Shampoo (20 page)

I laughed, shaking my head. “He’s
lying!!”

“
Look, she’s BLUSHING,”
joked DY.

Ha ha. Hahaha.

(cause I was so
sunburned)

Best news yet: Richie is back
tomorrow!!!

He rang me last night, from the
airport, before his plane left.

I can’t wait to see
him.

Tuesday 29 August
2000

7.12am

Still thinking of Evvy. I can’t
help it!

I should be thinking of
Richard.

But God, I’ve fallen for Evvy so
hard. Everything about him…his voice, the way he walks, his
scars…

7.32pm

Rich is back!!!!

It was SOOOOOOO good to see him!
And he wrapped me in his arms.

I can’t believe he’s back!! After
all this time.

Everything between us was just as
it always was. Better. I love him. I’m IN love with Ever, but I
love Rich. I just feel so much better about everything when he’s
around. He’s a comfort to me. He’s like a big, cuddly (tattooed)
teddy bear.

He has even more tattoos now! He’s
like COVERED.

God, so many of my memories are
with Richard…I feel a bit weepy, and overjoyed, and filled with
love towards Rich, all at the same time.

My best friend is back.

His mum let me in the house, and I
hugged her, who I haven’t seen in ages, then Richard was coming in
from the kitchen, and I squealed, “Oh my God!” and ran to him and
jumped into his arms. He laughed and held me for a long
time.

I pulled back to look up at him,
still in his arms, and I was overjoyed. Just OVERJOYED to have him
back, to be in his arms.

He looks good. Hot, buffed and
tattooed.

So we chatted about England, and
his life back there, and what he’s going to do now he’s back…then
they were about to have dinner, and I’m wiped from work, so I left,
even though they insisted I stay for dinner. I also knew Nat and
Dan had made me dinner, and the fight that would ensue if I missed
it. Was just not worth it!!

All those factors made me leave
Richie’s early.

I feel so bad, cause my best
friend is back after a lengthy absence, and I was so fucking tired,
all I wanted to do was lie down and possibly die with as much noise
as possible.

(I can’t go quietly)

So in bed now, awaiting
death.

Wednesday 30 August
2000

10.14pm

Surprise – work was very busy.
AGAIN. I took my break anyway (FOR ONCE), because I just had to get
out of the office. Too many bitchy girls today, all on their
period, I swear!!

I rang Richie on my break (from my
car, sitting in the car park), and we’re going to the movies
tomorrow night!!! Yipee!!!

It felt so good to have someone to
ring from work!! All day long I have to suffer through hearing all
the girls talk to their men, CONSTANTLY, while I have no one to
call. No one that cares about me.

Sara – all condescension, talking
down to her partner, everything’s a drama or his fault, and despite
this, the dumbass absolutely DOTES on her…

Regina – all whispers and giggles
to her man, and have they got any pot left for tonight and what are
they going to eat tonight and how many other potheads are coming
over…

Angie – all baby talk with her
man, and all “No I love you, NO, I LOVE YOU MORE,” and “You hang
up, no YOU HANG UP FIRST, no you!!”…

Julia – entire conversation is
said in movie quotes and song choruses amidst much
laughter…

Katie – dead silence on her phone
calls to

(Nick?? What happened to Nick
anyway? He just stopped calling)

her man, which is super creepy.
Katie is a little bit scary. You approach her desk wearily and at
your own risk…

Sherrie – ignores her partner and
calls Katie now, despite the fact Katie sits two cubicles down from
her…

Joy – calls whatever random black
20 year old she’s (fucking) currently dating, and is all loud,
dirty giggles and raunch…

Nat – argument with Dan and a
phone slammed down…

And Renee, Office Manager
Extraordinaire – after 20 years of marriage, can’t stand the sound
of her own husband’s voice and refuses to call him EVER, and calls
her kids instead to check up on them, and her constant stream of
international exchange students that live with her.

So you can see the incredible
world I’m missing out on, all that joy and love and
connection!!!!

So I was happy to have Richard to
call, to pretend I had a boyfriend for a moment there.

Actually, I paused for a moment,
after hanging up from him, and wondered what it would be like, Rich
as my boyfriend…

But Evvy’s face got in the way of
my damn imagining…

THEN, as I was determined to
forget stupid sexy Everard, I walk back into the office just as Dan
and Mark walked in to have lunch with Nat!

(no one wants to have lunch with
me!! Sob)

Mark was all, “WHOA!! Get a bit of
sun??” when he saw me.

I need sleep.

Thursday 7 September
2000

11.03pm

Can’t sleep. Not that I’ve
actually tried!! I’ve had such a good night.

I went straight from work to
Richie’s, and we drove to Carindale.

I got us SO LOST in the
carpark

(don’t ask),

Rich was pissing himself laughing
over it.

“
I’d forgotten how
clueless you are,” he laughed.

“
How am I supposed to
know every turn I take ends in a dead end???”

I seriously just kept driving into
brick walls and random dead ends. Which was extremely funny but
very time-consuming.

(what the fuck is up with
Carindale’s carpark????)

Then we played games in Timezone,
then saw ‘Road Trip.’

I love that movie!! I’ve fallen
for Seann William Scott.

It was so nice in the cinema,
having Rich beside me again. I get all warm and fuzzy with him next
to me in the movies for some reason…it’s one of my favourite things
in life, seeing a movie with Rich. The way it makes me
feel.

I just feel so safe and protected
and comforted…it reminds me of being around my dad. That same kind
of comfort.

Is that really weird and
creepy???

Then we looked at cd’s together,
and I drove him home. I got home about 10pm. I’ve checked my phone,
showered, been trapped downstairs by Sharon

(I swear she lies in wait for
me),

and crawled into bed.

No missed calls. More importantly,
no missed calls from Ever.

Sigh.

I desperately wanted to see him
tomorrow night. He won’t make plans with me this late. He’s just
not that type of spontaneous individual!

All I can think about is us in the
cemetery, his arms wrapped around me, the night air blowing, the
way the rain and air smelt…

Sunday 10 September
2000

5.33pm

My God, what a fantastic
weekend!!!!

I am absolutely rooted right now.
Can barely lift my head off the pillow. But it’s ALLLLLL
GOOOD.

(have I been sneaking some of
Regina’s pot??)

So I had my restful Friday night,
which felt so nice and cozy…Evvy didn’t ring, and no way was I
calling him. I wasn’t perturbed. I was all strangely zen and calm
Friday night.

Saturday morning I rang him, but
he was asleep, so I told his mum not to wake him.

I had such a busy day Saturday! It
was great!! I love busy days. I went to the hairdressers at
Moorooka in the morning, got my hair fully tinted a white blonde.
It looks awesome! Then I picked up Richie and we drove down the
coast. We had such a ball.

We had lunch at some Italian
restaurant, went to the beach, went to Pacific Fair…

He made me laugh so hard at one
point while I was driving and drinking from a bottle of Coke, that
I spat a mouthful of soft drink all over the car and myself!! Like
everywhere.

Oh we couldn’t stop
laughing.

We got this charcoal portrait done
of us at Pac Fair. It’s so cute.

Then Nat rang at 2pm (and for once
I’d taken my mobile with me), to tell me the Beer Festival is on!!
She knew I’d want to go. I live for the Beer Festival and my honey
beer, Bee’s Knees.

(fucking love that
beer!!!!)

So I hung up from Nat, and Rich
and I were at Main Beach at this stage, and I asked him (begged
him, more like) if he wanted to go, he said yes, so we went
straight from the beach, me tugging him along, going, “Quick,
quick, honey beer is calling,” and we drove to his place, got his
stuff, then my place, fed my cat

(Rich was all, “Holy fuck,” when
he walked in my door),

then to Nat’s (my future home),
and the 4 of us started drinking.

Was so fun. I think my favourite
thing in life is sitting around with loved ones, drinking. I mean,
it’s just fun!!

So fun with Rich with us. We just
sat around, drinking, Nat pulling me aside at one point to tell me
Dan spoke to Evvy just before, and Evvy said he’s been ringing me
since Friday night and all that day.

YES!!!!

So then I rang Dad, Joy and Aaron
and Benny to ask them to come to the Beer Festival; then I rang
Evvy AGAIN, and got his mum AGAIN, so then I just felt like a real
dick, chasing him.

Then I just continued
drinking, and had fun!! The four of us caught a cab in, met Dad and
Cruz in at the Story Bridge Hotel. It was packed. People
everywhere, spilling out of every corner of that place.

(I love the Story. It’s so iconic.
Clearly I love iconic things)

We also ran into Bobby (as usual,
we do every year), and Pete and Doug, and Mario and Mel and
Scott…and Sam.

(ex boyfriend, Sam, first one to
turn violent)

And surprisingly, it was really
good to see him. He’s not who he was in that moment, years ago.
He’s who he was for years, before his bad behaviour. I let a lot of
shit go on Saturday, seeing and talking to him.

(pity I can’t do that with the
worst of the violent abusers, Rick. That one will never be erased
from my memory, cause it was such consistent abuse, and over such a
long period of time, AND was just something so evil and purposeful
about it. He could’ve killed me, and almost did, multiple times.
But revealing all this, my deepest, darkest shames, to my own
diary, or rehashing them again, does nothing to help my character,
which is the one in the wrong, and the one so lost to have even
STAYED in that dangerous, horrible situation for so long. I don’t
want to look at my character. I can barely look at myself in the
mirror, for being so weak)

To see Bobby again was so good. He
was his usual flirty self towards me, cuddling me, holding my hand.
Except he now has a girlfriend!

I remember last year at the Beer
Fest, when Rick left me there (he was SUCH an asshole), and
everyone from Sin left, I stayed with Caroline

(DY’s exchange student nanny,
English not her native language, left by everyone at work!! And me,
being her sole protector, and trying to get her home. I mean,
honestly!! I could barely stand up, I was so drunk. I should not be
left responsible for anyone, like ever. It just should not be
done),

and Caroline and Bobby got it
on!!! Right in front of me at the Beer Festival.

I was devo at the time. I’ve
always liked Bobby. I was a bit devo this time, too, when he tells
me he has a girlfriend.

Plenty more fish in the
sea.

(where???)

and he did ask for my number and
told me to come around their place (the party house on Logan
Road).

I've always had that major
attraction to Bobby.

So all of us sort of joined them,
got a table next to them.

Dad and Cruz were so good to Sam.
I think Cruz even kissed him!??!

(don't worry, it ended badly, but
go ahead and kiss the ex-boyfriend)

I had a great time with Richie.
It's so good to have him back.

Of course I got annoyed with Nat
and Dan, because they're old fucking fogies, and Dad and I had a
big long chat about it.