Somewhere Only We Know ....... (13 page)

I let myself
into the house for the last time. It was eerily quiet already, it
seemed to have lost its heart. As I made my way towards the stairs
Keith came bounding out of the living room.
“
Get out, get out of here your
dirty slut
”
. He was drunk. I
wasn
’
t going to hang around
to get a smack, so I turned and walked towards the back
door.

“
I know all
about your fancy man, you are nothing but a whore.
You
’
re a whore and a
cunt
”
. I just kept on
walking.
“
You had the
bastard pick you up from here, you are a total fucking piss take,
get the fuck out
”
.

As I opened
the back door I was shaking. I was shaking so much I struggled to
start the car. He must have gone straight to our local, I thought
to myself. This village! Someone must have broken their neck to
tell him about Michael. I had done nothing wrong, I
hadn
’
t slept with anyone, I
hadn
’
t beaten anyone and I
hadn
’
t hurt
anyone.

As I pulled
up outside the new house, the tears that
hadn
’
t come all day put in
an appearance. Sobbing I ran into the house. The place was a tip.
Pull yourself together, you need to make this place habitable for
the kids coming, and I
’
d
promised my Granny I would go back along. It would kill her if she
saw what sort of state I was in.
“
Head down, backside up, this was your
choice,
”
I said to myself as
I grabbed bits of Bethany
’
s
cot and made my way upstairs.

When I went
to pick up the kids in the morning, Keith had already been along
and done a job on my mam and dad.
“
How could you have done this Caroline?
”
were my mam
’
s first words to me.
“
Keith works so hard for you and the children and look how
you have repaid him, by having an affair.
”
I said nothing. My dad said nothing.
“
You always manage to let us down
don
’
t
you?
”
my mam went on.
“
I
don
’
t want to argue with you
mam, you have obviously spoken to Keith!
”
“
And your Granny rang worried sick,
she
’
s old Caroline you have
no right going around there winding her
up
”
.

I sorted the
kids’ things out, told my mam where I was going to be living and
left. We went back to the new house. It was still a tip but I had
managed to make the living room safe and clean for the kids, I had
their toy box out ready for them and they soon had the floor
covered in toys. It wasn
’
t
home but it was the best I could do.

Karen popped
in with Charlotte for a little while. We drank coffee and ate
biscuits.
“
I know it
isn
’
t ideal, but at least
you are safe here, it will give you a chance to catch your
breath
”
said Karen.
“
You have no idea how grateful I am
Karen, I will always be in your debt. It just all feels strange,
but give me a month or so and I
’
ll be fine
”
.

When Karen
left with Charlotte, I locked the front door. I was on my own now.
I bathed the kids and put Bethany down in her cot. Thomas
wouldn
’
t settle. I
didn
’
t have a bed for him so
he would have to sleep with me in my room, until I went up I would
let him sleep on the settee. We lay on the settee watching the
little telly in the corner. Thomas fell asleep but I continued to
cuddle him in. I knew at that point that I was all the kids would
have now. Somehow some second sight said that Keith
wouldn
’
t be around much.
Carefully carrying Thomas upstairs, I lay him on my bed.
Bethany
’
s cot was in the
corner of my room, I wanted us all together. As I lay in the
darkness in the strange house I listened to the
kid
’
s breathing. Bethany was
gently snoring, Thomas had a bit of a cold and his nose was making
a whistling sound. Their noises lulled me to sleep and for the
first time in ages I had a good night’s sleep.

I
didn
’
t see much of anyone
over the next few weeks. My mam and dad stayed away, I had
disappointed them again and when I phoned them they were cool and
distant. They still saw the kids, they would pick them up from the
child-minders and then return them to me later on. They never came
into the house, I either had to go out to the car or they would
stay at the front door, I didn
’
t push them.

I went to my
Granny
’
s, she was happier
that I was getting some colour into my cheeks. I told her I would
have her along for tea as soon as I had the house into some sort of
semblance.

Karen called for a coffee and a chat every
few days. She was so supportive. Slowly, over our chats, I told her
about my relationship with Keith. She was shocked at what I had put
up with and struggled to believe that the charming Keith could be
so cruel.

I saw
Michael when I was at work. He brought coffee into my office but we
always kept the conversation light. I told him that Keith knew he
had picked me and the kids up from the house, he
wasn
’
t fazed. He had a new
girlfriend, Gill, she was an air hostess and fit by all accounts.
He made me laugh because he said she was just a fill in until I was
ready.

Keith rang me at work a few times. He
started out as nice as pie but then turned nasty. He told me he
knew who I was seeing and he had arranged for someone to blow off
his knee caps. I told Michael but he just laughed.

When Keith rang me at work about a month
after we had split up and asked if he could see the kids I agreed.
I gave him my address and arranged for him to pick them up on the
Saturday morning. I had to do it, he was their dad.

He turned up on time, was charming, over the
moon at seeing the kids and I had no hesitation in giving him the
house number in case he needed me. We agreed he could have them for
4 hours.

I cleaned
and tidied when they were away. The bathroom was covered in mildew
so I scrubbed and I bleached. I listened for the phone but it
remained silent. At 2pm on the dot the doorbell rang and he was
back. I smiled at him, thankful that he
hadn
’
t taken the opportunity
to wind me up. We agreed to have the same arrangement the following
Saturday.

So I settled
into a routine. The house was looking and smelling better. The kids
had settled. I still hadn
’
t
seen my mam and dad properly but I had hope that time would heal
the rift. Michael and his girlfriend finished, he
couldn
’
t get his head around
why she would dump him for a pilot. I felt so sorry for him, (not)
and I agreed to go on another date with him.

Karen
offered to have the kids overnight. It was a Thursday so I decided
that I wouldn
’
t have a drink
and drive. I told Karen I would collect them early and take them to
the child-minders before I went to work.

I spent ages getting ready, it had been a
long time since I had been on a date and Michael had been so good
to me, I wanted to look my best. I picked Michael up from his and
we made our way into Newcastle. I had booked a table at a lovely
restaurant on the Quayside and as we ate the conversation flowed.
Michael was excellent company, he was at ease around women and knew
how to make you feel special. At the end of the night when I went
to drop him off I decided that maybe we should finish what we
started.

This time
when we made our way into the bedroom it was me who took the lead.
I undressed him and made him watch as I slowly stripped out of my
dress. I stood in front of him in my bra and knickers, I was
wearing stocking and suspenders and decided that I would keep my
heels on. This time I didn
’
t
care about my stretch marks, I had no bruises to distract him, I
felt sexy and desirable and my actions confirmed this.

Leaning over
I took his cock into my mouth. I licked and I sucked and I teased
him. When I thought that he was on the verge of coming I stood up,
slipped off my knickers and straddled him. I sat on his face and
told him to lick me. He did exactly as he was told and as a reward
I bent forward and popped his cock back into my mouth. It was hard
to say who came first, I don
’
t know if he set me off or vice versa, but as we
69
’
nd we came into each
other’s mouths.

“
Fuck me,
Caroline
”
he said.
“
I
wasn
’
t expecting
that
”
. Laughing I told him I
was full of surprises. We lay on the bed, chatting about nothing.
He told me that he had fancied me from the moment he saw me, even
in my pregnant state. He said that he fancied me more when he got
to know me. I told him I was flattered, he had the pick of any lass
and he wanted me. As we lay there I ran my hand up and down his
legs, when his cock sprang into life I started to wank him. I did
this for as long as I could, but I
couldn
’
t resist straddling
him, as if by magic Michael produced a condom, rolled it onto his
cock, pushed his cock into my gapping pussy and rode him to another
orgasm.

As I drove
home later, I couldn
’
t
believe how forward I had been. But it had been fun. It was nice to
give myself to someone instead of someone just taking it. For the
next few weeks me and Michael met up whenever we could. We were
like teenagers, we couldn
’
t
get enough. Anytime any place anywhere. It was fun while it lasted,
but Michael wasn
’
t the
settling down kind, I had kids and we were a package deal. I think
if Michael could just have had me we would have made a go at it,
but no matter how much I felt for Michael, I would never give the
kids up. He told me I was the best shag he had ever had and I liked
to believe I was, but then my life took another dive and my fun
with Michael was over.

Don
’
t Look Back in Anger

The Saturdays were working out well for
Keith and the kids. As I grew in confidence that he could look
after the kids while he had them, I started to venture to the shops
while they were away. The weekly shop was so much quicker and
easier without two small kids on tow.

One Saturday
towards the end of August, I sat waiting for Keith to turn up. When
it got to be that he was an hour late I rang him. He apologised,
said that he wouldn
’
t be
able to get them, there had been some meeting arranged at work and
he had to go, the clients were expecting to be wined and dined
around Newcastle after the meeting. I assured him it was fine and I
filled the rest of the day in shopping and sorting the house
out.

When the doorbell went at 8 that night I
thought it might have been Karen. Bethany was up in her cot and
Thomas was asleep on the settee. We had all had an early bath
together so I was in my pyjamas.

It was Keith
and he was drunk. I don
’
t
know why let him in. He said he wanted a cup of coffee. He followed
me into the living room, Thomas was asleep on the settee, so I told
him to keep the noise down. As he sat down on the chair next to the
telly, he had a horrible look on his face,
I
’
d seen that look before he
was angry. I
’
d make him a
coffee and then I
’
d tell him
to go.

As I walked
into the kitchen I cursed myself at having not put on a dressing
gown, I was wearing a baggy pyjama playsuit, one of my aunties had
bought for my birthday, there wasn
’
t anything sexy about it, but it was shortish and I felt at
a slight disadvantage. I knocked on the kettle and busied about
making the coffee.

Keith
staggered into the kitchen and leant against the kitchen sink. The
dishes I had washed earlier were on the draining board and it
wasn
’
t until he had a knife
in his hand did I realise what he was going to do. He grabbed my
hair and pulled my head back. He pressed the knife against my
throat and whispered into my ear.
“
You are a slut and you deserve everything that is coming to
you. You make a sound and I will slice your fucking throat
open.
”
He dragged the knife
across my throat, I knew from old that I was going to have to be as
submissive as I possibly could. He pushed me over the bench and
ripped at my playsuit, he kept pulling and pulling at it until
heard the buttons drop onto the old lino floor. I was naked.
Pulling my head back again he once again positioned the knife at my
throat. I could feel him loosening his belt and dropping his jeans
and then he raped me.