Shadow: Cerberus MC Book 3 (24 page)

I not only hear, but can feel the rumble of approval as it reverberates through his chest. I open my eyes and peer over my shoulder at him, following his line of sight down to our son.

“We really made an incredibly handsome boy,” he says softly. His warm breath tickles my shoulder and suddenly makes me hope Griffin feeds quickly and goes back to sleep. I want to get lost in him again before he changes his mind and leaves.

“He’s beautiful,” I agree with him.

“That part he gets from his mother,” he says with a gentle kiss to my bare shoulder.

I sigh contently. “His daddy isn’t too hard on the eyes either.”

I reach down and trace the curve of Griffin’s nose as his eyes flutter closed.

“What happened there?” Shadow asks gently clasping my forearm and turning it so the small incision on my inner bicep is more visible.

I'm surprised he noticed the quarter-inch scar in such dim light.

“Birth control,” I answer.

I feel him stiffen against my back.

He didn’t use a condom earlier, but I figured he was lost too much in the moment, and I knew we were covered.

“When did you get it?”

“At my doctor’s appointment, months ago.”

“The one you didn’t want me to take you to?” His voice is low, and I can’t get a read on his tone right now.

I nod my answer.

“No more condoms then.”

It’s my turn to stiffen at his words. If I understand them correctly, he’s voicing his desire to have sex with me more. I don’t know how this honestly makes me feel because I don’t know what his intentions are other than sex. I want to ask him, but conversations about such serious matters never turn out well at three in the morning.

“And I’m not lying this time,” I throw out there. “So you don’t have to worry about earlier either.”

I climb off the bed, suddenly feeling the need to distance myself from him. I place Griffin in his crib, and without a word, close myself into the bathroom.

I take in my rumpled hair and too bright eyes in the mirror. Unable to look at myself any longer, I grip the edge of the counter and hang my head. I’ve never been so damn confused in my life. I know we need to talk about all this shit. We need to figure out exactly what this is because I need to be able to manage my expectations accordingly. I’m terrified to ask him, though, knowing that what he’ll say will not be something I’ll want to hear.

I turn off the light and make my way back to the bed. Having plunged myself into darkness after the bright light of the bathroom, I’m forced to feel my way around the room until I reach the bed.

I squeal too loudly when Shadow’s hand reaches out and tugs me down on the mattress. His body covers mine instantly.

“I don’t give a fuck about the damn birth control, Misty,” he says gruffly.

I look up, at what I assume is his face, even though I can only make out the outline in the darkness. I feel his body shift, and the heat from his erection slides over my center.

“I’m going to fuck you bare whether you’re on it or not.”

His lips crash against mine as his cock thrusts deep inside of me.

***

The sound of Griffin jabbering slowly pulls me from sleep. I smile when I shift my weight and feel the delicious soreness in my body.

My good mood changes instantly when I realize I’m once again waking up alone in bed. I shake my head to try to get rid of the depressing thoughts that are trying to invade it. It doesn’t work. With hopeful regard, I listen for the shower in the bathroom, something telling me that Shadow hasn’t once again left me. Silence. I hear nothing other than Griffin rustling around in his crib.

Tossing the covers back, I climb out of bed and grab my cell phone from the bedside table, intent on checking the time. The sun is bright through the high windows, but I know it can’t be too late because Griffin always wakes up with the first sign of morning.

A text message from Shadow is on the screen. His message was sent just after six this morning, three hours ago.

Shadow: Beautiful, I’ve been called out on a job. I tried to wake you, but you only snuggled deeper into the blankets. Sorry for wearing you out last night. Actually, that’s a lie. I’m not sorry. Last night was the best night of my life.

Best night of his life.

I don’t even know how to interpret that. I know my heart wants to believe he means spending time with me, but my head is rejecting the idea. Shadow is a very sexual creature. It rolls off of him in waves, and any woman within eyesight is enthralled by his handsome features and bright blue eyes. I’m no exception. More than likely he’s referring to the sex. That has to be it. I take some pride in at least being the
best
.

“Dadadadada,” Griffin says from his crib.

I place my phone back on the bedside table and make my way over to his crib.

I reach in and pull him out. “Your Dada had to leave for work. You’re stuck with me, little guy.”

With swift effectiveness, I change his diaper and settle back on the bed to nurse him.

I wince when he bites too hard. “Listen here, little piranha,” I say pulling him from my breast. “Either you stop biting, or you’re only going to get your meals from a bottle.” He smiles up at me with innocent eyes.

I attempt to nurse him again, but can’t handle the little razor sharp teeth he’s become fond of using. “Bottle it is,” I say placing him in his crib and grabbing the diaper bag.

I’m mixing formula into a bottle of water when a knock echoes through the room.

“Come in,” I say closing the lid to the formula.

The door opens and Bri saunters in. She looks from the crib and back to my hands. “Still biting?”

I nod, shake the bottle until it’s mixed, and hand it over to Griffin. He takes it enthusiastically, not hindered in the slightest by having to drink his meal from a bottle.

“What’s up?” I ask sitting back down on the edge of the bed.

Bri picks a spot on the carpet and sits Indian style in front of me.

“Most of the guys left for a job.”

“Yeah. I hate when they leave. I’m a nervous wreck until they get back,” I say quietly.

“Dom went with them. I didn’t even think he was a part of their whole team.”

“From what Emmalyn has told me, his whole life has been the military. It doesn’t surprise me that he takes the first opportunity to get back into the action.” I see her face fall.

“He won’t even talk to me.”

I raise an eyebrow at her. “You mean he won’t sleep with you?”

“Same difference,” she says looking down at her hands.

“He’ll come around,” I lie.

From what I’ve seen of Dom, he’s very standoffish. Not in a disrespecting way, but I get the vibe he just likes to be on his own.

“He doesn’t seem interested in me at all,” she complains.

“Maybe it’s because you’re Shadow’s sister. They have that whole bro code or whatever.”

She shrugs, but I can tell I’m not helping her mood.

“Maybe I should bring someone else back here.”

I shake my head. “I don’t think that’s the best idea, Bri.”

“It could work,” she says quickly.

“It may backfire, and then you’re stuck here with some guy you don’t even know. I don’t really see Dom being the type of guy who’s going to see you with someone else and claim you as his.” I smile softly at her. “He doesn’t seem the caveman type, and I think it’s only going to hurt you more when you don’t get the response you’re looking for.”

“I know,” she says sullenly. “I can’t get Trey to leave my house in Tennessee, so I’m not going home anytime soon. I’m not looking for love or some bullshit like that. He just looks like he’d be a ton of fun in bed.”

I stay silent. What can I even say to that? I haven’t given Dominic a second glance in that way. If anything, he scares me. He’s always quiet, looking around and assessing every single facet of his surroundings. It’s unnerving.

“I can’t sleep. He’s not even at the clubhouse every day, and I can’t help but wonder what he’s doing. I’m thirty-six damn years old, and I’m worrying about some man who won’t even give me the time of day.” She sighs loudly and lays back on the carpet. Looking up at the ceiling she says, “Apparently I don’t take rejection very well.”

I can’t help but laugh.

“Speaking of not being able to sleep,” she says turning around, lying on her stomach, and propping her chin in her hands. “I wander around quite a bit when I can’t sleep. Want to talk about me seeing Shadow sneak out of here first thing this morning?”

I shake my head but can’t hide my smile. I feel much better after his text. He says he tried to wake me, and I believe him. He’s not one to lie, even if it would mean sparing someone else’s feelings. If he tried to wake me, then he didn’t sneak out before I woke up.

“Seriously?” she says.

“Nope,” I respond. “I’m not going to talk about it.”

This mission couldn’t have come at a better, or worse, time. I was grateful for the call out, but I didn’t realize at the time how much I was going to miss Misty and Griffin. I mean, I’ve missed them every time I’ve been called out since they showed up at the clubhouse, but for some reason, this time is different.

I miss Griffin and his curious blue eyes. I miss the way his face lights up when I walk into the room like I’m the best thing he’s seen all day.

Misty. Fuck. Misty.

Before, I missed her laughter and her quick wit. Now? Now I miss so much more. The way her lips feel against mine. The way she sighs contently when I slide inside of her. I miss the way she clings to my back when I drive all the way home. And now I’m sitting in a meeting in some small mountain shack with an erection. My head isn’t where it needs to be, and just because this job isn’t dealing with terrorists and thugs with guns, doesn’t give me the right to be here and not one-hundred percent present.

I scrub my hands down my face, trying to clear my head of all thoughts of Misty’s body and the light scent of lavender that always clings to her skin.

“Shadow?” Snatch says beside me.

“I’m sorry, what?” I look over at him and back to the man at the head of the table.

This job is quasi-domestic at least. We’ve landed ourselves in Canada, which is practically the United States; it should be at least. Thank fuck it’s not Central America; I’ve had my fair share of those shithole countries.

“They’ve already been gone two days,” the man at the head of the table says. I can’t remember his name to save my life, and that’s not typical of me. “They left from their camp here,” he says pointing to a red dot on the map in front of him.

We haven’t been called out on an abduction. This isn’t a situation where some evil person has come in and taken someone. We’re here because two, eight-year-old boys wandered off in the night from the campground they were camping at. Short of somehow locking the boys in their tent, this situation could happen to just about anyone.

This, as a father, is one of my worst nightmares. I realize that it’s not just the courts in Denver that can make me lose my son, but even Mother Nature or random acts of choice on Griffin’s part could result in him being snatched away from me.

With renewed determination, I look at the map and vow to find these boys alive, if for no other reason than to save their parents from a grief I’d never survive myself.

***

“I didn’t even consider the time when I called,” I tell Misty. When she answered, she told me to hold on for a minute while she gets Griffin settled down to eat.

I’ve Facetimed her. We’ve talked each of the three days I’ve been gone, but her voice on the phone just wasn’t going to be enough today. I stare at the screen of my phone. All it shows is the ceiling of her room.

“Okay,” she says picking up the phone. I smile at her dark hair piled up on her head.

“How are you?” I ask.

“We’re good,” she answers. Looking away from the phone she says, “your daddy’s on the phone.”

“Let me see him.” I lick my lips in anticipation of what I’m going to be rewarded with.

She turns the phone around, and I see Griffin lying against a pillow holding a bottle to his mouth. “I figured he’d be nursing,” I say unable to hide the disappointment in my voice. So much for getting a glimpse of her breast. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t find anything erotic about my son nursing, but I’d never turn down a chance to see Misty’s bare chest.

“He’s been biting, so I cut him off,” she says with the phone still turned around facing the baby.

I see his mouth twitch with a grin around the tip of the bottle. The tiny quiver of his chin as he tries to smile without releasing the bottle makes me grin right back at him.

“Hey, big guy,” I say to him. He kicks his feet, and his eyes widen even further at my voice. The pride in my chest swells to immeasurable heights.

“Now don’t get him riled up,” Misty says turning the phone toward her face. “It’s time for him to settle down and go to bed. I have a ton of things to take care of before work tomorrow.”

I see her eyes dart away, and a sense of unease climbs up my back. “What’s going on tomorrow?”

“I just have a ton of errands to run,” she says dismissively.

We chat for a few minutes longer, but the mood has shifted. I can’t wait for this job to be over so I can look into her eyes and let her know that everything will be okay.