Shampoo (29 page)

Anything!! Anything would’ve made
me happy.

I’m so sick of being disappointed
by him.

So I decide at the barbie he’s a
fucking jerk, that he can’t even acknowledge my presence, so fuck
him. There was no greeting me, no hello even, let alone a kiss or
an arm around me, or anything! It was fucking awkward, and
WRONG.

THEN

(oh, it gets better, like a
nightmare that just keeps going whenever you close your
eyes),

Tom comes home with us in Dan’s
car, hopping into the backseat with me, wrapping his arms around
me, telling me, “Don’t be sad, Pinky, I can’t stand it!”

(HE can’t stand it?? What about
his stupid best friend??)

Tom tried SO HARD to cheer me up,
but I was REALLY down in the dumps, I was like crushed and hanging
on by a thread. I couldn’t shake it.

So Nat, Dan and Tom hung out
together, drinking while I went to bed

(you know things are bad when I go
crawl into bed over drinking with everyone. Things are dire
then),

and Evvy rings the home phone, and
all three of them talk to him

(Nat saying, “Hey
asshole!!!”),

then Tom, phone in hand, standing
in my doorway, says, “Evvy wants to speak to you,” so I crawl out
of bed, Tom giving my cheeks

(face cheeks, Diary, stay
focused)

a pinch and going, “Oh,
darling…”

Then I grab the phone he’s passed
me, say, “Hello?” and I can hear Evvy

(the motherfucker)

talking to someone else, as if
from a distance, and

(GET FUCKING THIS)

I hear him say, “He’s gone to
fucking go get her, and I don’t even want to speak to
her.”

My heart SHATTERED in that
instant, and I quickly slammed the phone down as if it were about
to bite me.

(it already had)

The phone rings immediately, and
Tom’s giving me a hands up, like, “What the fuck just happened??”
and I just shook my head, and threw myself back under my
quilt.

Dan answered, then goes, “Kerry,
he wants you!!”

(no he fucking
doesn’t!!!)

And Nat, being an astute sister,
knows I do not want to talk to the fucker, gets on the phone and
pretends to be me.

“
Yeah, whaddaya want,”
she says, interpreting my mood towards him to a tee.

“
Nat, I know it’s you,
PUT HER ON!” Evvy apparently said.

“
He didn’t fall for
it,” Nat calls into me, and I fling my quilt off in a fury, stomp
to the phone, Nat gives me a “Here we go,” look

(she also looked strangely
excited, like she couldn’t wait for me to go all ‘here we go’ on
Ever’s ass)

as she hands me the receiver, and
Evvy just goes, “Well, I gotta go, it’s Mark’s phone,” and he HUNG
UP ON ME.

I slammed that phone receiver
repeatedly into its cradle, over and over and over
again.

“
She’s lost it!!!” Dan
declared.

“
What the fuck just
happened, Karina???” Tom asked, staring at me in amazement. “What
did he do?”

“
Be fucking BORN, is
what he did!” Nat declared.

Tom came closer to me, put an arm
around me. He has this air about him I just love, this caring, take
charge way I just adore, like he cares SO MUCH about you, he will
fix any problem for you.

I kinda adore Tom. Despite the
company he keeps.

“
The ASSHOLE said,
‘he’s gone to go get her, and I don’t even want to speak to
her’!!”

“
Whoa ho ho ho!!!” from
Dan.

“
What a prick,” from
Nat.

“
He did WHAT??” from a
shocked Tom.

“
Then, when he asked me
BACK to the phone, he just said he has to go, it’s Mark’s phone,
and hung up on me!”

Nat and Dan dispersed, as if that
was it, the bomb had been dropped and it was best to just run for
the hills, but Tom stood there, stumped. “Why is he so stupid?” he
pondered.

“
I don’t know.” I
sighed.

Tom wrapped me in a hug. “He’s
fucking stupid, you know that right?? You’re the sweetest, most fun
girl I’ve ever met, you deserve better than him – ”

“
He’s your best
friend!”

“
That’s how I know you
deserve better. I mean, look at you! What is he
thinking???”

(Tom’s good for my ego, I’ve
discovered)

I gave him a hug back, then
flopped back into bed.

Tom leaned in my doorway. “I know
he cares, that’s the strangest thing. I know he wants you so bad –
”

“
He has a fucked up way
of showing it!!”

Those three went out clubbing, and
apart from the sheer devastation I was in, I lost my license
somewhere recently, and haven’t organized a new one, so I couldn’t
have gone in anyway.

Not that I fucking wanted to,
after that!!! Just wanted to wallow.

I can’t deal with him anymore.
What a prick!!!

He so got my hopes up again, that
things would be different between us.

Different, my ass!! I’m a naïve,
stupid fool.

I’m pissed at myself, for putting
myself through this over and over again. I have to call it quits.
He’s not good for me. I hate how he treated me tonight.

Who was I kidding?? Did I honestly
believe he’d start being a boyfriend?? Even Tom and Hoffy wouldn’t
treat a girl like that, and they’re womanizers!!

They’ve got more fucking
brains!!!

I’m so mad at him. Anyway, get
over him I say. I’ve started to before, I can again.

Anyway, the aromatherapy party was
great today. Melissa came, and Melinda, Joy, Phoebe, Cruz and her
mum, and Beth. Melinda looked like a fish out of water without her
beloved Lachie beside her, and Beth stood out, all prickly like and
stand offish, out of whack with so many Sin girls around
her.

(when you’re a Sin girl, you have
a bit of crazy cockiness about you, high off life cause you know
you work for THE BEST COMPANY IN THE WORLD, while everyone else has
sucky full time jobs. It can be a hard thing to deal with, a group
of Sin people all together)

Josh was there, too, him and Dan
hung out all day with us and provided the comic relief. Julia even
used the boys to do facials on, which was absolutely
hilarious!!!!!!

Then Nat and I went to Indro
before the barbie from hell. I controlled myself

(cause my sister was there,
watching, judging)

and only bought one pink top from
Dottie, while Nat bought a gorgeous pair of white jeans and new
shoes to go out with tonight.

(this was a surprise, cause Nat is
such a tight ass, and saves all her money in various labelled
envelopes, just to look at and stare at and laugh over, wheee,
wheeeeee, I have all this money in envelopes)

Last night, Graham and I went out,
and I got so sloshed over dinner on red wine. I don’t know what
happened to me hating on red wine, cause I was in love with it last
night!!! Cause Graham drove, I went a bit overboard, slamming those
glasses back. I went in with a plan, TO GET SMASHED. I was
desperate for that happy, giddy feeling.

And I got there pretty fast. Like,
within minutes. My elbow kept slipping off the table, I knocked a
sideplate over and it smashed prettily on the floor, I dropped my
knife and fork and knocked my head under the table climbing under
to pick them up…I laughed madly and couldn’t stop when the waiter
asked me what I wanted to order.

Graham was all, “Oh GEEZ,” by this
time, and, “Just bring her whatever, I don’t think it matters at
this point.”

Hey, he wants to date me??? Well
this is the real me. Get used to it, buddy.

He seemed kind of worried about me
actually. He practically had to carry me to my front
door.

He still want an Almeroth
sister????

I’ve had two champagnes tonight,
Tom bringing me in one after the Evvy incident. Isn’t he sweet????
Sweeter than his best friend!!!

He was all, “Here, darling, drink
this, it’ll make you feel better. Oh, don’t let the assholes of
this world bring you down, you’re a fucking shining light of
pinkness.”

Fuck he’s sweet.

I feel depressed, I feel sick, I
feel EXHAUSTED. I haven’t slept in forever. We didn’t get home from
Josie’s tonight till 9pm, and I’ve not been home early all
week.

Bed is like heaven right
now.

I really don’t feel well, hey.
Depression…I’m dying of a broken heart.

12.48am

So Evvy rings and wakes me up!
He’s on drugs.

He’s on SOMETHING.

Oh, I feel REALLY sick. May have
to write tomorrow –

No, I’m fine. Just did a big
burp.

Anyway, the convo went
–

“
Hello?” slurred,
sleepily, sickly.

“
I knew you didn’t go
out!!”

“
Ugh. What do you
want?”

“
Tom, Nat and Clews all
said you were going out tonight.”

Bless their little, beating
hearts. They said that to him so I wouldn’t seem pathetic to the
stupid asshole.

“
No, I went straight to
bed.” Sorry guys, undoing all your work.

I just didn’t care how he saw me
anymore.

“
You know I DID invite
you over tonight – ”

“
FUCK OFF YOU
DID!!!”

“
I did! In my own
way.”

I could hear Hoffy in the
background, glasses and ice clinking, people laughing, the thump
thump thump of the music.

“
So what time will you
be back from the coast tomorrow?” he asked. I love how he assumes I
go to the coast every weekend.

I guess I kinda do! But I love
that he knows my routine, when I don’t even know it. It made my
heart soften toward him.

Damn it.

“
Not sure,” was all I
replied.

“
You should come over
tomorrow night and stay.”

I couldn’t believe it. I was mad!
Cause I had plans with Matt already, and our night together was
supposed to have been tonight.

“
I CAN’T, you moron –
”

“
Why not?”

“
Because I have plans!
Just like I was SUPPOSED to have had plans with you
tonight!”

“
Who with?”

“
What?”

“
Who do you have plans
with tomorrow night?”

I sighed. “Matt, from
work.”

“
Oh.” Pause. Throat
clear. “Where are you going?”

“
Movies. Dinner. He
might come down the coast for my surf lesson with Lachie and
Melinda…”

“
Oh.”

Silence.

Then, “Well, you can come over to
mine during the week then – ”

“
You think that’s it
then?? It’s ALL okay then???”

“
Ah, YEAH.” His
smartassed tone had emerged. Gone was the kind, boyfriend-like
voice I love, and here was the asshole I HATE!!!

“
No, IT’S NOT OKAY,
Evvy! I’m pissed with you. I made plans with you, FOR TONIGHT, and
you BLEW ME OFF for your mates WITHOUT A CARE for me – ”

“
Hey, I was great ALL
WEEK – ”

“
Yeah, but you FUCKED
UP TONIGHT – ”

“
I know. I know I
did.” He sounded defeated. My heart broke for him. I don’t want him
defeated. I want him happy!!! “Call me tomorrow if your plans fall
through – ”

I hung up on him.

I don’t get him!!

Monday 9 October
2000

7.35am

Yesterday was such a full on day,
but I had THE BEST DAY!!!!

I had my first surf
lesson, with Lachie and Melinda, then I met Matt at the movies and
we saw ‘How Stella Got Her Groove Back.’

(fucking LOVED that movie, and the
music in it)

With Lachie and Melinda, the best
time I’ve had in ages.

We laughed non-stop, I fell off
the surfboard constantly, we laughed some more!! It felt so fucking
great to have people to go to the coast with!! To frolic with, in
the surf!!!

Best feeling ever.

Things were a little awkward
between Matt and I last night. But he was fucked from Fire Brigade
all day