SM 101: A Realistic Introduction (59 page)

I’m a middle-class, middle-aged, suburban pervert lady.

It’s a good idea to have him start with your boots and/or feet. Save other parts of your body for later in the session, when his good behavior has earned him the privilege of touching them with his mouth.

9. Maintain a slight but noticeable level of“background pain” as you train him. Mild clamps are often good for this, especially when applied to his nipples or scrotum. Caution: Don’t mix two types of pain, such as spanking with clamps, unless you are sure he can handle that.

10. Penetrate him. Every male benefits from learning how penetra tion feels. A wise dominant woman will consider making good use of gloved fingers and/or a condom-covered dildo or butt plug. Remember to use lots of lubricant. (If this step, or any of the others, seems a bit too much for a first session, save it for future sessions.)

11. Reward him for good behavior. If he’s been very good, and if the idea pleases you, permit him to touch your breasts and/or genitals with his mouth. This may continue for as little or as long as you want.

12. Delay his orgasm. Do not let him come too quickly. This is both a devilish and a considerate action on your part. It’s devilish because the submissive male often wants, more than anything else, to have an orgasm. Simply delaying this will string out his frustration and make the experience more intense. It is considerate because a man’s sexual desire, and his desire to submit, often evaporates after he has had an orgasm. Nipple clamps that felt erotic now simply hurt. Bondage that felt deliciously trapping now feels restrictive and uncomfortable.

A wise dominant woman, then, makes full use of her submissive before she allows him an orgasm. She may also decide to remove his bondage and/or damps before she allows him to come.

13. Afterward. An hour or so after the session, or perhaps the next day, spend “straight time” talking about how the session went for both of you. Discuss what worked and what didn’t, and what you might do differently if the two of you play together again.

These guidelines should help you have a satisfying first session. Any additional sessions, when you are more familiar with both your partner and SM techniques, can involve more intense and/or more varied activity. One of SM’s truisms is that a perfect ending for a first session is one where afterwards both people feel that they could have gone further.

Constructing an SM Starter Set

SM play usually requires equipment. Such gear can range from the ordinary and cheap to the exotic and expensive. Let’s go over some items.

Let’s Start With Your Mind

The knowledge and skills you bring to a session are important. Your underlying attitude and outlook are more so. SM begins in the mind. Hopefully you will feel clear, alert, and focused - a state of “relaxed tension” similar to what you might feel just before participating in a contest involving something both you and your competitors are good at. It’s likely that you’ll feel a very strong sense of erotic anticipation. Perhaps you’ll also feel a powerful attraction blended with just a bit of fear.

The first toy I ever used was a hairbrush, and it still has a special place in my heart.

If you’re a dominant, you may feel yourself “powering up” and centering as you prepare for the session. If you’re a submissive, you may feel a warm wave of relaxation, happiness, eagerness, and/or gratitude sweep over you as you prepare to surrender. In either case, you should definitely feel good about the person you are about to do this with.

Strong caution: If you aren’t energized, alert, in a good mood, and pleased about who your partner is, you probably shouldn’t play just then.

If your mind is not in tune with SM energy, then expensive fetish clothing and elaborate equipment will be of little use. On the other hand, if your mind is in tune with this energy it will show, and even ordinary items can become powerful pieces of SM gear.

Your eyes and facial expressions will almost undoubtedly reveal your mental state to somebody who can read them. (That’s one major reason not to blindfold a new partner.) Remember my saying- “Ifyou want to know what they’re into, watch their eyes. They can’t fake the eyes.” They can try, but they’ll always stumble sooner or later - and it’s usually sooner rather than later.

Now Let’s Consider Your Body

Remember. “If you want to get good at using equipment, first get good at using your hands.” Please remember that, as a dominant, you can create a heavy, intense session using nothing but your hands. Your hands are incredibly versatile instruments. The palm of the hand, fingers, and fingernails each have their own potentials, as does the entire hand itsell

Here are 20 things you can do to your submissive’s body with your hands:

1. Caress

2. Drum

3. Flick

4. Insert

5. Knead

6. Massage

7. Pinch with fingers

8. Pinch with fingernails

9. Pluck pubic hair

10. Pull hair

11. Restrain

12. Rub

13. Scratch

14. Shake

15. Slap

16. Spank

17. Squeeze

18. Tickle

19. Vibrate

20. Masturbate

If that’s not enough, here are ten things you can do with your mouth:

1. Bite

2. Blow

3. Engulf

4. Hickey

5. Hum

6. Kiss

7. Lick

8. Tongue flick

9. Moisten

10. Suck

As you can see, the combination of your mouth and your hands makes a powerful, versatile, erotic “toolkit.”

(More specific, detailed information about how to use your hands and mouth, including masturbation “tortures,” see the Erotic Torture chapter of this book. You also might want to take a look at my books in the “Tricks: More than 125 Ways to Make Good Sex Better
^»
series.)

A Basic SM Starter Kit

Now as to what equipment you might use for “semi-formal” SM play. Let’s look around the ordinary apartment. The following ten items could be regarded as an “SM starter kit.” They are found in most households, inexpensive, “deniable,” require minimal clean-up, and usually work well together.

Note #1: A belt used for flagellation would probably be at least one inch wide and relatively flexible. It should not have any sharp edges or corners on the part that strikes the submissive’s skin. Using any metal parts of a belt to whip a submissive is a genuinely bad idea.

Note #2: A “spanking” hairbrush would have a sturdy handle and a rectangular or oval back. As with a belt, it would have no sharp edges or corners on the part that strikes the submissive’s skin. In addition to using the back of the hairbrush for spanking, the bristles themselves can be used to excellent effect on various tender (or tenderized) parts of the submissive’s body.

Having my inner thighs pinched is really hard for me.

Note #3: See the “Flagellation” chapter for instructions on how to use a bootlace to make a basic flogger.

In addition to the above, the following are some of the items you could incorporate into your SM play.

Mood/Atmosphere Items

Candles

Heat (relaxed nudity requires warmth)

Incense

Lighting

Music (helps create mood, shut out outside distractions, ensure

“sound privacy.”) For more information, see the section titled

“Setting the Scene” in the “.Basic Basics” chapter.

Everyday Items You Can Use as Toys

Candles (plain white paraffin)

Coathangers (unpainted)

Elastic bandages

Emery boards

Enema bag

Egg scissors

Feather duster

Feathers

Fur

Gauze bandages (at least four inches wide)

Hand-held hair dryer

Metal paper-fastening clamps

Nail file

Nylon stockings (may bind - do not use for bondage that may be pulled against)

Paddles - ping pong, paddle ball, sporting, etc.

Rubber ball

Rulers

Sashes from bathrobes and other items of clothing

Scarves (knots pulled really tight can be hard to loosen)

Shoelaces

Skewers (use for semi-piercing and/or scratching , but don’t break skin)

Snake bite kit suction cups (use on nipples)

Spatula

Toothbrush

Toothpaste or gel

Triangular bandages (very good for bondage,

blindfolds, and gags)

Tweezers

Vegetable oil

Wooden spoons

And, of course, regular sex toys such as vibrators, dildoes, ben wa balls, anal beads, and so forth.

How come none of my submissives are ever ticklish?

When using any of the above items, remember that items with sharp edges or corners should not be used for flagellation. Remember to start lighter than light and build slower than slow. Remember to get feedback.

Safety Items

Condoms

Contraceptive jelly (3% nonoxynol-9)

Dental dams

Flashlight

Fire extinguisher

First aid kit

Hydrogen peroxide (3%)

Latex, vinyl, or plastic gloves

Spermicidal suppositories

Paramedic scissors

Provodone-iodine solution

Rubbing alcohol (70%)

Water-soluble lubricant containing nonoxynol-9

Note: Remember that a male urinal with a cap that fastens in place can be very useful if the session involves highly immobilizing bondage.

Items to Avoid

The following household items are too dangerous to play with until you have received expert instruction in their safe, effective use. Serious, even fatal, injury could result from attempting to use these during SM play without proper training.

Candles other than white, paraffin candles

Clothing irons

Curling irons

Electrical shock devices of any kind

Formal weapons such as firearms, swords, and

tear-gas canisters

Fireplace equipment such as a poker

Hot rollers

Open flame other than a candle (watch out for vapors!)