Shampoo (21 page)

(over beers. Of course. We were at
a Beer Festival)

Dad knows how much I want to be
out, doing things, appreciating life, that Nat never wants to do
anything with me anymore. We used to do everything together -
shopping, movies, clubbing. Now it doesn't feel like I have a best
friend anymore, I have just a sister. And Dad's all, "That'll
happen, we have totally different lives now, it happens as we get
older," blah blah. Sigh.

So Old Fogey Couple dragged
Richard and I home too early, and the oddest thing happened. We
were all standing in the waiting line for a cab, and Nat and Dan
were just so serious, angry even, done with the night

(and probably each
other),

but Rich and I kept mucking around
in line, and I kept falling off the curb and laughing
hysterically

(I was DRUNK, very drunk, in my
defence),

and Rich would grab me and steady
me, or grab me and we'd hand wrestle each other till he'd push me
off the curb again, but he'd grab me before I fell and did any
major damage

(brain cells beyond damage,
however),

and I will never forget the way he
looked at me then. The way he looked, under the lights outside The
Story Bridge.

He looked at me with love. With
happiness, joy, love.

And as he pulled me into his arms
and stopped me falling off the curb, I stayed in his
arms

(his very muscular, tattooed arms
- more muscular than Evvy's)

and looked up at him, and I felt
it.

That elusive "it."

I wondered then if Richard was the
one… my old best friend from the cinemas, the one that used to pick
on me at work, and make my life hell, then sit back and watch me in
the candy bar… then we became friends and it felt so right, so
comfortable and comforting…

Is he the one?

Then Nat said, "Cab's here," and
Rich and I reluctantly pulled apart from each other, and climbed in
the cab.

I stared out the window the whole
way home, my heart heavy, filled with joy and a heaviness at the
same time, and even Dan commented on it. "Kerry's quiet, for once,"
he noted.

"She must be BEYOND drunk then,"
Nat concluded.

Rich put his arm around me then,
and pulled me to him. I cuddled into his chest and closed my eyes,
and thought, "This feels right."

That scared the crap out of
me.

I'm not ready for right!! I don't
know right!! I only know wrong!!

(when it comes to men)

And Rich is my best friend, and
none of my relationships ever work!! I would lose him.

But God, it felt like Heaven,
staring into his eyes, being in his arms.

So then we all got home, and I
don't even remember falling asleep on the futon in the lounge. Rich
was on the floor when I woke up.

So this morning Rich and I went
for a drive through Wynnum, parked and looked out at the water. We
were both a bit quiet, and hung over. Then I dropped him home,
packed my place mostly up, went to my Future home, did my washing,
washed my car there, came home and crashed!!!

6.34pm

Evvy's just rung!!! And asked me
to come over to his place!!

WHOOSH!!!!!! - - - - - - -
-

(that's me flying out the
door)

Tuesday 12 September
2000

7.47am

Work was hectic yesterday. I
didn't finish till 6pm last night.

So ANYWAY!! I drove to Evvy's
Sunday night, and he was sitting up in bed watching his giant-ass
TV, so I dumped my bag and jumped straight into bed with
him.

He was affectionate straightaway,
wrapping his arms around me, kissing me.

God. I died.

"Where have you BEEN, woman!!" he
asked as he plundered me with kisses.

(you like that word, plundered? I
do!!)

"I've been calling you constantly
since Friday!"

"I've been calling you, too! I got
your mum a coupla of times but you were ASLEEP, PRIN - CESS, or
out."

He kissed me some more. "I heard
you went to the Beer Festival."

Kiss, kiss. Smooch, smooch. "Yeah,
and you should have been there!"

LONG kiss. "I heard you went with
some tattooed guy who's in love with you."

Oh, now his frantic phone call and
sudden asking me over makes sense!! "That's my best friend Rich,
and he's so not in love with me."

"I hear he is."

Bless Dan and his big, gossipy
mouth.

"He so isn't. Trust
me."

"Everybody's in love with you,
woman!"

"What!"

I have no idea where he's coming
up with this crap, BUT I LOVE IT!!!

“
You so don’t see it,
which makes it even more adorable.”

I smacked him. “I’m alone. ALL THE
TIME. Who the fuck is supposedly in love with me??”

“
You CHOOSE to be
alone. You could have ten guys tomorrow if you wanted
to!”

I’m loving the ego trip he’s put
me on, but what ten guys?? Imaginary ones??

“
I don’t know where
you’re getting your information from, but it’s wrong.”

He kept kissing me. “How’d I get
so lucky to get you?”

Whoa. Whoa. Hold the flying pink
unicorns.

What is going on!!!

Are men that insecure? All it took
was a tattooed best friend around me for Ever to do a complete back
flip??

Rich is so handy!!!!

That moment between us
flashed before my eyes…Rich and I at the cab rank, me cuddled up to
him in the cab. Another moment at his 21
^st
, when
I was 19…

Must forget them all and focus on
Evvy.

So he totally had me at the ‘How’d
I get so lucky?’ comment. We had the hottest love-making session
ever. I hurt whenever I move, my thighs were put in such
positions.

BLUSH!!!!

We cuddled naked together for ages
after. I could do that forever. The after sex cuddling. It feels so
decadent.

Then he murmured in my ear, “You
can stay if you want…”

“…
except I really can’t
fall asleep with anyone else in the bed.”

Moment Killer. That’s what he
is.

I didn’t want to stay anyway. I
was so tired by this stage, all I wanted was my pink bed and my
grey cat.

So we kissed goodbye, and he
watched me in this sexy, intense way as I dressed in front of
him.

“
I love those pink lacy
g-strings you wear.”

(only when I know I’m seeing
him!)

“
You’re so sexy, woman.
And fun, funny, sweet…independent.”

Seriously, had he taken something
before I’d come??

“
Are you sniffing glue,
Everard? Like the rest of Inala?” I asked, finally dressed. “Cause
the stuff that’s coming out your mouth…”

Ever grabbed me, making me yelp,
and pulled me back into his arms. He kissed me like he’s never
kissed me before. “No wonder everyone’s in love with you,” he
growled against my lips, his hands scrunching in my
hair.

I was dizzy with it all, and
trying to put a brave face on. I could feel myself plummeting
further into that ‘I fucking love this guy’ hole.

And it will be a hard landing.
It’s never soft.

“
Okay, I’m going now,
cause this new you is scaring me.”

He smacked me on the ass as I got
up. “I thought this is what you wanted!”

“
Oh, it is. But I need
to adjust to you like this. Give me a moment.”

Ever grinned, looking sexy as
hell, naked, sitting up against his headboard, white sheet draped
carelessly over his nakedness. “You want to stay? Maybe you should
stay…”

He was in an EXTREMELY loving
mood.

(sooo not fucking like
him!)

He seemed bummed I was about to
leave.

“
No, I’ve had a big
weekend. Need some sleep. Not performing for you all night –
”

“
Oh, you PERFORMED all
right – ”

I grabbed a pillow at the end of
his bed and hit him with it while he laughed. I made my way to the
door, opened it, turned back to look at him. Leaned my head against
the door, watching him.

I wanted to tell him, “I love
you,” so bad at that moment. I was aching from it.

His eyes were intense back, his
hands behind his head now. He looked HOT.

Ever looked like he wanted to eat
me up. “Whatever you’re thinking, woman?” A pause. “Me
too.”

My heart crash landed at the
bottom of that hole. “Really?” I managed to squeak.

“
Really.”

I could FEEL the love between us.
It was like a rope, pulling us towards each other.

(while we both
resisted)

“
Shut the door on your
way out, woman.”

Sigh.

Moment Killer.

Wednesday 13 September
2000

7.54am

Yesterday was just a painful day
at work.

So tired.

Then I went straight from work to
Richard’s for dinner. I felt really off yesterday. Was just too
tired to be chirper at Richie’s.

Benny asked me yesterday at work
if I’ve found a man yet…

Was he asking for
himself?? For Aaron?? Just out of curiosity??

Is Evvy’s ‘Ten Men That Love Me’
theory true??

I replied no to Benny. Ever is
SOOO not my boyfriend. Even comical just thinking about
that.

I wish he was, but he’s
not.

Oh, I wish I had a boyfriend!!
Julia has so much fun with Michael, they seriously make it look so
much fun!!

Nat and Dan do not. Or Josie and
Mark, for that matter. Well, they kinda do. Half the time. The
other half, you just cringe at their fights.

But to have a relationship like
Julia and Michael, that’s the dream.

Sigh.

Thursday 14 September
2000

10.47pm

I think I’ve decided I should give
up all hope on Evvy. Once and for all.

It’s just too heartbreaking. The
other night, it was amazing, near perfect…but he still holds me at
arm’s length, I still can’t call him my boyfriend.

I’ve gotta stop thinking of him,
stop purposely not making plans on the weekends in the hope he’ll
ring and ask me to do something.

What a croc!! He never makes
plans!! Fuck him!!

I’m angry!!

I believe, all of a sudden, that
I’ve been extremely pathetic, and I should move on.

He doesn’t even TRY.

He rang tonight, and asked for
Dan’s number. Why the hell he’s ringing for a number he’s already
got, is beyond me.

I gave it to him, then added, “Is
that all you’re ringing me for?” and he goes, “Yeah! Can’t talk,
gotta go!”

I felt like ringing him back and
telling him to FUCK OFF once and for all!

I am so pissed!

This is the first I’ve heard from
him since our last magical night together, and this is all he
says!! “Can I have Clewsy’s number??”

(said in a retarded voice, cause I
hate his damn voice now)

You think he could’ve had some
kind of conversation at all, or said I’ll call you back later, or
let’s do something tomorrow night. I just always feel like a bit of
a dick, me ALWAYS being the one to want to do anything, me always
waiting for him, me going over to his place, he hasn’t been to my
place IN FUCKING FOREVER, me telling HIM I want sex, then he
practically kicks me out each time, AND DOESN’T RING ALL WEEK, then
the only reason he DOES RING, IS TO ASK FOR DAN’S
NUMBER!!!!

Deep breaths.

I’m so angry. I don’t want to be
treated like dirt anymore. I’m done with all that crap. I want to
feel special. Treated like I’m loved. I want to BE
LOVED.

He doesn’t even bother being nice
anymore! Unless he wants sex!

Beth came over tonight, and we
packed all night. We put music on, danced around for hours while we
packed. Was fun!! Richie rang while the music was blasting. When I
said Beth was over, helping me pack, he immediately said, “Your
lesbian lover?”

Ha ha.

Rich was trying to get me to do
something tomorrow night, and I was trying not to make definite
plans –