Shattered Skies: Beginning's End (13 page)

The
same need that I felt coming from him was something that I had denied myself for a long time. Darien was the only person that I could trust to give myself to. I didn’t want him to stop; his lips were warm and comforting, they felt almost like home. Every time they touched me they sent tiny little chills throughout my body. He kissed me like my lips were his to claim, his confidence made it feel right and normal. Darien’s kisses were completely different from the kisses that I had shared with Akia.  It wasn’t a bad difference; in fact it was surprisingly easy to get lost in him. His kiss was just comfortable where Akia’s was hot. I felt safe and calm with Darien. I had nothing to hide from this man; he knew everything about me. His cool kiss was more calming than the burning need that Akia’s kiss brought. The cool meant that I could be me; it meant that I didn’t have to pretend to be someone else; it meant that I could make love with another human being, not because I needed to, but because I wanted to. It meant that I could be happy, spending the rest of my life with my lips pressed to his. We were equals; never once had he made me feel like a lesser being. This was the man that knew I was on his level and that made me want him more.

I was so lost in thought and his lips and tongue playing with mine that I hadn’t even realized that he had made his way through my apartment and into my room. He literally dropped me on the bed and was back on top of me before I had time to think.  For the first time in my life I was going to know what it was like to be with a man that could hold you after you both collapsed from the exhaustion that came with great sex. This was something completely new for me. My partners always turned to dust. I kind of liked it that way
; there was no pressure for awkward pillow talk with a pile of dust. Everything that was going through my mind made me preoccupied, but it was OK, my body managed well enough on its own. My hands were ripping away the front of his shirt. I was panting with the need of having to touch his bare skin and he was breathing harder than I was which said a lot. His hands were working my body over, touching me, feeling me, trying to memorize every inch of skin that up until this point I had never allowed him to touch. I could feel his hands trembling nervously on my inner thighs. Big tough Darien was scared of me. My heart instantly melted. I let the calming coolness take over. 

It was different but it was right. Everything felt like it was supposed to. Unlike other sexual encounters I had had with strangers, Darien was someone that I knew and I loved. I wasn’t some random whore to him. I could see it in his eyes and I could feel it with every brush of his fingertips. I had never felt anything like this; the closeness was unreal
. I kissed my way down his bare smooth perfect chest, stopping at each peck and sucking them into my mouth. He was still breathing heavily and moaning softly. Then I bit him; I needed to see his reaction. Darien shuddered and let out a little whimper to let me know that he liked it.  He pushed me back onto the bed which was fine; I wanted to see the look on his face. I needed to see that he wanted me, that he needed me. I knew that it would change everything but I needed to know what I meant to him once and for all.  The little vixen wanted to come out and play and I let her. As soon as I got a glimpse of his face I knew that his body was aching for me so I kissed up his neck, biting a little on the way. His mouth was trembling when I sucked his bottom lip into mine. When I nibbled his lip a little, I felt his body shudder. 

I didn’t have to think about it. I wanted this. How could I not? He had been mine from the beginning. I covered his mouth and kissed with everything I had. I concentrated on using my tongue to show him just how right this all felt to me, and it worked. His hands were no longer trembling in fear; they were shaking with lust as he explored every part of
my body that he could get to.

In one quick move, he tugged my giant sized tee shirt over my head. He kissed his way down my body, mimicking every move I had just made on him. When he started teasing my nipples, I felt it everywhere. Wh
en he bit down like I had, I thrust so hard against him I knocked the wind out of him. I could feel him pulsating through both of our clothing. He wanted me just as much as I wanted him. I didn’t know if this was a good thing or a bad thing; all I knew was nothing had ever felt so right in my life. With one hand he unzipped his jeans and with the other he pulled off my panties. He was good at this, but then again, we were both well practiced. Wait! That made a difference. What if he just thought that he wanted this? He was trained to be convincing. Had he convinced himself that he needed me?

As he was struggling to get his boxer shorts off, something happened. I don’t know what it was, but I just panicked. I gave him a hard shove. He fell off the bed and I grabbed the sheet to cover myself. Darien hit the cold
floor with a thud.

“Oh my God, are you OK? I didn’t mean to push you that hard.”
I had no idea where that surge of strength had come from but I had to too many other things to worry about just then. Darien looked shocked and devastated all at once. “Darien I am sorry. We are just moving way too fast. We need to slow down a little, OK?” My body was betraying me though, I was still breathing, heaving and needing him, but I couldn’t let myself go on.

“I-I am sorry Cat. I thought you wanted me too.” He was crushed. What in the world had I just done? I wanted him so, what did it matter if he was well practiced? Damn it! Something was wrong with me.  Maybe I liked to be miserable.

“No Darien I didn’t mean it like that. I want you too. I just…” 

But it was too late, the moment had passed. He jumped up, put on his pants and was out the bedroom door before I had a chance to stop him. I knew that he was hurt and embarrassed. I didn’t mean for this to happen; it was like the little voice opened my mouth and started talking. I didn’t want him to stop; more than anything I wanted to feel him inside of me. It was the only thing left unfulfilled between us. It was the last thing that I could do to be close
r to him. That is what I wanted; I wanted the coolness back. I needed the calmness that was Darien. 

By the time I finally found where my tee shirt had been thrown, I figured he would be gone and I would have to try to stop him. He couldn’t be out without his contacts. He could be angry if he wanted but he couldn’t get caught and if sucking up my pride and begging him to come back was what I needed to do, I would do it.  Instead, I found him standing by the table reading the card attached to the black roses. This was bad. This was very bad. He was a smart man and I knew he was going to connect the dots, even if the dots didn’t line up the way he thought.

“Darien it isn’t what you think. Just sit down for a minute so I can explain everything. I do want you. We just have to make sure it is the right time. I just need to know that you aren’t doing this just because you thought I was dead. I don’t want to rush this and risk you hating me for the rest of our lives. You have to understand where I am coming from, right?”  There, maybe I would get lucky and the constant talking would calm him down.

When Darien turned around to look at me, the hurt on his face that I had braced myself for was now replaced with rage. I tried to convince myself
that rage was better than hurt. It would be easier for me to have him hate me than for me to know that I broke his heart. It was just a look right? He really couldn’t hate me as much as he appeared to right then. 

“No need to explain KITTEN!” he screamed. “Is that it Cat?
Why screw me when you have the Regent himself pining away for you?” 

“Darien it isn’t like that and you know it. It isn’t like I was there of my own free will. I was unconscious! I tried so hard to get out of that room and find you that night
, you have no idea. I didn’t do any of this to hurt you, you have to know that.”  

“Well we know you can’t be sleeping with him, so what is he doing to get yo
u off?!” He was screaming at me. I hate when people scream at me and I was sure the entire building could hear him. With one little slip of the tongue he could get us both busted.

“You need to lower your voice or get the hell out! One person hears you and comes to investigate and we are both gone, is that what you want?” He was still glaring at me but at least he seemed to be considering what I was sayi
ng. “I am not in love with the Regent and he only wants me because I won’t let him have me. He sees me as a challenge, a toy. You are a man; you know how to play that same game. Hell you do it every day when you leave for work.” I have this ability to talk so calmly and utterly coldly that I have no need for yelling. 

“I love you Cat and I have been in love with you forever and I know when you are lying to me.” Darien had never really said he had been in love with me and fortunately for me I didn’t have time to process and think about how it made me feel because he just kept ranting away. “You don’t even have the decency to tell me the truth. Go for it; go ahead tell me that you are so attracted to that hideous creature that you pushed me away. I am not going to lose you over him, Cat. I have spent most of my life pretending that it was you and me; you have always been more than a friend to me. I would die for you, Cat.” His words sent chills down my spine. Had I lead led him on? I mean I loved him but I didn’t want him to ever say the words that he just said. Neither of us were foolish people, we were both practical enough to know that the kind of love that he was talking about could never exist in our world.  “I love you and you love me; I know you do. You are just confused. I think that he is messing with your mind; that has to be it! You are mine Cat, and I am not letting this sub-human freak take you away from me!” He was yelling again, and I was really too tired to try to figure any of this out, so I let him yell and I listened to what I hoped were just sleepless rants and idol threats.  “I am going to Dr. Walker to convince him that you are a danger to yourself and everyone else.” He waited for me to protest but when I didn’t he kept going.  “None of us are safe as long as you and Akia are playing Romeo and Juliet. You belong barefoot and pregnant with the rest of the females, underground where we men can protect you; where I can protect you from yourself. I am supposed to take care of you. It is my
job Cat. That is the reason I exist.” 

I had never heard him talk so disrespectfully
to me in my life. “Get the hell out of my apartment, now! I don’t have to explain myself to anyone, especially not you.”  I could feel tears threatening to slip from my eyes, and I would be damned if I let him have the satisfaction of seeing me cry. 

“I love you Cat. I know that you will eventually come to your senses so I am going to do something to help you
speed the process before you do something that gets us all killed.” And with that he was gone and the door closed softly behind him.

I don’t really remember falling back to sleep. I know I went into my room, laid back down and cried like I had never cried before. I cried because I loved Darien, I cried because I hurt him, and I cried because I denied myself the pleasure of tasting real love. I cried even more because I knew that I would never have that purity that was Darien again. I was tainted now and I would never again be perfect in his eyes. I thought I would never sleep again; nonetheless, the numbness took over. I drifted away into the blackness that I hoped would just swallow me up for the rest of eternity.

I had to be asleep and dreaming. I was somewhere else now; no longer warm in my bed, safe under my covers with my head resting on my tear soaked pillow. The house I was in was a place that I had never been in before; I could tell by the look of it, but I could tell even more by the feel of it. The room I was in was huge. There were bookshelves on every wall. I didn’t know so many books had survived the invasion. All I wanted to do was go grab as many books as I could carry and run. Darien would love to read any of them. Each book would give us back a little more of our past with every page we turned. Darien; there was something about Darien that I wanted to remember, something that I needed to remember, but I didn’t know what it was. There were just too many things to look at in this room; too many treasures to explore and collect, too many things that prevented worrying about things in the real world. Those things would still be there in the morning. I turned in a circle, breathing in the smell of all the old books. It was a smell that I loved. It smelled like the history that had been stolen from me. I took a deep breath and started towards the middle shelf and that is when I saw him.  There was someone sitting in a chair facing the huge fireplace with their back turned toward me. I had no clue who I was with. It should have bothered me but I knew that whoever it was didn’t want to hurt me. 

“Aw Kitten; I have been waiting for you all night. I really thought that you would get here sooner and then that boyfriend of yours interrupted us. He really is
a bit dramatic isn’t he? I mean seriously, if the two of you are that close, doesn’t he know you well enough to know that the roses did nothing more than make you even more upset than you were before?” Akia never turned around to see if it was me, he just knew automatically. His voice mixing with the crackling fire sounded like music and the sound made my body tingle with yet unanswered promises.

“Where am I? How did you know that Darien was with me tonight? And he is not my boyfriend, not that it is any concern to you.” I was standing there conversing with him like it was something I did every day. The fact that he knew Darien was with me should have bothered me more than it did, but I felt at peac
e, safe even, more relaxed than I should have been. I felt close to how I felt when I was hypnotized in Dr Walker’s office.