Sound of the Tide (18 page)

A B
IG
S
TEP

April

I
spent several days brooding over my phone call with Kevin. Actually, I surprised myself by missing him more than I dared to admit at first. In the end, I stopped trying to get to the bottom of my feelings and emotions, and allowed Jenna to take the lead. Jenna insisted that we hurry along my relations with Ewan, and arranged a date between the two of us so I wouldn’t die an old spinster—her words, not mine.

I bit my tongue and didn’t tell her that old spinsters generally didn’t carry a child in their arms. So instead I had to listen to her talk about all the things that remained to be done in preparation for the big night.

“Go to the hair salon! Your curls are getting out of hand. And you’ll need to get your nails done, too. Honey, they look like claws! No guy in his right mind would want to be touched with those things!”

“I don’t want to touch him, Jenna!”

She ignored me.

“And seriously—you’ll need something much prettier to wear if you’re going to go out!”

“That’s stupid! I don’t want Ewan to think that I’m trying to
encourage
him!”

Jenna rolled her eyes and gave me a piercing look.

“Piper, sweetie.” She lowered her voice and leaned in over the top of her coffee cup. “Dr. Palmer has been chasing you for months. A guy like him—and I know this from Lisa, who went on a
date
with him—doesn’t
need
encouragement to take you to bed on the first night! He’s a real womanizer! And since he’s had his eye on you for a while, I’m pretty sure he already has all the encouragement he needs!”

“Oh, Jenna!”

I really didn’t need her telling me how Ewan would spend the evening calculating his chances of getting me into bed at the end of it. His chances were pretty slim to begin with, because just thinking about it had put my guilt-stricken conscience in high gear. It felt so much mor
e . . .
improper to deliberately go on a date with a man than to accidentally fall asleep beside him on the sofa.

“Well, what are you thinking in that little head of yours? I am sure his expectations of a fun evening are quite different from yours.”

I clasped my hands over my face and shook my head. I should stay at home! But then I thought of Kevin and his movie date bimbo. If he was going out, then so could I! It didn’t need to mean anything. It was just an experimen
t . . .

“Oh, Lord, Jenna! It’s going to be such a disaster!”

“Don’t be silly! You’re going to have a pleasant conversation and let him pay for a nice meal—and afterward you come home to me and tell me everything. And I mean
everything
! If you end up in the sack, I want to know how big he is—and what kinds of magic tricks he can do with it, you hear me?”

“Jenna Jones! You should be ashamed of your filthy, filthy mind!”

Even though I was outraged, I couldn’t help but laugh.

“But in all seriousness, Piper, don’t you miss sex at all?”

I giggled. Did I miss sex? Since my dreams were taking sexy turns more and more frequently, this was entirely within the realm of possibility, but still I couldn’t imagine ever allowing another man to get that close to me again.

“I’ll survive. What I miss more than sleeping
with
someone is sleeping
beside
someone. I guess the nights since Daniel’s death have felt infinitely long and cold.”

I thought back to my night with Kevin, when I had felt so safe and comforted lying beside him. It wasn’t sex I was missing—it was love. And as to whether I’d find that with Ewa
n . . .

Jenna grabbed my hand in a comforting manner and looked at her watch.

“All right, since I’m your babysitter for tonight, I would really appreciate it if you wouldn’t sleep over at his house after sex, but came home instead. But now we really need to get going, otherwise you’ll look like
this
on your first date with Ewan.”

This
, by the way, was my normal look! Not over-the-top, not dressed to the nines, but still quite acceptable, or so I thought, even if Jenna looked at me as if I were a feral kitten.

Four hours and eight calls to Catherine later, I knew that Amber had eaten, napped, and played, that she was alive and well and keeping her grandparents entertained. Moreover, I had showered, a pretty dress was waiting for me on my bed, and I had hair. Pretty hair, I mean.

The slightly reddish highlights made my tresses seem so much more vibrant, and there was a fresh bounce to them because the split ends had been cut off. I was more than satisfied as I scrutinized my new, polished self—wrapped in a bath towel—in front of the mirror.

Maybe I was even brave enough to subject my whole body to the mirror test. I squinted over at the dress that was just sitting there waiting for me, waiting for me to give myself permission to pretty up for a man other than Daniel.

Taking one deep breath to encourage myself, I dropped the towel.

Oh boy! I found a lot to criticize, turning this way and that, but couldn’t find much to like. I tugged at the roll of flab around my waist and slapped my behind, which was displaying properties not dissimilar to Jell-O.

Without a doubt, my body had changed due to the pregnancy. My breasts were bigger—which wasn’t such a bad thing. They were also still in roughly the same location as before the pregnancy.

I took a step back and tried not to focus on the various problem areas but instead take in the overall picture.

Again I took a deep breath and smoothed back my hair. I got up on tiptoes to pretend I was wearing heels, and straightened my shoulders.

There it was!

I twirled around once more, and smiled.

Not too bad. Not perfect, for sure, but pretty darn good for a new mom. I hoped that my perceptions weren’t under the influence of some mommy-hormone cocktail and that I wasn’t sugarcoating my own reflection in the mirror.

No, it definitely wasn’t like that, I reassured myself, and tried walking with a sway in my hips. In the process, I caught sight of the alarm clock and stopped in my tracks.

Crap! Jenna would be here any minute now with Amber. Quickly, I rummaged through my underwear drawer fo
r . . .
Yeah, for what, exactly?

G-string, regular panties, or good old-fashioned cotton briefs? I mean, it wasn’t as if Ewan was going to catch sight of them anyway! I decided on panties with a matching lace bra, even though I was 3,000 percent sure (at least) that he wouldn’t see either of them. The Jell-O, in other words, was nicely wrapped.

I could hear my mom’s voice in my head, “Whenever you go to see a doctor, honey, always wear a matching set.”

Don’t worry, Mom
, I thought.
I have no intention of stripping naked! And especially not for this doctor!
I giggled, and slipped into the dress.

My heart was pounding like a teenager’s when I pulled up the zipper and smoothed down the flowing material of the dress. The dark red made my brand-new highlights pop, and I really thought I looked very pretty.

Not since Daniel’s death had I looked at myself in that way. I felt alive and could almost feel my pulse all the way down to my little toes.

Dear Lord, I was in actual fact about to embark on an important step toward my new life! All nerves, I ran my hands over my sleeves and looked at myself in the mirror one last time.

Several deep breaths later, and I wasn’t sure whether I was even strong enough to go downstairs anymore. It felt as if I were drawing a line under everything—as if I were agreeing to end the life I had shared with Daniel—if I met Ewan looking like this.

The doorbell rang, yanking me from my thoughts, and I slowly turned away from my reflection.

One step, and another, and then I reached my bedroom door, and one heartbeat later I turned off the lights and went downstairs.

I opened the door to Jenna, and my legs were shaking as if I had just run a one-mile race.

Holy crap, I had a date! With a ladies’ man!

My friend gave me a good once-over, then handed me the baby carrier and whistled approvingly.

“Piper Colby, you’re back in the game! Sweetie, you look fabulous, and I’m worried the good doctor will want to give you a thorough examination!”

“Oh, shut up already! I’m nervous enough as it is! I’m sure Daniel would hate me if he could see me like this!”

I took Amber from her carrier, and pressed her tightly against my chest. My little darling had spent the entire day with her grandparents, and she seemed to be doing perfectly fine. Which stung a little.

Of course it was lovely of Cat and Marcus to take such great care of their granddaughter, but I couldn’t deny that I felt a pang of jealousy. I had missed her and wanted nothing more than to take off my dress and cozy up in bed with her.

Daniel would like that a lot more, too!

And Kevin!

Deep down, I felt that I was only going on this date because of what Jenna had told me about Kevin’s movie date bimbo. Was I trying to prove something? To myself? Or to him?

“Promise me that you will try not to overthink everything tonight! Enjoy your date, and don’t worry so much all the time.”

Jenna kissed my cheek and took Amber off me.

“Come here, pretty girl, we’re going to have a nice evening together, just the two of us. Let Auntie Jenna tell you all about little boys and little girls,” she purred, kissing the top of her tiny head.

“You’re not going to tell her anything inappropriate, Jenna!” I warned her, giggling, but she gave a dismissive wave of the hand.

“Oh, no. I’m only going to tell her that the little boys who are always pulling your hair in preschool are the ones who are secretly in love with you!”

I shook my head. “Someone must have pulled your hair a little too hard, huh?”

Jenna giggled, and slumped down on the sofa together with Amber.

“Don’t listen to your mom, she’s only being so fresh because she’s nervous. You see, tonight she’s going to get a good old—”

“Don’t you dare say anything filthy!” I interrupted, and Jenna gave me her biggest smile.

“All right, all right, I’ll say it later, then!”

I was just about to object again when the doorbell rang.

“Mommy’s date is here!” Jenna chirped, and Amber flailed her little fists like crazy.

I took a deep breath and brushed a curl from my face.

Lordy, they were right! My date was here! Were my palms starting to sweat? How ridiculous!

I kissed my baby’s forehead and hurried over to the door.

Ewan looked amazing. He was wearing jeans and a blue shirt that accentuated his eyes. The top buttons were undone, showing off his nicely tanned skin. He smiled, which managed to kill more of my brain cells than a bottle of moonshine.

“Hello, Miss Jones—hi, Amber!” he greeted the girls on the sofa, and then confidently reached for my hand. “Hello, Piper—you look stunning!”

Enough with that stupid grin, Piper!

“Uh, thanks! So do you!”

I actually blushed.

“Later!” I tried to cut short our good-bye, because Jenna’s knowing smile was enough to make me uncomfortable. I knew exactly what picture she was painting in her mind—and I was almost worried that I was about to paint a very similar one!

As I pulled the door closed behind us, Ewan took my hand again. He turned to me and gave me his brightest smile.

“I’m looking forward to this evening, Piper. I was afraid you’d never go out with me.”

“Really? Was I being that standoffish?”

He tilted his head to the side.

“Maybe a little. Under normal circumstances I would have given up on you, with my pride deeply hurt, and bought myself one of those self-help books on how to win women’s hearts. But deep down I believe that you do like me quite a bit, and that it’s just your special circumstances that are responsible for your, hmm, restraint.”

“You mean the death of my boyfriend and the birth of my daughter?” I asked ironically. “You think that might have had a negative impact on the success of your seduction efforts?”

He smiled mischievously, and the way he winked at me was hotter than foreplay.

“Either that, or you really don’t like me—in which case we must change that right away! Are you ready?”

“Sure! Where are we going, by the way? You said we were going to grab something to eat?” I didn’t want him to think that he had the power to make me succumb to him right outside my own house.

After all, this was only an experiment! A strictly scientific study to find out whether I was still fit for socializing and being out in the real world, or whether every sentence he spoke would remind me of Daniel and make me burst into tears. But an experiment like that probably wasn’t what
he
had in mind. And even though I was being very matter-of-fact about it, I had to admit that in his presence I, too, was feeling a little hot under the collar.

“I’ve come up with a plan, and I’m hoping you’ll like it. Let me surprise you!”

Whoa, surprises were
not
my favorite! I wanted to know where we were going! Thanks to my off-the-charts imagination and my lonely
Criminal Minds
Thursdays, I could see it already: me, tied to a tree, while my secretly psychopathic neighbor got the chainsaw from the trunk.
Surprise!