Something More (10 page)

They didn’t expand on the topic and I didn’t ask; I couldn’t begrudge them a few secrets. I still had some, for sure.

“Ready for dessert?” Jay asked, a teasing tone to his question.
 

I smirked. “Aren’t I always?”

Noah laughed and retrieved a platter from the oven. He walked back with the most decadent-looking brownies, and I rubbed my hands together conspiratorially. “Where are yours?” I joked, winking at him.

“These
are
mine,” he said. “If you’re lucky, I’ll give you one.”

I watched his fingers carefully as he broke off the edge of one then lifted it to my mouth. Parting my lips, I waited anxiously for the sweet chocolate to invade my senses. It was exponentially better than I’d even imagined, the contrast of soft, dense chocolate and the crunchy walnuts baked inside. As I chewed, I watched him feed a bite to Jay in the exact same manner. Watching Jay’s lips pull against Noah’s fingers as he slid them out made me squirm in my seat. When Noah lifted the brownie to his mouth, I stopped him.

“I don’t think so,” I said, slapping his hands away.
 

Moving my chair closer, I broke a bite off for Noah and fed it to him, then did the same for Jay. There was something sweet and nurturing about feeding them, even if I didn’t have a hand in making what we were eating. Dessert disappeared quickly, being chipped away at by three hands and mouths simultaneously. It was an orgy of chocolate.
 

When the plate was empty, I kissed and licked at Jay’s mouth, all in the name of a few more crumbs of brownie. Not that anyone bought that flimsy excuse.
 

From the corner of my eye, I caught a glance at the clock in the kitchen. It was way past the time when I’d planned to go home, but it felt like we were just getting started. My lungs filled with regret. It had become punishment to go home, and it made my chest ache. Reality was such a bitch.

I tried to wipe the pout from my face. “I have to go. It’s so late already.”

“Call me Friday?” Jay asked.

“I will,” I promised. “Try not to have too much fun, you two.”

We parted in the doorway after a not-so-quick kiss, and from my car, I could see them kissing and touching still. It was such a stark reminder that I was still not a part of this group. I was welcome, I joined in when I could, but it was still their world—I felt like a satellite, existing behind a distinct separation.

Jealousy sat heavy in my belly once I got home. I tried to ignore it, reminding myself several times that it just wasn’t right to be jealous of them. They were
married
. I was…something else. A girlfriend on the side? Who the fuck knew. Everything felt under question.

Sleep was elusive, and waking up the next day was even harder. I didn’t want to go to work and deal with real-life grown-up bullshit. I wanted to lie in bed and wallow. Over what, I wasn’t entirely sure.
 

When Jay texted me just before lunch, I smiled. After we’d chatted back and forth a few times, my mood seemed to lighten. I knew Noah was busy at the bakery until midafternoon, but I texted him anyway, just to say hi and that I missed him. Inside, I was chaotic, whiny, and clingy, but I did my best to keep things upbeat all day. Just hearing from them, knowing that I was a part of their days, helped.
 

I walked into my therapist Marlena’s office and sat in the lobby area after nodding to the receptionist. While I waited, I twisted a tissue between my fingers and glanced at the painting on the wall. It was an abstract, and I liked to stare and see what popped out at me each time I was there. The door opened, and Marlena came out with a young girl who’d clearly been crying.
 

Marlena motioned me in. “So, what brings you back?”

Her head was tilted to the side and she had a small smile on her face, her eyes kind and open. I wondered if I was going to shock her. Maybe she wouldn’t approve at all and would ask me to leave. The leather seat squeaked as I shifted.
 

“Well, I’ve met someone. Two someones, actually.” No point in lying or delaying.

She furiously jotted notes on her standard-issue, lined yellow notepad. “Torn between two lovers?”

“Not exactly.”

She stopped writing and looked up at me, one eyebrow lifted.

“They’re married,” I said.

“And how do they feel about you?”

I smiled. “I think they both like me, too.”

“So are they interested in a polyamorous relationship with you, or are you three having fun, or…”

I almost laughed at that. Of course, there was no judgment to her words, and she knew all the right terms to use to describe us.

“We all want to have a polyamorous relationship,” I said.

Marlena stopped writing and looked at me. “How does that make you feel?”

“Nervous. Elated. Perfect.”

“Do you see long-term potential with them?”

“Yeah,” I said, smiling again.
 

“And that’s what scares you?”

“Sure, part of it.”

“What else about it scares you?”

I laughed. “Everything. What if they break my heart? What if I damage their marriage?”

“Well, they’re both adults, right?” she asked.

I nodded.

“Did they agree equally to pursue you, or do you get a sense that one of them was pressuring the other?”

“No, they definitely agreed equally,” I said.

“Do you think their marriage was on a good foundation before? Are they seeking you out to fix any problems or make things better?”

“I’ve known them for years, and I always thought they were rock solid,” I said. “And as far as I can tell, no, I’m not fixing anything.”

“Any risks they decide to take, with respect to their marriage and existing bond, are their choices. I’m more worried about you, Olivia. Do you feel involved and included?”

Despite my doubts, I knew that I was part of things. “Oh yeah, of course. Mostly.”
 

“And you’ve thought about what it might be like, living in a relationship with two people?” she asked.

“A ton,” I said.

“Well, just keep an open mind and be guarded, but not too guarded,” she said. “It’s nice to see you so happy.”

I was surprised she could sense a difference in my demeanor, but at the same time, I knew I felt like I was radiating.
 

“Our time is up. Shall we schedule another appointment in a few weeks?”

“Yeah,” I said, fumbling with my phone to look up a good date.

The entire drive home, I thought about everything we’d talked about. I was grateful for her feedback and the reminder that the boys had entered into this relationship with their eyes wide open. Sure, I could do things to make sure they didn’t get hurt, but at the end of the day, they knew the risks, too, and took them willingly.

Friday, I was antsy for the weekend to start. I’d been right about getting stuck at work late. It was so late, in fact, that when I finally left, I thought about just going to my place for the night. I still had to pack, and my nerves felt as if they were exposed, every little thing setting me off, and not in the good ways. Picking up my phone, I dialed Jonathan and switched to Bluetooth.

“Hi, gorgeous. When are you going to get your fine ass over here?” he said, before even so much as a “Hello.”
 

I laughed. “Well, hello to you too, sweetheart. I don’t know.” I sighed, hedging. I was already so exhausted. “I’m just now going home. I haven’t even packed a bag yet. I was thinking maybe it would just be better for me to come over in the morning? Or we could all go to dinner somewhere?”

“What?” He sounded really surprised. Maybe a little hurt. “Don’t make me come over there and pack a bag for you. Be a good girl and get it done quickly, please.”

I whimpered, then mentally made a list of things I needed.

“Okay, but tomorrow, you’re taking me to Target so I can get an extra bag of travel-sized stuff,” I said.
 

“Yes, ma’am.”

“And extra pajamas.”

“Mmm.”

“Jesus,” I laughed. “Did you just moan at me?”

“You mentioned pajamas… What if I want you to sleep naked every night?”

“You are hi-larious,” I said. “Not gonna happen. But maybe sometimes,” I teased.

I could hear him swallow and breathe heavily, and I imagined Noah right there, stroking him.
 

“Where’s Noah?” I asked, my own voice starting to sound shallow and breathy.
 

“Next to me on the couch.”

“You two aren’t going to be asleep by the time I get there?”

“Not even a chance of that happening,” he said. “You home yet?”

“Just pulled into my spot. Wanna come upstairs with me while I pack?”

“Yeah.”

I walked up to my apartment, unlocking the door and dropping my laptop bag the moment I was inside.

“You can offer opinions,” I said. “Red lace panties or pink cotton?”

“Fuck,” he breathed. “Both. None. I don’t even know.”

I laughed. It was pretty amazing to be able to tease them, considering I’d never given it a second thought before that fateful night.
 

“Hmm, okay, they’re both in the bag,” I said, throwing in the matching bras, too. “We doing anything fancy this weekend, or just casual stuff?”

“Casual. Although, now that you mention it, maybe we’ll make fun dressy plans next weekend. The firm Christmas party is coming up, too.”

My brain hit a wall. The firm Christmas party? What would people think if Jay brought both of us?

I made a noncommittal noise and packed my favorite jeans along with the rest of what I would need. I didn’t have time to change out of my court suit, so I had to pack my sneakers and socks. By the time I was almost done, my bag was practically ready to explode.

“Okay, you still there?” I asked.

“Mhm. Pack faster.” I could hear his heavy breath and knew from experience they were doing bad, bad things together already.

“Tell Noah to keep his hands off you. I’m almost out the door again. I’ll be there in fifteen at the most,” I said, locking my front door once I was outside.

“Why, is Miss Rule Follower going to speed?” he teased.

“You bet your sweet ass I am,” I said. “I’m gonna to hang up so I don’t kill myself on the drive. See you in fifteen.”

“Drive safe!” he chastised. “But hurry.”

I rolled my eyes, hung up, and buckled my seat belt.

Naturally, three stoplights from their street, the cramps I’d tried so diligently to ignore all day at work got worse. I did some math in my head then looked around, sighing as I recognized the familiar signs and symptoms. I’d driven past a drugstore a few roads back, so instead of turning left as planned, I made a U-turn and picked up my phone. When I parked, I sent a quick text to Jay to let him know I was going to be late, but not to worry.

After I’d paid for my box of tampons and stopped in the bathroom, I practically slung my body back into my car, buckling up again. I cursed the timing over and over on the drive. I contemplated texting again to explain and bail on the whole weekend, but that felt even more awkward than just going forward. We had to deal with shit like this, right?

Finally, I parked and knocked on their door with another sigh. When Noah answered, he looked disheveled and sexy. I wanted to jump on top of him and ride him until I was screaming.

“Thank God,” he said, pulling me inside and shutting the door. He wasted no time, pressing me against the wall and pinning me between his arms.
 

My body responded, relaxing into his, and my lips sought his mouth. As my hands curled around his forearms, I couldn’t help but press my lower half against where he was hard and thick.
 

“Feeling left out,” Jonathan said from my side, moving behind Noah.
 

Fuuuuuck.

I could see him kissing and touching Noah, feel his hands between our bodies, and it just amplified everything.
 

“Damn it.”

“What’s wrong?” Noah asked, pulling back a fraction of an inch. “Did I hurt you?”

“No,” I said. “No. Fuck. Let’s go inside.”

He grabbed my bag from where I’d dropped it on the floor and took it to the bedroom. Jay and I held hands, walking behind him and smiling at each other.

“So, yeah,” I started, then paused. “I’m not really sure how to say this, but um…I’m bleeding.”

“I thought you said I didn’t hurt you?” Noah asked, turning me around to inspect my back.

“God, you’re such a dork. Not
there
. I’m having my period.”

“Ohhh.” His eyebrows practically lifted to his hairline.

“This is…awkward,” I said, staring at my feet.
 

“You’re silly. It’s not awkward.” Jay shook his head and pulled me on top of him on the bed. “It’s startlingly normal for such a weird girl.”
 

He started to tickle me, and we were squirming together when Noah piled on. I pulled back a bit to watch them together.
 

“Hey, you know we aren’t bothered, right?” Jay said, kissing my neck.

“I know, but I am. I just want to watch you guys tonight, okay?”

Noah kissed the other side of my neck. “You sure?”

I nodded and watched the way they worked together—practiced and perfect. There was almost no bumping of heads or moments of confusion. They knew what they wanted and they went for it, knowing exactly how to please each other.
 

In what seemed like the span of time it took me to blink, they were both undressed and loving each other. I watched, fascinated and more than frustrated, as they faced each other’s feet, mouths planted over cocks, stroking and touching and licking and sucking. Noah was lying on the bed, Jay above him, and I watched the differences in their bodies carefully. Jonathan was taller and thinner, his legs askew as he tried to not suffocate the man beneath him. Noah, on the other hand, pushed up with what looked like force, taking, taking, taking.
 

They both knew what they could give and what they could take from each other. I watched as Jay’s fingertips stroked the hair on Noah’s thighs, another contrast since his own body was smooth and mostly hairless. Both of them were lean and muscled, although Noah was stockier. I loved the way they were built, loved that they
were
so different, in mind, body, and spirit. It was like finding something I’d never realized I wanted or needed until I had it right in my hands. And heart.