Seven Days: The Complete Story (50 page)

“Sounds hectic.”

“It’s times like these I’d fall back on
Nick. The heritage people are throwing a hissy over the exterior
being painted the wrong colour too, so I’ll have to sort that out.
I’m not up with this shit, Sadie. I just build it. Nick was the
sorting out guy. I don’t know if I can manage it without him.”

I put down my knife and wipe my hands before
moving around the bench and taking him in my arms. “It’ll sort
itself out. Give it time.”

“But I don’t do plans and design. I’m not a
creative thinker like he was. I’m the hands-on fix-it guy, I know
about council regulations but I can’t smooth talk that old crone
from Heritage. She’s Nick’s domain.”

“You smooth talked me.”

“Easy pickings.” Joel grins at me. He
nuzzles my neck and attempts to give me a love bite like we’re
fifteen or something.

“Stop that!” I grumble, twisting my neck
away from his lips.

Joel lifts his head. He’s laughing. To hear
him laugh is the best thing ever.

“Did I ever tell you how much I love you?”
he says.

“A couple of times, but I’m open for
more.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

I gesture to the living room where the pram
is standing proudly in front of the empty fireplace, mostly because
I can’t think of a place for it to call home. It’s so freaking big.
“And thank you for my present. How did you know that was the exact
pram I wanted?”

“I found a picture of it on Nick’s desk in
the study. So, it’s from both of us, really. It was his idea
originally, I just carried out what I thought he wanted to do. You
really like it?”

“I love it. The other mothers are going to
have serious pram envy when Nicky and I go to playgroup.”

“I did think of buying you a car but I knew
you’d throw a damn fit.”

“Well, yes but only because I have my own
money and I want to be independent. I wouldn’t be ungrateful.”

“There are many ways to display gratitude.”
He raises an eyebrow.

And here we are back to the sex talk
again.

“You don’t have to buy my affection, Joel. I
do love you. More than you realise.”

“I know. I just wanted to give you something
special, something just from me. I wanted to show you that no
matter what has happened I still care about you. The thing we had
can exist without Nick. At least, I think it can.”

Awwww
. If he keeps this up, I’m going to
cry.

“You are the sweetest man ever.”

“Not the funniest or hottest? You disappoint
me, Ariel.”

“Well that, too.”

Joel bends his head. His eyes bore into mine
and as his lips close over my mouth and I quiver with longing for
him, I forget, just for a minute that Nicholas ever existed. Just
for a minute.

I’ve taken Emily’s advice re the sex thing.
I’ve decided to bite the bullet and go through with it now I’ve
been given the all clear from the doctor. Don’t get me wrong, I
find Joel insanely attractive, I always have. But it’s been a long
time between orgasms for us. My body is not as thin and taut as it
used to be. The skin on my breasts looks more like a blue vein
cheese in parts, not like a creamy glass of milk the way it used
to. What if Joel doesn’t like the squishy bits? What if he prefers
pre-baby Sadie? The very idea that when I take my clothes off he’ll
no longer want me makes me very nervous. Because I want him. More
than ever.

There’s also Nicholas to consider. I feel
bad that I’m considering sex so quickly after his death. I know he
wanted me to be with Joel but it doesn’t make things easier.
Really, it doesn’t. If anything, knowing Nicholas wants me to make
a life with Joel puts pressure on me. When I think of my last hours
with Nicholas and him telling me to go to Joel, I feel powerless
because the decision seems to have been made for me. I feel alone
and very guilty because Nicholas might be watching me from Heaven
and thinking I’ve forgotten him. I feel bad because I watch Joel
from the corner of my eye and I want him. I’m consumed with
thoughts of him. I dream of his touch and imagine him inside me
again.

So, I pray the guilt of wanting to be with
him won’t stop me from actually doing the deed. I want to make Joel
happy like I used to. I want to lose myself when he’s fucking me,
not be wishing he was Nicholas. Because that would literally be the
most guilt-inducing thing of all.

Like most things, I’ve prepared for this
seduction to the enth degree. I figure, if every contingency is
considered, nothing can go wrong. Nicky sleeps for four hour
stretches now he’s older, so I feed and bath him, then settle him
for the night before Joel arrives home from work. I shower and
change, putting on new lacy underwear I know he’ll like. Joel loves
sexy things. He likes the anticipation and excitement involved in
removing them. I’ve put on my favourite white maxi dress too, the
one Emily loathes but Joel loves because it’s slightly see-through.
I hope I’m good enough. I hope I’m still everything he loves and
adores.

By the time Joel walks in the door, I’ve set
the table and have the dinner I ordered keeping warm in the oven. I
greet him with a glass of champagne and a smile.

“What’s all this about?” Joel dumps his work
stuff on the chair and flips off his shoes. He pads into the
kitchen and takes the glass I offer.

“Nothing. I just thought we might have a
romantic night together. We never do romance.”

“That’s because I suck at romance.”

“I think you’re quite good… as long as you
keep the sarcasm out of it.”

“May as well not talk at all, then.” He
gives a chuckle and takes a slug of wine. “What’s for dinner? It
smells good.”

“That’s because I didn’t cook it.”

“Didn’t you? I’d never have guessed.” He
nods to the empty cartons on the bench. Dead give away.

“We’re having oysters in champagne for
starters, lasagna, crusty bread and salad.”

“My favourites. You know the way to a guy’s
heart, Ariel. Dessert?”

“Me.”

Joel puts down his glass. He turns to face
me. Suddenly his eyes are brimming with lust, his pupils molten,
liquid desire. He stares down at me and my heart leaps in my chest.
“You got the all clear?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, baby.” He doesn’t need to say anything
else. I understand perfectly what this means to him, me letting him
back in after all this time.

Joel moves closer. His strong hands splay
over my waist as he pulls me roughly to him.

“You’ve no idea how happy I am to hear that.
I’m going to fuck you so good you’ll never want me to stop, baby.
I’m going to show you the things you missed out on for the last
seven or so months.” He lifts me onto the kitchen bench, his hips
press between my knees, spreading my legs. His mouth finds mine and
he kisses me. I wind my hands around his neck and through his hair
and I hear him sigh and suck in a breath as he deepens the kiss.
He’s drinking in every part of me, taking me into his body. His
hands slide slowly up my sides and come to a stop near my
shoulders. He lowers one strap of my dress and bra and kisses the
naked skin. Then he cups my breasts through the fabric. His thumbs
graze my nipples. They’re fuller and bigger than ever and as he
carefully releases one and presses his lips to it, I almost come.
My breathing escalates. My lungs are about to explode. Geez, I’m so
close I might do it.

“Stop!” I push him back.

He raises his head, his eyes are drunk with
wanting. “What?”

I adjust my straps. I’m shaking from the
intensity of the kiss, from the blatant wanting coursing through
me. This isn’t right. How can I be so fickle?

“I put a lot of effort into buying this
dinner, the least we can do is eat it. And I’ve expressed a crap
load of milk so I can have a couple of drinks with you. We need to
take this slow, we don’t have to fuck over the kitchen bench just
because we can.”

He gives me that sultry, dirty look. “But it
sounds like such a good idea.”

I ignore him and slip from the bench to turn
to the grill. The oysters need a few minutes to heat and let the
cheese melt through the champagne. I need a few minutes to get my
shit together. I was totally about to lose it then. If Joel had
thrown me on the floor and asked to fuck me into oblivion I would
have let him. And I can’t do that yet. I can’t. It’s not the time
for abandon.

“Sit down,” I say, making my voice ultra
bright. “The first course is ready.”

I plate up the oysters and turn to the
table. Joel has moved the cutlery and placemats onto the kitchen
bench. He’s refilled our glasses.

He looks at me as I place a plate of oysters
in front of him. “Looks great. You don’t mind that I moved over
here do you? I just want to be close to you. Being at the table is
too formal. I can’t play handsy with your knee.” He reaches under
the bench and gives my knee a gentle squeeze.

“I don’t mind.”

We eat our oysters mostly in silence. I
think we’re both wondering what exactly happened just then, how I
could push him away when it’s so clear that I want him. But as I
tidy away the dishes, Joel begins to tell me about the progress on
Iris and the mood lightens. We’re back to our banter. The
awkwardness is forgotten.

The rest of the meal is much the same.
Though things appear to be normal, we carefully avoid talking about
anything more personal than the baby, my ideas on a car — Joel has
offered to help me pick something, he loves cars — and whether or
not the water is still too cold for a surf without a wetsuit. I
tell him how weird it feels to know that I have enough money that
I’ll never have to work if I choose not to and my idea of starting
my own small landscaping business so I can stay at home with
Nicky.

“You should come and work at the office,”
Joel says. “Martina left the other week. Jill’s looking for a
replacement.”

“I don’t think so,” I say. “It would be
strange me being there. It’s crazy enough you and me living
together now. I don’t want the world thinking I jumped from the bed
of one multi-millionaire to another. It would create problems for
you.”

“Yeah, I never thought of it like that.”

After dinner, we sit on the sofa staring
into the fire. It’s romantic and I feel very close to Joel but
there’s something missing.

“Penny for them?” Joel asks.

Like he doesn’t know what’s going on in my
head.

I stare down at Joel’s fingers, softly
caressing the stem of the glass. I’m reminded of the nights
Nicholas and I sat in this very position, doing this very thing
without Joel.

Oh shit, please don’t let me ruin this night
talking about him. I don’t want to do that. I want one night where
I don’t think about him, dream about him, wish he was here with
us.

“I miss him so much.”

Fuck. I totally was NOT going to say
that.

“Me too. I miss him every day but I’m trying
not to.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Now I’m crying.

“Oh Joel, what did we do to make this
happen? Is this some sort of punishment because we loved each other
when we knew it was wrong?”

“What we had could never be wrong, Ariel.
We’re just did it different to the way other people do it. That
doesn’t make it wrong. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t have
wanted it any other way, except maybe the pregnancy part and you
bastards dumping my arse.” He gives a little chuckle.

“We did not dump your arse, you left us!” I
bury my face in his chest. “Why can’t we have him back? I want him
back. Why did he have to die?”

Joel puts his glass on the table. He swivels
to face me and gathers me closer into his body. He rocks me while I
sob into his chest. I make his t-shirt soggy with snot and tears
and he doesn’t say a thing other than soothing me.

“Maybe Nicholas’ death happened for a
reason,” he says when I’ve calmed down. “Did you ever think that he
had his time with you, gave you a baby and the only way he would
ever step aside would be in death? Nicholas knew how much I loved
you. His going could have been his way of allowing us to be
together.”

I sit up, frowning. As demented as the
notion sounds, it’s something that Nicholas would do. Knowing he
had a choice between life and death, he would absolutely choose
death so Joel and I could have a chance at life with his baby.

“You’re very deep for a man who says he
never thinks about anything other than boobs,” I say, with one last
sniff.

“One of my many talents.”

“Do you have any others I don’t know
about?”

“Plenty, Ariel. Plenty. Now let me take that
delightful dress off you so I can demonstrate just how many I
have.”

“But I’m naked under this dress…”

Apart from my sexy underwear.

“Exactly.”

“I might get cold.”

I, literally, love this playing hard to get
thing.

“By the time I’m finished with you, you’re
going to be more on fire than every beautiful red hair on your
head. We’ve got months to make up for, and I intend to savour every
minute while we do it. Now get that pretty arse naked and sit on my
dick.”

If you insist Joel. If you insist.

My life feels like I’m in a DVD permanently
stuck replaying that same awkward scene. For some reason, I keep
repeating the same mistakes over and over again. I don’t seem to
learn. And being with Joel last night was one big fat mistake.

I look over to where Joel lays beside me in
the kingsized bed, a sheet draped over his perfectly sculpted body
and I wonder what I’ve done to feel this way. It’s four in the
morning. I’ve just finished feeding the baby and I’m back here
because I feel too guilty to leave and sleep in my own bed, the one
I shared with Nicholas until a little over a month ago. Joel is
sleeping soundly, a slight smile curving his face. I should be
ecstatic but all I can think is that this is a replay of that night
in the lighthouse. Being with Joel and Nicholas was a mistake then
and sleeping with Joel last night was the biggest mistake ever.