Sex Secrets of an American Geisha (28 page)

Although a blind date may not work out for either the Asian Geisha or the American Geisha, each is happy to have attracted the attention. Each is optimistic that out of any of the ways in which she might meet a prospec tive client or Good Man, something good could happen. Of course, her happy attitude only increases the chances that she will connect positively with the men she meets.

You have to take a chance and get into circulation. The word “circula tion” brings to mind the veins and arteries that circulate the blood. If you, dear Younger Sister, represent a single drop of blood, then to get into the circulatory system and to mix with tens of thousands of other drops means you’re going to have to jump from the sidelines into a vein or artery. Go ahead. Get out there! Get into circulation! Mix with all of those other “single” blood drops. One of them is your Good Blood Drop. Otherwise, you will be “out of circulation,” out of touch, unreachable by the Good Men you want to meet. This must not happen. Get out. Leave your home. Circulate.

In the West, traditional business hours are from nine to five. I want you to think of the Asian Geisha’s business hours, 6:00 P.M. to 2:00 A.M., as your personal hours. It is during these hours that you will need to get out and about, to increase your exposure to men. The Asian Geisha goes to parties and other functions every night, often seven days a week. She is disciplined. Even if she doesn’t feel like it one particular evening, she applies her makeup, fixes her hair, calls her dresser to come over, and goes out anyway, with a smile on her face.

You probably will not go out seven days a week. But you, too, must have discipline, my dear Younger Sister. You must circulate so you can allow yourself to be discovered by a potential Good Man. Sit at your vanity table and apply your makeup. Fix your hair. Select your clothes from your care fully chosen wardrobe. Then go out, alone or with others, with a happy smile on your face and an optimistic attitude in your heart. Know that you are doing the right thing to help you achieve the most important goal in your life: to find a Good Man, to fall mutually in love, and to marry.

From Dating to Dating with Sex

You have prepared yourself for the dating world. You have gotten out and have attracted some potentially Good Men, one or more of whom you have chosen to date. Now (or eventually) you must deal with the question of whether or not to have sex with a potential Good Man.

(Some of you, for whatever personal reasons, will choose not to have sex with anyone until you are married or at least engaged. I certainly under stand and respect your choice. This section is for women who would con sider having sex while dating.)

The key to deciding whether to have sex with a specific man is first to determine that he is basically a Good Man and that he is possibly willing to meet the Four Fundamental Needs that we discussed in Chapter 8. You definitely want to avoid having sex at any time with any man who is not a Good Man.

The Asian Geisha’s regular clients are nearly all quite wealthy men. Were they to learn that she was having sex with a man of lower stature (an inappropriate man), her reputation and value would diminish and previous clients might stop engaging her services. As an American Geisha, Younger Sister, it is very important that your value stay high to prospective Good Men. Both the Asian and American Geisha try always to keep a smile on their faces and to maintain the positive attitude that serves them well. Your Older Sister, your American Geisha trainer, needs just for a moment to deal with some less than positive aspects of having sex with someone who is not a Good Man for you. You waste time. You waste emotions. You waste en ergy and perhaps money. You lose your focus. You run the risk of preg nancy, sexually transmitted diseases, psychological upset. Wow! All for a Wrong Man. No geisha, Asian or American, would respect herself or be re spected for such behavior. Image is so important to the Asian Geisha. In a sense, if her image of class and selectivity is destroyed, there is nothing left. To be an Asian Geisha is all about image.

You, my dear American Geisha, are much more than simply an image; you are a Good Woman of substance and worth. Though you are my Younger Sister and not a fully trained American Geisha, you are still too intelligent and classy to dawdle with a man you know is not right for you. You will be as kind to him as you can as you terminate the relationship, and you will move on in a timely manner. And you will not have sex with him.

Many men see the Asian Geisha as among the hottest, most beautiful of all women, yet she is extremely selective about the relatively few men she takes to her bed. If she were not, her image could be damaged and her busi ness dry up, for she might be perceived as more of a concubine than a geisha.

The Asian secret the American Geisha learns is that although she is al ways hot and sexy, this does not translate into being sexual with a man until she has ascertained that he is basically a Good Man for her. The American Geisha takes a businesslike attitude toward sexuality that is similar to the Asian Geisha’s. If she is sexual only with the relatively few Good Men she meets, her image to other prospective Good Men remains positive, classy, and selective; she is hard to win but worth it. Truly, the choosy American Geisha is more valuable and more attractive to other prospective Good Men. She knows what she wants in the long term. She wants to be sexual only with a prospective Good Man who might be a candidate for a commit ted relationship. Determine what Your Four Fundamental Needs are and how likely it is that this Good Man could be the one to fulfill them.

Sex Before Commitment

You may imagine that agreeing to have sex before you have a monogamous commitment from a man could lead to the commitment you seek. Wrong. If he gets to have sex with you before commitment, you lose some of your power to get him to commit. After all, why should he commit further if he’s already having sex with you? Yes, you may answer, but with sexual intimacy he’ll fall for me even more. Wrong again. With sexual intimacy before com mitment, all you know is that his cock is in love with your vagina. You are beautiful, feminine, and have a gorgeous, fully shaved vagina. Of course he’s in love with your vagina! What man wouldn’t be? But you want his love for you to come before his love for your sexual organs. My husband loves me (and tells me) and loves my cunt (oops!) and tells me. But he had to like and love and commit to me first, before he got to experience my vagina, which he instantly loved, too.

Remember, just as the Asian Geisha, “those classiest and most exclusive of women,”1 receives a substantial commitment (including a marriagelike ceremony and a financial commitment) before she gives herself sexually to her
danna,
an American Geisha must gain a Good Man’s commitment before he gains entrance to her beautiful vagina. By the way, “instant commit ments” don’t count. If you’ve teased him to the point of nakedness or of being only an undergarment away from nakedness, and then ask him, “You do love me, don’t you?” do not be fooled by the answer “Of course I do.” That is his cock talking. At this point his brain has been kidnapped by his throbbing cock. All his brain blood now resides in his swollen cock, and his cock is totally in charge of what his mouth says. “Of course I love you” means “Of course I love your vagina.” If you let a Good Man fuck you be fore commitment, you risk losing that Good Man because you were too easy; you weren’t selective or demanding enough. Be patient. Get the com mitment first. Your hot, wet vagina needs to be fucked only by a
committed
Good Man.

It may take you several weeks or several months of dating a man to de termine whether you want to have sex with him. This is not an unreasonable time frame for such an important decision. Again, it is totally appropriate to share your thoughts with a man regarding your qualifications of a Good Man and Your Four Fundamental Needs. It is even reasonable to give him a copy of this book so that he understands what will lead to your decision. Also discuss how he sees your relationship, both now and in the future. If you decide that sex with this man is appropriate for you, then mutually commit to monogamy and go for it. If he is unwilling to commit to monogamy, do not agree to have sex with him. (Remember: Before having sex, mutually disclose your sexual histories, get tested together, and guard against pregnancy. More on this can be found in Chapter 11.)

If you realize over time that this relationship shouldn’t lead to sex, then you must stop dating him. Even if he is a Good Man, you may decide that he is still not someone you want to have sex with, probably because he can not fulfill all of your Fundamental Needs. Be kind and gentle as you end the relationship. But be resolute. You need to move on, learn whatever les sons are there for you, and get back into circulation.

You Are Dating with Sex. Now What?

Always keep in mind your very reasonable goal: You want to be mutually in love and married within twelve to eighteen months. You told this man your goals before you started having sex with him. You’ll continue to remind him occasionally of your goals now that you have deepened your intimacy by engaging in monogamous sex.

Both before you have decided to have sex with him and after you start to have sex with him, it is key to moving your relationship forward toward engagement and marriage that you tell him this: Your heart and body are ca pable of greater and greater commitment to him as you experience his greater and greater commitment to you and to the relationship.

If he has not proposed marriage to you of his own initiative, there will come a time (sooner rather than later) when you will have to remind your Good Man again of Your Four Fundamental Needs, including marriage (assuming that marriage is what you want at this time in your life). Without nagging or manipulation, but with the confidence and assertiveness of someone who knows she is a Good Woman worthy of having what she reasonably wants from life, you will assertively pursue marriage with this Good Man. You will encourage him to decide whether he wishes to marry you. And if, in your judgment, he puts off such a decision too long, you will lovingly tell him that you cannot wait beyond a specific date for him to decide, set a wedding date, and buy an engagement ring. I suggest allowing him one to two months from when you bring up the deadline. (Some of you—and some of your Good Men—may find twelve to eighteen months too short a time to know someone well enough to commit to marriage.

If it seems too short to you, adjust the timeframe to your preference.) If he still can’t decide, or if he decides not to marry you, stop seeing him. Tell him that you love him but you need marriage. Tell him you must move on, that he is a Good Man, but just not
the
Good Man for you, since he does not want to marry you. If he says he loves you, tell him, “You may love me, but if you do not love me enough to marry me, I must move on.” Add, if it’s true, “I love you, too. But it’s not enough. I want to be married.” Tell him to be in touch again only if he decides he wants to marry you.

Immediately start dating other people, but hold off on having any sex ual relations for at least two months. He may miss you so much over those two months that he comes to you with a ring and a wedding date. If he doesn’t, then learn from your time with him, shed some tears if necessary, and move on to being totally open to meeting the Good Man who
will
want to marry you.

A reminder: Once you’re engaged, with a ring and a wedding date, do not totally focus on the wedding. As I mentioned in Chapter 8, what should be important to you is your
relationship,
now and over the many happy years of your marriage. You are more and more becoming an American Geisha when you focus on the great relationship between a Good Woman and her Good Man.

CHAPTER NOTE

1. Leslie Downer,
   Women of the Pleasure Quarters
   (New York: Broadway Books, 2002), 260.