Starbright (55 page)

Kazan nodded. “Take your time. I’ll smooth things over with the crew, chalking it up to a mistake with his lines. Knowing how dedicated Aidan is to Method acting, his overreaction shouldn’t come as a surprise to them.”

With a fleeting look at Aidan’s dressing room, Kazan took off down the hallway.

Beth squared her shoulders and knocked on the door again. “Aidan, I asked Mr. Kazan to give us some privacy. I’m not here to judge you. I’m here to help.”

“I don’t want you to see me this way.” Aidan’s meek reply flooded her eyes with tears.

“I don’t care.” She rested her forehead against the door. “Please.”

Beth stepped back as Aidan fiddled with the lock. When he finally opened the door, their eyes met and fell away, many unspoken words crossing between them.

Aidan looked full of guilt and despair as he stood before her, avoiding her concerned gaze. It was as though he expected her to scold him or tell him he’d let her down, similar to what he’d heard often from his father in the years following his mother’s murder.

As Beth entered the dressing room, she surveyed the damage. A chair was overturned and glass from a broken vase lay scattered near one wall. Its former contents—a bouquet of lush carnations—fanned out on the floor in a pool of water, which trickled in a small stream along the concrete.

Aidan headed to the back of the room, leaving Beth to close the door. With slumped shoulders and downcast eyes, he leaned against the far wall. Her heart bled. People all over the country worshipped him, but here in this dressing room, she could see he felt very much alone.

She took a moment to choose her next words. “Whatever is troubling you, we’ll get through it together. As always, I’m here for you.”

Aidan’s lower lip quivered. “I tried, baby. I tried to make it through, but I couldn’t.”

“So you need a moment. That’s fine.” Beth shrugged, trying to maintain a casual front in hopes of easing his remorse. “Take as much time as you need to regroup, and then we can go back out there and complete the scene.”

Aidan shook his head. “I can’t just take a moment and then everything will be okay. I’m a permanent failure.”

“No, you’re not. You’re a great actor who was really involved in a scene. There’s no need to be ashamed of that.”

Aidan raked his hand through his hair, looking as jumpy as a boxer waiting for the starting bell. “I shouldn’t have let the scene get to me. I prepared for it, and I still messed up. What kind of man am I if I can’t keep myself together?”

Beth decided to call him out on what she now knew was the source of his mistake on set. “You think Joe’s self-blame in the scene parallels your own, but like his guilt over the mishap with his opponent five years ago, your mother’s death wasn’t your fault.”

Aidan’s face became void of emotion. “You got the first part right.”

“You shouldn’t blame yourself. Just like Joe shouldn’t. You’re both fighters, and in the end, you’re going to win this battle because you’re a good man with a kind heart. Also, like Joe, you have a woman who loves you and who will support you every step of the way.”

Aidan remained silent.

Beth approached him carefully. “Please don’t keep things from me. I know you want to protect me, and yes, you are strong enough to prevail without my help, but the thing is, I
want
to help you. Nothing you say or do will ever turn me away. Let me in…
please
.”

“I worry I’ll never be healed.” Aidan bowed his head and squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m sorry. I’m trying so damn hard.”

“There are no apologies needed when it comes to you and me,” she replied softly. “And I have the utmost faith that you can conquer anything. It just takes time, so please don’t feel like a failure.”

“I’ve had plenty of time already.”

“Don’t pressure yourself. It will only make things worse. You’re heaven sent to me, and I have no doubt you’ll get through this.”

Aidan’s eyes met hers, glistening gateways to his wounded soul. “Baby, I’ve got broken wings.”

Tears sprung to Beth’s eyes at the sudden thought of Aidan as a small boy, looking as distraught as he did now, sitting at the piano and playing tunes weighed down by tragedy, grieving over the loss of his mother and emotional abandonment by his father; an orphaned spirit whose only desire in the world was to feel loved again.

She ushered him into her arms and held him tightly, letting him know he was cared for and no longer alone. “Please focus on all the progress you’ve made. You’re an inspiration to me. Truly.”

“But I—”

Beth hushed him. “Please.”

Aidan buried his face in her neck, his hands clasped low on her back. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Beth pulled her fingers through his hair, finding comfort in his strong embrace and hoping he felt the same in hers.

“How about we talk about what’s bothering you?” She felt him tense. “Or we can just sit in silence. Whatever you’re most comfortable with.”

Aidan let out a shaky breath. “Okay, let’s sit.”

Beth took his hand and led him toward the vanity.

“Wait.” He guided her in another direction. “I don’t want you to cut your feet. You’re wearing open-toed shoes.”

Bypassing the shards of glass, Aidan picked up the chair from the floor with one hand and sat in front of the mirror, pulling her into his lap.

“Beth, I’m sorry I trashed the dressing room and punched the set wall.” He placed a kiss to her temple. “This is not the man I want to be for you, but I feel like I’m drowning sometimes.”

“Don’t worry about the damage.” Beth traced her fingertips along his stubbly jaw. “I want you to focus on yourself.”

Aidan’s expression conveyed his appreciation. “Baby, you’re more important to me than anything else in my life, and I’ll always put you first. But I promise I’m gonna work on myself, too. I’m gonna make you proud of me.”

“I’m already proud of you, Aidan.” With a contented sigh, Beth closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest.

After several minutes of silence, Aidan opened up about his suspicions regarding Mr. Mertz, as well as all of his worries regarding their scene today, Chicago, the surprise vision he experienced at RCA Victor, and not being strong enough for her.

Beth listened attentively, offering encouragement wherever she could, and he seemed to appreciate her dedication and non-judgmental approach to his problems. It troubled her that he withheld so much from her because he felt he had to take on extra responsibility to spare her from getting involved. She hoped now that it was all out in the open, he could handle the remainder of the shoot better, especially since she would support him every step of the way.

Kazan was ready for them when they returned to the set, and the crew didn’t treat them any differently while preparing for filming. A prop man had placed a picture over the wall where Aidan’s fist made damage. The solution wasn’t consistent with the living room scenes shot previously, but it was better than a gaping hole.

Aidan’s true vulnerability shone through his performance as he kneeled before Beth in character and exposed his fears during the reprise of the scene. Joe’s confessions hit close to home, and Beth worked through Mary’s lines by allowing her real life love for Aidan to provide the support and comfort her words required.

When Kazan concluded the scene, the crew erupted in applause—even the cameramen, who were always regarded as a hardnosed bunch.

Beth smiled victoriously at Aidan. She refused to believe that no matter how much she loved him and tried to put him back together again he might stay broken forever. One day, he would reach his salvation, and she would be there with him, regardless of how long it took.

Beth’s studio limousine pulled up in front of the RKO Pantages Theater at Hollywood Boulevard and Vine Street in the late afternoon on March 25, 1954 for the Twenty-Sixth Annual Academy Awards ceremony.

The press lined one side of the red carpet behind a velvet rope, interviewing and photographing Hollywood’s elite as they made their way to the entrance, while cheering spectators packed the bleachers behind the reporters, minded by security. Beth peered out at the bustling scene with wide eyes. Schwab’s Pharmacy sat next to the theater. She couldn’t believe how far she had come in her professional life in less than a year.

Beth wished to arrive at the ceremony with Aidan, but given Mr. Mertz’s strict rules regarding their relationship—and his graciousness in allowing them to promote
Golden Gloves
together
on the red carpet—she didn’t bring up the issue. At least, with Nathan’s assistance, she managed to get out of having her
Sparkling Meadow
costar, William Everett, as her escort. Instead, she obtained permission to arrive with Olivia, Nathan, Connie, and Matthew. Aidan turned down the offer of a studio limousine in favor of riding his motorcycle.

“Are you ready, Beth?” Olivia rubbed her gloved hands together eagerly. Her light blue ball gown fanned out around her petite frame, complemented by black high heels and a diamond bracelet and earrings. Nathan sat beside her, resting his hand on her knee, looking every bit the respected studio executive in his black tuxedo.

Beth sighed. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

Despite Beth’s nomination, her focus was on seeing Aidan tonight. He’d been training in the gym with Rocky since early this morning while she, Olivia, and Connie took all day getting ready for the ceremony.

Beth hadn’t seen him since yesterday, but he had sent her a beautiful bouquet of two dozen red roses with a note this morning, declaring how proud he was of her and how he believed she was a winner no matter what happened tonight. He didn’t want any hints about her dress until they met on the red carpet. The anticipation of their reunion left her stomach in knots.

Unlike the
Spike Rollins
premiere, where Beth emerged from the limousine after Connie and Matthew, Mr. Mertz instructed her to exit first, deeming her the bigger star because of her nomination. Connie said she wasn’t offended, but Beth still felt uneasy about her boss’s demand. Connie had been in the business for a few years already while she was only a novice.

Sunlight streamed into the car as the driver opened the back door. Beth picked up her purse and inched along the leather seat.

“This is it, everyone.” She gave a nervous smile. “It looks very hectic out there. If we get separated, I’ll see you all inside.”

As she emerged from the limousine, the crowd went wild. The deafening noise pounded in her ears and rattled in her rib cage as she looked down the long press line that awaited her. The marquee above the theater displayed
26
th
Annual Academy Awards Presentation
in black lettering. Its fluorescent white backdrop glowed over the red carpet, adding to the radiance created by the spotlights set up along the perimeter.

Beth hoped to catch a glimpse of Aidan amongst the crowd of celebrities who had already arrived, but from her vantage point, she couldn’t see him. The announcer declared her arrival and she waved to the fans in the bleachers, making sure to smile widely. Flashbulbs blinded her as photographers snapped her picture.

She made her way to the middle of the red carpet and posed for photographs while Connie and Matthew’s arrival was announced overhead. The announcer didn’t broadcast Nathan and Olivia’s arrival, given their behind-the-scenes positions at the studio, but they still earned thunderous applause when they stepped out of the limousine.

After appeasing the first batch of photographers, Beth approached the beginning of the press line and answered questions regarding her nomination and
Sparkling Meadow
. Reporters also asked questions about
Venus Rising
, but nothing personal about its stars—as per Mr. Mertz’s orders—because of the recent scandal involving Lydia.

Although newspapers didn’t print the story, thanks to Nathan’s efforts, rumors of Lydia’s affair with the married director still swirled around town. Surprisingly, local ticket sales for her new film were much higher than for her previous releases. Even so, Mr. Mertz wanted to keep anything related to her out of the press until things cooled down.

Mr. Mertz even forbade Lydia to attend the ceremony tonight. Beth worried that all of her hard work on
Venus Rising
might have been a waste of time if her costar’s behavior ruined its chance at success before its release. However, Nathan said that judging from the response to Lydia’s current picture, the film might actually profit from the scandal.

Since Beth had an obligation to speak with as many reporters as possible, her friends ended up ahead of her on the red carpet. The press was grouped together in marked sections so attendees could talk to a slew of journalists and pose for more than one photographer at a time. The strategy ensured that everyone got their questions and picture requests fulfilled before the celebrity moved on to the next group.

Beth stepped back to the middle of the red carpet and smiled for another set of photographers. She alternated her poses every so often, but her attempts were nothing as spectacular as what Connie and Matthew did a few feet down the line.