Shampoo (27 page)

He laughed, and seemed to light
up, get excited. Like this IS a cool adventure he wanted to be on.
He jumped into bed with me. “NO WAY would your sister EVER stay
here. Like EVER. Or Josie for that matter.”

“
No way,” I agreed. I
reached for the bucket of ice I’d found abandoned near the ice
machine, that I’d promptly placed a bottle of cheap pink champagne
in. “Champagne?” I asked. He seemed to hesitate, so I added, “When
in Rome…”, gesturing to the pink (dive) room.

So we did our usual jibes at each
other while we drank half a glass of champers each, then drove BOTH
our cars to get Red Rooster and more alcohol, Evvy following me
cause he didn’t know the way around.

(I know the coast like the back of
my hand)

I took us for a roar around the
block a few times, just to be funny, and to see if he’d follow me
and hoon it. He eventually pulled up next to me at a set of lights
and said, “Stop fucking taking me round in circles, you crazy
woman!!”

In the bottle-o, Ever bought a
bottle of Scotch that came with playing cards and whiskey glasses.
“I’ve got an idea,” he said at the counter, as he paid. I raised my
eyebrows at him, wiggling them (yet I had no idea what his idea
was).

We ate burgers and chips in bed,
Evvy trying to take a flying leap from the door to the bed so he
didn’t have to get his feet wet, me falling about in hysterics at
him doing it, cause it was just so damn funny, then we started
drinking and played Strip Poker.

(Evvy’s big idea)

It was so much fun.

He was all, “TAKE IT OFF, WOMAN!”
every time I lost. Which was a lot.

We both ended up completely
naked.

Then we made love ALL NIGHT. It
was gorgeous, heavenly, everything I’ve always wanted him to be,
everything I’ve always dreamed about love making. Was like a
dream…a hot dream!!

Was so passionate and loving and
magical.

No guy I’ve ever been with has
been able to go all night, but he did.

He was more passionate than he’s
ever been, and it was the most natural it’s ever been between us.
We tried so many different things.

(my cheeks are aflame just
remembering…my face cheeks!!! Dirty mind, Diary!!!)

He was kissing me so
passionately.

Drove me wild.

He kissed my whole body…my neck,
my back…lower extremities! My major weakness is kisses on my back.
I come undone. And start madly screaming and groaning.

And scream I did. Without having
to worry about Evvy’s mum and sister, I made a lot of
noise.

“
I think I’m going to
have to put a pillow over your face soon,” he declared. I whacked
him. “Although I’m loving the noise you’re making TOO MUCH – ” and
then he was kissing me again and it was round number fuck knows how
many.

He was giving me a massage at one
stage, and he just kept kissing my back…the lights of the coast
were coming in the windows, bathing us in this fluorescent glow…it
was romantic. Even in all this cheap dinginess, it was SO
ROMANTIC.

(it’s kinda like fun, though, I
think. I could have fun anywhere, and I could have romance
anywhere)

I remember floating away as he was
massaging my back, and kissing my back, and all round fondling me
all over, and thinking I don’t care how he acts, I’m totally
fucking nuts for this guy. The more we kissed, touched, made hot
love, the more I fell. We just kept making love, over and over and
over…

About midnight, I made him go for
a walk with me to the beach. “This crazy shit you do, sometimes
concerns me,” he stated as I dragged him and a bottle of champers
down to the beach.

“
You can’t come to the
coast and not go for a midnight swim!!”

But conservative Evvy
refused to, so I went swimming in my bikini while he sat on the
beach and watched me. We stayed down there for ages. I’d brought
the champagne (the 4
^th
bottle) and it was just beautiful…the beach and the whole
ocean to ourselves in the middle of the night, drinking pink
champagne together from the bottle.

Stunning. Midnight on the beach,
the lights of Surfers Paradise in the distance…

Nothing better than that in the
world. Eases my soul in some strange, magical way.

We got back to the motel about
2am, showered together, which was HOT, Ever soaping me all over,
then we fell into bed and made love AGAIN, fell asleep, then he
woke me again before dawn, and made love AGAIN.

God, it was great!

We mucked around heaps, we had so
much fun together, and we actually TALKED, which Evvy hates doing
normally.

He brought up the other guys,
which surprised me. I’ve gotten so used to thinking the worst of
him and trying to forget him and move on, that he totally surprised
me and took me over again, with everything he did and
said.

“
So,” Ever began, after
a particularly hot lovemaking session. He was draped over my back,
our skin sticking to each other.

“
So,” I replied, trying
to bestill my raging heart.

“
So who are all these
guys after you?”

I remained
tight-lipped.

(which, haha, sounds really dirty,
looking back on our time together)

“
That you keep going
out with?” he prompted. “That are after you?”

“
I don’t know that
they’re really AFTER me – ”

“
Trust me, THEY
ARE.”

“
You don’t
know!”

“
Oh yes I do!
So??”

“
You really wanna know
this?” I asked, as he lifted off me, reached over me and gulped
some water from the nightstand.

“
Damn right I
do!!”

God, he even looked hot with sweat
dripping off him, gulping water like some parched fish.

(or me, after a day at
work)

“
Well…there’s Graham,
hmmmm, maybe Matt, not sure about that one….Nick, for
awhile…ahhhh…Richard – ”

“
AHA!! I TOLD YOU he
was in love with you!!”

“
Well this was a RECENT
development, I didn’t know, up till…that moment…” I meant receiving
the W.H. Auden poem and crying over it, but was thinking of that
moment with Rich at the Story Bridge and in the cab…

“
That’s probably it,” I
concluded.

“
Ah, I beg to differ.
Josh??”

“
PFFT!!! Josh doesn’t
like me – ”

“
EVERYBODY likes you,
woman!”

“
Not Josh.”

“
All those guys at
Matt’s party??”

“
What!!!!” How did he
KNOW about that??? Dan!

(bless him, bless him,
motherfucking bless him and his big mouth. He’s doing wonders for
my love life. Must remember to thank him one day)

“
GOD KNOWS how many
others!!! These are just the ones I know about!”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Dan
tells you all this!!”

“
Yeah! Clewsy and Tom
tried to talk to me about it last night – ”

“
They did???” I love
those guys!!!!

“
A Karina Intervention
is what it was.”

“
Sounds
fun!!”

“
They told me, very
seriously, how many guys want you, and are offering you THE WORLD.”
Ever paused, watching me. “I told them, good luck to the other
guys, I’m the one who’s got you!!”

Goosebumps. Shiver worthy. Like
something straight out of a romance novel.

But I felt the need to crack his
cockiness.

(again, dirty??)

“
Yeah, well, as soon as
I pick one of them, there will be no more you and me!”

He looked worried, watching me. As
if sizing me up. He was concerned.

(God, I love it!)

“
They’re offering me
exactly what I want!” I exclaimed. Then, considered. “What I THINK
I want, but I don’t know!”

“
I’ve said straight
from the start, I can’t give you what you want, I’ll never be able
to, you want too much!! You still whinge every time I ring –
”

“
Well, that’s not
often!!”

“ –
every, single time
– ”

“
Oh POOR YOU. I feel so
sorry for you!! So don’t ring then!! Simple solution for
you!!”

(I’m getting brave. Easy to do
when I’ve lured him into such seductive surroundings, and had all
night sex with him)

But I know, I CAN FEEL IT, that
I’ll get over him, eventually, if we stop seeing each other.
Another great love will fill the void he leaves, I will emerge from
this love sickness, IF HE JUST DISAPPEARS FROM MY LIFE.

I just want him. And I hate that
at the same time.

Ever was on a roll by this stage,
however. “You CONSTANTLY whinge and carry on at me, it drives me
INSANE, I CAN’T HANDLE IT – ”

“
Nobody is FORCING YOU
to handle it, EVERARD, you can walk away AT ANY TIME – ”

“
Oh, IF ONLY IT WERE
THAT EASY!!!!! I’d like to FUCKING WALK AWAY, TRUST ME -
”

“
Hey, I’ve said RIGHT
BACK AT YOU, FROM THE BEGINNING, what I ultimately want, and that
ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY is that you don’t CARE ABOUT ME, and I’m outta
here, I’ll never SEE YOU AGAIN – ”

“
I CAN’T SAY
THAT!!”

“
Why not!!”

“
Cause I
can’t!!”

“
Then stop YOUR
WHINGING, cause you can get yourself OUT OF THIS VERY EASILY, all
you have to say is you don’t have feelings for me, and it’s
over.”

That shut him up.

Ever sighed, threw an arm over me.
“You’re so fucking frustrating.”

I kissed him full on the mouth.
“Right backatcha, buddy.”

He wrapped his arms around me and
kissed me deeper. We did it again.

I’m more confused than ever. Cause
you can’t do that all night with a person, the WAY we did it, and
not care. And say things like that and not care.

I had the best time!!!!

At some stage, in bed together, he
said I can stay over Sunday night AND he also asked me to stay over
next Friday or Saturday night so he can cook me breakfast in the
morning.

(he was high on love, obviously.
Not thinking straight. Ever just doesn’t talk like this)

I think we’re getting somewhere. I
just don’t know where.

And I’m terrified of being crushed
again.

Ever left about 9am, after more
hot sex. I stayed down till after lunch, came home, then went to
the pool at Yeronga, went swimming, then washed my car. By that
time it was 4pm, and I hopped into bed and watched Foxtel, that Dan
had just hooked up. It’s so cool. I watched ‘Out of Sight,’ then
wrote in here. Graham rang this arvo, wanting to do something, but
I’m fucked.

(literally!)

Bed it is for me.

Monday 2 October
2000

8.13pm

Work was good today. Invoicing was
dead

(reps out having long liquid
lunches instead of working),

FOR ONCE, so I got to do other
stuff all day – filing, accounts, customer service queries, Gerry’s
Excel sheets. Was fun! The day went super fast.

Anita’s been over for dinner
tonight. It was so good to see her. We’ve had a fun night, all of
us eating and laughing round the dining table.

I am so unbelievably sore from all
that sex. It’s such a great feeling!! I feel so…decadent. I don’t
know how to describe it. Fucking great!

(from all that fucking)

Graham emailed me a few HUNDRED
times today at work. We’re going out to dinner Friday night, having
some wine…it sounds great, exactly what I want in a guy, taking me
out for romantic, alcohol-fuelled dinners.

Except how the hell do I forget
the passion between Ever and I??

Probably very easily, cause we’ll
probably never have a night like it again.

I rang Richard tonight, and he’s
still not impressed with me. The weight of disappointing him,
hurting him, feels forever upon me. Is crushing me.

I’m pissed off with him, too,
though.

Tuesday 3 October
2000

9.54pm

So tired. I went straight from
work to the hairdressers, got home about 8pm, just as Dan and Josh
were getting in from the gym. Chatted to Josh for awhile, then
jumped into bed.

Ever rang me at work today, can
you believe???

I guess I was hoping after the
weekend, that I’d finally got him, he was mine, we were together,
but I keep reminding myself he always lets me down.