Snared (Jaded Regret #1) (21 page)

“Be careful, honey,” my mom said. “I don’t want to tell you not to be with him because I can see that you’re over the moon. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you like this. But no matter what guy you meet, I’m going to tell you to be sure it’s what you want. Take your time and get to know each other. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Would Beau hurt me? Maybe. I was way more worried about the ways I could hurt him.

Beau’s fingers tapped on his legs as we pulled into the group home. I’d called them earlier and told them to keep Robbie out of school today, that I’d be by to get him. As much as I knew Beau wanted to be here, it made him nervous to be around Robbie.

I cut the engine and sat, my eyes trained on Beau to give me a sign that he was ready. When I’d picked him up after seeing my parents, he’d kissed me for so long I wasn’t sure we were going to make it to see Robbie. He hadn’t wanted to talk, but his eyes had been serious. I hadn’t pushed him, but I was worried. Maybe spending the day with Robbie might be too much for our fragile relationship.

Finally, I put a hand over one of Beau’s, stilling his fingers. “Do you want to do this? We don’t have to.”

Beau turned his dark eyes to me. “I want to do it because no one did it for me.” He said it so quietly I had to strain to hear him. “Find him a home, April. A real one, with parents who will take care of him.”

I sighed. “I want that more than anything, Beau.” What I didn’t say was how unadoptable Robbie was presenting. His refusal to talk or get close to anyone, coupled with his outbursts at the group home and school, I couldn’t even get him out of the group home to a regular foster home.

Beau turned and opened the door to the car, stopping our conversation. I followed him in silence, hoping today wouldn’t be a mistake for Robbie or us.

Beau’s demeanor instantly changed the second we walked into the large living room and saw Robbie sitting on the couch, his eyes trained on the television screen. A few toddlers played, but otherwise, the room was empty since everyone was at school.

“Hi, Robbie.” His eyes met mine, but there was no reaction. Robbie’s eyes moved past me and settled on Beau, and I saw it. A little spark of something burned in his eyes. He liked Beau. Maybe this wouldn’t be a disaster after all.

I sat down next to him on the couch and Beau sat next to me. I could see his fingers working on his legs. “Hi, Robbie,” he said. Robbie tucked the picture he was clutching against his chest into the pocket of his jacket so we couldn’t see it and said nothing.

“We wanted to take you somewhere fun today,” I explained. Robbie’s eyes widened a little, and he glanced back at Beau but didn’t respond. “Have you ever driven go-karts?”

Robbie bit his lip, looking back and forth between the two of us. I thought for sure he wasn’t going to answer when he started nodding his head. It might not be words, but at least it was something.

“Would you like to go with us? Beau wants to go to a fun place with go-karts, and he thought you’d like to join us. We’ll get greasy pizza or chicken nuggets and fries.”

I needed Beau to say something to him. I wasn’t sure I could convince Robbie to go with us. I nudged Beau, telling him with my eyes what I didn’t want to say out loud. If this was going to work, he had to get through to Robbie like he had before. He was the only one Robbie had spoken a word to in the weeks he had been here.

Beau cleared his throat, and his fingers tapped against his thighs. Looking at the two of them was like seeing mirror images of the same person. Both of them were nervous, quiet, and unsure. I could only hope they could bring out something in each other. “I-I’ve never driven a go-kart before and thought you could do it with me.”

Robbie’s eyes widened. “Never?” One of the counselors in the room stopped in her tracks when she heard Robbie speak to Beau. Our eyes met across the room, and I nodded. Beau was Robbie’s ticket to communication.

Beau shook his head. “Never. Do you think you could show me how to drive one?”

Robbie nodded his head. “I’ve only been a few times, but I love it.” He stood, zipping his jacket up even though it was warm outside. I wasn’t about to say anything to him about his clothing choice.

“Well, let’s go then! Do you want to bring anything with you?”

Robbie shook his head. “Why do you want me to go with you?” His voice was small and made me think of what a little child he was, despite the fact he was nine and had lived a rough life.

Beau shrugged. “I think you’re cool. You remind me a lot of me when I was a kid.”

Robbie’s eyes widened, and he looked down at his feet without saying a word.

“Let’s go have fun.” I tried to lighten the seriousness between them. We said goodbye to Trent and walked out to my car. I hoped today would give me some insight on how best to help Robbie . . . and Beau.

Beau

I COULD SEE
Robbie staring at me out of the corner of my eye the entire car ride. I wanted to talk to him, but what the hell did I know about talking to a nine-year-old boy?

April’s hand was tucked in mine as she drove. The warmth of her fingers kept my head sated and my fingers still. I peered at her face, the creamy smoothness of her skin radiating in the bright Florida sunshine. Her dark hair was pulled halfway up off her face, the rest curling across her shoulders. She had on a pair of jean capris and a silk short-sleeved shirt—casual, yet still professional. A pair of sandals showed off her red toenail polish.

She was perfection. Way too perfect for the likes of me, but hell if I could make myself stay away from her. I wanted to be with her every second of every day. The thought of leaving her later and going home already had my stomach in knots. How was I going to be a long distance boyfriend? Hell, how was I going to be a boyfriend at all? I had zero experience with this.

You need to tell her. Everything. Once she knows the truth, she’ll know you’re a piece of shit. She’s a young woman with a future ahead of her.

I shook my head, ridding the thoughts from my head. April and I hadn’t figured out how we’d do this long distance. I didn’t need to bare all my secrets to her.

“Beau.” April lifted our joined hands and kissed mine, shaking me out of my head.

I smiled at her, kissing her hand back. She seemed pacified, turning her attention back to the road as she pulled into the small amusement park. I could see batting cages, mini golf, and multiple go-kart tracks. A large building sat to the side, more than likely full of video games.

A kid’s heaven.

Robbie’s eyes were wide as April parked the car. He was taking everything in, and I could understand that. Ripples of excitement rolled through me. How stupid was that? Here I was, an almost thirty-year-old man and I felt like I was five.

“Ready?” I held open Robbie’s door. April’s silent conversation earlier had told me I needed to step it up with Robbie today. He responded to me for some reason, and I needed to be the person April thought I was and show her I could do this with him. It had been my idea, after all.

He nodded, stepping out. His eyes zeroed in on the cars zooming around the track, then moved to the mini golf course. “Can we do that?”

I followed his gaze. “We can do whatever you want.” April nodded.

Then Robbie shocked the hell out of me and slipped his small hand into mine as we walked toward the building to buy tickets. April was walking on the other side of me, and when I squeezed her fingers, her eyes met mine. Tears sparkled in her eyes.

“You’re incredible,” she whispered into my ear.

I’d never felt better in my life.

“You drive,” Robbie said.

“Are you sure?”

April stood behind the gate, watching us. We’d done single go karts several times, and now Robbie and I were going to go on the double one together, so she decided to stay back. I hadn’t missed her phone in her hand snapping pictures of us as we waited, but I wondered what was so picture worthy.

“Yes. I want to ride with you.”

I smiled. My head had been blissfully quiet since we’d gotten here with Robbie. He’d been nothing but wonderful the whole time, from playing mini golf to eating greasy amusement park food. He’d said a few words to April, though most of his conversation was directed only to me.

“Beau?” Robbie’s adorable eyes met mine. His fingers twisted together. He still hadn’t removed his jacket. The child had to be hot as hell.

“Yes?”

“Is this . . . is this what it’s like to have a dad?”

My heart clenched.
You’re a worthless piece of shit, just like him. You should kill yourself, too. You shouldn’t even be here.
I tapped my fingers on the rail in front of me as we waited, trying to control my breathing and push the voice right out of my head.

“I don’t know,” I said truthfully.

Robbie bit his lip, nodding his head. “We have that in common. Well, we can pretend, right? Hey, we can pretend I’m your kid.”

I lay back on the table. “Are you sure?” The doctor looked over at the nurse and then back to me. “You’re so young.” I closed my eyes, seeing visions of my dad swinging from the doorway, a belt wrapped around his neck. “Do it,” I said. “Just do it.” I couldn’t ever do that to someone else. I wasn’t taking the chance.

April must’ve sensed my stress or had seen my body language because she appeared next to us. “Everything okay?” She spoke low enough for just me to hear.

I needed her. I knew myself enough to know things were headed south in a big way. “April,” I barely got out. She turned and pressed her body against mine, wrapping her arms around me.

“Beau.” Her sweet breath caressed my face with her words. “Open your eyes and see me standing here, supporting you.” I fought to listen to her and stop the downward spiral that was imminent. “Come on. Whatever it is, let it go. We’re here together. We’re having fun doing something you’ve always wanted to do.”

When my eyes stayed closed, her lips touched mine and her fingers went through the short hair on the sides of my head. “It’s almost your turn. Robbie is watching us. Come on, Beau. Let it go.”

That was when I felt a small hand on my arm. “Beau? Are you sick?”

Fucking worthless waste of space
.

I forced my eyes open. April’s concerned face was the first thing I saw. I looked down at Robbie, who was watching me with an understanding that shredded me. This child shouldn’t understand what I felt like. He should never know the pain that lived inside of me.

“It’s our turn,” he said.

I turned away from April, but she gripped my arm. “Beau.”

“I’m okay.” I brushed my lips against hers. “Thank you. I needed you.”

April nodded, smiling down at Robbie. As we walked away, I heard her whisper, “I need you, too, Beau.”