Shades of Gray (14 page)

Chapter 16

Gray pulled
the nursery door closed.  He held to the knob and listened as Kat moved behind
him.  Soft material swished away from him and was followed by the sound of
compressing cotton and felt.  She had most likely sat on the edge of the bed. 
There was no easy exit for him this time.  He would have to confront his
actions.

He had not
meant to kiss her.  God knew he wanted to, but it wasn’t right that he gave in
to his passion, especially in that room.  He had tried to resist his desires,
but there was something about Kat.  She was unlike all the other women he
knew.  The females in town had either shrunk back in terror, or had stared too
long at the backside of his wallet.  Kat did neither.  He had shown her his
estate, and while she had been impressed with his lands and home, there had
never been a glimmer of lustful greed that had openly glittered in the covetous
eyes of neighboring mothers. 

He released
the door handle and dropped his chin to his chest.  Kat also knew the rumors
that marked him as a murderer.  The green eyed woman who had stood in front of
him a few moments ago had shown no fear of being in his presence.  She had
actually provoked him, challenging him to act.  Instead of running in fear, she
had embraced him and drew him closer to her.  What should have been a tender
moment had been spoiled by his built-up passion.  He touched his hand to his
lip.  Harsh and brutal, his teeth had clanked against hers.  Still, she had
molded herself to him, willing him to embrace her as he would a woman he
loved.  Loved?  Is that what it had come to?  He did have feelings for her, he
couldn’t deny that any longer, but as to what he felt, could he consider it as
something more than care and concern? 

He turned and
faced the room.  Kat sat on the bed, as he expected, but stared out the
window.  He looked at her as though seeing her for the first time.  Her golden
blonde hair was no longer pulled up in pins, but spilled freely down her back. 
When he had held her in his arms, she had seemed taller than he remembered,
looking at her now she seemed small and vulnerable.  He always knew she had
strength.  She could hardly go through what she had and not have the tenacity
to survive it. 

His blood
heated and his stomach churned.  He drew his brows together and thought about
the reason for his discomfort.  Kat.  He had no right to make any advances
toward her.  She deserved a man who could love her openly, someone she could
build a life with.  He could offer her neither of those things.  He closed his
eyes, accepting what he knew he must do.  Regardless of his loss, he would do
the right thing by her, even though it meant denying him what he wanted. 

She tucked a
strand of hair behind her ear and blood left his upper body.  Her face was soft
and inviting and she tilted her head away from him, running her hand down the
side of her throat.  His body answered her invitation.  Gray bit down on his
lower lip and shifted his thoughts to Crest Ridge.  His reality lived there,
rendering a life with Kat unattainable.  He would tell her the truth and hoped
she would understand.  Mumbling a silent prayer, he asked to be given a portion
of the strength she had.  She smiled weakly up at him, depleting his last ounce
of energy.  Not the response he sought, he walked toward the bed and tried to
decide if he should confront his obvious desire for her or start at the
beginning of his frustration and share with her his reason for denying his
longing.    Hopefully, the words would come to him of their own accord.

“I apologize
for my actions,” he started.  “I would like to explain.”  He never realized how
much of a coward he was. 

****

Kat turned to
look at Gray.  He now stood to the opposite side of the room, his blond head
bent forward.  He stared downward, either contemplating floor repair or
deciding how to broach their intimate exchange.  Whatever his thoughts, he
remained cold and aloof.  Clearly, he planned to keep his distance.  Kat’s
shoulders slumped.  She pulled the skirt of her dress next to her thigh,
offering Gray a place to sit near her.  She may not be certain of what happened
between the two of them in the nursery, but she had no regrets about their
kiss.  He had started to apologize.  Did he regret his action?

He lifted his
head and looked straight ahead as though watching the scene play out against
the door.  “I should not have taken liberties,” he said.

Kat shrugged
and pulled her leg up under her.  “You didn’t take anything I wasn’t willing to
give.  I’m sorry you have regrets.” 

She bowed her
head and stared at the bulging fabric over her knee.  This was not how she had
envisioned the aftermath of an eventful exchange of affection.  She would much
rather discuss the softness of his mouth and the warmth that had spread
throughout her body when their lips met.  Heat returned to her chest and was
cut short by an icy chill creeping down her spine like a winter’s thaw. 

“When you
found me in the woods,” she said, “did you think I was making my way back to
Reece?”  She blinked, wide-eyed, certain her face grew pale.  Her mouth went
dry and she tried to form words that could emphasize the amount of hatred she
had for the man. 

“After what he
did to me, I have no intentions of marrying him.  My bruises are gone and I can
walk on my ankle without support for short distances.  Do you think he will
force me back to his home?”

Gray walked to
where she sat and lifted the hair away from her face.  He studied the area from
her hairline to her neck.  From the placid look in his eyes, he seemed to agree
with her assessment.  Laying a strand of her hair on her shoulder, he moved to
the window and leaned against the wall.  Wind caught the curtain and lifted it
away from the glass.  He caught it and peered under, looking into the yard.

“Reece does
not take rejection well,” he said.  “When he is certain you cannot prove any
allegations of misconduct on his part, he will try to return you to his home.”

Kat
straightened her shoulders and looked up at him.  “His household staff
witnessed my appearance when I left, and I’m certain they heard him beat me. 
They can verify my claim.”

“Anyone who
works for Reece will most likely confirm his story that you fell down the
stairs and that he was utterly devoted to your recovery.”

“But that
isn’t what happened.”

“From my
experience with Reece, his lie has already circulated throughout town and many
women have paid call to you, bringing hearty soups and nourishing pies to
soothe your discomfort as you recover.” 

“But they
would see I’m not there.”

“No, they
wouldn’t.  Reece would have various reasons why you cannot entertain visitors. 
No one would proceed past the foyer.  And the staff who witnessed what really
happened would bring empty trays from your room to indicate you were resting
and cannot be disturbed.”

Kat felt
hollow.  “I never realized he would go to such lengths.”

“I did,” Gray
said. 

His boots
thumped the wood heavily as he crossed the floor.  One slow footstep followed
the first.  He turned and sat down gently on the edge of the bed.  His eyes
were darkly circled and sunken deep into their sockets.  He held his hand to
his forehead and then dropped it to his thigh as though overburdened.  How many
times had he contemplated the right decision concerning the people in his
life? 

He stared down
at the rug.  “Please, don’t go into the woods again.  Reece might see you, and
I doubt you could outrun him again, even when completely healed.”  He turned to
face her fully.  “Why were you in there?”

Apparently,
Gray had a list of topics he planned to cover before discussing what happened
between them in the nursery.  He needn’t think he was leaving this room until
he explained the meaning behind his kiss.  Until then, she might as well answer
his questions, but how could she explain the reason for exploring the area that
lead to his wife’s death. 

“I wanted to
see. . . I was looking for. . . clues about Daria’s death,” she finally blurted
out.  She checked to see if he was angry about what she did or if he was hurt
by the reminder.  Not a muscle in his face twitched.  Perhaps he wouldn’t mind
adding a few details to the sensitive subject. 

Gray crossed
his arms over his chest, looked toward the door leading to the hallway, and
sighed.  A heated conversation with his mother was sure to follow their talk. 
His eyes closed briefly, and he shook his head as though refusing to be
reminded of the event.

Kat drew her
brows together.  She had looked for answers in the woods and cave.  There was
nothing in the debris and leaves that could have told her as much as she was
learning now. “I remember the reason you mentioned about why Reece killed her,”
she said tentatively. 

Gray’s eye
twitched and he shook his head as though trying to remove the reason for the
tremble.  Would he to refuse to acknowledge her statement?

“Nothing was
proven,” he finally responded.  “Daria enjoyed afternoon walks in the woods. 
One day, there was a blast so loud it shook the ground for miles.  After I
found Daria, her consciousness teetered for weeks.  She never fully recovered.”

He stared at
her foot and then lifted his gaze to her face.  Deep concern replaced the empty
loneliness that had been so prevalent.  “Please, Kat,” he said, almost
begging.  “Stay away from the woods.  I am certain Reece set the explosives
that led to Daria’s death.” 

His eyes
watered and Kat wondered if his tears were for his memory of Daria or for his
fear for her safety. 

Kat’s voice
caught, and she cleared her throat.  “I’ll stay out of the woods,” she
promised.

“Thank you,”
Gray whispered and stepped toward the door. 

“What about
the nursery?” she asked quickly before he had a chance to leave.  She stood and
took a few steps in his direction.

Gray paused
and then turned back to face her.  “Is there anything you need from there?”

“Yes, there
is,” she said and stood to her feet.  She walked up to him, much like she had
before he had kissed her.  “You mentioned an explanation for kissing me, and
don’t apologize again for doing it,” she added abruptly.

A smile
flickered on his lips and then faded.  He took her hands in his and his pupils
enlarged, inviting her in.  “I didn’t mean to kiss you, but,” He dragged his
hand through his hair the way he did when he became frustrated.  He shook his
head, and dark blond strands dangled loosely over his brow.  “You ignite
something in me I haven’t felt in a very long time.  And, in truth, I don’t
know what to make of those feelings.”  He stepped backward, breaking their
connection.  “My actions were inappropriate, and regardless of my feelings, I
will not overstep my bounds again.  Please, forgive my misdeeds.”

“Gray,” Kat
said and shortened the distance between them.  “You overstepped nothing.”  She
took his hands in hers and lifted her chin, their breaths mingling.  “Let me
help you understand your feelings.  Please.”

Uncertainty
flashed across Gray’s face, but he held to her hands.  “Kat, I’m an assumed
murderer.”

“By town
gossips.”  She stepped closer and touched her hand to his face.

He cupped his
hand over hers.  “And you don’t believe them?”

She shook her
head, thoroughly convinced of the character of the man in front of her. 
“Grayson Gregory, I will never believe that you did anything deceptive
concerning your wife.”  She pushed into his arms and held him close.  His arms
wrapped around her and his breathing relaxed.  He didn’t tighten his arms as he
had when they kissed, but at least he held her to him and didn’t push her
away.  For now, she would accept that as a proclamation of undying friendship. 
It didn’t matter what the busy-bodies thought, Kat knew Gray was a man of
passion, not malice.

Chapter 17

Kat started at
the crown of her head and ran the brush through her hair, sweeping the bristles
through the long waves.  After their talk yesterday, Gray had insisted she
continue using his bedroom as her own.  He had even brought in a vanity and
settee for her comfort.  The silver grooming pieces that graced the top of the
primping table looked as though they were brand new.  There was no pitting in
the metal, and the mirror was free of fog.  The set was not a hand-me-down that
had been stored away.  She wondered where he had gotten something so personal. 
She twisted the handle in her hand.  The velvety bristles scratched softly
across her palm.  The horsehairs used in the construction of the brush would
certainly add sheen to the dullest of locks. 

Soft thumps banged
against the wall to her right, and she tilted her head in that direction. 
Grunts and dull thuds sounded in the nursery.  The meaty crash of a body
banging into an immovable object filled the air and then quieted.  Muffled
curses quickly followed.  While Gray had seen to her additional comfort, he had
not left the smaller room in search of a larger bed.  She smiled and her cheeks
warmed with her guess for the reason behind his decision. 

His words had
been filled with fury when he found her in the woods, but his eyes were raw
with terror.  Finding her in the cave, he had the look of a man who was poised
to lose the last precious possession he held dear.  She had expected him to
profess his feelings for her in the cave.  Instead, she had returned to his
home frustrated and angry.

Returning her
attention to a tangled mass of hair at the nape of her neck, Kat pulled a wide
strip in front of her shoulder and worked her fingers through a knot at the
base of her scalp.  Not nearly as tight as she had expected, she wiggled her
fingers through the snarl and separated the untidy mess into organized
strands.  When she had first arrived at Oak Willow, she had felt safe knowing
Gray was within a few quick steps from where she slept.  Now, her safety was
the furthest thing from her mind and having him sleep so close was creating an
entirely new qualm of emotions within her.  They hadn’t spoken since he had
asked her to stay at his home yesterday.  She could still hear his quiet plea,
his voice shaking as he spoke.  Gray had revealed more about himself in that
one sentence than at any point since they met. 

She had gone
to the woods in search of evidence that would identify the person responsible
for Daria’s passing.  Prepared for what she would find, she never thought Gray
would follow her.  No man could murder his wife and then exhibit the compassion
he had shown.  She hadn’t determined all of the details about the death, but
she was certain that Gray could never harm the woman he loved.

She laid the
hairbrush in front of the mirror and walked languidly toward the balcony. 
Barefoot, the polished floor felt as comfortable as a plush carpet.  She pulled
the door open, leaned against the frame, and stared out into the yard. 
Sunlight spread across the mist, melting the dew like butter on harvest corn. 
A warm breeze floated in from the orchard, and Kat raised her chin.  She
breathed in the fragrant warmth as it caressed her face and neck.

She had been
terrified when Gray had stormed into the nursery demanding an answer for her
intrusion.  Although he seemed overly concerned for a sealed box, he had the
same ravenous look in his eyes then as she had seen in the cave.  At least when
they parted company the last time, her skin had not tingled from agitation. 
The unexpected kiss he had given her had changed her mind about leaving his
home.  She hoped she was ensconced in more than his residence.

She lifted the
length of her hair and held it to the back of her head then glanced up at the
sky.  Pink streaks hung low over the horizon, huddling beneath dark clouds. 
Kat smiled softly.  Warmth filled her cheeks as her skin pulled tight.  She
turned her gaze downward, remembering how she had caught Gray staring at her on
numerous occasions since her arrival, her hair spilling down her back.  He had
never admitted it, but he seemed to prefer it when she wore her hair loose
around her shoulders.  Never one to care what anyone thought about her
appearance, her stomach had fluttered each time she saw a glimmer in his eyes
when he looked at her.  How many of her smitten stares had he caught when she
stared at him? 

She swept the
side of her hair up and tucked a decorative comb behind her ear, securing a
lock of hair in place.  Yesterday when she had come back from the woods, she
had planned to leave Oak Willow.  Gray had been more than adamant that she stay
on the property.  She looked once more in the direction of the nursery. 

The room had
held secrets Gray guarded with a furor.  At the time he confronted her, she had
challenged him to rid himself of both.  Ready for anything his anger could
muster, she had been unprepared for his kiss.  She touched her hand to her
lips.  With limited experience, she knew no other man would compare to Gray. 
Another man?  What if Gray decided he was ready to court other women?  Her
heart sank with the thought of him kissing anyone else.  Was there any proper
way of telling him about her feelings for him without appearing as a wanton
woman? 

He had pulled
away from her when their lips first met in the nursery, but not enough to break
contact.  Stunned, she had held still.  He must have taken this as permission. 
His arms had encircled her and pulled her to him.  His mouth had moved over
hers, encouraging her to follow.  Lost to him, her senses closed to everything
but Gray.  As quickly as he had initiated their kiss, he ended it, setting her
away from him.  Guilt filled his face, and her stomach soured with the thought
of having disappointed him. 

Her brows
wrinkled as she had considered the man who stood opposite of her.  After the
most passionate kiss she had ever experienced, confusion covered his features. 
Color drained from his face and a faraway void filled his eyes.  Her skin
chilled as she watched a wonderful memory dissolve into nothing.  No amount of
heat would revive her.  Their kiss had been completely innocent, but he looked
as though he had done something wrong, something immoral. 

She had heard
similar tales of widowers who had begun dating eligible women.  Unfaithful
feelings to their deceased wives had destroyed their chance of future
happiness.  She couldn’t speak for those men, but Gray was anything but
immoral.  Regardless of the rumors throughout Hampton, she was certain the man
who had kissed her yesterday was incapable of impropriety.  The town had
painted him as a cold and ruthless man.  With the difficulty she had had
sleeping, she was fully aware of Gray’s capability for passion.  She could only
imagine how sleep deprived she would be after sharing more than an unbridled
kiss with the Hampton widower.

The smell of
bacon, sizzling on the stove, wafted up from the kitchen.  Kat bit on her lip. 
As delicious as breakfast smelled, she would gladly forego nourishment in order
to spend the morning with Gray.  She hoped he felt the same way about her.  The
noise in the nursery quieted and she listened for footsteps to stop outside her
door.  Leather heels clicked in the hallway, but moved away from her room and
toward the stairs. 

Her cheek
twitched, and she took a tentative step forward.  He didn’t seem interested in
accompanying her downstairs.  Last night, he had apologized for his actions. 
She had spent most of the night, trying to remove those words from her memory. 
A carved powder box sat at the side of the vanity.  She opened the package that
had been part of the new décor.  A cameo brooch lay nestled in the center of
the black velvet cushion.  She traced her finger along the protruding profile. 
What had prompted him to offer her such a gift? 

Yesterday, she
had tried to convince Gray that he needn’t apologize for her sake.  She
actually hoped to convince him that she would like to continue a deeper
relationship with him.  Hopefully, she didn’t appear frantic. 

She lifted the
jewel from the box and pinned it to her collar.  Checking her reflection in the
mirror, she adjusted the cameo to lay flat against her skin.  Even if she had
never met Gray, she knew she would never experience the stirrings that
fluttered uncontrollably in her heart.  She tucked a second comb behind her
other ear and reached for her shoes.  If he planned to miss breakfast, perhaps
he wouldn’t mind some company while he completed his chores.

Kat stepped
into the hallway and pulled the door closed.  Shuffling and slamming noises
blasted upward from the kitchen.  Amid muffled complaints, something crashed to
the floor, shattering into numerous pieces among the banging and clattering. 
Kat moved toward the stairs unsure of what lay ahead of her.  If Laura’s
morning was off to such a rough start, she would need help cleaning up the mess
and preparing the meal.  The commotion continued to build as Kat drew closer. 
Slowing her steps, she considered the reason for the turmoil. 

Laura was the
epitome of order and tidiness.  Her kitchen was better arranged and more
organized than many London restaurants.  Cleanliness was something Laura seemed
to pride herself in.  Kat tilted her head and listened.  She tried to determine
if the chaos had reached its peak.  A mayhem-filled kitchen seemed so out of
character for Gray’s mother. 

Kat leaned
against the wall, and another dish banged against the counter.  Had Gray talked
with Laura about the two of them?  Kat rubbed her hands over her arms, quelling
nerves that stood on end like a disgruntled porcupine skin.  Was this angry
display his mother’s way of responding to the news?  Kat released a nervous
breath.  If Laura disproved this strongly, Kat preferred to not confront the
woman alone, especially when she had access to a drawer filled with butcher
knives. 

Kat turned her
attention to the opposite end of the hallway.  The front stairs bypassed the
kitchen all together.  She could slip out of the house without notice.  Gray
most likely tended to the livestock before coming in for breakfast.  Kat
swallowed and considered her stomach.  She didn’t need to eat a full breakfast
this morning.  An apple from the tree would be sufficient until later today. 
She nodded her head, making her decision.  She would have more of an appetite
after Laura left the kitchen.

An acidic
smell filled her nose.  Kat huffed her breath and coughed.  A loud clanging
noise sounded on the first floor, and she looked toward the back stairs.  Black
fumes wafted up from the kitchen.  No longer concerned for Laura’s mood or
rationale, Kat hurried toward the stairwell.  Rushing down the steps, she
fanned the air in front of her face.  Hopefully, bacon was the only thing that
had burned.  Pouncing on the landing, she stared into the smoke-filled room.

****

Gray stood at
the stove, flicking handfuls of flour into a flaming pan.  Fire dodged his
pummeling, resisting his attempts to extinguish its blaze.  He gripped the cast
iron handle.  Searing pain shot through his grip.  He cursed under his breath. 
What was he doing?  He knew his way around a kitchen as easily as he knew his
way around a horse corral.  When had he become so inept? 

He released
the skillet and shot his hand upward, waving the throbbing appendage in the air
amidst the billowing smoke.  He had made breakfast on several occasions and not
once had he come this close to burning down the house.  If his mother saw the
condition of her generally pristine kitchen, she would think he had been on a
drunken rampage. 

He blew across
his reddened palm and nudged the pan to the back of the cook top.  Small strips
of bacon lay buried beneath the thick layer of greasy paste.  Maybe he could
conceal the smoky texture with an abundance of marmalade.

“I can only
imagine what you do with eggs,” a small voice said through the dense haze.

He pushed open
the window and flapped a dishcloth toward it.  He had hoped Kat would follow a
delicate aroma to the kitchen, not smoke signals.  He fanned the room harder. 
“I would ask if you are hungry but under the circumstance, I wouldn’t blame you
if you feigned a loss of appetite.”

Kat stood at
the rear door, swinging it back and forth.  She looked like a watchman in a
fog, warning ships of approaching danger.

“I think I can
salvage some rolls and jam,” Gray said, changing his mind about serving the
cremated bacon.  He laid a plate over the top of the skillet and tossed a towel
across his shoulder.  “I could even warm them for you if you think it safe for
me to be near an open fire.”

Kat laughed
and Gray grinned with her.  Her smile was just as contagious now as it had been
the first time she had shared it with him.  Their accidental meeting in town
when she first arrived seemed so long ago.  It was hard to believe that Reece
could be responsible for bringing happiness into his life.

“I thought I
heard you upstairs a few minutes ago,” she said and propped a block of wood in
front of the door.

Only a light
haze remained in the room.  It hovered around the ceiling like an approaching
storm. 

“That’s why
the bacon burned,” he said.  “I thought I had time to run upstairs and make it
back down before any damage could be done.  Clearly, I was wrong.”

Kat waved her
hand in front of her face.  “Does that happen much?” she asked. 

A lock of her
hair fell in front of her collarbone.  The combs she wore held most of it away
from her face, allowing the bulk of it to fall freely down her back.  She
flipped a wayward strand behind her shoulder.  Gray’s chest tightened and he
swallowed.  She had worn it loose today.  Had he mentioned how attractive she
looked when her hair hung free?  When it was twisted into a knot and piled on
her head or hung rope-style in a long braid, she commanded attention whether
she was aware of it or not.  But when it hung loose, even pulled up at the
sides, it was all he could do to keep from touching it, touching her.  He
imagined her riding horseback with her long mane flowing behind her.  In the
quiet of the night and in the confined area of the nursery, he also imagined
her hair splayed beneath her as she lay on her back with her arms extended to
him.  On more than one night, he had punched the wall in an attempt to respond
to his dream.