Seeker (6 page)

The good vibes stayed with him as he travelled to his mother's, and he refused to allow her husband to bring him down. He had already decided that he would invite Jake over for the evening; it had been a long time since they'd pulled an all-nighter, and now was as good a time as any, plus it was time for him to tell Jake all about Charlie. And he had just the way into the conversation.

En route to his mother's he tried calling Ste, illegally using his Bluetooth connection while driving, but the line was dead. Now Ste had already dropped a few hints about his exciting and unexpected social life, so Willem assumed that while engaging in this world of his Ste probably didn't wish to be disturbed and thus kept his phone off. Not put off, once he pulled up outside his mother's house, Willem sent Ste a text apologising for his unforgiveable snappiness earlier.

Picking up Curtis was relatively painless, and formal. Barely a word was passed between Willem and Eon, his mother's husband, but as ever the looks of ill-concealed disgust levelled at Willem went unnoticed by his mother. She kindly left him in the living room, while she went about getting Curtis's stuff together; the idea of actually having it all ready in time for Curtis to be picked up clearly did not occur to her. Instead she'd rather spend her energies bitching about being dumped on by Lawrencia and how it played havoc with her night.

“You could have said no,” Willem pointed out.

His mother rolled her eyes at that idea, and Willem had to hide a smile. Yes, Lawrencia was definitely her daughter. “No, I couldn't, and you know why.”

So he did. The whole reason Lawrencia had absconded to Manchester five years ago was because of a flaming row she'd had with their mother, who had forbade her to do something or other. Willem couldn't remember the minutiae, but ever since she'd come back his mother had almost bent over backwards to accommodate Lawrencia in fear that she might up and leave again at the first sign of resistance.

As his mother continued to busy herself, Willem chose to wander up the stairs to where Curtis was playing, idly wondering if perhaps he was actually holding back on Lawrencia as a favour to his mother. It didn't seem likely, since it was against his nature to defer to his mother in any way shape or form, but subconsciously it was a possibility he supposed.

Curtis did not hear Willem approach, so he stood at the doorway for a short while, as Curtis played with his little cars. Watching his nephew transported him back almost thirty years, and he saw himself in the very same room with Jake playing with Matchbox cars. Willem had had a bucket full of random cars, way more than any kid really needed, and was often getting in trouble for laying them out all the way down the stairs. Willem smiled at the memory. It was a happy home back then, just him and his parents, almost a decade before the big divorce came along after his mother's affair with Eon Adomako was discovered, and his dad was kicked out of his own house.

Various other small events followed, key moments in Willem's life marked by abrupt changes that sent his dad to the arms of Jesus, and led to the birth of his sister in 1990, by which time Eon had already moved into the house and made it his home. Willem had to suffer a few excruciating years before he was able to move into a student flat when he started college.

It was in moments like this, as he was dragged back to easier times, that he wondered how his life would have differed if he'd not gone to college. Would he be in Jake's place now? Going from job to job, coasting through life, but always having fun and rarely being left alone. Would he have stayed at home, been there for Lawrencia from her birth, found a middle ground of understanding with the man who became his stepfather? He didn't know. He'd read lots of literature on the more esoteric beliefs and sometimes thought his life would have turned out the way he did regardless of his choices as a teen. Events would have conspired against him to make him the man he was. But for that moment he lost himself in the thought that maybe, just maybe, it was not too late to change the man he had become.

“Undle Willam!”

Willem snapped out of his private place and came crashing back to reality as a bundle of child ran into his legs. He reached down and scooped Curtis up. “Hey, buddy, how you doing?”

“I fine. Grampy buyed me new car.”

“Did he? Wow, which one?” Willem asked, returning Curtis to the floor. The kid scrambled over to his pile of cars and picked out the shiny new one. “That's brilliant! What car is it?”

“Blue one,” Curtis said, as if that was obvious. And indeed it was blue, but usually Curtis gave his cars names. Clearly the shiny blue one didn't deserve a name, maybe because grampy bought it, Willem thought ruthlessly.

“Right, then, shall we put these away? You're coming to Uncle Willem's tonight.”

Curtis lowered his head. “Mummy and Daddy left me,” he said quietly, his solemn voice reaching right in and pulling the biggest heartstring it could find.

Willem swallowed hard, and knelt down beside his nephew. “I'm always here for you, buddy. Uncle Willem will never leave you.”

For a moment Curtis didn't look up, instead he continued to look at the car in his hand. Then he dropped the car, looked up and smiled the most rewarding smile Willem had ever seen.

“Come here,” Willem said, and took Curtis in his arms. “I love you.”

“How much?” Curtis's muffled voice asked.

Willem released Curtis and threw his arms as far apart as he was able. “This much!”

“That big much. I love you this much in the whole world,” Curtis said, also throwing his chubby arms out wide. Willem grinned, wishing all love was so easy to find.

04.

Nervous. Willem didn't understand it. They'd known each other since they were five, and now after almost thirty years of friendship he was nervous at the prospect of Jake arriving. It was patently absurd to the Nth degree.

The evening thus far, despite the brief interlude at his mother's, had been enjoyable enough, spending time with Curtis for an hour before the kid was too tired to play anymore, he'd got a response from Ste who said things were cool and he hoped Willem would have things sorted by the next time they caught each other, Willem replied saying that after tonight things would indeed be sorted, one way or another, since Jake was coming over after he'd been to see Amy. That Jake was not arriving too soon was okay by Willem, since it gave him time to get a call in to Charlie.

Willem felt quite encouraged once the call had ended, since Charlie agreed that telling Jake was a good thing. If nothing else it would show Willem once and for all where they all stood, although Willem was absolutely convinced he knew how Jake would take the news. But Charlie wasn't as sure; in his mind people often surprised you when you least expected, and from what Willem had told him about his relationship with Jake, Charlie was certain Willem was going to be surprised. Willem couldn't agree, since he knew Jake better and his mind was quite narrow about these things, and besides he read too many crazy stories in the papers about weirdoes on the net to be happy about this.

The call closed on Charlie wishing Willem luck, and getting Willem to promise to keep his own mind open. Leave the preconceptions at the door, and see what happened. Willem said he'd do his best.

And so here was he, sitting on his favourite chair, nerves playing havoc with his system, his eyes darting from the TV to the bay window at every blurred person who walked past. It was nuts, one of his favourite shows was on but he would never have been able to answer a pop quiz about it should one be posed, since his attention was “a where that is else,” as Jake would have put it. As his eyes continued to shift between TV and window, his mind played through every possible scenario it could have conceived, and none of them ended well.

The vibration of his phone in his pocket scared the living shit out of him. He pulled it out, laughing at his own stupidity, to see it was a text message from Jake. He was ten minutes away, so the kettle needed to go on. For a moment Willem stared at the empty screen, uncertain as to how he ought to respond. He didn't want Jake to suspect something was up, but by the same token he didn't want to seem too casual either. Willem settled for a “rightio” and wandered into the kitchen.

The water boiled and he pulled two mugs out of the cupboard. He stared at the mugs. His hands seemed so far away from his body, and for the life of him he had no idea what he was doing. He blinked, disturbed by the dissociation, and placed the mugs on the side. Dizziness followed the vertigo and he reached out to steady himself, whoever he was.

He looked up, alarmed by the lack of awareness he felt about himself. The kitchen seemed alien to him, the miscellaneous furnishings of the place didn't feel like the sort of things he would own. Nothing was in a style even remotely familiar.

“I'm not ready…” he mumbled.

The moment passed and for a bizarre second Willem felt as if he'd just returned home from a very long journey. He shook his head, completely confused by the experience, and chanced a look at the clock on the wall. He blinked the blurred vision away, and stared closer. How could he have been in the kitchen for twenty minutes? He'd only just pulled the mugs out of the cupboard. The kettle was still…no, he realised, seeing no sign of steam, the kettle was not boiling at all. He placed a hand against the metal, surprised to find that it was only slightly warm.

He snapped his head around at the thump on the kitchen door. Jake was standing outside, his face pressed up against the frosted glass. Disjointedly Willem crossed the kitchen floor and unlocked the door, wondering when he'd locked it.

He was pretty sure he'd gone through his usual routine when he'd got home with Curtis, but then it was possible he'd forgot. Unlikely, since he clearly remembered coming into the kitchen once he'd put CBeebies on.

“You okay, guy?” Jake asked, once he was inside.

“I…” Willem honestly didn't know. Nothing like this had ever happened to him before. Could this moment of craziness be a result of the stress he was putting on himself by keeping such a secret from Jake? He supposed it was possible, although a degree in psychology was not among his accolades, so he didn't like to say for sure. Instead he smiled and attempted to brush it to one side.

“Of course, I'm good, man. What's in the bag?” he asked, nodding at the carrier in Jake's hand.

Jake eyed Willem, clearly not buying it, but Willem held his look. Jake shrugged and looked down, reaching into the bag as he did so. With Jake's attention distracted, Willem let out a quiet sigh of relief and turned back to the kettle.

“Tonight's entertainment,” Jake said, behind him, “just in case we run out of things to do. Only one thing goes well with munch, other than deep and insightful conversation brought on by over tiredness. Movies!”

Willem turned from spooning the coffee into the mugs and looked at the DVDs Jake was holding. “Interesting choices there. Don't think I got enough DVDs of my own?”

“Well, yeah, sure you have, but we've seen them all to death. Figured it was about time we broadened that mind of yours.”

Nice turn of phrase there, Willem thought. “Broadening of the mind is good,” he said out loud, thinking that could be the slogan for the all-nighter ahead.

“What first then?
Waiting
or
Twilight: Eclipse
?”

Coffee made, Willem retrieved one of the DVDs out of Jake's hand and flipped it over to read the blurb. “Ah, this is the next part of the
Twilight
saga, right? Just as turgid and obvious?”

Jake looked affronted. “Come on, guy,
Twilight
has been one of the best vampire sagas in recent years. A clever story of romance and blood sucking.”

“Right, another turgid vampire romance, with werewolves! Like that's a new notion.” Willem shook his head. “Not that I'm an expert, but it's all been done before. Besides, that
Underworld
was way better.”

“Well yeah. There are only some many stories to be told, but it's all about jumbling those familiar ideas into something fresh. Kind of like Rowling did with
Harry Potter
, only this time with vampires.”

“If you say so.”

“I do. You haven't even read the books or seen the films, so you can't even make a judgement.”

Willem just shrugged. “Don't need to. It's a chick flick with vampires made for teenage girls.” He playfully slapped Jake's gut. “You're just a big girl.”

“Yeah, so?” Jake laughed, and picked up his coffee. After taking a sip he said; “Ah, no one can make a coffee like you.”

“Hence why I own a chain of coffee shops, eh?” Willem looked up from the DVD, not sure if he liked the sound of it. He didn't much care for the way it made a romance of vampirism.

“But it's still a good movie, guy,” Jake said, taking the DVD off Willem. “Recommended. Plus, fantastic soundtrack.”

“Hmm.” Willem picked up his own coffee. “What about the other one?”

“Don't know a lot about this one. But Mike swears by it, says it's the funniest shit. By the same people who made
American Pie;
all about the people who work in a restaurant and the crazy shit they get up to. Like this thing called the brain. What you do is…”

“Well,
American Pie
was good, so I'll give you a point for that, but the sequels…”

“Were lame. Yeah, that's a given. So what'll it be?”

“See how the mood takes us later. You know us, once we get talking before we know it it'll be morning and we won't have even bothered with a DVD.”

Jake nodded. “Won't be the first time.” He crossed the kitchen and peered into the food cupboard. “So, you stocked up on munch? I seem to have a craving for…Ah! Just the thing!” He turned away from the cupboard brandishing a packet of Ritz Crackers. “Wow, they still make these?”

“Apparently,” Willem said, mug by his lips, watching as Jake tore open the packet and set to the crackers. Jake was not really a cravings kind of man, unless it was a post-coital need for food. And since he'd been at Amy's…“Things going well with Amy, then?”

“Ah, mate, what can I say? She loves Jakey-boy,” Jake responded, gripping his crotch. Willem watched him in distaste, never having understood why Jake gave his cock a pet name. Naming a car was odd enough, but to name a part of your body. Maybe it was one of those straight things that Jake always insisted he did not understand.

“She likes a little love, then?” Willem asked, his smile all-innocent.

Jake removed his hand and put on a look of hurt. “Hey, it ain't that bad, guy.”

“Funny, that's not what I remember.”

“Dude, we were like thirteen. Man grows a bit after that.”

“Well, I certainly have,” Willem said, enjoying the look of offence on Jake's face. He laughed. “Still, what is it they say?”

Jake narrowed his eyes, looking to see if Willem was humouring him. Once satisfied that Willem wasn't, he said; “Well, it's one cliché that's spot on. And I use it damn well.”

“I'm sure you do.”

For a few seconds silence just hung between them, as they looked each other over. It was one of those comfortable silences that only two people who knew each other intimately could share. No need to speak, just being in the company of the other was enough. Sometimes, Willem thought, it felt like they were mister and mister.

“Mike was asking after you,” Jake said suddenly.

“Cool. How is he anyway? Not seen him in a while.”

“Yeah, he's good. Still hankering for a bit of the Will sausage,” Jake said through a mouthful of crackers.

Willem rolled his eyes at that. It was an old joke. Jake liked to believe Willem was interested in Mike, even though the guy was clearly straight. Once, a couple of years back, Jake had gone to great lengths to make sure he left Willem and Mike alone at a table in the Chancery so they could get to know each other better. That they'd known each other as long as Jake had known Mike didn't seem to matter. After only five minutes Willem could tell that Mike was happily married and had no interest whatsoever in experimenting with the gayer things of life.

“Guess I'll just have to save myself for someone else, then,” Willem said.

To which Jake burst out laughing. “Yeah, sure, like that's gonna happen!”

“It might,” Willem said, pointedly he thought, but Jake seemed not to notice, since he continued laughing his way into the lounge. Willem glared after him, tempted to drop the bomb about Charlie right there. But he held back. No need to throw the night into a spin just yet, first it would be cool to just enjoy chilling with Jake a bit. They didn't do that half enough these days.

* * *

Things had been busy this past week, even more so since Friday and the arrival of Amy into his life, and so he and Will had not been able to spend as much time together as they usually did. Not that they spent hours and hours together normally, they both had their own lives (well, not Will so much, but he had his family's lives to occupy his time), and work took up most of their days, but it never stopped them from seeing each other if only for a few minutes a day. But since Friday he'd seen Will probably twice only; most of his non-work hours were spent with Amy. He didn't think Will minded, if he did so he never said a word, but surely the initial days of dating someone meant your usual routines went to the wayside. Jake was no expert; serious relationships were really not his forte.

“You don't think I'm abandoning you, do you?”

Will looked up from the cards in his hand, and Jake could tell he'd caught his mate off guard. It was what came of having most of the conversation in your head and suddenly verbalising a portion of it without a bit of preamble. Will removed the Fosters can from his mouth. “Huh?”

“Well, since Friday, my life has pretty much been Amy.”

“Oh. That.” Something passed by Will's face, just for a moment, but then it was gone. But it was long enough for Jake to notice. He wasn't sure what he was seeing, but there seemed to be a familiarity there, as if Will could relate in some way. Which would be impossible, unless…“Why, are you abandoning me?”

“No,” Jake said, “never. But I've seen so little of you. And, you know, don't want you think you're taking second place now because of my relationship with Amy.”

“Well, isn't that the whole point of a…hang on, so it is a relationship now?”

Jake sat back against the couch and rubbed his hand over his head, feeling the roughness of the stubble as his hair slowly grew back. He had to remember to shave it again tomorrow. Originally the bald look was just a thing he was trying out, but Amy liked it a lot so it was going to stay for a while. He'd probably end up missing his hair eventually, though, especially the compliments he tended to get on the colour. The ginger was so dark that it almost seemed brown in some light…or did, until he shaved it off.

They were sitting on the floor in the lounge, the results of their munch littering the rug; half-empty packets of crackers, crisps and Pringles, plus a couple of empty cans. That Will had cans of lager in the fridge surprised Jake, since he got the impression that the all-nighter was a spur of the moment thing and so Will would not have gone to buy cans for them. This meant the cans had been in the fridge for a while. Very much not a Willem thing to do. That it was Fosters was a bit of a downer. For some time he'd been trying to convince Will to keep a few tinnies on hand just in case, but he was hoping for something a bit stronger than the dirty dishwater that was Fosters.