Spiritual Care: A Guide for Caregivers (9 page)

"This is what the LORD says: 'When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my gracious
promise to bring you back to this place"' (Jer 29:10 NIV). In
what ways do you feel that you are in "captivity"? A difficult job
situation? Family or relationship problems? Physical limitations?
Habits or addictions? Read Psalm 137. Allow yourself to feel the
emotion expressed. Let the Lord show you areas of sin in your life and lead you to repentance. Read Romans 7:4-6. Meditate on how
God is fulfilling his gracious promises to you. Thank him for it.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD,
'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope
and a future"' (Jer 29:11 NIV). Read Isaiah 30:1-22 and Isaiah
55. Meditate slowly on each verse, considering the contrast
between God's plans for you and your own values and goals. Read
Proverbs 3:5-8. Ask him to direct you. God does not reveal the
whole future, but he will show us the next step.

"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I
will listen to you" (Jer 29:12 NIV). Envision Jesus sitting with
you, perhaps holding your hand. Tell him about all your fears and
concerns. Pray for the people in your life who need God's love and
direction-friends, family, Christian leaders, missionaries, government and nursing leaders. Read Matthew 6:5-15; Romans 8:26-27;
and 1 Timothy 2:1-8. After Jesus has listened to you, be quiet and
listen to him.

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your
heart" (Jer 29:13 NIV). Now envision Jesus sitting on a throne.
Read Isaiah 6:1-8, then Isaiah 57:15. Praise him for his sovereignty and his personal concern for you. Meditate on the character and attributes of God. Read prayerfully John 1:1; 8:12; 10:14;
11:25; 14:25-26; 16:7-15; Colossians 1:15-20; 1 Timothy 1:17;
Hebrews 1:1-4; and 1 John 4:15-21. Affirm your love and commitment to the Lord and his people. Praise him for who he is.

"'I will be found by you,' declares the LORD, 'and will bring
you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and
places where I have banished you,' declares the LORD, 'and will
bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile'"
(Jer 29:14 NIV). Read Matthew 7:7-8. Pray for all the people who
are involved in or affected by your "captivities"-unreasonable managers, difficult coworkers, supervisees, friends, family members, patients, fellow church members. Envision the "place" God
is bringing you into. Ask him to lead you toward it. Read Isaiah
60:1-3 and 61:1-3. Thank him for his salvation (and all that it
means in practical terms).

3. Dropping our facades. Bruce and Melissa Tompkins took seriously the biblical injunctions that church leaders should-first be
able to manage their own households as a prerequisite for leadership. Bruce had served his congregation as their pastor for fifteen
years. He prided himself on his strong family values. His teenagers excelled in school and sports. They took active roles in the
church youth group and related well to the adults in the church.
Then one night their seventeen-year-old son, Brian, was arrested
for drunk driving, and the police found marijuana in his car. Suddenly, the Tompkins's lives were thrown into turmoil.

The following evening Bruce faced the church board at their
monthly meeting. He knew they would soon hear from others
about Brian's arrest. Overcoming deep embarrassment, he
decided to share his story with them. Rather than reacting with
the anger and blaming that he expected, one by one the board
members began sharing their stories of humiliation over their own
teenagers' behavior. Several were in the midst of similar struggles.
The following day, one of the board members called Melissa, saying, "I need to talk to someone, and I know you'll understand after
what Bruce shared last night. Our Mark has been on drugs for
several months now. We don't know where to turn. It's something
you just can't talk about in church!"

It's something you just can't talk about in church! How sad. The
Christian community is the place where we should be able to talk
about our deepest concerns and find help, but for most Christians
it isn't. By trying to maintain a facade, we cut ourselves off from our most important sources of support and strength. The church
needs to be a hospital for sinners, not a showcase for saints. We
have to revise our understanding of righteousness. Rather than
trying to appear perfect in the eyes of others, we must become a
community of people who know we have been rescued, restored
and forgiven. Then we can reach out in love to others.

4. Reaching those in need. Jesus called us to serve the broader
community as well as those within the church. Within our neighborhoods, those who have no church affiliation may be even more
alone and needy than people already in the fellowship. Extending
spiritual care to the larger community can come through opening
congregational health fairs to the general public, visiting homebound individuals referred by friends or relatives, advertising support groups in the local newspaper, providing worship services in
retirement communities and extended-care facilities or offering a
Sunday afternoon or weekday healing service.

How can we make a start at becoming a caring, witnessing
community? Many churches fly into action, trying every innovative program that comes along. Many times those programs fail
because they are not appropriate for that particular community or
there is a lack of qualified leaders or adequate training. Some
churches have so many programs going already that any new program must compete for time in the schedules of leaders and those
to whom the program is directed.

Just as we need to assess individual spiritual needs, it is important to begin with an assessment of a congregation's resources and
needs before beginning any new approaches. It is important to do
your assessment in that order. Starting with needs can lead to
either becoming overwhelmed at the immensity of the task or
duplicating what is already available. Begin assessing the
resources and programs already in place. You may be surprised at how much your church is already doing to reach out to people
who are in special need of support. Many times these ministries
are hidden, discovered only by word of mouth or reading the fine
print in the monthly newsletter.

1. What is the church already doing in regard to health and caring
ministries (healing services, pastoral visits, support groups, teaching, counseling, volunteer services)? Talk to the pastoral staff, the
church secretary, board members, deacons, committee chairs and
others who may not have official titles but seem to be active volunteers.

2. Who is currently providing these services? What provisions
are in place for support, education, reinforcements?

3. Canvass the registered nurses in the congregation, asking
about their education, experience and availability. Our congregation keeps a list of nurse members who work in area hospitals and
alerts them when a church member is admitted. Many people feel
reassured to see a familiar face on the nursing staff, especially if
the hospital experience is new to them.

4. List others in the congregation who might be willing and able
to help, including physicians, licensed practical nurses, certified
nursing assistants, physical therapists, dietitians, counselors, as well
as other caring people who spontaneously reach out to others.

5. What does your church library provide? Look for books that
relate to faith and health, marriage, divorce recovery, child development, parenting, depression, stress, substance abuse and the
like.

6. What resources do your denomination and fraternal organizations provide? Many have books, handouts, conferences, training programs, support groups and networks of people with similar concerns in other congregations.

7. What are neighboring churches of other denominations providing? Can you network with them to serve a wider community?

8. What community services does your local hospital provide
(free screening for blood glucose, cholesterol, skin cancer, gastrointestinal bleeding; educational programs; opportunities for
parish nurse education and collaboration; support groups, shelters, counseling, emergency services)?

Once you have surveyed your resources, examine the needs. You
can begin by simply observing and talking to a few people. Start
with the Sunday-school teachers and church leaders. You could
also develop a short survey for a sample group (such as an adult
Sunday-school class) to complete. Include the following areas in
your assessment:

1. Health education/promotion-congregation-wide information on physical, emotional and spiritual health (knowledge about
self-care, diet, exercise, stress, preventive measures)

2. Consultation/counseling -teaching and supporting individuals (visits to home, hospital or long-term facility, posthospitaliza-
tion follow-up, teaching and supporting family caregivers, making
appropriate community referrals)

3. Volunteer services -organizing and coordinating groups and
specific ministries (prayer ministry, home visitors, support groups,
providing meals for the sick)

Start small, but don't try to do it all yourself. Remember that the
church is a body with many parts that need to work together. Find
several others who share your vision. Think together about how you might be able to meet some of the unfilled needs. You will not
be able to meet them all. Match your proposed program with your
resources. For example, you may want to start a volunteer parish
nurse program, a weight-reduction support group, a visitation
ministry to the homebound or a parenting class -but don't try to
do them all at once.

Develop a mission statement (your main purpose) and put your
goals (the ways you plan to accomplish the purpose) in writing.
Consider everything that will be needed to carry out your goals,
including a budget. Include such things as training programs and
materials, equipment, meeting and storage space, advertising,
record-keeping, legal issues, and liability insurance. Decide who
will be responsible for each aspect of the project.

Meet with the pastor and the appropriate church leaders for
counsel and to gain their approval and support. Then begin
recruiting participants. They will usually be able to provide
insights into where to find the best response, and often they have
the benefit of past history with such programs. While hearing "It's
been tried before, but it didn't work" may not be a conclusive
argument against trying again, the past experience may reveal
some pitfalls to avoid. Now you are ready to begin.

Roealie felt duty-bound to visit every hospitalized member of her
church. At first her pastor appreciated her faithfulness and concern, but then reports began to filter back. "I know Rosalie means
well," Mary confided, "but I always feel worse after she visits. She
tells me all about her own health problems and past operations,
and she warns me of every complication that can happen. Please
don't let her come again!"

Compassionate presence is more than just showing up at the
bedside when a person is sick. It requires us to relate to others as
individuals, person to person, without benefit of props. It is being
with rather than doing for. It involves listening carefully to someone
who is suffering and responding appropriately to their concerns.
To do so we must be willing to become vulnerable and committed
to the other person, rather than rattling on about our own opinions and experiences. It requires humility-admitting that we don't know all the answers-rather than coming as an authority.
It is not an easy task, for it demands giving of ourselves to others,
a task that may leave us feeling drained.

Active listening, empathy, vulnerability, humility and commitment comprise the basic skills we must learn through faith, education and practice. Jesus demonstrated all of these skills in his
ministry, as described in the Gospel accounts. Paul summarizes
these attributes in practical terms: "Rejoice with those who
rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one
another; do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly; do not
claim to be wiser than you are" (Rom 12:15-16).

The ability to offer compassionate presence to others comes from
our faith in God. The first step toward developing a caring presence
is to maintain a strong devotional life so that we have something to
offer to those in spiritual need. The Holy Spirit working through us
will bring comfort and strength to others, but we have to step aside
to allow him to work through us. We are constantly tempted to jay
something or to have ready answers to hard questions. Reciting
Romans 8:28 ("All things work together for good for those who love
God') or telling someone that some sin in their life is causing their
problem simply doesn't help. Our role is to set the stage for God to
work in a person's life, not to fix the problem.