Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm (28 page)
Read Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm Online
Authors: Nicole Daedone
Tags: #Health & Fitness, #Sexuality
After the OM
Once the OM is complete, ground him by applying pressure to the shaft of his cock. You may press it against his belly or simply wrap both hands around it. You may also apply pressure to the undercock, where his shaft
continues underneath the skin, below his balls. Be firm but gentle, and continue applying pressure until you feel a sort of exhale in your body and his. Then, gently pull the towel out from underneath him and use it to carefully wipe all the lube off his body. Men are especially unaccustomed to being wet down there, so make sure you are careful and thorough.
The final step is for each of you to share a frame with your partner: one sensational moment you remember from the OM. The communication of a sensation tends to magnify it and seal it into memory. Don’t forget this step!
OM for Him Checklist
Ask for the OM—Feel what it feels like in your body while you do.
Set up the Space—Create the OMing “nest” for yourself and your partner. You’ll want the space too be welcoming and comfortable, not too warm and not too cool, well-lit but not too bright. Make sure any distractions (like cell phones) are turned off and preferably left in another room. Gather together what you’ll need:
- 3 or 4 pillows
- A yoga mat or heavy blanket, if practicing on the floor
- Lube
- Hand towel
- Timer set for fifteen minutes
Positioning—The man lies down in the middle of the pillows and butterflies his legs open. The stroker may sit in one of two positions: either to his right, in the standard OM position, or between his legs, with one of her legs over each of his hips. Either way, both his legs should be supported so he can relax, and she should sit on as many pillows as she needs to in order to be comfortable.
Noticing—The stroker places her attention on the receiver’s genitals, taking them in visually. She will briefly describe what she sees to her partner, focusing on color, shape, and relative location.
Safeporting—The stroker tells her partner she is going to initiate contact. A simple, “I’m going to touch you now,” is perfect.
Lube Stroke—The stroker gives one long “lube stroke,” from the bottom of his cock to the top.
Stroking—She begins a short, feather-light stroke at the top of his shaft, making the stroke longer or shorter, heavier or lighter, depending on his feedback and how she feels in her own body.
Communication—Don’t forget to share sensations, request a shift in stroke, or ask your partner for feedback. Strokers should continue safeporting their partner, letting him know what she is going to do before she shifts the stroke.
Two-Minute Warning—Stroker, let your partner know when there are two minutes left, simply by saying “two minutes.”
Grounding—Once the stroker calls “time,” she applies pressure to his genitals to ground him. She then uses the hand towel to remove any excess lube.
Sharing Frames—The partners each share a particularly memorable moment of sensation from the OM.
Slow Sex and Orgasmic Meditation
At OneTaste, we offer many different ways to deepen your understanding of Orgasmic Meditation, relationships, and desire, including:
- In-person classes and intensives in San Francisco and New York
- Private coaching (in-person and over the phone)
- Distance learning telecourses
- Online media
- … and more!
Visit
www.onetaste.us
for more information. Or contact us at [email protected]. or 800-994-0041 for a free consultation.
OMing Supplies
Stroking Cushions
Many strokers find that sitting on a firm cushion helps make the OMing position more comfortable. I suggest a “zafu,” a
round meditation cushion filled with buckwheat hulls. You can purchase zafus from many online retailers, including:
www.dharmacrafts.com
www.ziji.com
www.zafustore.com
Personal Lubricants
OneStroke—
A few years back OneTaste found an all-natural lube we loved and adapted the recipe. It is a blend of olive oil, beeswax, shea butter, and grapeseed oil and is just the right consistency for OM. (It is not, however, compatible with latex condoms.) For more information and to purchase, visit
www.onetaste.us
.
Sliquid Organics Brand—
www.sliquidorganics.com
K-Y Brand—
www.drugstore.com
Organic coconut oil—
www.amazon.com
The OneTaste Signature OM Kit
Everything You Need to Set Up Your Nest
The
OneTaste Signature OM Kit
contains everything you need to get started with your home practice of Orgasmic Meditation. The kit includes:
•
One 100% organic cotton blanket
•
One stroking cushion
•
Two soft linen-covered pillows, for her legs and head
•
One 2-ounce jar of handcrafted, all-natural OneStroke Lube
•
Three 100% cotton hand towels
Visit
www.onetaste.us
for more information or to purchase.
Meditation and Mindfulness Resources
Books
Wherever You Go, There You Are
by Jon Kabat-Zinn
The Wisdom of No Escape
by Pema Chödrön
Seeking the Heart of Wisdom
by Jack Kornfield and Joseph Goldstein
Guided Meditation on Audio
Mindfulness for Beginners
by Jon Kabat-Zinn
How to Meditate with Pema Chödrön
by Pema Chödrön
Guided Meditation: Six Practices to Cultivate Love, Awareness, and Wisdom
by Jack Kornfield
Retreat Centers
Spirit Rock,
www.spiritrock.org
Omega Institute,
www.eomega.org
Shambhala International,
www.shambhala.org
I don’t know if you can imagine what it would be like to found a retreat center dedicated to a little-known sexuality practice, joyfully toil away for ten years in relative obscurity, and then overnight—to have people sit up and take notice. It’s surreal and a bit daunting. But mostly it inspires a sense of gratitude. This practice, which I love with all my heart, is enjoying its moment in the sun.
It was Patricia Leigh Brown at the
New York Times
who saw something in OM, and in me, that was worth bringing to the world. I had been warned to be careful around reporters, but anyone who would say that has never met Patti. She is fierce and she is fair, and she gets inside to find the truth with heart. I could ask no more of any person.
When I stumbled into my agent David McCormick’s office for the first time, I felt like I had fallen through a trapdoor into a sanctuary of calm sanity. What I was feeling was David himself. Suddenly I felt safe; I had a home.
Jamie Raab, Diana Baroni, and Natalie Kaire at Grand Central Publishing saw exactly what I was trying to do. At our very first meeting, I realized that I didn’t have to translate for them. To land with a publisher that gets you is a gift beyond words.
Kelly Notaras has the funniest story of anyone who
has ever crossed my path. She happened on the center, not knowing what it was. A few weeks later she read the
Times
article. A few weeks after that, one of David’s colleagues called her to see if she could help with the book. She signed on, and then she gave her heart to it. For this person willing to go so far beyond, I am still amazed and deeply grateful.
I cannot forget the wily bunch of orgasmic pioneers who preceded me. First and foremost, there is Ray Vetterlein, who coaxed and vexed, teased and loved my orgasm right out of me. There is Ken Blackman, who stroked me quite literally for
years
before we ever saw a little sprout come up through the cement. I am grateful to the women, especially Laura, who helped me translate this odd experience I was having called “getting turned on.” To Vic, who helped me see, in the two times I met him, that I was better-suited to the orgasmic path than to the Zen center (a surprise only to me). And to the folks at the WC, who brushed and stroked my feral kitty orgasm until it was pretty and shiny.
To my myriad teachers, sisters, and guides: Lisa, Kristina, Aaron, Judy, Dean Barnlund, and Janice and Phillip Moffitt, each of whom has reconfigured my heart and mind, helping me find inspiration in the most unlikely places. And to everyone at Singularity University, for your boundless vision. I am inspired.
To Patrina, who taught me to remember to remember.
To Rob, for being willing go into every passionate no-really-
this-
one-is-it exploration with me.
To my muses, Alisha, Christina, Rachael, Rachel, and Yia. You are my daily dose of inspiration.
To the OneTaste community, past and present, who really made this possible. Your work, your passion, your belief
(despite all evidence to the contrary) is the ground on which this work rests. My sincere gratitude for all you have done, taught me, and grown this orgasm into. A special thanks to Chris and Gregg for their insight on the man stuff.
To Justine, because when U Pandita anointed us spirit friends, the word “friend” took on a whole new meaning.
Especially, and in so many ways, to my mom. With over three and a half billion women in the world, I would still choose you.
And finally, to Reese, who—after my rabbi warned me that there were likely six men in the world who could handle me, five of whom were married—is the one.
N
ICOLE
D
AEDONE
is the founder of OneTaste, a community of teachers and practitioners committed to developing innovative approaches to relationship, leadership, and healing through sexuality. The practice at the heart of her work, Orgasmic Meditation, uniquely combines the oral tradition of extended orgasm with her own interest in Zen Buddhism, mystical Judaism, and semantics.
Nicole has appeared on
Nightline
; her work has been featured in the
New York Times
, the
New York Post
, and the
San Francisco Chronicle
, among others; and her writing has appeared in
Tricycle
magazine. Still active at the San Francisco center, Nicole writes, teaches, and lectures on the relationship between language and spirituality, body and mind, and self and community.
Raised in Los Gatos, California, Nicole now lives in San Francisco with her partner, Reese Jones.
To find out more about Slow Sex and Orgasmic Meditation, visit
nicoledaedone.com
and
onetaste.us
.
1
Hey, just in case:
www.onetaste.us
Contents
The truth is: Most women do not have satisfying sex lives. SLOW SEX can change that.
Two
The Three Ingredients for Slow Sex
Five
The Ten-Day OM Starter Program
Six
What Men Should Know About Women
Seven
What Women Should Know About Men
Eight
Slow Sex, Meet Regular Sex
This book is not intended as a substitute for medical advice of physicians. The reader should regularly consult a physician in all matters relating to his or her health, and particularly in respect of any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention.
Copyright © 2011 by IP Media, Inc.
All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher is unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher at [email protected]. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.
Illustrations by Aimee Bruckner
Grand Central Life & Style
Hachette Book Group
237 Park Avenue, New York, NY 10017
www.twitter.com/grandcentralpub
Second e-book edition: May 2012
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