Shampoo (28 page)

And after only seeing him on
Sunday, I was NOT expecting a phone call from him for at least a
week. That’s his usual M.O.

He tricked me, too, said a fake
name and that he was from such and such salon, and I was thinking,
“God this guy sounds like Evvy,” but I didn’t want to say anything
in case it wasn’t –

“
There’s something
wrong with my order,” he said.

“
Oh, I’m sorry about
that, sir – ”

“
There’s too much POO
in it, and not enough SHAM – ”

I did an immediate snort/laugh and
tried to cover it with a cough. I knew then it was him. Or thought
I did.

Ever started to laugh too, but
tried to hide it.

“
Can I have your
account number please…snort/cough…so I can fix up your, ahem,
sham-POO problem??”

“
Yes, it’s – ” and he
listed off this huge long number, which was when I KNEW it was him,
cause our account numbers are not that long.

I burst out laughing. “You’re such
a bugger, Everard!”

He cracked up laughing
too.

Was completely JOYOUS to be
laughing so hard together over something. We seriously laughed so
hard, over nothing really. Was just funny.

I fell even harder. Those that
make me laugh the hardest, I adore.

So then he asked me to come
over!!!

(oh, he’s drunk!! Or
something)

A day after just seeing me, but I
had the hairdressers, so we’ve made it tomorrow night.

That was my one night all week
free. But, I want him!!!!

After the weekend…he’s all I
want.

Matt’s been so funny with me since
last week!! Totally ignoring me.

Boys are strange.

Anyway, I was on a high all day
after that phone call from Ever and cause he made me laugh so
hard.

Nat stood up after I’d hung up
from him and said, “Things are getting a bit serious with eff head,
hey??”

The look on her face was funny.
Ever is right, Nat does some SUPER facial expressions.
“Maybe…”

“
I’ve never seen him
act like this,” Nat declared.

“
Hmm,” was all I
said.

We’ll see.

Julia and I stuffed our faces with
chocolate all day. Could explain my high I’ve been on all
day.

Thursday 5 October
2000

7.37am

I’m up and ready and
everything!!

I stayed at Evvy’s last night, for
the first time ever. Oh my god, it was nice. He’s getting better at
this!! I hate to say it, cause it just makes me fall
harder.

We just cuddled and kissed,
watched tv. I was so exhausted. Luckily, at his, I fall asleep at
9pm cause Evvy has all these strict rules and schedules he sticks
to for his precious sleep and ‘good health.’

(he’s so weird!)

We discussed his asking me over on
the weekend so he can cook me breakfast the next day, and he said
it would have to be Saturday night, and I said good, it’ll have to
be Saturday night for me too, then Ever got all curious and asked
what I was doing, and I said Graham’s taking me out and he got all
funny

(ha!),

and teased me for a
bit.

Then, five minutes of silence
later, “What movie are you seeing?” his eyes on the tv, but his jaw
was all tight and set, the way he gets sometimes. He knew what was
coming.

“
We’re not going to the
movies, we’re going out to dinner.”

Ever leaned over to kiss me (or
just to get all up in my face) and teased, “Oooh, that’s exactly
what you want!! That and divey motels – ” Then he kissed me,
roughly.

“
Yep,” I replied
snarkily.

(it’s a fucked up love affair
we’re having)

Another pause as he stopped
staring into my eyes, and we both leant back against the headboard
to (not) watch tv. I could feel the vibes coming off us both. We
weren’t taking any of that tv in.

Then, “Are you going to sleep with
him??”

“
No, you idiot!” I
slapped his chest, backhanded.

He grabbed my hand and held it to
his chest.

(God, things like that just make
me melt. The little touches, the sweet, loving gestures)

“
What! It’s a
legitimate question!”

“
Soon as I sleep with
him, or anyone else, they’ll be no more you and me! I won’t be
sitting here anymore!”

“
So you’re going to
break up with me and go out with Graham – ”

My heart LEAPT at him saying
‘break up,’ cause that implies we’re in an actual relationship!!
Eek!! I couldn’t believe it.

“
No!” I replied,
outraged. Then, “I don’t know.”

“
You don’t
know?”

“
If you and I are over,
I don’t know who it’ll be FOR.”

“
Oh…”

Pause.

“
Probably not for
Graham, though.”

“
I feel so much better,
thank you.”

I laughed, and he grabbed me and
kissed me, and we kept kissing while we laughed and teased each
other.

Sigh. Was heaven. I love Ever in
his fun moods.

Jules always tells me how she
stays at Mike’s, and they just cuddle and watch tv all night, and
when she tells me I just LONG to have that.

Last night I had it. It’s so
comfortable and cozy between us now. It’s dreamy.

But I know the dream won’t last,
and I’m going to try SO HARD not to be shattered.

I really will try not to fall
apart this time.

8.08pm

I’m at Dad’s, babysitting Jack and
Emma upstairs. I love being here, upstairs, baby-sitting. Upstairs
is so nice, I always get this sense of calm, peacefulness. I love
watching the kids.

I love that Dad and his business
partner are so close. That they still live together, after all
these years. It’s comforting to me. Things like other people in
their stability are comforting to me.

Since I have no stability
whatsoever in myself.

Work was good today, but I’m
running on empty again lately. Battling exhaustion, all week. I’ve
got to stop going out!! I’m having a ball, but God, my body likes
to tell me when it gets too much.

Last night I got to bed early, but
Ever and I kept waking up all night, to kiss and fuck.

It was so nice!!!!

I had that deliciously, lush,
decadent feeling as I drove home from his at six in the morning, my
hair a mess, the same clothes on as yesterday. It’s a great
feeling!!

I love feelings. I love
adventures. Anything small can be an adventure. Like driving home
from your lover’s place near dawn with yesterday’s clothes
on.

Life’s SUCH AN ADVENTURE. I’m in
wonder at it at times. Feels so magical and joyous.

Ever is really trying suddenly. It
blows my mind. He’s like a changed man!! It’s been amazing, more
than I ever dreamed possible with him.

Sometimes I think he’s more
emotionally retarded than me. More broken than me. Which is saying
a lot.

(since I’m pretty fucking retarded
and broken!!)

It’ll all end, though, I know it.
Nothing lasts forever. All relationships end eventually.

Matt asked me to go out tonight,
at work today!!!!!!!!

I was so strangely happy he’d
finally pulled his head back in.

(cause it was sticking too far
out, like an idiotic turtle, ignoring me like that for so long. I
love his attention)

Obviously, I couldn’t go out
tonight, so we organized for Sunday night.

I think he was ignoring me cause
he likes me??? I don’t get that or really know.

Clearly I am no expert on
men.

I just don’t know what the hell is
happening!! The boy situation is getting out of control. I REALLY
only want to start something with Ever, a real relationship between
us, but we can’t seem to get it right.

(or HE CAN’T seem to get it
right)

And I can’t start something with
Matt while I’m seeing Evvy.

Funny how I always come back to
Matt, hey?? Kinda feels instinctual or destiny. Like I know
something I’m not admitting. But I sure do think about Matt a
lot.

But I don’t want to stop seeing
Evvy.

I’m confused.

Matt seemed like a force to be
reckoned with today though. All sweeping towards me, all purposeful
and determined…

(after clearly freaking out for a
week)

Was hot. So hot.

Spoke to something inside of me. I
kinda just died, looking up into his eyes as he asked me
out.

Mark and Josie were over when Nat
and I arrived home from work today, but I only got to chat to them
for a second before leaving for here. They’re such sweet people, I
love those two.

They knew I’d stayed at Evvy’s
last night. They were all, “So I hear you stayed over last night,
Karina!!” teased Mark.

Nothing is secret with this Scooby
Gang. Although last night Evvy cracked up laughing at some point
when we heard this car beeping outrageously as they drove past, and
he said it was Mark, after spotting my car parked outside
Evvy’s.

Mark and Josie were looking at me
like I was some mythical creature tonight. Like how did I do it??
How did I get Ever?? How did I get him to be a
boyfriend?

I don’t know that I’ve ACTUALLY
done it.

But for now, I suspect it was the
magic and adventure of Stardust. He loved it.

(I love that he loved it. It’s
like he finally got me and who I am, by loving our dodgy, romantic
night together at Stardust)

I hope tomorrow goes fast at work,
so I can go to dinner, eat super fast with Graham, have a beer (I’m
in a beer mood…bit over drinking red wine with Joy and Graham),
then come home and sleep and sleep and sleep. I’m like a zombie at
the moment. Can barely keep my eyes open.

THEN, we’ve got Julia’s
aromatherapy party at OUR HOUSE Saturday morning.

(I repeat, MORNING)

Jules better know I love
her!!!

(first spew between my toes, and
cleaning her spew off Dan’s car, now this. Morning aromatherapy
party)

Saturday 7 October
2000

9.53pm

I’m REALLY pissed off at the
moment. Don’t know if I should even go into it, I’m that
upset!!!

Evvy, OF COURSE. Who the fuck
else!!!

You know how I was supposed to go
over there tonight, to his?? The whole he wants to make me
breakfast the next day crap???

(I knew it was a sex-induced
hallucination by him, offering!!)

Well, he rings about 2pm, just as
the aromatherapy party was finishing up, and he says he doesn’t
know whether he’s going to go out clubbing with the boys or not
tonight, and a BBQ had been planned, so he told me to come to the
BBQ with Nat and Dan and he’d ‘check’ with me there if he was going
out or not.

So I said okay (stupid me), went
with Nat and Dan, and when we got to Josie’s, he did his usual
TOTAL IGNORING OF ME.

I wanted to kill
him!!!!

At same stage in the extremely
awkward late arvo

(awkward for me!!),

Nat asks what I’m doing, what I’m
up to, while we were all sitting around, and I replied, “Obviously
GOING HOME,” and pointedly looked at Evvy, and him and Hoffy
started cracking up laughing, and Hoffy goes, “She looks so much
like Nat when she looks like that!” and they laughed some
more.

(did I mention I wanted to kill
him? I was not amused. And I’m often amused!!)

Nat rolled her eyes at
them.

Evvy then said, “I was about to
ask you over,” and I was all rude, I know: “Too late, MATE, cause
you didn’t let me know in the arvo whether I was staying over, I
haven’t brought any clothes, so I can’t – ”

“
If you need clothes,
Pinky, Ever’s not doing it right!” Tom cracked.

Ever didn’t say anything back to
me, or to me for that matter, then over dinner, while we were all
sitting around outside, he says to someone (one of the Evvy
enablers) that he’s going out clubbing. So there goes our night
together!

I was crushed. Heartbroken. Not so
much the going out, cause I’m happy to go out, too!!, but the total
ignoring of me, not even talking to me or looking at me. Nothing.
He just didn’t acknowledge me.

He could have said, “Stay anyway,
with no clothes.” He could’ve said, “I’ll come pick you up, so you
can pack a bag.” He could’ve said, “Come clubbing with
us!!”