Something More (5 page)

Okay, so I’d asked to watch mostly so I could focus and maybe pick up a few pointers. I was so self-conscious about my blow job skills. If I even had any. I wasn’t so sure. No one had ever outright complained to me, but surely these two knew how to suck cock better than I.

Noah took his time, teasing and skimming the surface of Jonathan’s entire groin area before he really dove in. Once he got down to work, I shifted back a little, sitting up against the headboard so I could see them better. Watching them, knowing Noah was giving so much pleasure and Jay was so clearly ready to blow his load at any minute, made me want them again.
 

Yeah, I was a greedy girl. I could admit it.

From where I sat, it looked like Noah left no part of Jay unexplored; that was new and different to me. I’d always been so hesitant to deviate from the main activity. With what looked like delight, Noah paid attention to, licked, kissed, and bit—gently, of course—everywhere. When his mouth moved away from Jay’s dick and his tongue snaked underneath his balls, I almost let out a gasp. Watching the reaction he got, though, I completely understood why he went there, so to speak.
 

He didn’t linger, moving back up to surround the hard flesh of Jay’s cock with his soft, warm mouth. The two men were so beautiful in the way they shared their love. I was certain there were moments when they weren’t quite so tender with each other, but this was a moment of reconnection and reassurance, that much was obvious to me. When Jonathan came, Noah swallowed and hummed, a satisfied smirk on his face once he released his husband.

Grabbing my arm, Noah pulled the three of us close together, our arms and legs entwining. Despite the way I knew some people in my life might judge me, I couldn’t bring myself to think of what we’d just done as anything less than beautiful and amazing. Our connection went deeper than sex already, and I knew things were going to keep growing by leaps and bounds.

“Shower,” Jonathan said, but his words sounded halfhearted and as exhausted as I felt.

“Just a few more minutes,” I implored. “Please.”

A hum of contentment came from Noah, and I snuggled into both of them even more. The room was quiet and still, my thoughts the exact opposite as they raced. I was full of questions—like was it okay to sleep with just one of them? What if the other was busy and we wanted to go on a date? And of course, they lived together; it wouldn’t be fair to ask them to stop having sex if I wasn’t around.
 

I suddenly felt very much like an outsider again. These two people
lived together
and were married, and what was I? Not an intruder, per se, but definitely not a part of this safe, cocooned, established relationship.

Yet.

Those three letters moved across my thoughts and I smiled. Chastising myself for jumping to conclusions, I realized we’d all need to talk about things and set some ground rules, but for the moment, the possibilities and potential were immense. Life-changing. Beautiful.

“Ready for that shower?” I asked, turning to kiss Noah.
 

He nodded and I broke our kiss, getting out of bed and wandering to where I now knew the shower was. It was nice to know the layout of their house and that they made me comfortable enough to take the initiative. By the time the water was warm, they both joined me, and we laughed and talked more inside the glass walls.

“So, if we’re going to do this, how is it going to work?”

“What do you mean, sweetness?”

“What if you’re at the bakery and Jay and I want to go out to a movie?” I asked, searching for clarity.

“Then go to a movie,” Noah said.
 

I raised an eyebrow and smirked. “What if we want to come home and do bad, naughty things?”
 

“Then I’d hope to be off work early or go in late. But if it happens, it happens. I trust you both. I trust you to not leave me out all the way. It’s the same if Jon has a court case and needs to work overtime, and you come over for dinner with me without him here. You’re not only going to come over when he’s around, are you?”

It was adorable to see Noah look slightly insecure. Couldn’t he tell how attracted to him I was?

Leaning closer, I wrapped my arms around his neck, trying my best to ignore the water splashing against my face. “Nope,” I said, kissing his lips. “Definitely not.”

“There’s no way to make it even or fair,” Jay said, his hands sliding on my skin. “We just have to make it work for us.”

That sounded perfect to me.

After we were cleaned up, we got out, dried off, and I changed into a T-shirt they loaned me. I knew I had to go home to get ready for the week, but I wanted a few more hours with them.
 

“I have to head home.” I didn’t want to, but I needed to. I needed time to think with the added comfort of my own space and things surrounding me.

“When will we get to see you again?” Jay asked, wrapping his arms around me.
 

“How about Wednesday?” Noah suggested. “I don’t have to work until late. We could have dinner.”

I thought about it for a minute. “That should work. I’ll let you know for sure once I double-check my work schedule tomorrow, okay?”

They nodded and after a long hug and kiss with each of them, I was on my way home.
 

I lay in bed, exhausted emotionally from the weekend and physically after I’d done laundry and cleaned, arranging everything on my mental to-do list for the upcoming week. With my eyes closed, I let my fingers wander, skimming over my skin like theirs had. After I slid them down and over my clit, the mental image of the boys together replayed in my mind, and I came hard. I didn’t expect the tears that chased my orgasm, and I rolled over quickly, burying my face in my pillow.
 

Several times through the night, I woke up from my restless sleep. My mind had been working overtime even when it was supposed to be resting. I finally realized the harder I fell for them, the deeper and more profound my shame would be at our situation, and the closer my self-esteem would be to shattering if they decided at some point they couldn’t or didn’t want to keep me around. Everything still felt completely right, and hell, I could tell just how much they cared for me, but I realized I would need to get a handle on my emotions before I went any further. The trick was, I had no idea how to do that.
 

~

I knocked at their door a few minutes late on Wednesday.

“You know you don’t have to knock, dork,” Noah said, opening the door and letting me in.

“Nice to see you too.” I kissed his cheek as I walked by, and he swatted my ass, making me laugh again.

Jay was at the stove, and I walked up behind him and kissed his cheek, too. “Hi.”

“Hey. How was your day?”

“Too long. Sorry I’m late.”

“Don’t worry, we managed to entertain ourselves.”

I knew Noah’s comment wasn’t intended to make me feel left out, but it did, my anxiety and nausea brewing as Jay served up our dinner and we sat. The silence that followed as we ate only fueled my insecurities.

My stomach had butterflies the entire time and not the good kind. I tried to think back to what my therapist and I had talked about on Monday. Yes, there would be moments like this, and if I wanted the potential of the relationship to work, I had to be honest with myself…and them. I also had to remember that just because they had a life outside of me didn’t mean they didn’t also want a life
with
me.
 

I took a deep breath and felt my shoulders relax a bit. “Thanks for cooking, Jay,” I said. “This was perfect. Exactly what I needed.”

“My pleasure, m’dear.” He smiled back and squeezed my hand.
 

I hadn’t ever really felt cared for since I was a child, and seeing two gorgeous, loving men smiling at me reinforced every thought I’d had the previous weekend. I had to give “us” a try; if I took the coward’s route and ran, knowing exactly how all three of us felt, I would end up broken, perhaps permanently.

“How’s the bakery?” I turned and asked Noah.

He shrugged and rolled his eyes. “Too many cakes, not enough dough. But you know, it’s a labor of love, not a get-rich-quick scheme.”

“You have such amazing creativity when you bake. Maybe I can come down and help you out sometime?”

Both of them laughed, but Noah said he’d love that. I imagined us throwing puffs of flour at each other and eventually relocating to the floor for a quickie. Or maybe on the counter. Or his desk.

“Cats or dogs?” Noah asked.
 

I laughed and blinked, refocusing on the random question instead of my dirty thoughts. I felt a little on trial, but not for murder…something more like petty theft. The consequences if I answered wrong weren’t catastrophic, just potentially annoying.

“Both.”

Noah narrowed his eyes, the rest of his face a blank slate. “You don’t like one more?”

“Nope,” I said, smiling. “Love all the animals, actually.”

“Tropical vacation or snowed-in cabin?” Jay asked.

“As long as you guys are there, I’m game for either.”

It was Jay’s turn to roll his eyes at me. “Come on, pick one! Stop being so damn agreeable and diplomatic.”

“Okay, okay. Tropical beach. It wins with sun and sand and sexy board shorts. Oh, and those cute umbrella drinks.”

They nodded and smiled.

“No fireplaces, though,” Noah said. “Something to be said for a cozy fireplace.”

The conversation and mood were taking a distinct turn into territory I absolutely didn’t have time to explore right then. I sighed. “I really should run. Much as I want to stay.”

“Call or text and let us know you got home, okay?” Jay asked, leaning closer to kiss me. “And come back Friday?”

“Mmhm. I can do that,” I said.

“Pack a bag for the weekend?” he asked, unsure of himself.

“Maybe. I can maybe do that.”

His lips were perfect against mine, and I really wanted to crawl into his lap and let him touch and love me until I was a puddle in his hands. I cursed not being twenty-something anymore, having long ago lost the ability to skip sleep and keep going on caffeine the next day.

“Definitely,” I said. “I’ll definitely stay the weekend. If that’s okay.” I broke our kiss to look up at Noah, who was clearing dishes.

“Of course. That’ll give us lots of time,” Noah said, grinning and waggling his eyebrows. “Maybe we can go out to dinner or something.”

Oh, shit. I hadn’t ever considered what going
out
with both of them would be like. Fucking fabulous. Something new for me to worry about for the rest of the week.

Sure enough, I spent a lot of thought cycles on our upcoming dinner. The boys left the choice up to me—we could meet at their place again and eat takeout, or we could go to a restaurant on a real and proper date. After too much thinking, I decided it was better to go out. I wanted to dip my toe in and experience what it was like with them in the outside world, rather than waiting until we were all more invested. I reasoned that I could still back out if it was too awkward, but of course, I was already in deep, emotionally. I didn’t want to think about how things might fall apart if it became unbearably uncomfortable going out.

After work on Friday, I ran home and showered. I shaved my legs then got out and put on a sexy bra and panty set with garters and stockings. It had been a long time since I cared about and put effort into how I looked, and I wanted to feel and be sexy. I wore a silky wrap dress that fit the bill, accentuating my curves perfectly, along with my highest heels. I did my makeup, dabbed perfume on, and fixed my hair in loose waves. I was ready for an epic first date.
 

I packed an overnight bag for Saturday and Sunday, stuffed as full as it could be, and threw it in my trunk before I made my way downtown. They’d picked a very upscale place that I’d only ever been to for business meetings.
 

When I walked in, they were already there, waiting in the lobby. I smiled, glad that they’d been prompt. Yes, it was important to me. I liked people who respected my time. They were freshly shaven and smelled insanely good. I stumbled a bit at how to greet them; I wanted to kiss both of them and give them a look that said how much I appreciated the date, but the hostess was paying awfully close attention to us. Instead, I settled for a peck on Jay’s cheek as he squeezed my forearms in greeting. Noah—of course—grabbed me and kissed me hard.
 

His lips left mine and I was glad his arm was still around my back to steady me; I was stunned stupid. Somehow, in the two days that had passed, I’d forgotten what a fucking amazing kisser he was. Of course, it made me want to kiss Jay even more. For research purposes, of course. I
needed
to feel him against my lips, too. I let out an exasperated sigh, and then, damn the hostess and her prying eyes, grabbed Jay by his tie and pulled him close. He smelled so different from Noah, lighter and sweeter to Noah’s spice and wood. I took my time, resting my nose in the crook of his neck and inhaling him first, then peppering kisses up and finally over to his mouth. It was about the build, the seduction, with Jay. He didn’t disappoint, kissing me for several slow moments before we broke apart and there I was, arm-in-arm with my two boyfriends, while the hostess stared slack-jawed.
 

Yeah, judging from the expression on her face, she was jealous. I’d have been, too.

The table she seated us at was slightly awkward, but we made it work. There weren’t any booths that I could see, so we sat with the boys on one side and me on the other, facing them. I just knew they were going to get into trouble across from me, and I shot them a look that politely requested they behave. As if they’d listen. Not even ten minutes after we sat, someone was trying to play footsie. I couldn’t be upset, though. It was fun and light and easy and playful—so many things that had been lacking from every previous relationship I’d been in.

Once the adorable waitress took our drink orders, we all sat forward a bit.