hadn’t been thinking about her.

He’d bungled her seduction and he was sorry for hurting her feelings, but dammit, she’d taken him by surprise. He’d been rattled when he had arrived in the locker room, thinking something had happened to her on his watch, only to find her standing in a red bra and panties with a come-hither smile.

Tanner’s gut tightened as he recalled the look of embarrassment and hurt on her face when he’d rejected her. What was the matter with him?

It’s your job to watch over her. You can’t do your job if you’re emotionally involved.

Who was he kidding? He was already emotionally involved. Had been from the moment she’d asked him to dance at Emilio’s and he’d accepted.

Once the cameras were working again and he’d confirmed it via walkie-talkie with the control center, Tanner made up his mind to try to smooth things over with Vanessa. He left the hospital and walked the short distance across the asphalt to the doctors’ offices. He entered the building through the back entrance, not wanting to move among the patients in the waiting room lobby.

The door to her office was closed.

He hesitated, hand poised to knock. What if she was in with a patient? Maybe he should go away and come back later.

Part of him wanted to turn around and leave, but the part of him that faced challenges head-on wasn’t going anywhere. He’d come to talk to her and that’s what he was going to do. Even if he had to wait.

His mind made up, Tanner knocked.

No answer.

He waited a few seconds then knocked again.

“Hailey, could you give me just a minute?” Vanessa called out. She thought he was the receptionist.

To the casual listener, she might have sounded totally composed. But Tanner was trained to catch the nuances in voices and body language. He heard the high, stringy quality in her tone even though she was trying to cloak it. She was stressed.

Something had upset her.

Without stopping to consider whether his intervention would be welcome or not, Tanner grasped the door knob, turned it and stepped over the threshold.

Vanessa was seated behind the desk he’d rearranged. Her eyes were too bright, her jaw clenched, her color pale.

Immediately he knew that something had happened. He closed the door behind him.

“Tanner.” Vanessa’s voice cracked sharply as she rose to her feet. “What do you want?”

Hellhounds couldn’t have kept him from her. He was across the room in an instant. “What’s wrong?”

“You shouldn’t be here. Why are you here? Dammit, Tanner, I’m so glad you’re here.”