Seth's Broadway Diary, Volume 1: Part 2 (31 page)

At around 7:50 PM, I hightailed it to the "truck." That's where all the technical stuff was happening. I was there so the executive producer could tell me if the show was running long or short ('cause it was live) and, if so, I would get on my headset and talk to Eric (the other writer) backstage who would tell the teleprompter person what to cut or add. It was very exciting/nerve-wracking being in the truck. There were around 15 different TV screens on the wall representing all of the different cameras, and the director was constantly yelling which one he wanted. ("One! Go! Go to five! GO! Back to One, one one!!!!! Pull out!!") Right next to me was the lighting designer, who was also yelling cues the whole time. I was incredibly anxious and realized it wasn't just because of the frantic activity all around me, but because I had two big jokes in Rosie's opening monologue. She told us that she wanted to talk about wearing Spanx and asked for some "hits," as we call it in the biz. I was so excited when she picked mine but then terrified that they would elicit crickets. It would be an awful way to start the show. She came out, looking glam and asked the crowd:

"How do I look? I haven't had surgery, I just got Spanx.
Do you know what that is? 
It's an industrial strength girdle… super-sized. 
It's essentially a onesie for chubby 40-somethings."

That got a really big laugh and I felt relief flood through me. Then she talked about how it doesn't actually get rid of fat, it just pushes and smushes all of it upwards. She then pointed to her boobs and said, "These are actually my thighs." When that joke got a big laugh and then applause, I literally started crying. I was so nervous it was going to tank, I literally wept tears of joy. Cut to the next day, the reviews talked about her tired Spanx jokes. What the-? Tears of sadness?

It was one of the times where you have no idea what the reaction is. After the show, the audience was in a great mood, and so was everybody at the after-party. It wasn't until I started reading the reviews that I realized the pilot was going to be it, and there'd be no series.

All in all, it was a great experience and the reason I'm not that devastated the pilot failed is because it tanked for the right reason. A lot of times, Broadway shows bomb because there's a big committee that decides everything and all the decisions are diluted. No one takes responsibility for anything. Rosie really was the head of the show and every decision was approved through her. She wrote on her blog that it was the show she wanted to do, and even though she's disappointed it didn't work out, she had a great time doing it... and I agree! It's much better to fail with your own vision than to fail with the regret of having your vision compromised.

Peace out, and enjoy your leftover turkey… or for my fellow vegetarians, left-over Tofurkey… which actually sounds less gross than it actually is.

Charles Strouse,
Road Show
and
Gypsy of the Year

December 8, 2008

Today and tomorrow is
Gypsy of the Year
and I'm
so
excited to be hosting. I went to my first
Gypsy of the Year
back in 1992 when I was conducting
Pageant
and James Raitt (the vocal arranger and original music director of
Pageant
and
Forever Plaid
) wrote an amazing version of "Memory" featuring the guys from
Plaid
and the "ladies" from
Pageant
. I loved how Grizabella was spoken of in the third person during the arrangement and how James added all these amazing asides ("Mem'ry… She can smile at the old days… she was beautiful then…
pretty kitty
").

Gypsy of the Year
is such a fun variety show, but the main purpose of it is to celebrate all the fundraising that's happened over the last six weeks for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS. It's appropriate that I started this column talking about James Raitt because he's one of
many
incredible people we've lost to AIDS. James was 41 when he died and besides the world losing a very giving man (who I can never fully repay for giving me my start in the NY theatre scene), I'm overwhelmed when I think how much amazing music we'll never hear because he never got a chance to create it. The fundraising period may be over, but if you want to keep helping BC/EFA, hightail it to their website, where they have phenomenal gifts for your theatre-loving friends. Tons of DVDs, ornaments, CDs and autobiographies signed by Broadway stars and both
The Q Guide to Broadway
and
Broadway Nights
signed by me.

I interviewed Charles Strouse, Freddie Gershon and Andrea McArdle at my SiriusXM
Live on Broadway
show. Charles was there talking about his new book,
Put on a Happy Face
, which I am
loving
. There are so many great stories about Broadway! And I love that he worked as a jingle writer in the '70s. He was supposed to produce a jingle for a new drink called Razzle Root Beer. After they recorded the jingle, the advertising agency found out that they couldn't use the word "Razzle" because it infringed upon a copyright. There was an awkward silence in the recording studio… and suddenly Charles suggested they change the name of the drink to
Ramblin'
root beer. They gave him the OK, he re-recorded the jingle with the singers who were still there, substituting "ramblin'" for "razzle," and the root beer became a
big
seller. I totally remember that root beer, and I just looked up one of the commercials on
YouTube
and it features all different New York scenes… including a shot of Sarah Jessica Parker as Annie, which he also wrote. Subliminal advertising??? Brava!

Freddie Gershon is the CEO of Music Theatre International, which licenses
Annie
, and was at my show to present Charles with a book filled with letters from little girls around the world who've written about how important
Annie
is to them. I did a casual flip through the book to see if
I
was one of the little girls, but didn't see my bad handwriting. Freddie talked about one instance when a school down South licensed the show but then sent all the material back in the mail a week later. Freddie called the principal of the school to see why it was returned. The principal said that
Annie
was satanic. Huh? Freddie asked what was satanic about it (besides the E flat that Star-to-Be has to sustain, which obviously requires a deal with the devil), and the principal says that the script mentions… Hell’s Kitchen!!! Freddie explained the misunderstanding:

FREDDIE: Hell’s Kitchen? Satanic? Hell’s Kitchen is the name of a neighborhood in New York City.


PRINCIPAL: I rest my case.

After the interview, I met my Mom and my friend Tim and we saw the matinee of
Forbidden Broadway
. This has to be the best one I've ever seen.
Hilarious.
The cast was fantastic. I don't know how Michael West is able to do Harvey Fierstein's voice without inflicting permanent vocal damage, and Gina Kreiezmar does the best Patti LuPone imitation I've ever seen. Christina Bianco does so many imitations perfectly, and I'm mind-boggled thatduring her spot-on Chenoweth imitation, she sings the end of "Glitter and Be Gay" and hits the high E flat full-out
!
She’s now become a YouTube sensation for her amazing imitations of pop stars
!
The very last part of the show is a takeoff on
Sunday in the Park with George
, but instead of it being about George as a painter, it's about Sondheim as a composer. Cutie James Donegan did a great Sondheim. In the last moment, he stands onstage, surrounded by classic Sondheim characters. It was such a theatrical moment and it made me realize all of the great roles Sondheim has given to theatre. I got so moved thinking about all the possibilities theatre has to offer that I literally started crying in the audience. Right after the show, I saw James Donegan coming out of the theatreand I told him how great I thought he was. He smiled… and then looked at me strangely like I was acting weird. I didn't know what was up and finally asked if I knew him, because I'm notorious for not recognizing people. Well, typical for me; not only do I know him, but turns out, he's dating Marc Tumminelli, a good friend of mine
,
They’re now married
!
and was literally at my last birthday party!

Let me just say for the record, it's not because I meet so many people that I forget what they look like; I literally have a hard time recognizing people's faces. It's not quite at the level of the guy who had a profile in
The New York Times Magazine
because he couldn't recognize himself in the mirror, but it's close! Here are two examples of my issue: when I was first watching
Friends
, I was outraged that Matt LeBlanc and Matthew Perry were on the show. Why? Because I thought they looked exactly like twins. Complete lookalikes. Then when I saw
L.A. Confidential
, I couldn't understand why one character was really nice and then he’d suddenly turn mean. I had no idea how I was supposed to feel about him. Was he a horrible person? An amazing person? It wasn't until near the end of the movie did I realize that I thought Guy Pearce and Russell Crowe were the same person!!!! So, if I meet you for the twentieth time, don't be mad if I introduce myself like you're a stranger. It's because I
do not
recognize you. And if I re-tell a story you've heard me tell a million times, it's not because I don't recognize you, it's because I only have a dozen stories, and I refuse to get new material.

P.S. On a Sondheim tangent, I was on the phone with my Mom while I was walking my dog, and she told me that the only song she likes from
Sunday in the Park with George
is "Tell Me on a Sunday." I explained that "Tell Me on a Sunday" is by Andrew Lloyd Webber and from
Song and Dance
. She paused… and then asked what show "Never on a Sunday" is from. And I'm out.

Still speaking of Sondheim, James and I went to see
Road Show
on Saturday night. A few hours before the show, I took Juli ice-skating in Bryant Park, and her babysitter met us there. I told her how long Juli could continue to ice skate for, where to get Juli dinner, and what time her bedtime was, and then I went downtown to meet James. At 7:59, James and I sat in our seats in The Public Theater and he casually asked me if I gave the babysitter the keys to the apartment. I had not. Immediate lights down and the show began. During the first Sondheim-ian chord, I hid my phone underneath my
Playbill
and awkwardly texted the babysitter and told her get the keys from my friend Jack Plotnick, who was visiting. Thus followed the most uncomfortable hour and 40 minutes where we were watching the show but inwardly panicking that the babysitter and Juli would be locked out of the apartment when we returned. Well, not to worry, it all worked out… if by "worked out" you mean James and I having a huge fight in the subway on the way home, me shutting down emotionally, and Juli having a major tantrum with the babysitter, leading me to pay her double for the night.
But
it was great to see my friends Aisha deHaas, Anne Nathan and Kristine Zbornik in the show. They all had great featured parts. Especially in the song "Tell Me on a Sunday." "Never on a Sunday"? "Sunday is Funday at Carvel"?

Finally, I saw
Speed-the-Plow
and thought the actors were all great. Elisabeth Moss was a great foil to both men and I'm obsessed with Jeremy Piven's vaudevillian physicality. Plus Raúl Esparza had so many sassy, dry zingers that I want to see him do
Company
again but this time play Joanne.

OK, I have to go get ready for
Gypsy of the Year
, and by "get ready," I mean not prepare and instead obsessively watch the
In the Heights
video Lin-Manuel Miranda made where he made a dream come true for Nicholas Dayton, a ten-year-old boy. The kid was a super-fan of the show, and his Mom told Lin-Manuel that they were coming on a Saturday. The whole cast stayed after the matinee and performed the entire finale onstage… and Lin had the kid play and sing his part!
And
he was amazing! I can't help but weep when I watch it… it's so moving! Google "Dreams Come True In The Heights" and pass the tissues. Peace out!!!!

Laughter Is the Best Medicine

December 15, 2008

OK. Let me first talk about the fun stuff from last week. Monday and Tuesday was the 20th annual
Gypsy of the Year
competition and I had an amazing time hosting it. Right before the show began, I saw Harvey Evans. Every time I see him, he tells me that he's retired, and then I see him kickin' up his heels at another gig. Last year, after I lamented the fact that he stopped his sassy singing/dancing, I then saw him featured dancing around Central Park in the film
Enchanted
as well as doing the same number on the Oscars. Of course, his recent version of retiring was standing backstage, waiting to star in the opening number. Essentially, he's had more farewell tours than Cher. At this point, he needs to acknowledge that he is the perpetual Gypsy of the Year… he'll never stop gigging!