Stardancer (Tellaran Series) (23 page)

Leaving them, Kinara drew her robe tighter against the crisp morning air of autumn. Her warriors and gardeners, surprised to see her walking in the courtyard so early, in her nightwear and unattended, nevertheless offered her respectful bows.

Once inside the house, Kinara sank shakily into a chair in the dim lower hall.

The sleepless night, the birth, losing the crew, finding Kyndan,
Aidar
. . . 

Kinara caught her breath then bent her head, her hand over her mouth to stifle the sobs.

The guards didn’t disturb her as she cried but she was acutely aware of their silent concern.

She sat there long after her tears stopped. The sun had risen fully, filling the house with golden light and the whole estate was awake and about their business. Her household threw curious, surprised glances to find their clan leader, her hair in disarray, dressed in her robe and barefoot, sitting alone in the hall.  

They all call me
Ti’antah
now. They trust me; believe in me, they think I’m their
Cy’atta
.

And Kyndan, his crew, Tedah, all my friends, they need me too.  I’ve got to find them, get them all back home.  I can’t let them down. 

I’m not going to let any of them down again.

The head of food stocks, Nechel, was walking through the hall, probably on her way to the storehouse. Likely recalling how sharply the
Ti’antah
responded to her questions about provisions yesterday, the woman ducked her head, trying to pass unnoticed.

“Nechel, wait,” Kinara called, tucking her hair behind her ears.  “Come here.”

The head of food stocks stopped, cringing a little. She hurried over and offered a bow.

Kinara stood wearily. “About the grain from Az-kanzar and the rest of the provisions, let me — I just need to get dressed. I’ll meet with you in the front sitting room in a half an hour.” Kinara gave the woman a nod. “I want to hear your recommendations and — and tell the other staff I’ll meet with them too.”

The woman blinked then gave a short bow. “Yes, my lady.”

Gods, I wish there was open trade between the Az-kye and Tellaran Realm.
She rubbed her eyes.
I would do anything for a double strong cup of caf right now.

Aidar groaned. 

The strong sunlight seemed to hammer through his eyelids right into his brain. Eyes still closed, he reached out for the bottle of wine and touched a foot.

Startled, he opened his eyes and gasped as hot needles of pain shot through his head. 

It took him a moment to focus up at Cenna.

“You should don white after the disgrace you have made of yourself, foster-brother.”

Aidar’s hand went to his aching head as he tried to look past her skirts for the wine. The tapping of her foot against the floor sounded like cannon fire.

“How many days since Dael brings you to my house? Three? And you have not even bathed! You look disgusting!”

“I feel disgusting, foster-sister,” he rasped. He fell back, his hand over his eyes in an attempt to keep them in his head. “Bring me wine and I will feel better.”

“I cannot!” Aidar winced as his foster-sister’s words echoed off the walls. “You have drunk all of it!”

“Then send you to purchase more and leave me be.”

“Look on you, foster-brother! You sleep where you have fallen on the floor! Have you no mind for the shame? That Dael must beg a ride to carry you here and you drunk and challenging strangers!”

He had a dim recollection of that. He was helpless to regain her crew or Dael’s woman. His foster-brother refused to part with Nisara even for ten times her worth in coin but Aidar should have found a way — any way — to get the girl back. 

He should never have let her think Malm the villain, responsible for her grief, and not he. 

But . . . the way she had looked at him that day, her eyes so soft . . .   

He should have told her about her brother, no matter how much he feared she would go back with him to Tellaran space and never return. 

He squeezed them shut. In his desperation to keep her, in his
cowardice
, he had lost all.

He had walked the streets of the Empress’ City without direction or destination. So unaware of his surroundings he did not recognize the section he had wandered into until a highly painted woman pressed herself against him. She smiled broadly and offered him a jug of wine. Drinking it had blurred his thoughts and made it possible to breathe again. 

When Dael had found him he had been very, very drunk.

Since then he had lain at Cenna’s house. Sleeping when he could and when dreams of his
Cy’atta
awakened him, he drank until he was senseless again. Dael had come a few times but Aidar could not remember what he had said, sending his foster-brother away with only demands for more wine.

He judged it to be late afternoon now. “Do I fight in the Circle today?” he croaked.

“You would be cut into pieces, did you fight today! I thank the gods no one would take challenge from a drunken fool such as you!”

“Then send you for more wine and leave me be.”

Silence stretched on and he hoped the wine would arrive soon. He could see her eyes again . . .

“I will not!” Cenna shouted so loudly that he groaned. “I will send to your mate and have her servants to carry you home!”

“No!” His eyes opened and he clutched at Cenna’s ankle desperately. “I cannot return.  She hates to look on me, Cenna.”

“Why is this? You would not tell Dael.”

“Bring me wine and I will say,” Aidar pleaded.

“You will have no more of my house. Your mate can send wine with her servants.”

“Please, Cenna. Do not send to her and I will tell you.”

“Tell me and I will think on it,” Cenna said stubbornly.

He shut his eyes and told her everything. He felt Cenna sit beside him as he spoke and once he thought he heard her gasp but he did not open his eyes to look. 

“You must go back,” Cenna said firmly when he finished.

He shook his head. “Cenna, I cannot! She will not even look on me.”

“She
cannot
look on you if you stay in my house. She is alone with only a once-brother who hates you. How can she do otherwise if you do not return?”

“She hates me. She says I am not her mate.”

Cenna shrugged. “So have I said to Kalen in heat of anger.”

Aidar felt a stinging in his eyes. “This is different.”

“Aidar,” Cenna said, taking his hand. “Not all challenges are fought in the Circle. You cannot win her if you lay upon my floor insensible with drink.”

“She will not forgive me.”

“She is your bound mate, Aidar.” Cenna’s smile was gentle. “Is she not worth fighting for?”

“You should not even ask such,” he said hoarsely.

“I have been bound far longer than you Aidar.” Cenna fingered her skirt. “I think your mate seeks to look on you more than you believe.”

He frowned up at her.

“You may lose her truly if you lay here.” Cenna tilted her head. “Do you wish to risk it?”

Aidar looked at her for a long moment. “I will need a bath before I go, Cenna.”

“You do indeed, foster-brother,” she agreed then looked at him sympathetically. “I will summon the healer to treat your headache.”

He tightened his grip on her hand. “Cenna, there is something else I need of you.”

Kinara put the datapad down and rubbed her eyes. She’d been trying off and on all day but composing this message to Lianna seemed impossible. She was desperate to learn about her crew’s welfare but Kinara couldn’t risk offending the girl and even now that night had fallen she couldn’t get the wording right.

Her brother had never been much for sitting still. Exasperated by his constant interruptions this afternoon she sent him with two guards and Bebti, acting as a guide, out into the Empress’ City. Kyndan might hate the Az-kye but even he couldn’t hate a kid like Bebti. 

In the simple way of children, Bebti looked right past the white tunic and determined this was someone Kinara loved and so he would love him too. Bebti was even able to coax Kyndan into learning to speak a little Az-kye and, whenever he wasn’t hovering around Kinara trying to be helpful, the boy followed Kyndan around.

The warriors had been stunned when she gave the orders but they had obeyed. 

That was one thing about Az-kye warriors, she thought, taking up the datapad again, they would obey their clan leader onto death.

And they were her warriors now.

Now that Aidar is with—

Her mouth tightened. In the days since he’d vanished she’d thrown herself into the work and there was plenty of it. The constant activity was the only thing that made his absence bearable but in every quiet moment her chest ached with longing for him. 

Embarrassed, angry at him—angry at herself—and hiding it from her brother, she found herself writing messages to send to him of one or another “urgent” matter that would draw him home. But she didn’t even know where he was and she couldn’t bring herself to send the message to Senya to deliver it to him. 

What if she sent it and he didn’t come? 

What if he
did
?  

When she slept she dreamed of him. On the streets she had looked at every warrior to see if it was he and it never was. 

She forced her focus on the datapad. She was
Ti’antah
of this clan. These people were learning to depend on her. If the Az’anti clan fell, these people fell with it.

Kyndan scoffed. “Why even bother, Kinna? We’re going home, remember?”

She shifted on the cushions, her chest burning at the memory. As if in the meantime everyone could go hungry and the grain be left to rot in the fields. Even if she didn’t need the power to track down dozens of Tellarans and get them all home, even if someday things were set enough for her to leave permanently, this clan needed a leader
now
. 

It was like he didn’t get that, from oldest clan member to Nyat’s newborn baby, Kinara, these people were her responsibility. Her decisions made the difference between warm clothing and ample food or starvation. 

They believed in her finally, she could see it in her maids’ faces, in her warriors’ eyes. She could address every person on the Az’anti estate by name now. Word of her meeting with the Elders and her attending Rebena had gotten around, and they saw she worked for her clan from the moment she opened her eyes till she fell, exhausted, into bed.

And none believed in her more than Bebti. He was constantly underfoot, eager to perform any task she set him to. He followed her everywhere, his dark eyes adoring and in his view at least she could do no wrong.  

If the heart counted, Bebti was more Az’anti than she could ever be. 

These people needed her and she was going to deliver no matter how Kyndan sneered. When she’d told him she had to host a visit for the Az’leb clan leader or risk offending her, he’d snorted, saying that she had enough warriors to send against them.

Enough warriors! As if these men didn’t have bound mates and children they would leave behind. As if they wouldn’t go to their deaths believing that she would take care of those loved ones if they died. 

As if they aren’t even people!

She gave up on the note to Lianna and pulled up the display of accounts from her estates on the datapad. The yentah seemed to be inhaling feed and grain prices were rising like crazy on Az-kye. She rubbed her forehead, thinking it over as she heard Kyndan come in. 

Damn it, couldn’t the herds eat grasses on the southern lands instead to free up some of that grain?

She checked another set of figures. “Did you enjoy the city?” she asked absently.

“Well enough.”

Her head came up. “Aidar.”

She simply looked at him, feeling her heart thump erratically in her chest.

Gods, had he always been so beautiful?

“What . . . what are you doing here?” she asked faintly.

Aidar regarded her with a warrior’s impassivity. “I am come home.”

“You’ve come home. Just like that?” Her eyes narrowed. “It’s been five days without so much as a
word
from you! Mind telling me where the hell you’ve been?”

He glanced at the glow of lights visible through the doors of the balcony. “In the lower city. Then at Cenna’s house.”

Her nostrils flared.
Like I’m going to believe that. Or anything you say.

“Well, you can go back to
wherever
you were!” She stood. “’Cause you sure as hell aren’t staying here!”

“This is the Az’anti clanhouse. You cannot forbid me my home.”

“Leave now or I’ll call my guards!”

“I am your bound mate,
Cy’atta
. They will obey me.”

“They will not!” But he was right. As Az’anti lord and her protector Aidar had final say on the warriors’ actions. If she summoned them in the end they’d obey
him
.

“The day has been long,
Cy’atta
,” he said, offering her his hand. “I am tired.”

She stepped back quickly. “Stay away from me!”

He dropped his hand. “As it pleases you.”

He turned away, pulling at the clasps of his clothing. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” she demanded.

“I am going to bed.”

He undressed and stretched. He caught her looking at him and his dark eyes warmed. When Kinara noticed his arousal she jerked her gaze away.

“Come here.” His husky tone ran through her like a current.

“Oh, I don’t think so!” She turned her back on him, very aware of his footsteps as he crossed the room to stand behind her.

He touched her hair. “I want you,” he said softly.

Her heart thudded. “I don’t care what you want.”

She felt the heat of his body behind her.

His breath against her ear sent heat racing between her legs. “I have been too long without you.”

But you haven’t been lonely!
“Leave me
alone
.” 

She could feel herself getting lightheaded. She closed her eyes knowing at the next touch she would turn to him.

She heard the soft sound of the bedcovers shifting and, startled, she turned.  He settled beneath the blankets with a sigh. 

“What the hell are you doing?” she demanded.

“If you do not wish to join then I am going to sleep.”

“You’re just . . . going to sleep?”

He didn’t even open his eyes. “Yes.” 

Gave up pretty easily, didn’t you? Senya must have been some—

Kinara gritted her teeth.  “And where am I supposed to sleep?”

He didn’t answer, his breathing deep and even. Kinara stood with her arms folded across her chest. 

He has no right to do this! He has no right to come from
her
bed and just get into mine!

When Kyndan returned, and she’d tell him how this Az-kye treated her then —

She stopped short. Then
what?
Have Kyndan try to throw the Az’anti lord out of his own bed? Have Aidar cut her brother to pieces? 

She snatched up the datapad again. She couldn’t complain to Kyndan. It would just make it worse.

Why did he even come back?  Did Senya leave the city? Did they have a fight?

Her grip tightened on the datapad. And what about tonight? She couldn’t sleep beside him, and if she slept in another room or on one of the couches here the women might gossip. Damage her status as Lady of the Az’anti and she couldn’t hope to gather her people and get them all to freedom.

The Sah and Az’leb clan leaders were coming in the morning and the Sah clan owned six of Kyndan’s crew. She had to test her chances of joining the Council for Trade
and
manage to buy Kyndan’s people from the Sah
Ti’antah
all in one meeting. 

Damn it, I can’t deal with Aidar too!  

She took her datapad to the dining table. She had a ton of work to get through.

Why doesn’t he just admit where he’d been? Or can’t he stop lying long enough?

She tapped the edge of the table fuming.
I should just wake him up.  The least he could do is sleep in another room.

Two hours of seething and she finally gave up trying to work. She changed into a nightdress in the bathing room then extinguished the lights.

He didn’t even stir when she got into bed. 

Her head pounded and lying stiffly beside Aidar wasn’t helping. The warmth of his body and the scent of him were distracting. He was already asleep, exhausted by his five-day romp with Senya, and Kinara scowled, trying to find a comfortable position as far away from him as possible.