Skinny Melon and Me (18 page)

I think what it means is that I’m not going to get a dog anyway, so I might as well accept it and find something else. But I can’t think of anything else! Not anything big. I told Mum this and she said that I must be a very contented person to have so few wants. I would be contented, if I could have my dog. I would even be contented living with Slime.

11 days! I am marking them off on the calendar. It is a pity the baby is going to miss Christmas. February seems a long time to wait.

10 days!

We had the dress rehearsal for the play this afternoon, which meant we were let off lessons, hooray! I hate Thursday afternoons as it is double maths and Mr Fisher says I am the only person he knows who can take one away from two and make it come to three. I said that was because I am a naturally creative person and he told me not to be cheeky but his eyes sort of crinkled as he said it so I don’t think he will report me.

The dress rehearsal went really well. At least, it did for me. Amanda Miles and some of the others forgot their words and had to be prompted, but I was word perfect. A few of the teachers came and sat at the back of the hall and watched and at the end, one of them I don’t know said, “I like the angels.” Miss Burgess said, “Could you hear them all right?” And he said, “All except the little redhead,” (meaning Amanda, who is carroty) and then he pointed at me and said, “The police could use that one as a siren.” Miss Burgess said, “Oh,
yes, we never have any problems with Cherry.” Amanda hated me for it, you could tell.

Last night old Roly Rat pushed another card under my door. It was quite a nice one, he made it look like a telegram, so I took it to school with me and stuck it on the wall of our dressing room (which is only one of the classrooms by the side of the hall). Everyone wanted to know what it said, so I translated it for them and they all thought it was really good except for Amanda who said she’d sooner have a
proper telegram, but nobody agreed with her.

Miss Burgess told me that I ought to keep it as it might be valuable one day. She said, “It’s an original drawing, and your stepfather is quite famous.”

Is he? I never thought of Roly Rat as being famous! I didn’t tell Miss Burgess I had a whole stack of his drawings at home. But I’m glad now that they weren’t thrown out with the rubbish, which is what would have happened if I hadn’t gone on strike. Mum would simply have emptied my waste-paper basket into the dustbin. I like Ratty’s cards and I’m going to keep them to show my own children, if I ever have any (if I am not living in a cardboard box). Not because they might be valuable but because they are funny and interesting.

My performance tonight was quite good I think. At the end all the angels had to go in front of the curtain to be clapped and afterwards I was taken home by Skinny Melon’s mum and her boyfriend, Dire Melvyn, in Dire Melvyn’s car (which is a BMW! Dead posh), as Mum and Ratty are not coming until tomorrow. Dire Melvyn said, “Well, at least we had no trouble hearing you.” and her mum told me that I was a very confident performer. Skinny giggled and said, “She was the Foghorn Angel!” but I don’t mind Skinny giggling as she doesn’t do it nastily.

I didn’t want Mum and Roly Rat coming to the first night in case I had stage fright, but they will be there tomorrow. They are looking forward to it.

I was even better tonight! I felt I was really getting into it. I am thinking again about maybe becoming a singer. I know I have the voice for it because that is what everyone says. A vicar came up to me afterwards and said, “Aha! The Angel of the Clarion Call!” Even Mum was impressed, I could tell. And a man from the local paper came to take our photograph and he took one of the angels, and he said, “Where’s the little one with the big voice? (Meaning me.) “Let’s have her in the middle.” Amanda was cross as crabs! She really fancies herself.

Instead of waiting for a bus we all went home by taxi because Ratty said, “It’s the only way for a star to travel.” Mum said, “Well! I suppose we shall have to pay to speak to you now.”

Skinny came to school this morning looking dead miserable. I asked her what the matter was and she said, “Nothing.” So then I said, “What did you do on Sunday?” and she said, “Nothing.” I said, “I didn’t do anything, either. We could have got together if I’d known. But I thought you were going out with Dire Melvyn?” She said, “We did.” I said, “So how can you say that you did nothing? You must have done something. Even if you just drove somewhere, that’s doing something. You can’t call driving somewhere not doing anything. Unless you mean you were just sitting
there in a great useless lump suffering from brain death. Maybe that’s what you mean?”

She was in a very strange mood. She told me in decidedly huffish tones to just shut up and stop getting on her nerves. Then she didn’t speak to me again until break.

Weird. She is all right now, though.

Hooray! We have broken up. Mrs James said our reports will arrive after Christmas. I am not sure whether this is a good thing or a bad thing. Skinny says it’s bad as they will be hanging over us but on the other hand it avoids any unpleasantness before Christmas. I expect mine will be foul. Skinny expects hers will be foul too though I don’t know why as Skinny on the whole is very quiet and well behaved. I am the one who is always getting told off.

Tomorrow we are going to go out together and buy our presents, both for each other and for other people. We have a rule that we will spend £2 on each other and no more. I think this is a good rule as it stops one from worrying. For instance, if I only bought Skinny a calendar with pictures of dogs (which is what I’m going to do) and she bought me a new pair of Doc Marten’s, then I would feel mean and guilty. Not that she is very likely to buy me a new pair of Doc Marten’s as she wants a pair herself.

I have bought:

A calendar for Skinny Melon, some leggings for Mum, some aftershave from the Body Shop for Roly Rat and a teddy bear for the baby.

It was very difficult knowing what to get for Roly Rat but in the end I thought if I got something from the Body Shop it would demonstrate that I care about the environment and about things not being tested on animals. That will please him.

I bought the leggings for Mum because I am tired of seeing her in those horrible dungaree things and think it will be good for her to wear something bright and pretty when she no longer has the baby inside her and is back to normal. They are a lovely orange colour with swirly patterns in yellow and purple. She will look really great in them. She has nice legs when they are not hidden in dungarees.

I bought something for the baby because although I know it is not going to be here until February I think it should have some presents waiting for it. I thought that a bear would be suitable. There were all different coloured ones, pink ones, yellow ones, blue ones, browny ones, so in the end I got a browny one as we don’t know whether the baby is going to be a boy or a girl.

I have been wondering which I would rather have, a brother or a sister, and I think on the whole I would
rather have a brother as it would be something different. I am quite looking forward to it, I suppose, now that I have got used to the idea. Skinny wants to come and look at it when it’s born. She says that she likes babies. I can’t imagine why, since as far as I can see they don’t actually do anything except eat and sleep. Well, they also mess their nappies and sick up their milk and cry a lot and sometimes scream. They also dribble. All of which I think is pretty revolting.

Skinny says this just goes to show how little I know about them. She says that all these things may be true but that when they are not messing or dribbling or sicking things up they are nice and cuddly and what she calls “fun”. She says as well that it is very exciting when they give their first smile and say their first word and grow their first teeth. Hm! We shall see.

Today the Skinbag came round and stayed for tea. I asked her if she would like to watch a video of Laurel and Hardy which belongs to Ratty, who has dozens of them, and she said all right so I put it on and it was really funny. I was giving myself a pain from laughing so much, and all the time the Melon is just sitting there glum and gloomy with a face like a wet washing-rag, until in the end she starts to get on my nerves and I
switch the video off and snarl, “What’s the matter with you? Has your sense of humour gone?” In reply to which she instantly bursts into tears and informs me that life as she has known it is over.

Well! I am completely taken aback because one thing Skinny is not and that is a watering pot (as Mum calls it). So naturally I ask her why life as she has known it is over, and it all comes pouring out, about Dire Melvyn and her mum and how her mum has just broken it to her that they are thinking of getting married.

My immediate instinct is to remark sarcastically on her sudden change of attitude. Funny that when I used to carry on about old Ratty, the Skinbag could think of nothing better to say than how lucky I was and how any dad is better than no dad and how she wished that her mum would get married again. However, because I am her friend I very nobly suppress my instinct and croon in syrupy fashion that I know just how she’s feeling as I’ve been through it all myself.

“It’s not the same,” she says; “Roly’s nice. Anyone would be glad to have Roly for a dad.” And then she goes into these really loud sobs and says that nobody in their right mind would want Dire Melvyn.

So while I’m sitting there wondering what to say next. Mum comes in to tell us that tea’s ready, and of course she sees the Melon in floods and wants to know what’s wrong so I explain the situation and Mum goes all soft and mumsy (she’s never like that with me) and
puts an arm round the Melon’s shoulders and coaxes her out into the kitchen, where Ratty is, and before I know it the Melon’s weeping all over Ratty and saying how Dire Melvyn is the pits and life as she has known it is over.

After a bit, when she’s finished blubbing and has blown her nose on Ratty’s hanky (I wouldn’t! It’s all covered in paint), Ratty asks her what exactly is so dire about poor old Melv. I say, “There isn’t anything dire. He drives a BMW and he gives her money.” But the Melon glowers at me and says he’s got this big fat belly and grey hairs growing out of his nostrils and hands like damp fungus and he treats her as if she’s about six years old. She says it’s all right for Matthew (that’s her brother); he’s hardly ever at home. And it’s all right for the Blob (that’s her sister) because she’s only eight and doesn’t seem to mind if she’s treated like an infant.

“But I can’t stand it!” wails the Melon.

And then old Ratty says something which surprises me. He says, “The poor man’s probably terrified of you. You young girls frighten the lives out of us poor, plain middle-aged men.” I said,
“Do
we?”

“You’d better believe it!” said Roly.

The Melon hiccuped and said she didn’t see any reason why Dire Melvyn should be terrified of her.

“Because he’s desperate to make a good impression,” said Roly. “He’s desperate for you to approve of him and it makes him nervous.” And then he told her to try being kind to him and to laugh at his jokes and maybe even ask
his advice about something, because that would make him feel that he was wanted. He promised that if she did, it would work miracles.