She Had No Choice (8 page)

Sofía enjoyed her newfound freedom from her aunt’s tyranny. She was free to leave if she chose to, but for now she was content to stay. She continued working at the restaurant, but she hoped for a life that held so much more. If she was to attain a better life, she knew she needed to improve her English. She asked her cousin for help, and Olivia happily agreed.

Because Sofía hadn’t gone back to school once she came to the United States, she was far behind in her education. Olivia spent the next few months trying to help her brush up first on simple mathematics, then she worked with Sofía on reading and writing English. She tried her best, but it was difficult for her and she spoke with a thick accent.

When Sofía thought her English was good enough to explore other opportunities in Phoenix, she decided to look for work outside of Olivia’s restaurant and hotel. At first she was afraid Olivia wouldn’t understand and think her ungrateful. But Olivia had watched Sofía grow up and understood her wanting some independence.

Sofía found a job in Phoenix at a popular Mexican restaurant just a few blocks from her home. She was hired as a waitress, where she could use both her native Spanish and try using some of the English she had been practicing. The waitresses all wore puffy, white cotton peasant blouses and colorful, full skirts, which complimented their dark hair.

Being both attractive and experienced in waiting on people, Sofía soon became a favorite of the regulars. Discovering she also had a nice singing voice, sometimes she sang along with the Mariachi band that played in the restaurant on the weekends. She loved the attention she received, and she happily worked there for several years.

Though life had improved for Sofía over the past few years, she still felt an emptiness inside. She longed to love and be loved.

When she was a young girl, her heart had been badly broken when her family members died and her father had to send her away. Then her spirit had been beaten down by her cruel aunt for so many years. She hungered for a kind, loving word during those difficult years in her tía’s house, or a hug, a warm touch. But none ever came.

It was no wonder that she hardly knew what to do with all the flattery and attention she increasingly received from the restaurant’s patrons, especially the men. As she developed into a woman, she became like a moth to the flame.

One young man, in particular, struck her fancy. His name was Enrique Sanchez. He had just turned twenty-six and was very handsome. He stood about five foot ten, with a slender build, and possessed the most beautiful curly black hair and hazel eyes. He began coming to the restaurant regularly, flirting with Sofía and complimenting her beauty and her singing voice. The more often he came, the more overt the flirtations.

He finally asked her to have dinner with him on her night off. At first she was taken by surprise and her first reaction was to tell him no. She was still a little shy, as she hadn’t dated anyone before. Tía Consuela had not allowed it.

But Enrique was persistent, and Tía Consuela was no longer around to forbid it. Sofía finally gave in and accepted Enrique’s invitation. She made plans to meet him at a nearby café, called Maggie’s, the next evening after work.

Their first date was just for coffee and dessert. Maggie’s Café was known in town for its delicious pies.

“
Hi, my name’s Betty,” said their pretty blonde waitress as she flashed a toothy smile. “What can I get for you tonight?”

Sofía and Enrique decided to have a cup of coffee and share a slice of luscious coconut cream pie.

The waitress brought their coffee and pie right away and quickly moved along to wait on the other tables. Sofía thought she was pleasant enough until she noticed Enrique was obviously attracted to her. As the young waitress walked away, he followed her swaying hips with his eyes until Sofía purposely cleared her throat. It broke his stare and brought his attention back to their table.

Sofía wasn’t sure what to think of that. She had never dated before. She led a pretty sheltered life, thanks to Tía Consuela. Maybe men are always attracted to beautiful women, she thought to herself. She decided she would let it go for now. After all, this was just their first date. She had no real claim on him.

They shared their rich dessert and had lively, fun conversation. They spoke about their families and where they grew up, him more than her. She felt a connection to him.

One date led to another and before long they were inseparable. She had not felt cared for in a very long time. There was a warmth that filled the empty hole inside her. She desperately desired the tender touch and affection of another human being.

As their dating progressed, Enrique pressed her for more and more physical intimacy. The more he pressed, the angrier he got when she denied him. She wanted to wait for sex until she was married, as her parents and her priest had taught her. But, reverting to her history of walking on eggshells so as not to bring displeasure, one night, at his apartment, she gave in to him, body and soul.

Week after week, Enrique pressured her to continue having sex with him. Sadly, she felt herself falling farther and farther back into being the weakling she once was at Tía Consuela’s hand. She wanted to please Enrique so badly that she would do anything to make him happy. Sofía told herself that Enrique loved her, and this was the only way she could keep him. She began to loathe herself for what she had become.

Two months after she first gave herself to Enrique, Sofía found out that she was pregnant. She was afraid to tell him, afraid he would become angry with her and she would lose him. She agonized over it for weeks, wondering what she should do.

Night after night, week after week, Enrique would attempt to initiate intimacy with her, but she withheld herself from him because of her condition. He became increasingly frustrated with her. He was used to having his way. Unfulfilled, he started to find other ways to occupy his time.

Sitting alone in her room one night, pondering her dilemma, Sofía finally decided she would tell him. She hoped he would do the right thing and marry her – quickly.

She went to work at the restaurant the next evening, keeping an eye out for him if he showed up that night. She was intent on telling him before any more time passed.

The Mariachi band was playing and the music was lively. There was a large crowd that night, every table was full and people were waiting in the lobby. Sofía was very busy waiting on customers, taking orders and filling drinks, but she would make time for him if she saw him that night, she decided. 

Since she had been keeping herself from him, he was coming around less and less. She wasn’t sure how he would take the news. He had been very agitated with her lately.

About eight o’clock that evening, Enrique appeared in the doorway of the restaurant with a very pretty young blonde on his arm. He stopped to survey the room, then he led his date over to the bar where they sat on a couple of wooden stools.

Sofía felt the color drain from her face and she felt something like an ice pick pierce her heart. Her knees went weak. Another woman? After she had given her whole self to him, totally and completely?  She had given him her virginity and he discarded her like yesterday’s newspaper.

This woman seemed familiar to Sofía, but she couldn’t place her at first. Trying to hold herself together, she drew in a calming breath and slowly walked over to him, hoping no one could hear her heart beating loudly in her chest. He was talking to his date, smiling at her the way he used to smile at Sofía.

“
Enrique,” Sofía whispered in his ear, “I need to talk to you. Meet me by the kitchen.”

“
No, I’m busy. Talk to me some other time,” he said, waving her off and returning his attention to his date sitting next to him.

“
Enrique!” she insisted in a low but firm tone, “I must talk to you, now!”

“
No, I said. Can’t you see I’m here with Betty?” flashing his date a quick smile. “You made it clear to me, Sofía, that you don’t feel the same way about me as you used to. I’ll talk to you some other time. Go away.”

In that instant, Sofía recognized the toothy blonde with the swaying hips. It was the waitress from the diner Enrique had taken her to on their first date. She was even more determined to talk to him right then.

“
Enrique! I don’t want to make a scene, but I
have
to
talk to you. It’s
important
.”

“
Okay, okay,” he sighed, giving in to her persistence. Turning to his date, he said, “I’ll be right back.”

“
Okay, sugar,” Betty replied.

He eased off of his bar stool and reluctantly followed her to the back of the crowded restaurant by the kitchen. She pulled him over to a darkly-lit corner. Looking around to make sure no one could overhear their conversation, Sofía mustered up the courage to look Enrique in the eye.

“
What do you want, Sofía?” he asked, irritated that she dragged him away from his date.

“
Enrique, I’m pregnant.”

“
Pregnant?”

“
Yes.”

“
Why are you bothering
me
with this?”

“
You are the father, of course.”

“
No, no, no, no,” he said, shaking his head.

“
Yes, Enrique,
you
are the father,” she said with fear in her voice, afraid of his rejection.

“
How do I know that, chica? How do I know you have only been with me?

“
You are the only man I’ve ever been with, Enrique,” she told him, with tears filling her eyes to the brim. “I promise you, this is
your
baby. I need your help.”

Enrique knew he was the only man she had ever been with. From the first night, he knew she was a virgin. From the way he was squirming, it was obvious he didn’t want to be tied down with a baby and a woman he didn’t love. He had gotten what he wanted from her and now he just wanted out.

She reached out, her hands trembling, trying to put her arms around his waist, hoping to feel his arms close in around her once more. She wanted him to hold her, to tell her everything would be okay, that he loved her and would take care of her, that he would marry her.

Instead, he firmly took hold of her arms and loosened her grip on his torso, pushing her back a little, trying to distance himself from her and the situation.

“
I’m sorry, but this is
your
problem, Sofía. Leave me out of it.”

“
But, Enrique…”

“
I’m warning you. If you try to pin this on me, I’ll tell everyone that you’ve been with lots of men, that you are a whore. I’m outta here.” 

And with that he turned and walked away from her, took his date by the arm and walked out of the restaurant. Tears began to flow, there was no holding them back – bitter, angry tears. Her heart hurt as she felt it breaking apart. She turned her face to the wall, hoping no one would see her crying. What was she going to do now?

She knew she would never see him or hear from him again. Without his help, she wondered how she could possibly raise this baby alone. Would she have the strength? At least, she thought, she would have someone to love.

Chapter 7:
Out of Wedlock

1932, Ruby, Arizona

For so many years, Sofía had been a shy, petite girl who always wanted to please. She realized this was what got her into trouble, pregnant and alone. She knew at that moment she could no longer be that girl. She recognized that now she was a woman who would soon be responsible for another life, a tiny baby who would be totally dependent on her.

There was no more room in her life for being shy or weak. If she couldn’t reach down deep and find the power to get through this, she and her baby would be in serious trouble.

Beside herself with fear, she felt like she had no one in the world to talk to about her situation.   She was too ashamed to tell anyone but Enrique that she was pregnant. She hid her condition for a couple more months under baggy clothing, worrying every day, praying for the strength to raise her child alone.

“
What am I going to do?” she asked herself, over and over again. Enrique refused to marry her. She was a pregnant, unmarried woman who barely spoke English. She could work at the restaurant for a few more months, but soon her belly would grow too large and she would be forced to stop working. Once the baby came, she would need to stay home to care for him or her.

As humiliated as she was, she knew before long her condition would be known to everyone who saw her. When her pregnancy became public, the shame and ridicule would be painful. Before others found out, she decided to finally confide in her cousin, Olivia. One afternoon, before she left for the restaurant, she found Olivia sitting in the garden reading.

“
Hi, Olivia. I’m leaving for work in a little while. Can we talk?”

“
Yes, yes. Sit down.” Olivia replied, as she laid her book down on her lap. She looked at Sofía’s face and could see something was troubling her. “Is anything wrong?”