Sexology of the Vaginal Orgasm (2 page)

1. 1. Ecstasy
      

      Orgasmic experience can vary greatly. Even a simple reflex such as sneezing can show different degrees of intensity. It can range from a restrained “achoo” to a hurricane-like primal scream which scares off all birds in the general vicinity. Orgasm is more than just a relaxation of muscles, an acceleration of pulse and breathing and not just a sequen- ce of hormonal excretions. The true essence of sexual climax lies in ecstasy. It spreads when the inner excitation becomes so strong that the waves released penetrate and transcend the boundaries of the self. This can occur as climax in any form of excitation.
      

      Stanislav Grof (1991) distinguishes between
      oceanic
      and
      Dionysian
      ecstasy. Whereas the latter tends to be wild and aggressive, oceanic ecstasy is marked by an extraordinary sense of tranquillity and profundity, vast spirituality, radi- ating joy and a sense of being one with nature, the cosmos and God.
      

      The writer Ernst Jünger suggests that ecstasy is an escape from the constant frustration of having to lose illusions. “This is an ecstasy to end all ecstasies, unleashing all pas- sions. It is a frenzy that knows no boundaries or considera- tion, being comparable only to the forces of nature. There an individual is tossed about by a thundering sea in a raging storm. One then melds with the universe, speeding through the dark gates of death like a bullet towards its target.” This ecstasy truly exists in which “the animal (rises up) from the bottom of the soul as a mysterious monster” (Jünger, 1991; p. 69) Here our fear really sets in, but also the magical appeal of the deep chasms of our fragmented soul. The pleasurable shudder that can be likened with what developmental psychology has called “Wonnenangst” (literally: pleasure fear) – a mixture of fright and pleasant fascination as can be seen in the faces of children watching the puppets Punch and Judy when they shout to warn Punch about the crocodile. As adults we, too, sit in the theatre of our lives, waiting for the crocodile, and are bored when it doesn’t come along but when it actually does we hardly dare look….
      

      Ecstasy has been driven out of us from earliest childhood on for us to be able to adapt to society. Ecstasy here understood as spontaneity, delirium of sheer joy; living in the here and now, laughing and crying, if one feels like it; thinking and saying the impossible.
      

      Even though ecstasy leads to the experience of orgasm, climax is by no means always an ecstatic experience. Seen in this light it makes sense if someone says that they can achieve orgasm in quick succession without experiencing ecstasy. The tremors of ecstasy run deep. They have an after- effect, sometimes not unlike the small eruptions following a major volcano eruption. “The after-effects are just as much a part of ecstasy as the moment of the deepest profound and most intense jolt. Sometimes they are more intimate and have a more immediately tangible quality than the moment of eruption” (Müller, 1999, p. 31). Ecstasy requires erotic tension to trigger the explosion. Like a diamond prism it concentrates and channels all existential facets, resulting in orgasm. It is thus so difficult to describe sexual ecstasy, espe- cially as an author not wanting to relinquish scientific stan- dards. To be sure, there is something at play here that is instinctual, driven by animal force – to which free will ulti- mately succumbs. A raging storm that cannot be withstood. A state of complete surrender. A lasciviousness, an indul- gence in sexual pleasure to the point of madness where you have nothing to hide. In this state of total surrender, strength and composure resurface. A trance in which both madness and obsession shimmer in a person’s eyes just like never- ending love. A sexual pleasure that either distorts the face just like unbearable torture does or imbues it with the sere- nity of death. The true self that grasps for air, screams for release, or floats in heavenly peace, like mist rising in the morning sun. It needs the grappling of seeming opposites. To become someone who is so overwhelmed that all distinc- tions melt away. No walls, no barriers, even though they are imprisoned by their sexual pleasure. An all-engrossing wan- tonness in reciprocal, slavish dependence imprisons but ultimately releases us. A brush with sin and depravity, the tangible proximity to evil and perversion, elevated to an
      

      intimate, tender merging, reaching new heights together, while cradled between egoism and respect. Solidarity in exuberant lust, an alliance in shedding all inhibitions to experience the desired point of climax not as a point in time but as a prolonged state. A high degree of excitation is accompanied by extraordinary solemnity. Laughter and levi- ty are no more. Gone are frivolity and sweet nothings whi- spered into a lover’s ear and all the shallow sentimentalities.
      

   2. Zen Sex
      

      Already 600 years before our time the Chine- se sage Lao-Tse observed: “Oppositions and differences mutually define and explicate themselves. Their changing balance main- tains the harmony of things.” To make use of the energy resulting from this interplay one
      

      Fig. 1
      

      

      YingYang
      

      needs to adopt a stance in keeping with Zen philosophy. Only a relaxed mind is able to play with the tension prece- ding orgasm. It is an interplay of retreat and dramatic inten- sification – depending on the mood. In Zen there is only the present moment. The past is over, the future an illu- sion. If you lose yourself in love play, you merge with the here and now.
      

      The art of interplay consists in comprehending the rhythm of give and take which belongs to every relationship. It is symbolized by the interplay of Yin and Yang. The Yin-Yang sign is the most important symbol of Taoism, the teaching of Lao-Tse. In the old writings this sign is referred to as “the one”, “the great”, “the true”, “the ultimate”. It reflects the opposing forces of nature that do not contradict each other but, ideally, complement one another. None predominates
      

      and each conceals within itself part of the other. Everything in a round, harmonious form; none is more necessary or bet- ter than they other. Both stand for dichotomies defining our experiences with the cosmos consist: male and female, life and death, love and hate, matter and void, top and bot- tom, light and dark, etc. Like two lovers engaged in a sexu- al act Yin and Yang are not static, but rather in constant flux, not separate but joined together, contrary yet merging. Both create one single whole. Nothing illustrates the idea of “the two who are one and the one that is two” better than two entwined lovers. Both create a whole, each of itself, but at the same time are also the halves of a greater whole.
      

      The greater our harmony in living together with Yin and Yang, the better our sense of pace and timing. The Yin- Yang principles form the basis of each dramatic form of art. The art of the love play is no exception. Try playing with Yin and Yang and maximize your sexual tension. When this moment is reached: let go! Then you lose the ground under your feet and fall into an abyss from which you will rise with pleasure. In French the orgasm is described as “le petit mort” (small death). From this perspective each sexual letting go is a way to experience what lies between life and death. It is self-experience in the truest sense of the word. By letting go we become aware of the divine power within ourselves and get an idea of our mortality and immortality at the same time. In Zen all ties must be overcome. The consequence is that we should free ourselves from the idea of having to reach orgasm! This goal-directedness entails fear of failure and a constant observation of one-self with great scepticism. It is like happiness which you can’t obtain by force. What counts ultimately is the path: “The exercise is the enligh- tenment”, as the Zen masters say. Whatever happens, hap- pens. Try it and see what happens…
      

   3. Bioenergetic Blockades
      

      From a bio-energetic perspective each inhabited excitation is accompanied by limited movement and breathing. Sim- ply try an exercise that is used as a warm up in Tai-Chi. First of all become aware of your breathing… very relaxed and calm… Now stand up and gently move your pelvis in a circle clockwise… for approximately 30 seconds… then counter-clockwise… Now do you notice that you are hold- ing your breath like most other people? You have prevent- ed your breath from reaching your pelvis. This way you hinder any emotion or sensation in this area. You have not harmonized your breathing with your movement. This disharmony might be a blockade in sex as well. Everyone – not just those who practice Tai Chi – is anatomically capa- ble of moving his or her pelvis and breathing at the same time! Don’t forget the following principle:
      Both the way you breathe and the way you move influence the way you feel and vice versa!
      This principle can be applied to sexual feelings and the way of expressing them. Each limitation of breathing and movement during love-making curtails sexual desire.
      

      We automatically try to suppress unpleasant feelings by limiting our breathing. Unfortunately, intensive pleasura- ble feelings are also limited by the same automatism. It is difficult for us to supply air to our lungs because our breast and diaphragm muscles are tense. The word fear (in German: ‘Angst’ from the Latin word
      angusta
      (confinement) describes the state of a breast when it is involuntarily con- tracted.
      

      For many the problem is not just excessively flat breathing but also the inability to completely exhale. That is to say, to relax the breast so that the air can escape without any
      

      obstruction. Exhaling strongly resembles a “letting go”. It is a passive process that is enabled by relaxing the breast and stomach muscles. If these muscles are not entirely relaxed and kept tense too much air remains in the lungs and the subsequent inhalation is limited.
      

      Sometimes a few changes in attitude, unfamiliar perspecti- ves and new views suffice to free oneself from something confining. We know this phenomenon from when, for instance, we “sleep over” a problem only to know the very next morning what we must do to “get going”. Even recommendations as to how one
      should
      proceed, when one
      should
      reach orgasm can become paradox cases when they give way to binding, constraining norms. A caveat of the bioenergetic expert Jack Lee Rosenberg: “Enjoyment and pleasure will elude you forever if you put a ‘should’ before them” (1973; p. 36).
      

   4. Foreplay
      

Often foreplay bears little resemblance to play in love. This is not just a play on words for there is much at stake here. For instance, not being seen as a good lover. Thus we “work” to achieve orgasm – and to come together if possible. Here, as so often in competitions, the players are “doped”. Count- less men use aphrodisiacs and women feign orgasm. One’s own pleasure doesn’t count as much as the pleasant feeling of having performed satisfaction, that is having satisfied someone else. This is something we’re good at, since we have been brainwashed to think this way in years of train- ing and schooling. We are not supposed to base our own behavior on our own desires but rather to meet the expec- tations of others! A monumental puppet play which func-

tions based on the disciplinary effect of the control of affects and instincts.

The only thing that has remained animalistic is our sex life, is the dead seriousness with which we engage in sex. Since we seek as best possible to avoid any uninhibited pleasure, the body becomes a performance-oriented instrument. Here no longer the principles of sensuality hold but rather the iron law of success. The harder one works on a problem the more likely one is able to reach one’s goal! This is how the epi- demic has hit our beds, with viruses such as fear of failure, constant self-observation and performance anxiety. The more stubborn our struggle, the more we also move away from the archaic, biological body feature which reveals a playful basic attitude: the “mirroring face” which in etho- logy is not just by chance known as “open-mouth face”. I am not trying to say that the experience of pleasure is only possible with a meditative, transfigured angelic face or that it can only be contemplative (instead of wild). If there is such a thing as uninhibited passion at work, then the tense effort should not distort our features. Sexual pleasure and unburdened lust should be our characteristic, making it hard to be distinguished from victims of torture.