Sins and Scars (Sinners Book 1) (24 page)

I pull on my jeans as she pulls him into her chest. Watching her, I can’t believe how fuckin’ lucky I am. “What was your dream about?” she asks him softly.
 

“Hurring momma.” He starts to cry and she wraps him up in her arms and comes walking back over to the bed with him. I scoot back against the pillows and she hands him over to me. Sitting him in between us, I wait for Harlyn to join us under the covers.
 

“Someone hurt momma in your dream?” I ask softly. He looks up at me with sad eyes and nods his head. He curls up into my side and when I look up at Harlyn, I see a sad smile on her face. When Ruslan looks back up at me, I give him and Harlyn both a promise. “I’ll never let anyone hurt you, or momma.”
 

He seems happy with that answer, so he curls up into my side and closes his eyes. Harlyn runs her fingers through his dirty blonde hair and then looks back up at me. “Thank you Stav.” She whispers. I watch her scoot closer to us both, and she lays down on her side to face me.
 

Reaching over to her, I run my fingers over her face and stop at her lips. “You know I’ll always protect you. I may have failed at it last time, but this time I won’t.”
 

“You never failed at it. You’ve always protected me. You almost died to save my life.” I turn to look up at the ceiling for a second before I look back at her.
 

“I didn’t protect you. You should have never seen anything that happened in that place. You watched me kill a man in there. I—” she cuts me off before I can keep going.

“You did what you had to. You saved me. Who knows what that man would have done to me if you hadn’t killed him. You saved me, Stavros.” I shake my head no, but she reaches over and grabs my face, forcing me to look at her.
 

“Don’t act like this was your fault. I love you, and that is never going to change. You did what you had to in order to protect me, and for that I’m grateful. If you didn’t, we wouldn’t have this little boy.” She runs her fingers through his hair again before she looks back at me.
 

“Yeah, but it didn’t stop you from leaving me again.” The words come out harsher than I expected them to, but I can’t take them back now even if I tried. She looks hurt, but she doesn’t let that hold her back any. Her feisty personality comes shining through.

“I left because I had to. Watching you die, or, almost die, as your brother put it, was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I could have watched you kill a hundred more people and stayed, but watching as the life drained out of you wasn’t something I could live with.” She whisper yells at me. She’s trying not to wake Ruslan and every time she looks down, I can see a little of her mask slip.
 

“I didn’t even know you had a brother until a few days before everything happened, and the first time I ever met him was the day he came and saved us.” A tear slips down her cheek and I want to reach out and wipe it from her face, but I stay rooted to my spot on the bed. “How could you not even care enough to call him, or your mother? I don’t get it.” She shakes her head this time and leans over to kiss Ruslan before slipping out of the bed.
 

Getting up, I follow after her as she makes her way into the kitchen. I watch her put both hands on the counter before she turns around to face me. “Your brother has been the only man in Ruslan’s life since he was born, and even though I know that it’s my fault, I can’t help but think that you and Nikolai are so damn similar. He was amazing with Rus as a baby, and I hate myself for taking that away from you. I’m a terrible person for not giving you the chance to be there for our son. I can’t—”
 

Putting my finger to her lips, I force her to stop talking. Her eyes darken and I can tell she’s pissed that I forced her to be quiet. “Stop.” I close the distance between us, and trap her against the counter. Her green eyes are bright with anger and I know that she isn’t going to let me keep her where I have her for long.
 

“I get why you left. I don’t blame you for it. Shit, I might have even sent you away from me after I got out of the hospital if you’d stayed. Everything I did and everything anyone said set me off. I was my own worst fuckin’ enemy. You didn’t need me bringing you down, and I sure as hell didn’t want to do anything to hurt you. I have already hurt you enough. All I want to do was love you and I always make a mess of things.” I press my forehead to hers for a second before I continue.
 

“You leaving again was both a blessing, and a curse, all at the same damn time. I needed you to walk away. It fuckin’ killed me inside to know that you would live without me again, but I needed it. I wouldn’t have been the man you needed. Nikolai kept me at a distance from you for a reason, and I can’t thank him enough. Sure, I didn’t get to be part of either of yours or Ruslan’s life, but I was able to get my shit together enough to provide a future for both of you.” A tear slides down her cheek and this time I wipe it off.
 

Her arms go around my waist and she pulls me closer to her body. Cupping her cheek, I pull her in for a kiss. She melts into my body and I pick her up to sit onto the counter. She wraps her legs around my waist and I can feel her wet heat through my jeans.
 

“You slept with other women.” Her voice is barely a whisper, and I hate that I’m about to break her heart again.

“Harlyn…” I start, but I can’t find the words. She looks towards the ground and I run my fingers along her cheek.
 

“No, don’t. I don’t want to know what you were doing with the whores while I was pregnant, giving birth, and raising our son.” Closing my eyes, I pull away from her. The bitterness we both carry doesn’t help us at all. I want to start clean with her, but I know that it’s never going to happen.
 

“I’m sorry I continue to hurt you. Maybe you were right before. All we do is hurt each other. I don’t want Ruslan to see that. I’ll leave you guys the house and we can work something out with raising him.” I turn to walk away and she doesn’t stop me.
 

Walking into the master bedroom, I grab the only remaining clothes I left here and throw them into my bag. I’ll figure out a way to be in his life even if I can’t be in hers. Placing a kiss on his forehead, I watch him for a second before I make my way out of the room and past Harlyn who is still sitting in the kitchen.
 

“Stav.” She whispers. I look over at her and she has tears running down her face. She slides off the counter and comes over to me. Seeing the pain on her face, I can’t stay here any longer. Her hands land on my stomach, and as much as I want to grab her and pull her to me, I don’t. I don’t do anything but watch her.
 

“Please don’t leave us. He needs you. I need you.” Tears fall faster down her face.
 

“Harlyn,” I start. The heartbreak written all over her face kills me, and I want to make it go away, but I can’t. It’s never going to leave. I’ll always hurt her. She deserves a better man than I’ll ever be for her. All I am is a biker with a fuckin’ temper, and that doesn’t mix with kids. Ruslan doesn’t deserve to live in my shadow, and at least with Nikolai watching over them I know that they will always be safe.
 

“I’ll always love you babe. But you’ll never be completely happy with me if you’re always thinking I’m fucking all the club whores.” Her expression falls and I know that I need to just walk away now.

Pulling into the clubhouse parking lot, I see Romeo standing by the doors waiting for me. “Never thought I’d see the day,” he says with a frown on his face.
 

“See the day where I felt like gutting you?” I mutter. He snorts at my answer before he slaps me on the back and walks with me inside the clubhouse.
 

“No, the day you came back here instead of being at home with Harlyn and your son.” I shake my head and walk towards the bar without even bothering to comment on his statement. It’s just going to piss me off, and I’m trying to be good, even though shit is all fucked up again.
 

“Prospect, get me a beer.” I shout out. He comes back with one quickly, and I take a swig before Romeo has the chance to sit down and say anything.
 

“Why the fuck are you here instead of getting pussy from your girl?” He asks, as he takes a seat on the barstool next to me.
 

“I walked out, okay? Is that what you fuckin’ want to know? She still doesn’t fuckin’ trust me. She thinks that all I’ve been doing for the last three years is fucking any bitch with a pulse, and you and I both know that ain’t fuckin’ true. I’ve slept with one bitch since she’s been gone, and somehow, I’m the fuckin’ bad guy.” He shakes his head and I chug some of my beer.
 

“She’ll never trust me, so why should I fuckin’ try anymore.” I put my hand to my head and lean against it. Did I screw this shit up between us? Yeah, probably, but I don’t think I am the only one to fuckin’ blame. We haven’t been together in over three years. She didn’t even bother to tell me I had a kid until tonight, and now I’m the fuckin’ bad guy. I know she wasn’t no fuckin’ Virgin Mary while she was with my brother. I watched them for months. I saw the way Nikolai watched her, and I know that there is something going on between them.
 

Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I dial Nikolai’s number and wait for him to answer. I probably shouldn’t call him since I’m pissed at him right now, but he was the one who brought them home to me. “Yeah?” He finally answers out of breath on the sixth ring. I hear some bitch moaning in the background, and it makes my chest hurt. That could be Harlyn. Closing my eyes, I try to calm myself down before I say anything I regret to him.
 

“Stavros what the fuck do you need?” He grits out.
 

“I need you to watch Harlyn and Ruslan.” He grunts something out to the bitch he’s fucking and she whines a bit before he gets back on the line.
 

“Why I thought you were taking that shit over?” He questions like I don’t know what happened earlier.
 

“I ended things with her.” I mutter. I hear a string of fucks, shits, and dammits before he says anything to me.

“You’re fucking shitting me right?” he barks out in laughter.
 

“No I’m not. You seem to fuckin’ know something I don’t, so spill it.” I grind out. I’m tired of being the last person to know everything when it comes to Harlyn.
 

“You are the dumbest son of a bitch I’ve ever met. You left the fucking mother of your child for some stupid ass fucking reason, huh? What, she call you a fuckin’ man whore? Well guess what fucker, you are. She found you in bed with two fuckin’ bitches a few months before she gave birth. She tried to play that shit off like she didn’t care that you were fuckin’ around, but it destroyed her.” My whole body goes cold.
 

“What the fuck are you talking about? I never had a fucking three some since I’ve been with her. The last fuckin’ time I was part of a three some was when Harlyn wanted to try it with Trix.” I try and rack my brain for anything that would bring me back to having a threesome in the last three year,s and my mind draws a blank.
 

“You mean to tell me the president of an MC doesn’t do three somes?" My brother asks with a snotty tone. He’s lucky he isn’t here right now or I’d punch him.
 

“I fuckin’ swear on my son’s life. I haven’t fucked two women since Harlyn and Trix.” I look over at Romeo and he just shrugs his shoulders.
 

“Then who the fuck was in your room?”
 

“No fuckin’ clue, but it wasn’t me.” I state looking around the room. Everyone looks fucking happy getting drunk, but the only thing I can think of is who the fuck set her up to see that?

A hand slides on my shoulder and I feel lips on my neck. “Stavros baby, let’s go have some fun.” She purrs. When I turn around, I see Diamond, one of our whores standing beside me. I shake her off and go back to listening to Nikolai.
 

“Well she got a fucking eye full, and swears it was you. Ever since then she hasn’t trusted a word you said, and another reason she didn’t want you to know about Ruslan. She was trying to protect both herself and him.” He whispers something to the bitch in the background, and I can’t help but think about Harlyn.
 

“I only fucked one bitch while she’s been gone, and I only fucked her mouth. Well, I take that back, I fucked Harlyn earlier, but she’s the first pussy I’ve had wrapped around my dick since before she was taken by Flint.”
 

“Fuck,” he mutters. “I don’t need to know this shit. She’s like a little fucking sister to me. Have you ever thought to, I don’t know, talk to her? You want that shit to work with her, then fucking talk to her. You both are so damn stubborn that I can’t talk any damn sense into either of you.” He mutters something else, but I don’t catch the words this time.
 

“She’s the one that just fuckin’ assumes shit.” I grate out.