Somewhere Only We Know ....... (14 page)

It was all
over quickly. He released me and I bent over and pulled up what
remained of my playsuit. I said nothing. He put the knife on the
bench and I heard him redoing his jeans. He walked out of the
kitchen and I followed, when he went into the sitting room I made
my way upstairs. On the way to the bathroom I popped my head in my
bedroom, Bethany was still sound asleep. I took some joggers and a
tee shirt from my wardrobe, some clean underwear. In the bathroom I
changed out of the playsuit, I didn
’
t even risk getting washed, Thomas was downstairs on the
settee with a drunken Keith.

When I
opened the bathroom door Keith was standing there. I thought he had
come upstairs to apologise, but no, he was still at it.
“
Did you enjoy that you slut, you
got exactly what you fucking deserved, you are a cunt and a whore,
you
’
ll let anyone fuck you,
you fucking deserved that and you fucking loved
it
”
. I stared at him, not
believing what I was hearing, I was rooted to the spot, I had
Bethany upstairs and Thomas downstairs and I
didn
’
t know what to
do.

As Keith
carried on spewing abuse at me I realised that he was getting
turned on. Still I couldn
’
t
move, the only thing that happened was that silent tears started to
pour down my face.
“
Stop
fucking crying you cunt you loved it, you were wet, you fucking
love it like that
”
then he
punched me in the face. I staggered back into the bathroom but
before I had chance to recover he punched me again, this time it
knocked me off my feet and I was on the bathroom floor.

Keith was on
top of me before I knew what was happening. He was pulling at my
joggers getting them off me. I made to scream but he put his hand
over my mouth. He used is legs to prise my legs apart, pushed my
knickers to one side and stuck his fingers up me.
“
See you fucking love it, your wet,
you want fucking again.
”
He
took his hand away from my mouth and I gasped for air. The jeans
were undone again, his cock back out and when his hand went back
over my mouth I thought I was done for. I lay there fighting for
breath as he raped me again, it hurt but he
didn
’
t care he just kept on
going. I prayed to every God I knew that he could take me now, let
him kill me, but don
’
t let
Keith hurt the kids. I didn
’
t mind if I died, just keep my kids safe.

Keith
’
s hand came
away from my mouth, he pulled at my hair and pushed my head down.
He pulled his cock out of me and came all over my hair and
face.

I hurt
everywhere, my face felt sore and puffy as I used my joggers to
wipe up Keith
’
s mess. I sat
on the bathroom floor and tried to pull myself together. Keith
straightened himself up again and walked out of the bathroom and
down the stairs. I heard the kettle getting switched on and the
smell of his cigarette smoke wafted up the stairs. Thomas I
thought, I have to get down to Thomas.

I pulled the
joggers back on and crept down the stairs. Keith was in the kitchen
making himself a cup of coffee. In the living room Thomas slept, he
looked like an angel and I thanked God for hearing my prayer. I had
to do something. The phone was in the living room and the only
person I could think of to ring was my dad. I made my way over to
the phone, but just as I got to it Keith came into the living
room.
“
Don
’
t even think
about it Caroline, don
’
t you
fucking dare, I will fucking kill
you
”
, I
didn
’
t care, I
couldn
’
t stand there and do
nothing.

The minute I picked up the receiver he was
on me. He punched me in the face again and as I fell to my knees he
tried to wrap the telephone cord around my neck. I fought back, I
lashed out at him as hard as I could, but this just made him
madder, he punched me again and again, sometimes in the face,
sometimes in my ears, I could taste blood. When I eventually
collapsed on the floor he started kicking me. Not caring if he
marked me or not he kept on kicking me.

Then he
stopped. I turned my
head to look at him
and once again the jeans were coming off. He raped me for a third
time.

This time when it was over he got up and
left, but not before he smashed my telly and threw the cd player
against the wall. I rolled over and looked across at the settee,
through my swollen eyes I could see Thomas wide awake and staring
at me.

“
It
’
s okay Thomas,
it
’
s okay, Mammy is
fine
”
I said as I crawled
across to him on the settee. Every inch of my body hurt. I made it
over to the settee and rolled up beside him. Wrapping his little
body in my arms I lay there, I don
’
t know if I slipped into unconsciousness or if it was
sleep, but for the next few hours I drifted in and out of
something
……

Sometime in the middle of the night I
managed to pick Thomas up and carry him upstairs to our bed.
Bethany was sleeping soundly still. I went back downstairs and
checked all of the doors, I cleaned the kitchen and tidied around
the living room.

Upstairs I
ran myself a bath. I washed away every trace of Keith. I
couldn
’
t look at myself in
the mirror but just looking at the state of the rest of my body I
knew I was in a bad way.

Crawling into bed with Thomas, I made a
decision. This was going to be the end of it. There would be no
police, no court case, no nothing. It would all be too much. Too
much for me. Too much for my mam and dad. Too much for my Granny
and one day it might be too much for Thomas and Bethany.

In the
darkness I could hear Bethany snoring and Thomas still had a cold
so his nose still made the little whistling sound. I let the sound
of my children lull me to sleep
……………
.

“
Contestant number 1 are you alright, hello contestant
number 1...

Caroline!!!
“
Cilla yelled!!!

Caroline was
back in the services. Her guilty meal still in front of her
untouched. She ached all over, but when she checked her watch she
had been sitting there for almost an hour and a half. She felt sick
and needed a cigarette. She didn
’
t even bother acknowledging Mr Burger King behind the
counter, she just quietly left the café.

After a trip
to the loo, where she deliberately
didn
’
t look in the stupid
mirror, she nipped into W H Smith and got herself a sandwich, drink
and some chocolate for the rest of the journey. Two cigarettes
later she was back in her car.

The
sat
nav showed there was 140 miles left to
go, about two and a half hours. It was 5 in the morning,
“
where had the night gone
to?
”
Caroline thought to
herself.

The rain had
stopped, but it was still dark. As Caroline pulled out of the
parking space her head started to throb. I
can
’
t do any more thinking
she thought as she reached across and turned on the
radio.

Music was still out of the question but she
fiddled about until she found a station that had people talking on
it. That would do she thought, mindless chatter.

This time
when she rejoined the motorway she put her foot down. Speed and the
need to concentrate was what was needed now. No time to think.
Tonight
’
s thinking had worn
her out.

The next
time she looked at the satnav she was shocked to realise she had
travelled just over 100 miles, it was 6.19. She only had 40 miles
or so left to go. It was still dark and the rain was back. She
eased off the accelerator and decided she would just cruise the
rest of the way. The satnav was set to take her straight to the
bungalow, but she would have to call at the estate agents, sign
paperwork and collect the keys. Might as well go and have a look at
my new home she decided. She turned up the radio, it was still all
talking and as she tuned into the conversation she realised that
the discussion was about the 50 Shades trilogy. She had read them
months ago, long before the furore began about them. She had read
them but not particularly enjoyed them, give her a classic any day,
Wuthering Heights or Far From the Madding Crowd, but 50 Shades had
whiled away the lonely hours in her bed at home.

Caroline
’
s stomach
did a turn at the thought of home. Thomas would be there now, no
doubt with his girlfriend. It wasn
’
t her home anymore, she had left it hours ago. Her home was
in front of her, another 30 or so miles away.
“
Look forward not
back
”
, she
thought.

The bungalow
look nice, it was still dark, but the rain had stopped again when
Caroline pulled up outside it. The street she had drove along was
scattered with small detached bungalows, all looking well kept. The
one Caroline was renting was near the end of the street and she
noticed on the satnav that if she did a right turn at the bottom of
the street it would take her to the beach. The smell of the sea
wafted in through the window and Caroline visibly
relaxed.

She was here, the long night was coming to
an end and her new beginning would be here with the new day. There
was still some time to kill before the estate agents opened.
Caroline checked the paperwork for the estate agents address, it
was located in the next village about 3 miles away, a 5 or 10
minute drive.

Looking at
the bungalow, even in the dark morning it seemed welcoming. This
has been the right thing to do she thought to herself. I
won
’
t be here forever but it
is somewhere I can heal, where I can learn to breathe normally and
somewhere I can plan the rest of my life.

Caroline swung the Astra around and drove it
onto the drive. She switched off the engine and reached into her
handbag for her cigarettes. She stepped out of the car and
stretched, it felt like she had been sitting down for days. She
inhaled deeply, the salty air was so strong she could almost taste
it, her stomach flipped and a memory shot across her mind,
Seahouses a long time ago, she had sat on the harbour wall and let
fate dictate her life.

Lighting her
cigarette she walked further up the drive towards the bungalow.
Dawn was breaking and it already
wasn
’
t as dark as when she
had arrived. The bungalow would be like a salve on her wounds she
thought, it was small, only two bedrooms, but it had a garage and
when she made her way around the back she was pleasantly surprised
to see it had a conservatory.

The back
garden was small, but also well kept, it had a small area which had
been decked out and a lawn. Caroline shivered, she
hadn
’
t bothered to put her
coat on, she walked onto the decking and pulled out a one of the
four chairs which were around a wooden table.

Deciding she
needed her coat after all, she made her way back to the car. She
grabbed the coat and her handbag, locked the car and made her way
back around to the decking area.
“
If any of the neighbours see me they will think
I
’
m
nuts
”
she thought. But being
cooped up in the car and after all the hours she had spent in the
services, the fresh air was too much of a temptation.

The chair felt damp as she sat on it, she
dumped her handbag on the table and pulled out the can of pop and
chocolate she had bought earlier. The flashing red light on her
mobile caught her eye.

Chocolate
and a drink first, maybe another cigarette, then
I
’
ll rejoin the rest of the
world. Caroline stubbed out her cigarette on the decking,
“
I
’
ll pick it up later
”
she thought. She drained her can of pop and then wished she
hadn
’
t, she needed a wee.
There was still no one around so she made her way to the bottom of
the garden and squatted down beside a bush.

As she made
her way back up the garden a sea gull shrieked above her, in the
morning light it looked like a jumbo jet, she really was beside the
sea. A flicker of excitement rippled through her stomach. I know I
am on my own, maybe I
’
ll be
on my own for the rest of my life she thought, but
I
’
m going to live,
I
’
m going to make a life for
myself. And if and when Thomas, Beth and James come they will see
how strong I am. I won
’
t let
this take me under, it almost did once but I
won
’
t go that low again.
Surely after everything that has happened in my life I can survive
this.