Authors: Janine A. Morris
She's No Angel (20 page)
Chapter 37
S
he ended up at Paige's house that night.
he ended up at Paige's house that night.
She cried on the way there, and by the time she got there she was ready to try to face the fact that maybe happiness wasn't for her. Maybe she couldn't change who she was, no matter how hard she tried. Maybe we are who we are, and although we can grow into better people maybe we can't erase the innate creature that we are. What bothered Charlene the most was that she had had so many bad vibes about going to meet Rich and still she went. Trying to be slick, trying to do wrong and think she could hide it away and look right.
The part that hurt so much was that she knew Isaac would have no reason to believe anything that she said about it. She wasn't even going there to see Rich with bad intentions, but still there was no explanation. She couldn't tell Isaac that the only reason she went was to assure Rich that the baby was not his. She drove erratically down the highway, oblivious to all the other cars surrounding her. Her mind was filled with a million thoughts including replays of what had happened.
Just as she exited off the highway, her cell phone rang. She looked on the caller ID and it was Rich. She was hesitant to answer, but she realized she owed him an explanation and she was curious if he and Isaac had had any sort of conversation after she escaped.
“Are you OK?” he asked.
“I'm fine,” she said.
“I'm really sorry about that ... That was Isaac, right?”
“Yeah, it was. I have some kind of luck these days.”
Rich slightly laughed. “Listen, I wanted to talk to you to let you know if the baby was mine I would be there, and I wanted to tell you that face-to-face.”
“I appreciate that, Rich. You are such a sweetheart,” she said as her emotions got the best of her and tears started forming in her eyes.
“I mean that.”
“I almost wish it was. But from the date the doctor gave me I was already pregnant that night I saw you.”
“Wow, OK.”
“But if something changes, you'll be the first I let know.”
“All right, baby, take care.”
Charlene drove the rest of the way to Paige's in deep thought. She found herself in that place quite often lately.
Once she got there, before she even took off her coat she was telling Paige the story, detail by detail.
“You are sure that Rich is not the father, right?” Paige asked.
“Yes, it was only one time and according to how many weeks I am, I was already pregnant.”
“Well, you need to make sure things are smoothed out with Isaac, because I'm sure him seeing you with another man doesn't help his doubts.”
“If it was another man, that wouldn't be as bad as it being Rich,” Charlene replied.
“That's true.”
“It's a waste trying to explain myself, it's just going to sound like one big lie or excuse.”
“So you think it's best you ignore the elephant in the room? I know you can't be saying that, because you and him are supposed to be getting married this year. That's not a healthy relationship.”
“I will say something. Besides, I'm sure if I didn't, he will, and we will have a huge fight or he will call off the engagement again,” Charlene said.
“Well, do something, Charlene. You and Isaac need to be able to let go of the past, and look forward to your future with your baby and making your marriage work.”
“It all sounds so easy, but yet it isn't that simple,” Charlene said after thinking over what Paige said.
“Life isn't simple, sweetie,” Paige responded.
Charlene was frustrated and confused. She knew Paige was right, and certainly her life hadn't been easy. She knew in her heart that she was blessed, but she felt like the deceit from her life had become a curse. What was stressing her most was that she didn't know how to read Isaac's reaction. She had called him on the phone and he still acted calm and as if he wasn't even upset, but she knew that he had to be. At Sammy's he had said to her that her friend was waiting, and she was certain he had looked dead at Rich, so she didn't quite get why he wasn't asking any questions or flipping out. She didn't know if it was his version of what she had done when she found Lacy in his bed that morning, or that he had given up. She wanted to believe that he didn't want to upset her while she was pregnant, but she couldn't imagine he would let that roll off his back.
Chapter 38
C
harlene was grocery shopping to prepare for the many hours she would spend in her home until the baby was born. She wanted Isaac to come but he had said he had errands to run. Charlene had already figured the real reason was that he was in no mood to be around her. They had been having some generic conversations since they saw each other in Sammy's, and she finally offered the information one day on the phone.
harlene was grocery shopping to prepare for the many hours she would spend in her home until the baby was born. She wanted Isaac to come but he had said he had errands to run. Charlene had already figured the real reason was that he was in no mood to be around her. They had been having some generic conversations since they saw each other in Sammy's, and she finally offered the information one day on the phone.
“Just in case you were wondering, me and Rich met that day to put some things to an end.”
“OK,” Isaac replied.
“Seriously, Isaac, it was nothing like that.”
“OK. I believe you.”
“I know you probably don't have a reason to, but you have to know that I am not the young dumb girl I was back then. I am not up to no good. I was meeting Rich to make sure some things were clear and over.”
“OK, that was much needed, I'm sure.”
Charlene gave up. She couldn't decipher his comments and didn't feel like a fight so she let it go. If he wanted to be so cool and let it go, so would she. She still had to go shopping by herself, though, this afternoon. She got all the snacks and drinks she wanted, food to cook and easy food to microwave. She felt like she was getting ready to hibernate for the winter.
Just as she was almost done with her food shopping, she turned down an aisle and instantly became a little uncomfortable with what she saw. There was a young girl about sixteen years old, and she was with a guy that looked about four years her senior. They caught her attention because he was touching on her in inappropriate places and kissing on her, and the girl was giggling away. She was about 5'5”, 125 pounds with a pretty, curvaceous shape. She was medium brown with light brown slanted eyes, pouty full lips and a pair of adorable dimples. She was gorgeous and looked full of life. She was dressed in a tight shirt, which showed too much of her boobs, and infectious jeansâthat's what Charlene called jeans that were so tight they could cause a yeast infection. The guy was dressed like a typical urban young male in a music video, with saggy jeans and a fitted hat. They were looking for whipping cream in the refrigerated section, and Charlene could overhear them making reference to their plans for it when they got home.
Charlene continued to watch the young girl and guy, intrigued and almost mesmerized by their mannerisms and behavior. Once Charlene realized how rude she was by staring at them, she looked away. She looked back one more time when she heard the girl giggle again; he had put his hand in her back pocket to cup her behind. Charlene looked the girl dead in her face and she realized that she knew the young lady. She knew her very well. She was Charlene when she was younger. She could tell from the looks on the girl's face that she welcomed every bit of the attention and actually felt quite special that this young man was spending time with her. She knew that this girl couldn't tell that all the groping and fondling this guy was doing to her in the store wasn't only an inability to control his attraction to her, but also his lack of respect for her. She was just a piece of ass to him, and didn't care whether anyone around knew that. She, on the other hand, was on cloud nine; young and clueless. Charlene felt sorry for her, deeply sorry for her. The way she had felt for herself the day she finally got a clue. It's almost easier to live in the dark than to face reality when you're in those shoes. It's an embarrassing truth.
Charlene finally managed to pull herself away from the spectacle they were making of themselves and leave the aisle. In the back of her mind she was hoping this girl would figure out what she was doing wrong. Charlene wanted to tell her but knew that the young lady would say something rude and obscene in response, so Charlene decided to mind her business. As Charlene finished gathering her things she could hear the girl from time to time, giggling in some other aisle.
Approximately ten minutes later Charlene advanced to the checkout lane with about two hundred dollars' worth of groceries. She waited for the customer in front of her to begin to pay for her items before she started unloading her cart. Frozen dinners, milk, orange juice, butter ... Charlene was placing each item on the counter, trying to make sure she didn't forget anything at the same time. The sound of laughter broke her concentration. She looked over her shoulder and the young Charlene and the guy were standing on line behind her. Not wanting to be rude and stare or look sympathetic, Charlene quickly turned back around to finish. She glanced back at the young lady once or twice as she waited for her groceries to be rung up and bagged.
Just as Charlene went to pull out her money, the young lady placed the whipping cream and some chocolate sauce on the counter. As the young grocery clerk bagged the last of her groceries, Charlene took a pen and wrote on the back of the receipt the cashier had just handed her. She waited for the boy to finish loading the cart, and before she left she folded the receipt and turned to hand the note to the girl.
While Charlene walked away the girl looked down at the paper in her hand. Initially the girl looked confused, but she discreetly opened the paper and began to read it. The note read:
If you don't respect yourself, these boys never will. Take it from me.
Charlene looked back and saw the girl reading it. Just as the girl finished she looked up and saw Charlene watching her. Charlene gave her a slight smile and a nod, turned away and walked out the automatic doors of the supermarket.
Once Charlene reached her car, she was happy that she had done that. She felt like the young Charlene really did comprehend what it was that she was saying, and even if she didn't change right away Charlene hoped she would get it together quickly enough to become a different older Charlene.
Chapter 39
S
he had spent some time with Isaac over the following week, but not enough to gauge if things were totally back to normal. They ran a few errands together one day, and he picked her up for work once or twice. Today he had stopped by to bring her some things that she needed and he seemed to be in an emotional place. He came up to her and hugged her for about two minutes straight. Charlene didn't know if it stemmed from his father, her, the baby or something else. When she asked all he said was that it was nothing.
he had spent some time with Isaac over the following week, but not enough to gauge if things were totally back to normal. They ran a few errands together one day, and he picked her up for work once or twice. Today he had stopped by to bring her some things that she needed and he seemed to be in an emotional place. He came up to her and hugged her for about two minutes straight. Charlene didn't know if it stemmed from his father, her, the baby or something else. When she asked all he said was that it was nothing.
Charlene knew that even after all they had been through, she still loved Isaac and still wanted to marry him. She prayed that his feelings weren't too different. She was happy that she and Isaac had decided that she would do her bed rest at his apartment. She took that as a good sign, but wasn't sure if it bode well for the future. For all she knew Isaac would request a paternity test the minute the baby was born. But she understood that she had to take things day by day.
“I know I was supposed to give you an answer to something and I never did,” he said out of nowhere.
Charlene was surprised he remembered, since she asked the question right before his father's death. She got a little nervous when he brought it up.
“I did think about it and, honestly, it is a lot to swallow. I can probably admit that if I knew when we met, we probably wouldn't have made it anywhere,” he continued.
Charlene looked at him and then turned away, looking down. It didn't sound like he was saying what she wanted to hear, but still she knew that it was all real talk, and something she kind of already knew. She didn't respond.
“Still, now that we have all this history and a baby on the way it makes you look at things kind of different. I won't lie, I felt hoodwinked and bamboozled but I can't change that,” he continued.
“Isaac, I'm sorry for that, and I really do love you,” she finally interjected.
“I know you love me, and I love you, too. The thing is it's just not that easy,” he replied.
There was silence for a second. Charlene could feel herself getting jittery and nervous about what was to follow.
“I don't want my daughter being teased, being called Jump-off Junior. It's like we have to move from this area altogether to leave the past here,” Isaac continued.
“Maybe we can start over,” she said.
“Maybe we can. We do have a wedding set and a baby on the way, if there is a reason to move on we have one,” Isaac said. Then he paused, he seemed to be really thinking. “I don't think I've been saying it the right way. I thought about the question, and I can handle it. Maybe not as well as I should, and I will probably always be a little bothered by some of it, but I can handle it,” he continued.
“Are you sure?” she asked, feeling beyond relieved to hear him say that.
“I'm sure. Nobody's perfect. We all have different flaws. I tried to live my life for my father and now that he is gone, I feel lost. No one has all the answers. I can believe that these were mistakes in your past and you have only been with me since we met.”
For a second Charlene felt her heart skip a beat. She felt guilty knowing that in fact she had been with Rich a few months ago. She couldn't afford to worry or look guilty at this point, though, so she shook it off.
“I'm sure your father was very proud of you, as am I. I know I'm a better person because of you. I hope that you know that you're the only man I want. I'll never forget when you proposed to me and all the things you said, and how much I felt the same way. I knew that day that you were all I needed and if I could erase my past to make today better with you, I would.”
“Well, let's just try to erase it as we go forward,” he said, not appearing very touched by her speech.
Charlene felt great being able to clear the air with Isaac, or as much as they could at this moment. She felt blessed to have another chance at happiness. The rest would have to mend over time, and she hoped that it would. Between the incident with Lacy and the run-in with Rich, it would seem that neither of them had their relationship as first priority. They both were going to have to put in some extra effort to get back to where they were. All she wanted was to have the life he had promised her that day by the pond when he gave her the ring. It wasn't impossible, and she was willing to do what she could to get it there.
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