Shampoo (34 page)

God, Nat is particularly annoying
tonight. Her face is all ‘I AM PISSED OFF, DO NOT SPEAK TO ME
TONIGHT,’ and she’s seriously in her scary mood.

I am staying away!

So I’ve been drinking.

(far away from my Irish
twin)

I rang Nick back, who has rung
every day this week, and now I feel much better.

I have my self-confidence back,
thanks to booze and a guy showing me interest.

Then I made pizza

(okay, I removed a frozen one from
the freezer, unwrapped it, and stuck it in the oven),

and Tom rang, and I heard Dan
reply to him: “Nah, he rang her, and kinda blew her off, cause
she’s sick…”

I slammed the oven door and stared
at him. Hello!! I’m right here!!!

“
Kerry, Tom wants to
speak to you!”

I trudged over. “Hey
Tom.”

“
Hey, baby girl. How
are ya?”

“
Good good good –
”

(enough goods and it’ll be
true)

“
I hear you’re sick
again?”

“
Yeah well, shit
happens – ”

“
You need a man to take
care of you.”

“
That I do!”

A pause. I could hear ice
clinking. I can just picture Tom sitting there all coolly and
confidently, sipping a scotch on the rocks. “Why do you put up with
it?”

I knew what he meant. Who he
meant. I sighed. “I fell for him ages ago, dude. I can’t get over
it.”

Tom seemed to have a coronary. Or
he was choking on his Jameson scotch. He started spluttering
everywhere. “WHAT?? What what what what WHAT – ”

(like anyone could fall for
Evvy)

“
I fell for him –
”

“
I heard you, I just
can’t believe it.” He made another spluttering sound, then an “Oh
shit!” like he’d spilled his James Bond drink, then said, “Have you
ever told Ever this?”

“
God, yeah. Like all
the time!”

“
I’m gonna have a talk
with that boy.”

(I love Tom!!!!)

“
I love you Tom, but
it’s okay. It won’t help.”

“
Trust me, he listens
to me.”

I shrugged, not wanting to feel
hope regarding Ever anymore. I clicked my fingers at Dan hovering
in the kitchen, eavesdropping, and copied my sister’s mime of an
hour ago - hand and head tilting back, miming drinking. He rolled
his eyes, stomped over to the ironing board where my glass was
fizzing prettily, and brought it to me, saying, “You snapped, my
lady?” sarcastically.

“
I’m going to get Evvy
and everyone down the coast on Sunday. He’ll be FORCED to have you
with his friends and himself.”

I wonder if he can pull it off. If
anyone can, it’s Tom.

I mean, how sweet is Tom for even
caring?? Or wanting us together??

Mark rang last night too, and when
I answered he asked about Evvy and I. It’s like all his friends
want Evvy to be with me. Why can’t he????

12.22am

Ever rang about 9pm, and asked if
I was coming over!!!!

I may have actually pulled my hair
out then. I have a clump missing.

I felt like screaming at him. But
I remained calm

(probably because I’m half
sloshed)

and said, “No my dear, sweet
Everard, I am not.”

“
You’re drunk, aren’t
you?”

“
Wee bit.”

“
I’ll come over
then.”

Now, see, I WOULD HAVE wanted him
to, at 4, 5, 6, 7pm, but by 9 I was drunk, sick and
tired.

So I replied, “I’m pissed with
you. Don’t bother.”

“
I’ll call you back.
Hoffy’s with me.”

Dial tone.

I trudged back to bed.

10pm: He rings again. “Pinky’s
House of Pain.”

“
Ain’t that the
truth.”

“
Yes Evvy?”

“
I did ask you to come
over tonight.”

“
Pig’s bum you
did.”

“
I definitely WANTED
you over.”

“
But you didn’t say
that!”

“
Well, I did in my own
way – ”

“
You don’t listen to a
word I say – ”

He got really angry then, and I
mean MAD, and started yelling at me. “Why do you ALWAYS DWELL ON
EVERYTHING!!! Every time I FUCKING CALL, you RIP IT INTO
ME!”

“
Cause you’re NOT DOING
WHAT YOU SAID YOU WOULD!!”

“
YES I FUCKING
AM!”

“
No, YOU’RE NOT –
”

He just continued to flip, like
fully flip. The asshole.

It wasn’t sexy then. It was just
wrong.

He then said, “Fuck you!” and hung
up.

I can’t believe he said those
words. Those are my (new) no go words.

It’s all
down
hill from when the ‘fuck
you’s’ start. Nothing good comes from then on.

I was devastated.

Now I’m just angry.

Fuck him right back!!!

Sunday 29 October
2000

3.22pm

Well let’s just say Saturday I
woke up with a SLIGHT (little bit) of a hangover.

Before the whole Evvy calling
incident, Dan jumped into bed with me again with a bottle of
Martini, and we drank that motherfucker while chatting for two
hours.

I do love Dan and I’s little
moments. They’re fun.

So Saturday I woke up half dead,
and decided to meet Nat and Dan down at Forest Lake

(avoiding The Asshole’s house on
the way there),

where Nat’s latest sporting
craze

(she’s had a few, old Sporty Spice
Nat)

is kayaking. I laid on a picnic
rug, wondering if death was imminent, while Nat and Dan
kayaked.

Then I came home and slept. I was
so tired and depressed. So upset over Evvy.

Nat woke me up to go to the school
fete at the end of our street and OH MY GOD, I got the best Barbie
car.

Had to fight a soccer mum for it,
and her three little shits, but whatever, I was the
victor!

Except when I got to the counter
to pay for it, the lady said, “That’ll be one dollar, thanks,” and
I had to turn to my sister and say, “You got a dollar,
sis?”

(Nat just sighed and huffed
heavily)

As I got home, Evvy rang. I
couldn’t believe it. Straight out he goes, “Tom and I are thinking
of going to get a steak, do you want to come?” all
monosyl.

Like Tom was FORCING him to ask
me.

Before I could even answer, he
continued. “If we don’t go to dinner, I’m going to Mark and Josie’s
later, do you want to go?”

“
Ah, ummmmm…” I was
speechless.

First, he’d treated me like shit,
second, he had just FINALLY asked me to do something with him and
his mates. After much bantering around, it was decided I would go
to his, and we’d go on to Josie’s together.

So soon as I got there yesterday
arvo and entered his man cave, I was all, “Are you even going to
apologize for what you said to me?”

I SO was not letting him get away
with it.

“
No,” he replied
stubbornly.

Off to a great start.

“
I’ve been so fucking
good, Karina – ”

“
You haven’t been THAT
good!”

Oh my God. I seriously don’t even
want to go into it all. I was ill, pissed with him, hating on him,
and he was anything but loving, so I just walked out

(and no, he DIDN’T walk me out to
my car. Walk Me Out Round Fucking Four Hundred),

didn’t go to Mark and
Josie’s.

One thing he did say

(of importance, or that I can even
be bothered relaying in here)

was, “After last Sunday night’s
talk, I thought we were in a relationship.”

I just rolled my eyes and said, “I
must have missed that fucking memo, cause the last I heard, you did
AND DIDN’T want to be with me!”

Today I’ve watched Nat kayak along
the river at Goodna while Dan and I lazed on the bank.

Monday 30 October
2000

7.33am

Feel awful but going to work.
Finishing at 2.30pm though.

I hope Evvy calls.

7.00pm

I hate Evvy.

THIS IS IT, and I mean it this
time.

I rang Evvy at 4.35pm

(our ‘special time’)

and he was SO motherfucking
uninterested in me, I wanted to scream (and did).

I was asking how he was, blah
blah, all about him, and he just answered in yes or no replies or
DIDN’T EVEN BOTHER TO REPLY AT ALL.

I finally cried, “Say
something!”

He replied, “I’ve got nothing to
say.”

How hard is it to ask how I am??
To care??

Apparently very hard.

He THEN SAID: “Please don’t call
me every day.”

And that’s when I

(lost my shit)

screamed, “FINE!! HOW ABOUT I
NEVER CALL YOU AGAIN!!!” and I slammed that fucking phone down into
it’s motherfucking cradle.

(swearing helps. A lot)

Then Nick rang.

Dan was home during the Ever the
Fucker phone call, and I was all, “That’s it! I’m spending his
birthday money on myself! No way am I going on his stupid fucking
party bus the way he is!!”

Dan was all, “I’ll believe it when
I see it.”

It’s so over. He cannot be a
boyfriend or loving.

Tuesday 31 October
2000

5.19pm

I went to the doctors yesterday
arvo straight from work, she told me to take today off.

So I’ve just been laying about in
bed, starving, hoping some mythical creature will appear and feed
me.

Where the fuck is my sister’s
boyfriend when I need him???

Been devastated over that
fucker.

(Evvy, not my sister’s
boyfriend)

But then…as I’m checking my pink
clock on the nightstand, I saw the 4.28 flash and my heart dropped.
I knew he was about to ring.

I could feel it!!!

4.30pm clocked over, and I paused
‘Beverly Hills 90210’ and waited…

And the phone rang!! I raced to
it. “Hello??”

“
Are you still going on
the party bus?”

Ha. Dan’s mouth strikes again.
Like an open-wide anaconda’s mouth.

“
I don’t
know.”

“
Well, I need to know
numbers, so you need to decide.”

“
Why should I even
BOTHER going – ”

“
Cause you ended it
last night??”

“
Me?? How about YOU and
your behaviour? How you treated me AGAIN – ”

“
I didn’t treat you in
any way – ”

“
BULLSHIT you
didn’t!!”

“
I didn’t mean it how
it came out – ”

“
Oh, there’s another
way to take ‘Don’t call me every day?’”

“
I meant it like, let
ME make the effort, let ME call YOU – ”

“
Oh you’re so full of
shit, Everard – ”

And then we just had a yelling
match over the phone at each other. No clear winner. We’re both
losers in this.

I started crying. It was
heartbreaking. I started like trying to talk, while I’m sobbing and
spluttering, and that was it, argument was over. Ever interrupted
my hysterical speech and practically growled, “I don’t want to lose
you.”

That did it. That floored me.
Argument was so over then!!!

My heart SHATTERED.

“
We should start over
Karina,” he continued. “I’ll try harder. It won’t be a once a week
fuck.”

“
Won’t it?” I
whispered, brushing tears away. My fingertips came away drenched. I
was fully sobbing.

“
No, it won’t,” he
argued, in his sexy, sexy ‘I care’ voice.

(that I fucking love)

“
I won’t let it
anymore.” Pause, the air thick between us. “Tom told me what you
said. About me.”