Seth's Broadway Diary, Volume 1: Part 2 (30 page)

Thursday, I interviewed Olga Merediz, who plays Abuela in
In the Heights
and sings the H-E-double hockey sticks out of her big song, "Paciencia y Fe." She grew up in Cuba and fled the revolution with her parents when she was still a child. Her parents told the Cuban government that they were going on vacation to Jamaica, but they were actually going there to hide out. Unfortunately, her parents told Olga what the plan was, so she had the terrifying job of not revealing to anybody that they were escaping Cuba… and she was five years old! How did she do it? I
still
can't keep a secret, and I ain't five. If that were me, my whole family would still be in the Gulag… or whatever the Spanish word is for that. Olga finally moved to the U.S. and her first big theatre job was at a dinner theater in Maryland. The horrible thing was, not only were people eating during the show she was performing in, but she was also one of the waitresses! She'd wait on tables, do Act One, and then wait on tables again during intermission! After that, she felt that she paid her dues and moved to New York, where she worked at The Public Theater many times. She got the First National Tour of
Les Misérables
, where she was the hair hag ("What pretty hair… what lovely locks you got there!") and understudied a very young Victoria Clark, who was playing Madame Thenardier. She did the show for two and a half years (on Broadway as well), and after that, she didn't sing for
many
years. She felt like she was sung out. Don't forget, back then the show was three hours and fifteen minutes, and she said the whole time you were either singing, changing clothes/wigs or putting dirt on your face.

She started with
In the Heights
very early on in its inception, but she played the role of Camilla, Nina's mother, now played by Priscilla Lopez. They were auditioning people to play Abuela but couldn't find anybody the right age who could sing it with enough sass. Finally, they let Olga audition. She is way too young, but she aged herself with how she carried her body and she got the gig… and a Tony nomination! The only problem I can see is that nobody recognizes her when she leaves the stage door because she is so much younger/sassier than she looks onstage.

Last Thursday, James and I hightailed it to the stage door of
The Little Mermaid
because I asked Norm Lewis to leave me a copy of his long-awaited CD. We got to the stage door at around 8:45… and it wasn't there! We literally heard Norm talking to someone backstage because the stage door is so near the wings, but the doorman wasn't allowed to let me open it and bust him. I left the theatre and texted him, and two seconds later, he texted me back. We returned to the theatre and met up with him wearing his full costume covered by a bathrobe. He looked cra-za-zy, so, natch, I had to take a picture. My question is, how did he respond so quickly to my text? Where does he keep it? Under his beard? I just started listening to the CD, and he sounds
amazing
! I will be doing a full deconstruction on my site in the future. Until then, you must get the CD and obsessively replay "Before the Parade Passes By" and "This Is the Life" like I do.

When I was in L.A., I sent a few emails and finally got a babysitter for the following Saturday night because James and I had tix to
Road Show
. As Saturday approached, I realized that I had forgotten whom I hired. Finally, it was 5 PM on Saturday and I hadn't heard from anybody. I now have no idea whether I hired someone or dreamed it when I was in a Virgin America fitful sleep without a blanket. I started frantically trying to get someone to watch Juli and finally called Judy Gold, the hilarious comedian. I thought maybe Juli could go over there because she loves Judy, her partner Elisa and their two kids. Essentially, the situation that followed was an example of stereotypes being true: the two gay dads wanted to go see a Sondheim musical, but the two gay moms were unavailable because they were going to a football game. I would write a letter to the Anti-Defamation League if I saw that on a sitcom.

The final big news is that Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS asked me to host the Gypsy of the Year Competition! It's the twentieth anniversary and I'm psyched!!!! Happy pre-Thanksgiving, everyone. See you after my signature eight-pound weight gain!

The Variety of Life

December 1, 2008

What a week!
Rosie Live
, the Rosie O'Donnell variety show, had its ups and downs… and by "downs," I mean it was universally reviled.
But
it was such an exciting experience! I will give details about the day of the broadcast, but let's start at the top of the week.

Sunday night, I got tickets for the opening of
White Christmas
. Kevin McCollum felt so guilty for not getting me opening night tickets to
In the Heights
that he vowed I'd always be invited to his openings. Of course, I immediately abused the privilege and begged for an extra ticket so James
and
my mom could come. It was a very star-studded event. As soon as I got off the escalator, I ran into Sutton Foster, whom I have not seen forever, and she told me that she's loving doing
Shrek
. Once I sat down, I saw Bobby Lopez and his writing partner/wife, Kristen Anderson-Lopez, sitting in the row in front of me. James was chatting with them, and afterwards he said that they must know me well because when he mentioned we might move to Brooklyn, they both remarked that I would be even more late than I normally am. I resent their accurate comment. During intermission, I heard a high-pitched Midwestern twang say, "I know you!" and got a gander at Christine Ebersole pointing at me, looking gorgeous in an all-white outfit. I was, of course, buying coffee at the bar and panicking I was going to trip and stain her ensemble. I asked her how she felt about her upcoming stint in
Blithe Spirit
, and she said she was thrilled to be performing with Angela Lansbury and Rupert Everett. Before she could elaborate and/or I could permanently destroy her outfit, I skedaddled holding my coffee cradled in my bosom. Then I saw beautiful, blonde Melissa Dye, who played Christine in
Phantom
when I was subbing there
and
Sandy when I did
Grease!
back in the’90s. She went from high soprano to high belting in one theatrical season and I say, Brava!

Melody Hollis plays the little girl in
White Christmas
and sings a sassy reprise of "Let Me Sing and I'm Happy." After she belted it out, I was about to yell my signature "She's still got it!" during the applause. Then I realized she was ten years old and modified it to "She
just
got it."

On Tuesday morning, I hightailed it to the Eugene O'Neill Theatre for a big press event about Broadway going green (
GreenBroadway.com
). Mayor Bloomberg has spearheaded Broadway becoming more ecologically aware and The Broadway League asked me to write a song for the event with Nell Benjamin, who co-wrote the score to
Legally Blonde
with her husband, Laurence O'Keefe. It wound up being a really fun event. There was one person from every Broadway show and I had an hour to teach all of them the song. I knew the musical theatre folk would pick it up fast, but felt bad because there
literally
was one person there from every Broadway show… including the plays! So I give a special shout out to the people from
Speed- the-Plow
,
August: Osage County
,
Equus
, etc. who were honorary gypsies for the day… and had honorary vocal damage for the night. Nell wrote great lyrics to my
Seussical
/
Schoolhouse Rock
-inspired tune. My favorite was
Broadway's going green/ One recycled Playbill can do so much good./ Broadway's going green!/ Can't do INTO THE WOODS if you run out of wood!

Wednesday, I interviewed the current cast of
Altar Boyz
: Michael Kadin Craig, Travis Nesbitt, Neil Haskell, Mauricio Perez and Ravi Roth. Ravi (who plays Abraham) told me that, right before the end of a recent performance, a big fat fire alarm went off à la what happened at
The Fantasticks
. But the cast of
The Fantasticks
just kept going, whereas everyone evacuated at
Altar Boyz
. (P.S. It was caused by something at
Rock of Ages
, which is next door). Ravi said everyone (including the audience) went to Starbucks for a half-hour and then came back for the end of the show. It was supposed to be a devastating story, but it sounded
fabulous
! I have done many shows where I've desperately craved coffee halfway through and had no relief.

Michael (who plays Matthew) talked about what it's like bringing up a woman from the audience every show and sings "Something About You" to her. He revealed that, around two weeks ago, a woman out of the blue literally put her hands down his pants! Maybe the woman thought she was at
Naked Boys Singing
, which is at the same theatre complex? Or maybe she was trying to set off the fire alarm with some hot action. Regardless, I'm glad Michael mistook me for a woman that night.

And now to
Rosie Live
. Right after I interviewed the Altar Boyz, I hightailed it to the Little Shubert Theatre where the
Rosie Live
show was rehearsing for the last time. I watched a run-through of the show and afterwards met with the creative team to talk about the show. The Clay Aiken appearance was basically Clay coming onstage in
Spamalot
drag while he and Rosie talked about how much they have in common: they both love Broadway, they both began on reality shows, and they both have a son named Parker. Then they would say that there was one more thing they have in common but they can't remember what it is. They'd rack their brains for a bit, not think of it, and then Clay would leave for his show. We felt that the sketch had no ending. I finally suggested that Rosie say: "I've got it, Clay! It's so obvious what we have in common. We're both Gay… briel Byrne fans!" Then Clay would gush about how much he loved
The Usual Suspects
and exit. Well, I thought it was a funny double-talk ending to the sketch... and was mortified to see it busted in every review of the show!
The Hollywood
Reporter
called it "lame" and the
L.A. Times
called it "the world's most painfully long gay joke." Ouch! Um… any publicity is good publicity?

Hunter Foster wrote the
Urinetown
-inspired sketch with Jen Cody as Little Sally and Rosie as Officer Lockstock. Rosie wasn't at the Tuesday run-through so the other writer, Eric Kornfeld, and I played the roles, which was super fun. I
loved
the jokes in that sketch. When referencing the performance of Anti-Gravity, a gymnastic group that at one point was spinning rugs frantically, Little Sally said, "I haven't seen rugs spin that fast since Donald Trump auditioned for
Dancing With the Stars
." Hilarious!

On the day of the show, I watched Liza Minnelli and Rosie rehearse "City Lights," and it was
so
exciting. The orchestra (conducted by Kevin Stites) sounded great, and even though Liza wasn't singing out, she still has such a unique, powerful way of dancing that was thrilling to see from the first row. Then came the rehearsal with Alec Baldwin. Alec had wanted to come on the show delivering Rosie's door that would open to reveal the visiting stars (First one: Conan O'Brien). He'd hit Conan in the face with a pie when he appeared and then have Rosie hit him in the face with a pie as a follow-up. But while rehearsing it with two stand-ins, Rosie felt the pies were way too messy and should be cut because the cream was all over her hands/outfit
and
all over the floor. We finally figured out that there could be less cream in the pie so it didn't get all over the floor and that only Conan should be hit with the pie by Alec. Well, right before the show, Alec Baldwin was backstage ready to put on the plastic smock he was going to wear in the scene so he wouldn't get pie all over his clothes. But since we were ixnaying him getting a pie in the face, it wouldn't have made any sense for him to wear the plastic coat, and he wasn't dressed well enough for TV. We frantically looked for a suit jacket, and one of the producers (ironically, also named Liza) asked her boyfriend, who was in the audience, for his jacket. Alec put it on and looked sassy, and we were all relieved. Cut to the next day, one of the reviews mentioned that Alec appeared in a "jacket two sizes too small." Ouchy wowy!

Before the show began, backstage was
crammed
with people and I heard Rachael Ray rehearse the one line she had in the holiday song Gloria Estefan wrote. After she sang, Rachael laughed and commented: "I sound that way because I'm pre-op." I gave her a brava because I thought she was joking about having a low voice because she's transitioning to a man... but turns out she was talking about getting surgery over the holidays for a benign cyst that's affecting her voice. I hope it doesn't change her voice too much… I love her raspy/Andrea McArdle quality!