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Authors: Star Jones Reynolds

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  • Cardiovascular training.
    Aerobic activities like running, walking, biking, and swimming strengthen the heart, lungs, and muscles. An aerobic activity should elevate your heart rate and maintain that elevation for at least twenty minutes. Getting on that treadmill is no longer a matter of losing weight for me: it’s a matter of living in health. It’s a matter of being able to take a long walk on the beach without panting with frustration.
  • Bone strengthening.
    The treadmill and careful training involving weight-lifting, cables, push-ups, and other resistance activities help muscles as well as bones become stronger.
  • Flexibility training.
    Muscle inflexibility can restrict the back’s ability to move, rotate, and bend. Stretches and exercises given under Pilates, tai chi, and yoga make you supple and flexible.

Do It on the Net

Okay—you say you’re just too busy to go anywhere to exercise, and maybe you don’t have the funds to get a personal trainer to come to you. A recent article in the
Wall Street Journal
caught my eye because it outlined something very different—“high-tech” workouts that sounded just great! The article maintained that your most effective piece of home exercise equipment may be your computer. On the Web, anyone can now gain access to specialized trainers at highly reduced prices compared to a regular gym or a pricey personal trainer. Online personal training sessions usually involve one-on-one contact with exercise experts or trainers similar to those you’d get at a gym—but it’s all by e-mail. Exercise guru Bob Greene, for example, Oprah Winfrey’s personal trainer, offers self-contained, online training classes.

The low price for online training is the big plus: a regular personal training session can cost anywhere from $50 to $100 an hour, but many online training sessions cost as little as $5 to $10 a week. The added bonus is that you don’t have to schedule appointments or fight traffic to get to the gym.

Does it work? You must be the judge if it works for you, but a 2005 study published in the
Journal of the American Medical Association
says it definitely produces results; another study from Brown University says the same.

Some caveats, notes the
Journal:
ask questions to determine whether you’re really getting personal feedback from a trainer or just from an assistant or a prepackaged program (which may or may not also be effective). You might also look for certification from the American College of Sports Medicine (acsm.org), the American Council on Exercise (acefitness.org), or the National Strength and Conditioning Association (nsca-lift.org). Here are some suggestions for Web fitness programs:

  1. Jeffgalloway.com (personal e-mail coaching from an Olympic runner)
  2. Markallenonline.com (a triathlon trainer who is an Ironman champion)
  3. Cardiocoach.com (these are coached workouts and music on CDs)
  4. Totalbodymakeover.com (this is Bob Greene’s site for his prepackaged twelve-week book course, but Oprah’s trainer also will be offering personal training early in 2006). Click on Bob@eDiets to get to his online program.

Remember: You can’t do all the exercises, all the time. You can do some of them, some of the time.

Excuses

Bottom line: exercise has to be one of those life activities you do without questioning it—even when you’re not in the mood, like brushing your teeth and taking a shower. But I know you—you’re like me—you’re going to try to trick yourself out of exercise with an excuse. Here are some of the more popular ones:

  • Popular Excuses for Avoiding Exercise (with apologies to the Seven Dwarfs)

I’d exercise but I’m…

Too sneezy

Too grumpy

Too dopey

Too bashful

Too sleepy

Too happy

Too busy

Too achy

Too old

Too depressed

Excuses rejected. Start moving.
Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to gym I go…
Cute, right? Well, maybe not so cute. Still, I’m not going to let you off that easy.

The following excuses are probably closer to what you really say—and here’s what
I
say to you.

  • I have no time.
    You have time to do everything else: manicure, gossip on the phone, go to the sale at TJ Maxx…. Come on, girl, I’ve used this one.
  • I’m too tired.
    It’s because you’re overweight. A large amount of weight makes you lethargic and lazy. I was so lazy, I once had a golf cart drive me from one end of the studio to another when I was shooting a commercial. I said I was too tired to walk, but I was actually too heavy to move comfortably without sweating off my makeup.
  • I’m embarrassed.
    Who you telling! Your butt is bigger than those other women and so what. You aren’t doing it for them, you are doing it for you. Yep, people will be mean and nasty, they will say things to hurt your feelings, but you have a goal—to get healthy. Let me tell you, girl, the first time you bend over and your spandex pants droop not because you stretched them out, but because you need a 1X instead of a 2X—it’s like manna from heaven.
  • I’m afraid of the atmosphere.
    Gyms can be intimidating. So, don’t go to one that is a breeding ground for “muscle heads” and “ballet dancers.” Also, take your favorite motivational tape or music, and tune in the positive and tune out the negative.
  • I don’t know what to do at a gym.
    Real concern. Along with almost every new gym membership you sign comes a few sessions with a trainer who will walk you through the machines, the facilities, and the classes offered. Take advantage of the overview and then try to use a trainer at least once a week to keep you on the right track, and change up your routine even if it costs a little extra.
  • I have no one to go to the gym with.
    So? Again, it’s not about them, it’s about you. When you hear of the greatest shoe sale on the planet—I’m talking $9.99 for everything in the store—you don’t wait for a partner.
  • I’m self-conscious about the way I look.
    Focus on the way you feel. I didn’t see how bad I was looking till I started to really
    feel
    bad. How
    does your body feel? The moment your body feels better, I guarantee you will look better. If nothing else, it will put a smile on your face, and that already makes you prettier.

An Interesting Finding

A few years ago, Harvard University released the results of a fifty-year landmark study of the factors that go into a happier life. The study was reported in a book called
Aging Well,
and it offered the top seven factors that predict healthy aging. Not surprisingly, regular exercise figured prominently among those seven factors. The study also found that exercise is easier and more enjoyable with a partner, although
not
having a partner is not a good excuse for avoiding exercise. When you meet Mr. Right, he could be your jogging partner—something to look forward to. Check back in three months with me to see where you are. I’m still working hard at it, so let’s do it together. Let me know your successes and your failures. Let me know how you feel—e-mail me at www.StarJones.com and I’ll be your partner!

A Not-So-Pretty Finding

This may not be the right note on which to end this section, but it has to be said.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the truth shall set ye free: not everyone wants you to be slim, trim, healthy, and happy. I think there’s some faulty psychological dynamic that tells some people they can vent their hidden rages, their own insecurities, even their too virtuous pity on fat people. When you hear people in the media or even acquaintances making fat jokes, you know it’s because something in them feels more strong and victorious if they have scapegoats to pick on. Fat people are their anger outlet. You hear the fat anger from mean-spirited media people, and you might even hear subtle antifat comments in your own circle of acquaintances. But what you never expected is anger directed at you because you lost weight!

You know what? You
will
hear this from some you thought were friends.

We recently had two young women on
The View
who were the subject of a 2005
New York
magazine article called “Suddenly Skinny.” Both of these young women had undergone some sort of weight-loss surgery. Both of them were really health oriented because they had been ill from their excess poundage. One woman had a knee replacement in her future if she didn’t lose the weight, and good-bye to her job as an active police officer. The other woman had been big all her life, and her mother had died from complications of obesity. She also knew that she was on a path to trouble.

One of the young women was very, very attractive. She had this really beautiful face, a gorgeous smile, and long, luscious hair. But she never embraced how pretty she was, and she didn’t live her life like “I’m a pretty girl.” When she finally lost weight, her confidence zoomed up—that often happens. But inexplicably to some, she revealed on our show that a number of her friends stopped speaking to her or simply weren’t nice to her anymore.

One of my gorgeous, always-has-been-slim cohosts asked in amazement, “But why would that happen?”

I knew why. I’ve been there, done it. So, I piped in and said, “They’ve turned on you, Miss Marie, because they were more comfortable putting you in the fat, lonely, and single category and box for the rest of your life. They would have been happy with that.”

“Absolutely correct!” said our guest.

So, this is what I have to tell you: very few things are universal with people who’ve lost weight, but that experience is universal.

Absolute

Never allow anyone to place a period in your life.

Control the punctuation—it’s your life.

You will have lots of people who are happy for you and excited and really just want the best for you. One of my biggest cheerleaders, for example, has been my
girlfriend the actress Vivica A. Fox. Vivica is considered one of the most beautiful women in America. I’m telling you there’s not a week that goes by that she doesn’t call me to say, “Girl, you was lookin’ good on the show today. You lookin’ hot, mama. Go ahead. You better go.” She’s always just very encouraging, and even when I was the fat girl in the group, she was the same.

Still, when I was heavier, she would worry a lot, but even then, she would say something like, “Okay, Star, what’s happening now—you okay?” She wasn’t on me, she didn’t say, “You need to diet, you need to do this, you need to do that,” but she also didn’t ignore it when she knew I was struggling with being overweight. It wasn’t in the back of her head every moment. It wasn’t something that she threw up in my face, but she often acknowledged her worry in her way. And as I began losing weight and taking better care of myself, she acknowledged that also. And now she is simply joyful to see me healthy and happy.

You’ve got the “Vivica” friend—I know you do—but you will also have the other kind of friend or acquaintance—the kind who secretly doesn’t wish you well because she needs a victim, she needs someone who has it worse than she does, and when you were fat, you were that victim for her. Or him. Do not expect this person to be thrilled that you were victorious in your efforts.

Rise above! Revel in your new body and new opportunities. Delight in your ability to prepare yourself physically for a new life. Embrace your true friends. Lose the others.

Shine!

Chapter 3
Are You Your Most Gorgeous? Fashion, Makeup, and Hair

The world is governed more by appearance than realities.

DANIEL WEBSTER

T
rying to be physically healthier has to start with the health of your body. But make no mistake, girl, after health, after the dropping of the pounds, you have to feel physically better in other important ways—like feeling pretty.
Pretty
is a magical word. It brings confidence and wit and self-esteem. You walk pretty and you talk pretty when you feel pretty. If the grand love of your life just happens to be walking behind you into the Beyoncé concert tomorrow, will he be dazzled by your pretty hair, your pretty face, your pretty dress? Are you lookin’ good, Cassandra? Will your style stop him dead in his tracks?

When all is said and done, we want to be remembered for our style—our very best look. But outward style is no more than a presentation of self—our inner selves, our adorable selves, our most convincing selves. Sure, we all have those three-o’clock-in-the-morning moments when we feel plain, klutzy,
unattractive, but the true stylist will wake up in the morning, pick out her cutest outfit, and powder, brush, dress, and color the best parts of her
self
to come shining back. Intelligence makes you unforgettable, manners and tone of voice make you interesting and appealing, but the best presentation of the physical you makes you irresistible.

Be your most gorgeous. Don’t for a moment think that strong women have to be all hard angles and unfeminine. That’s the biggest mistake people make about women who change the world: the forceful, funny, most delightfully convincing women usually look terrific, and they are adorable.

Before I let loose with my feelings about looking wonderful, take the general beauty assessment below. It concentrates not on any one aspect but on your general habits and feelings about your appearance. Then we’ll talk.

ASSESS YOUR LOOK

Choose the answer that best describes you:

1. This is how I mostly feel about shopping:

  1. I’m out of my element in a clothing store, and choosing the right accessories seriously frightens me. I was okay when everything had to match, but they changed the rules!
  2. I choose clothes that are baggy, gappy, flowing, BIG, because that hides my fat. The last time I wore a shirt tucked in, I was eleven.
  3. Love it. I spend more money than I can afford.
  4. Love it. I know how to play the game.

2. I’m happiest in

  1. Supercute track pants and a T-shirt
  2. Oversize jeans—comfort is all
  3. Designer anythings
  4. Dress-up, chicly styled clothing
  5. Pj’s

3. Love these accessories:

  1. Large hoop earrings
  2. Real gold or platinum jewelry
  3. Funky stuff
  4. Whatever’s hot
  5. I rarely wear accessories

4. If I could raid a celebrity’s closet, I choose

  1. Beyoncé
  2. Paris Hilton
  3. Anna Kournikova
  4. Diane Keaton
  5. Nicole Kidman
  6. None of the above—I choose my own closet

5. What words do you often hear?

  1. You have such a pretty face, but…
  2. I only tell you because I love you, but you really ought to go for a makeover/lose some weight/do something with that hair.
  3. Where did you get that incredible shirt/hat/dress/purse?
  4. You have some schmutz on your shirt,
    there…

6. You shop

  1. At the end of the season when the sales come
  2. Hardly ever
  3. At outlets
  4. At the start of the new season when you know what’s “in” and you can get a lot of wear from the clothes you buy

7. When was the last time you bought into a popular trend?

  1. When grunge was popular.
  2. I don’t buy trends—I buy what looks good on me, and I try to find it on sale.
  3. The last trend—what was it? I love to be trendy.

8. If you haven’t changed your look in five years, why?

  1. I look good just the way I am.
  2. I have better things to do than worry about my look.
  3. I don’t know where to start.
  4. No time, no money.
  5. I do change my look occasionally.

9. When you dress up, you generally feel

  1. Klutzy and unpretty
  2. Very appealing, maybe even adorable, maybe stunning
  3. I almost never dress up
  4. Just all right, passable

10. When you see friends who haven’t seen you lately, they often say something like

  1. “You look exactly like you looked in high school/college.”
  2. Nothing. They usually don’t comment on my looks.
  3. “You’ve changed—you look fabulous!”
  4. “Who does your hair?” or “What color lipstick is that?”

11. You catch your reflection in a passing mirror. Your first thought:

  1. Arrrrrrgh
  2. Boring
  3. Ooooh—lookin’ good

FACT OR FANCY?

You may have heard some of these are true from your best friend, you’ve always
thought
some were true—but were you correct? Check your fashion savvy. Are the following statements fact or fancy?

12. Circle the right answer for each

A.

Don’t mix patterns: stripes and plaid, yeccch.

FACT

FANCY

B.

Man-made fabrics (polyester, rayon) scream tacky.

FACT

FANCY

C.

Fake jewelry screams cheap. Better one good, real piece than five costume jewelry reproductions.

FACT

FANCY

D.

High heels give you a sense of power.

FACT

FANCY

E.

On miniskirts: age doesn’t figure in. If you have a good figure, wear them.

FACT

FANCY

F.

Buy cheap—duplicate expensive.

FACT

FANCY

G.

Classic is best. Throw out the ruffles.

FACT

FANCY

H.

Your purse and shoes should match—even if nothing else does.

FACT

FANCY

13. Where do you most often get your inspiration for your look?

  1. Sex and the City
    and the fashion catwalks
  2. Your mom
  3. Old movies
  4. Magazines
  5. Stuff you see at the mall
  6. Women on the street who have a very individual look

14. How long does it take you to get ready for a big date or an important occasion?

  1. Somewhat under an hour
  2. Ten to twenty minutes
  3. Between an hour and a half and two hours

15. If you could pick your body type it would be

  1. The bod I own—I like it
  2. Curvy and full—like a Rubenesque beauty
  3. Toned, muscular, and athletic
  4. Thin, thin, ultrathin, Nicole Richie thin

ON MAKEUP

16. My approach is

  1. Minimal: I rarely wear any makeup products.
  2. Maximum: I try everything new—I love experimenting!
  3. Scattered: I wear whatever’s in my medicine cabinet.
  4. Selective: I buy good but primarily inexpensive brands.
  5. Pricey: You get what you pay for—I buy only superior name brands.

17. About my face: I feel

  1. Confident when I bop along the avenue
  2. Very plain
  3. God—I should have looked in a magnifying mirror before I left the house
  4. Cheated

18. Killer makeup is

  1. Usually subtle—sometimes you can’t even see it
  2. Individual—usually different for you than for anyone else
  3. Expensive—get what you pay for
  4. Cheap—smart money rules
  5. All of the above
  6. None of the above

19. You’ve used up a tube of lipstick

  1. Never. In fact, many of your lipsticks have not even been opened.
  2. A million times. You’re loyal to your favorite shade.
  3. Rarely.

20. About how many lipsticks do you own?

  1. About 2
  2. About 25
  3. About 8–10

21. Tomorrow looks like a beautiful day! You’ll be

  1. Watching
    Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.
  2. Lying down in an avocado-oatmeal mask, tweezers in one hand, moisturizer in another.
  3. Pulling on your navy blue jeans. You’re out of here—eyebrows and skin can wait.
  4. Taking this beauty quiz.

22. The guy you’ve been digging on asked you out to a last-minute movie which starts in ten minutes. You’re not dressed yet. Will you be ready in time?

  1. No sweat. All you plan to do is spray a little deodorant on the important parts, anyway.
  2. You need twenty minutes, max. At least you’ll make it before the trailers finish.
  3. Arghhhhhh. You’ll miss this flick because you need over an hour to get your “beat” on.

23. Beauty product you can’t live without?

  1. None. I don’t really wear makeup.
  2. Lip gloss and blusher—I need that shimmery glow.
  3. Anything glittery—I like to sparkle like a star.
  4. I can live without any particular product: can always find an alternative.

24. It’s the day before your best friend’s party, and a big zit has emerged on your nose. You:

  1. Squeeze it
  2. Ignore it and have a good time
  3. Buy some miracle lotion and treat that puppy!

ON HAIR

25. Your hairstylist

  1. Suggests little variations every time you visit—a little highlighting here, a little layering there, a few wisps, a sleek look.
  2. Can read your mind, which isn’t too hard because you’ve worn the same hairstyle for years.
  3. Is the source of all gossip and the best doctors and knows every personal detail of your life.
  4. Seems to regularly disappoint you—but you understand that he can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.

26. My hair is

  1. An accessory—I change it as often as I do my earrings
  2. Too dull, too curly, too mousy, too thin, too straight, too something
  3. Fabulous
  4. Miserable to manage—I hate spending time on it

27. If you were half an hour late waking up for work or school, how would you cut corners to get there on time?

  1. Wear my hair rollers under a scarf on the way—then brush out as I arrive.
  2. Refuse to rush, and get that hair
    right.
    I’m not compulsive about arriving exactly on time, so I’d take my usual hour to prepare: appearance is key.
  3. Leap up, pull my hair back, brush my teeth, and leave (after a quick glance in the mirror).

28. How would you describe your daily hair routine?

  1. Wash and wear—brushing optional. No fuss, no muss.
  2. Wash, condition, set, blow dry, style.
  3. Killing, aggravating, time-consuming. Hate it.
  4. I experiment: sometimes a shampoo and blow dry; sometimes simply a hair weave or wig. Whatever—I rarely go for the same look. I’m a mix-and-match momma.

29. My favorite hair secret

  1. Hair accessories: faux fur ponytail holder, great barrettes, big tie-back clips, pretty scarves.
  2. One hundred brush strokes daily
  3. Hair spray—couldn’t live without it
  4. I adore experimenting with color

30. You’ve just been swimming when—oh no—no hairbrush. What to do?

  1. Nothing. No one will notice because your hair is always messy, anyway.
  2. Luckily, you keep a funky hat in your bag for emergencies.
  3. Borrow a hat (or brush) from friends. Messy hair is not you.

SCORING AND ANALYSIS

Score as directed, then add the result.

1. A=0, B=0, C=3, D=10 (It
is
a game!)

2. A=10, B=2, C=4, D=10, E=0 (An A or D answer indicates that you know what you like; the other choices indicate insecurity.)

3. A=8, B=10 (can never go wrong), C=5, D=8, E=0

4. A=3, B=3, C=3, D=3, E=3, F=10 (Their closets may hold insanity—only your choices count as fashion that makes you feel good.)

5. A=2, B=0, C=10, D=0

6. A=8, B=0, C=10 (my way!), D=6 (And you’ll pay top dollar.)

7. A=0 (You opted for absolute ugly), B=10, C=2

8. A=6 (maybe your self-esteem is fine, but are you sure you’re not avoiding change?), B=0, C=0, D=0, E=10

9. A=0, B=10, C=4, D=2

10. A=4 (unless you looked smashing then, in which case take 10), B=0, C or D=10

11. A=0, B=0, C=10

12. A, B, C, E, G, H=FANCY. D and F=FACT. Take 2 for each correct answer you marked.

13. A=6, B=4 (unless your mom dresses like Halle Berry), C=2, D=8, E=0, F=10

14. A=10, B=3 (You’re not paying attention, Kendra), C=0

15. A=10, B=6, C=6, D=2 (Anything other than A indicates you’re not satisfied with your body today and must work on your physical presentation.)

16. A=1, B=1 (you’re a makeup junkie!), C=0, D=10, E=4

17. A=10, B=0, C=0, D=0

18. A=5, B=5, C=5, D=5, E=10 (This is the only one that rings true because makeup always depends on your mood and the occasion), F=0

19. A=2 (that’s just crazy!), B=5 (lipsticks dry out and develop bacteria and an unpleasant fragrance if they’re too old), C=10

20. A=2, B=0, C=10

21. A=10, B=2, C=10, D=0

22. A=0, B=10, C=0

23. A=4, B=6, C=-6, D=10

24. A=0, B=0, C=10

25. A=10, B=2, C=2, D=0

26. A=10, B=0, C=10, D=0

27. A=0, B=2, C=10

28. A=3, B=2 (
Every
day?), C=0, D=10

29. A=10, B=0 (You’ll damage it!), C=4, D=6

30. A=0, B=8, C=10

ANALYSIS

Did you score from 280 to 306?

Congratulations! If you answered the questions in this self-assessment candidly, you have only moderate work to do on yourself—physically that is.

Your self-presentation is confident, and although I don’t know you, I’d bet my bottom dollar you make a terrific impression on others. Although none of these answers is written in stone, it’s your attitude about looking good that shows through here. You understand that you don’t have to be born with perfect features in order to put your best face forward. You don’t have to own a perfect body to walk in the world with beauty and confidence. You shop with smarts, you exercise regularly, and instead of eating everything that fits in your mouth, you eat only what you really want and need, rather than what they pile on your plate in restaurants. Most of all, you know that health comes first.

You’re an individual; you’re confident in your appearance; you attract the kind of people you want to hang with. Right?

See what tips you can pick up in the following chapter that will even further enhance the way you look and feel.

Did you score from 250 to 278?

You surely know how you’d like to look, but somehow you’re not quite getting it all together.

This score indicates a woman who’d like to have a sense of style that’s individual,
but somehow she seems to follow fashion trends instead of developing her own best look. She’s either too heavy or too thin—not at the weight that makes her feel most herself, most comfortable and pretty. She doesn’t really know how to shop, doesn’t know how to judge what’s chic and what’s tacky, even though she admires a “good” look on other women. She spends far too much money on her clothes and her makeup, and she knows it.

What’s more, she’d like to occasionally offer some surprises in her look rather than being the same-old, same-old pretty-but-predictable self, but she doesn’t know where to start. Most of the time her appearance makes her feel reasonably good, but she doesn’t feel she has a true beauty “identity.”

Is this you? Read on, sister.

Did you score from 200 to 248?

You are definitely not your most gorgeous.

You may not have changed your look since you were eighteen—not because you were so satisfied with the eighteen-year-old you, but because you simply don’t know where to start. You love to see the models and the stars shining in the magazines, but how in the world can you adapt their look to yours if you’re heavier, shorter, poorer? Read on!

Your old beauty goals are simply not appropriate anymore now that you’re all grown up and out in the real world. Although they work reasonably well, your clothes no longer feel “friendly” to you—that is, you somehow don’t feel as comfortable, attractive, and happy in them as you did some years ago.

Perhaps you need to reconstitute your look—your face, body, hair, and makeup—to fit the interesting woman you’ve become, but the woman nobody can see when they first meet you.

Before you can love yourself, before anyone can find the real you to love, you need to look more like the women you admire—and that is definitely within your power. I hope my own story that follows, and my own solutions, will guide you to self-love, then to the love of your life.

Did you score under 200?

Honey, I want to help you. This isn’t a terrific score—and you know it.

This is why you’re not physically prepared to meet the man of your dreams: you don’t feel as well, as pretty, and as stylish as you should.

First of all, you often confuse cash with class, but all the expensive products in the world won’t bring you an appearance that’s filled with panache, dazzle, and imagination.

Second of all, for all intents and purposes, you’ve stopped paying attention to your weight, your clothes, your makeup, and your hair because it just seems too daunting a task, right?

Finally—and this is the most serious—you probably can’t walk as fast as you should, climb hills with as much energy, or even stay up as late as you used to. The fact is, your physical body is not at its prime—it slows you down, Kendra—I know it!

Don’t settle for mediocre and ordinary: be the best you can be! Let today, the day you picked up this book, be the first day of the rest of your life, the best of your life.

I did it—and I was even too tired to shop before I decided to reconstitute my physical self. That was pretty serious. If I can help you, I’ll be the happiest sister in the world.

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