Shampoo (23 page)

And he won’t be the one to do
it.

I want all of it now!! But at the
same time, I’m loving my single life. Like Friday night, being
absolutely blind in the city and knowing I had all the freedom in
the world.

But I miss the arms around me, the
togetherness, the love…

Last night was heaven, lying in
Ever’s arms. That’s what I want.

And someone to look after me, or
out for me. A protector.

Ever isn’t ready for all
that.

Maybe I’m not, either. I just WANT
it.

Rich, Nick, Graham, would all be
perfect boyfriends.

And I’m still stuck on
Everard.

Sigh. That was a waste of an
hour.

The more I see Evvy

(apparently, the hour is still
going),

the more faults I see in him.
Maybe my pink-coloured glasses have fallen off
somewhere.

I’ve sat on them and broken them,
like I do all my sunnies.

Saturday 23 September
2000

11.12pm

I just got back from
Matt’s 21
^st
.

I know, it’s early.

But my first lift, Nat and Dan
(Fred and Ethel), left REALLY early, like the Old Folks Home Was
Closing And We Better Hurry Back With Our Walkers early, and there
was NO WAY I was going with them, then Gerry said he’d take me
home, so I bought myself a few more hours and left with
him.

Bit of a worry, Nat and Dan, when
the accountant stays out raging later than you!!!

I had a GREAT time tonight. I only
had three drinks THE WHOLE NIGHT

(shock, horror, fall over clasping
your heart),

and I had QUITE THE
REVELATION.

But…too much to tell and I’m so
tired. I’m going to save it all for tomorrow.

Sunday 24 September
2000

8.57pm

Well, I’m a mixture of emotions
right now. But I should go back.

My date with Graham was really
nice. I had a great time and ended up being on Cloud 9, thinking if
I chose Graham, I’d be given the jewellery and the romance (that I
so want!!). He took me to a fancy restaurant at Garden City, paid
for it all, bought me a pink rose from one of those gypsy ladies,
like in romance movies, that go round with a basket full of roses
for all the lovers.

(sigh. So damn romantic. The
world)

He made me laugh so much all
night!!

But, it’s Graham. Dad says Graham
doesn’t care which one of us, he just wants to marry an Almeroth
sister.

Dad is normally right about these
things, I’ve found. And Nat and Graham WERE boyfriend and
girlfriend for about a week when she was 15.

Graham was the boy

(old, old diary, Diary)

famously suspended, as he was on
Student Council, and on assembly when I was in Year 10 or 11 (can’t
remember), and he was meant to give a speech about something SUPER
BORING, but couldn’t get the microphone stand to raise higher,
since he is very tall and the vice-principal was this tiny, tiny
man, who had just spoken.

So, as he’s fiddling with the
microphone stand, Graham sees his comedic opportunity, bends down
to the microphone, and says in his best, deep, Elvis voice, “I
can’t get it up.”

The whole school erupted, even
teachers. Was just so damn funny.

Now, I don’t know if Tiny Vice
Principal was suffering Small Man Syndrome

(in more ways than
one!!)

or what, but he was the only one
who didn’t laugh

(1500 other people did
though),

and he lost his shit. Graham was
suspended on the spot, and for weeks.

He was forever known as the “I
Can’t Get It Up” kid.

This is how Dad remembers
everybody in our lives – these little tidbits we feed him. Hung, my
year 7-8 best friend, “The One Who Called Your Teacher Chicky
Babe…”

Donny, my first real boyfriend –
“His Father Was a Beatle Before The Beatles Were Huge…”

Danny, my first real love – “The
Giant,” etc., etc..

BUT, he knows Graham not as the “I
Can’t Get It Up Kid,” but as “The One Who Wants To Marry An
Almeroth Sister And Doesn’t Care Which One.”

(Dad is hilarious)

Then Friday night was our Girls
Night out.

(Regina didn’t come, Ange didn’t,
Katie and Sherrie didn’t…so the usual crew didn’t)

We went to this funky bar in West
End, had drinks and dinner.

Renee and I got so drunk and
giggled over everything together. We found everything funny, and
each other so funny, and kept pissing ourselves over
things.

Somehow, me, Nat and Julia ended
up in the city, absolutely pissed and starving, and buying Macca’s
to eat.

Was so funny…the three of us, so
fucking drunk, even Nanna Nat, stuffing our faces with junk food,
then Julia makes this big, “HURRRRR” noise, bends over, and hurls
all over my shoes.

Like seriously all over them.
Brand. New. Shoes.

She vomited so much, I could feel
all her spew squish between my toes.

All I could do was stand there,
while Nat and Julia seriously cacked themselves
laughing.

“
Ugh, I don’t feel so
good,” Julia groaned/laughed.

“
I kinda can tell,” I
replied, trying not to move. “From inbetween my toes.”

We just laughed harder.

Then suddenly Dan was
there, pulling up on Elizabeth Street in his hot aqua Commodore
with full body kit. Jules and I hopped in the back, me trying to
walk with vomit absolutely FILLING my shoes and trying very hard
not to think about it, and Dan took one look at us and pulled an
Evvy face.

(NOT MY CAR!!!!!)

“
If Kerry throws up in
my car again, OR ALL DOWN THE SIDE OF MY FUCKING CAR, I’m gonna
lose it,” he declared to his girlfriend.

“
I don’t think it’s
Karina you should to be worried about this time,” Sister Dear
replied.

“
Oh God,” Dan groaned.
“I should be paid for this shit.”

(oh you will be, Dan. Paid in
vomit. So same as usual)

(I’ve thrown up out Dan’s window
many a time, many, many a time. So many times I really should be
ashamed or in rehab)

(except I’m not)

(also spewed many times out Nat’s
window)

So as we’re driving back to
Julia’s to drop her off, Jules gets REALLY sick in the back seat,
and starts vomiting madly, but has the foresight, even this drunk,
to open the Macca’s bag she’s holding, and vomit in
there.

Oh my God, I couldn’t stop
laughing. Dan couldn’t stop screaming and swearing.

Julia spewed SO MUCH, I’ve never
seen

(or felt, especially between my
toes)

anything like it before. She
spewed till that Macca’s bag was FULL, and starting to leak
out

(so fucking gross and funny –
especially in Dan’s car AHAHAHAHAHA)

then that Macca’s bag was
seriously at exploding point, and starting to leak all out, and
Jules madly pressed the window down, and starting hurling out the
window.

Was SO. FUCKING. FUNNY.

I’ve never witnessed anyone do a
Karina. Fuck, it’s funny.

Anyway, so Dan
screeched up to Julia’s place and practically dragged her out, her
mum coming out to witness her beloved daughter spewing madly, at
various locations around the garden.

(was all “Bler!!!! Bler!!!!
BLERRRRRRR!!!” into various plants, letterbox, lawn. Julia kept
wandering around madly, finding a new spot to spew in, like some
wandering dog)

Nat and I were seriously
hysterical. It was the funniest damn thing I’ve ever
seen.

Dan was NOT AMUSED though.
Especially as Jules left her overflowing spew bag in the back
seat.

He started picking a fight with
Nat over it, then I joined in, cause I cannot tolerate anyone being
mean to my sister, and told Dan he was, “acting like a DICK,” then
Nat started defending HIM, while I was defending HER, and yelled at
me, “Don’t talk to my boyfriend like that, Karina!!!!”

Oh I won’t fucking defend you next
time, SISTER!!!!

THEN, Saturday morning, Dan slams
into my room at the crack of dawn

(and nobody likes Dawn’s Crack,
especially as hungover as I was),

with a giant bucket full of soapy
water, and declares, “Start cleaning your friend’s spew off my car,
KERRY!!!”

I did it, just cause he was scary
at that moment, and stomped outside in my pink pajama’s and started
scrubbing the outside of his car.

There were giant spew streaks all
down the side of his car.

He’s never ONCE made me clean my
own spew off his car, not in the many HUNDREDS of times I’ve
misbehaved.

Why when it’s Julia’s spew, he
makes me, I don’t know.

Then he came out and demanded I
scrub his back seat, where the Macca’s bag had
overflown.

By this time I was all, “Fuck off,
Dan!!”

And he was all, “You fuck off
first, Kerry!!”

“
I’ve fucking cleaned
enough, ASSHOLE!!”

“
No you FUCKING
HAVEN’T, not if there’s still FUCKING SPEW in my car!”

“
Clean it your FUCKING
SELF, you BIG GIRL – ”

“
Why THE FUCK SHOULD I
– ”

“
Why THE FUCK SHOULD
I!!! It’s not even MY FUCKING SPEW!!!”

“
Well IT HAS BEEN, FIVE
HUNDRED FUCKING OTHER TIMES, so YOU CAN CLEAN IT JUST THIS FUCKING
ONCE!!!”

“
FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER,
I’m not sleeping with you, I don’t have to put up with this
shit!!!”

Then the neighbour next door
started screaming at us he’s on shiftwork, and could we both “SHUT
THE FUCK UP.”

That’s when Dan and I went inside,
and we were all, “Play Playstation?”

“
Sure.”

And all was forgotten.

So after that, later in the day, I
went to Indro by myself, which is another favourite thing of mine
to do – shopping by myself. No sister or mother to say, “You can’t
afford that!”, just peace and quiet to blow all my money and
comfort myself via material things.

Only problem is, living with my
sister again, I have to sneak my bags from my car into my
room.

Dan bloody saw me on Saturday
arvo. He was standing in the kitchen making himself a
sandwich

(actually, FIVE OF THEM…he’s such
a pig!!!),

as I snuck up the back stairs and
through the kitchen. “Spending money you don’t have,
Kerry??”

“
Oh, shut up, poo
head,” as I struggled with all my bags.

I slammed my door shut, then
immediately commenced hiding all my new purchases in different
spots throughout my room.

Don’t know why I bothered, cause
Dan is such a BIG MOUTHED GOSSIP, and would’ve told Nat
anyway.

I took a lovely afternoon nap from
4 till 6pm, then got ready for Matt’s party, and Dan drove us
there.

(he’s brave. After the night
before. The car still smelled like Julia’s vomit)

So on the way there, I casually
asked Dan if Evvy had said anything about me, and Dan, either still
in a shit over the Julia Spew Incident, or something brand new
altogether, was all, “Nut.”

He’s normally such a big loose
mouth, too.

I sat back in the car and thought,
Right. It’s over. Evvy is a shit.

So Nat and I walked into the party
together, while Dan dragged his feet and talked to some of the
warehouse boys out the front. We walked up the driveway, round the
back of this BEAUTIFUL mansion Matt’s parents own, to a party full
of HOT GUYS.

Seriously, I’ve never seen so many
hot guys in one place.

I was immediately in
heaven.

“
No wonder you love
going to work!!” exclaimed one of Matt’s friends to him, as they
stared at Nat and I.

Matt laughed his goofy laugh, and
introduced us to everyone.

Matt got us a drink, and we were
surrounded by hot guys in seconds.

(my type of party!!!!)

Most of Sin came, but I was most
excited by Daryl and Sue Agnew coming!!!!

Oh, they are so sweet. They kept
trying to set me up with hot guys all night! It was so funny. And
sweet.

I’d be standing with the two of
them, all of us drinks in hand, chatting, and Sue would suddenly
grab a random cute guy walking past and go, “Hi!! Have you met our
Pinky?? She is the LOVELIEST girl.”