Sex Secrets of an American Geisha (32 page)

So far, so good. Now, here is the cautionary part of my tale.

I became obsessed with the book (this book). I stayed up almost every night until 3:00, 4:00, or 5:00 A.M., leaving Rich to go to bed alone hours earlier. I would get up at 10:00 A.M. for my part-time middle-school teach ing job. Rich tried to be supportive at first. But my total focus on writing continued. Nothing else mattered. If I couldn’t be a mom, I was determined to be a published author.

Rich encouraged me to come to bed with him and to get up early to do my research and writing. Somehow this didn’t work for me. With my energy focused only on writing, writing, writing, I just wasn’t tired at a normal bedtime.

Rich expressed some upset and disappointment, but I hardly noticed. Our very active sex life fell to pieces. Going out together became infrequent because I wanted to write. This probably went on for five or six months, un til one night my hurt and angry husband told me that he felt abandoned. “We are like roommates now, not lovers, not husband and wife,” Rich com plained. He told me he missed the woman he had married five years ago.

“I guess I’ve changed. People do change, you know,” I responded dis tractedly.

“I miss the woman I married,” he repeated. “I miss the woman I love, the woman whose highest priority was our relationship.”

“I can’t be the same person now that I know I am infertile,” I said, choking on my words.

“Your writing is ruining our marriage. You care about your damned book more than you care about our marriage.”

I couldn’t understand why he thought that our marriage had gotten in trouble because of my passion for writing. I shot back that he didn’t support me and my writing.

“Your book is about how to make a man and a husband happy. But as the author, you need to know that your own marriage is in danger.”

I stood there, stunned. What’s the point of writing a relationship book when my own man is not happy and my own marriage is in danger?

For the last few months, I hadn’t been able to bear the thought that I had failed as a woman. I was haunted by the idea that “you can’t be fully a woman until you become a mother.” Now my husband was telling me that I had also failed as a wife.

I asked Rich for help. I realized that I wanted to get away from my all consuming preoccupation with writing. I needed a husband, not just a roommate. He needed me back as his wife, a woman at least somewhat similar to the one he had married five years earlier. He wanted a nice, sweet, sexy wife, not an obsessed writer.

I saw that I had gotten involved in a rebound love affair after I found out that I couldn’t get pregnant. At least that’s how Rich interpreted my consuming passion to write a book—as an affair that caused me to “cheat” on him and give my attention to another love. Writing a book was replacing the real love affair I had with my husband. As he listened, Rich for the first time understood how hard I had taken the loss of my goal of motherhood.

In the end, Rich agreed enthusiastically to support my writing, even acting as my first-draft editor, and I happily committed to refocusing on our marriage as my highest priority while still pursuing my writing.

It’s still not easy to accept that at age forty-three I will never be a mother. But out of this experience I gained both a recharged marriage and an ongoing passion for writing.

Your Husband and Your Relationship as
Your Highest Priority

Oh, dear Younger Sister, I was such a fool to have forgotten what Rich and I had agreed to even before we got married (and which we had put in writing and had read to one another as part of our wedding vows): that the strength and happiness of our marriage would be our very highest priority, always.

I had forgotten what brought me my greatest happiness: my wonderful relationship with my Good Man husband. My strongest advice for you after your marriage, dear Younger Sister, is to keep the quality of your love rela tionship with your husband as your highest priority. Very importantly, share this chapter with your Good Man well before your marriage. Encourage him to make the same commitment to you. As a couple, promise to remain conscious of the quality of your relationship as the most important thing to you, individually and together.

It is too easy to allow the quality of your marriage to slip to a lower pri ority. Careers, friends, in-laws, children, and hobbies will all tug at your kimono sleeve to demand your time and attention. This is life. It is full of things other than your relationship that can command your focus. As an American Geisha, you have a more difficult undertaking than does the Asian Geisha, who can keep her clients as her highest priority because she does not marry or plan a family. You marry and want a family, yet you prob ably also have a job or even an engaging career that pulls your attention away from your relationship with your Good Man husband. Fight success fully to maintain an active love life. Stay beautiful and feminine. Always be nice to each other.

Even your children should be a second priority. They should come some distance behind your priority of maintaining a deep, mutual love rela tionship with your Good Man. Remember, as a psychologist once said, “The very best thing mothers or fathers can do for their children is to be actively, enthusiastically, and mutually in love with their spouses.”

Another part of keeping your marriage as your highest priority is to celebrate your anniversary. Make it a memorable day of renewal of your love and commitment to one another. Perhaps return to your honeymoon spot. Review your original wedding vows. Write new, updated vows. Stay excited about your mutual love.

Express Your Love Daily

Every day, kiss and verbally express your love; touch and make love fre quently. An American Geisha knows that both men and women need, enjoy, and appreciate frequent reassurance that they are loved and physically de sired. You two can never reassure each other of these things too many times. I repeat, dear Younger Sister, it is never too often or too soon to say to your spouse:

• I love you.
  
• I like who you are.
  
• You make me so happy.
  
• I’m so glad I married you.
  
• I’m so lucky to have married you.
  
• You have a beautiful body.
  
• You’re the only one
  
• I could ever love.
  
• You get more beautiful every day (him to you).
  
• You are so beautiful (him to you).
  
• You are such a good lover (you to him).
  
• You’re so nice (good, sweet) to me.
  
• I love being alone with you.
  
• I’m so glad you are in my life.
  
• You’re always so supportive of me.
  
• You’re such a good wife (husband).
  

Rules for Spouses

So that you and your husband stay aware of, involved in, and excited about your marriage, I want to suggest some “rules” for both of you. Review them from time to time and add whatever additional ones you like:

RULES FOR A MARRIED WOMAN

• Be enthusiastically available to your man whenever he wants you sexually.
  
• Be nice.
  
• Be sweet.
  
• Tell him directly what you are thinking.
  
• He misses subtle messages.
  
• Love to softly touch his cock when it’s not hard.
  
• Kiss and suck his cock without his asking.
  
• Exercise no restraint.
  
• Eat it all!
  
• Tell your friends positive things about your husband, and believe them.
  
• Stay beautiful.
  
• Be assertive about what you need and want, including sexually.
  
• Be soft and feminine with your husband.
  
• Make your relationship, not your individual needs, your highest pri ority.
  
• Find ways to make him your hero.
  
• Always respect your man, be he rich or poor, C.E.O. or day laborer.
  
• Don’t try to fix his problems unless he asks for help.
  
• Don’t compare your husband’s income, cock, or job title to those of your friends’ husbands or of your ex—unless your man’s is bigger.
  
• Have good intentions.
  
• When you trust each other’s good intentions, there is no anger, even when mistakes are made.
  
• Learn to be assertive and direct yet kind and noncritical in your communications.
  
• Don’t ask him about his masturbation fantasies, and don’t be jealous of them.
  
• Consider telling him about your masturbation fantasies involving woman’s rock-hard nipples (or other lesbian fantasies).
  
• Let him watch you masturbate.
  
• Watch him masturbate (and participate a little).
  

RULES FOR A MARRIED MAN

• Wear your wedding ring 24/7.
  
• Be nice.
  
• Do household chores before she asks.
  
• Let her go out with her girlfriends and occasionally stay overnight with them.
  
• Let her have a weekend trip with her girlfriends.
  
• Let her know you cherish and love her.
  
• Call her at work just to say “I love you.”
  
• Listen to her problems without seeking solutions.
  
• Phone home if you will be late.
  
• Send her flowers at work so she can get them in front of her coworkers.
  
• Send a love letter to her workplace.
  
• Show your affection by kissing and hugging in front of her friends.
  
• Tell her often, “You’re beautiful,” and that you love her.
  
• Brag to your male friends about your wife; tell her you’ve done so.
  
• Make your relationship, not your job or career, your highest pri ority.
  
• Don’t spend too much time on the newspaper, the TV, or your bud dies.
  
• Buy her perfume that you like.
  
• Place a picture of her (at least one) in your office or work space.
  

RULES FOR A MARRIED COUPLE

• Never go to bed angry at each other.Forgive.
  
• Go to bed at the same time.
  
• Sleep in the same bed.
  
• Sleep naked, always.
  
• At least kiss and hug before you sleep, always.
  
• Always have good intentions toward your spouse in whatever you do. (I know I am repeating this one. It’s worth repeating.)
  
• Do things together.
  
• Be quiet together, comfortably.
  
• Feel fortunate and happy you found each other.
  
• Laugh together.
  

Always Stay Geisha Beautiful and
Feminine As You Age

Once a woman is beautiful and feminine, she never needs to lose those qualities as she ages. We have all seen beautiful, feminine women in their sixties and seventies, even perhaps in their eighties. As an American Geisha you will always make the maintenance of your beauty and femininity a high priority, investing the time and money necessary to do so no matter what your age. Stay aware of this goal, and proud that you want to be at your best as a woman at any age. Some of you may choose to undergo surgery to help you remain beautiful; however, I want you to know that you can quite natu rally retain your best American Geisha qualities for your entire life. Men and women will comment on your attractiveness, charm, and kindhearted ness, and mourners at your graveside will smile as they recall how you main tained these traits even in the last years of your long, happy life with your Good Man.

Your training is complete, dear Younger Sister. Go forth with confi dence and a happy smile.

You are now an American Geisha.

A F T E R W O R D

“Geisha Power”: Find Your Sexuality and

Keep Your Good Man

Y
ou’ve finished reading
Sex Secrets ofan American Geisha
. I hope you, my dear Younger Sister, found it to be a practical book, not merely theo retical, with ideas that you can really use in seeking and satisfying your Good Man. You have adopted a Geisha Consciousness and have become Geisha Attractive. Along the way, I’ve asked you to think and to write about your goals and what you want from a Good Man. If you have simply read straight through and haven’t taken the quiet time to do that thinking, feel ing, and writing, please do it now. This book will help you to be married within twelve-to-eighteen months, but only if you
do
what is suggested, only if you
use
the Asian Geisha’s secrets.