Starting Fires (35 page)

“Absolutely,” I said.

Nicole still looked taken aback, trying to process everything that her friend had told her. It was obvious that it bothered her, but she took a breath, smiled and gave her a hug. “Always,” Nicole said. “I’ll always forgive you, but you have to let me help you plan everything.”

For the rest of the night we discussed wedding plans. A date hadn’t been set, because they were waiting on Lacey to tell her parents, but it was going to be soon. Nicole took my laptop and we crowded around her as she searched the internet for decorating ideas and venues. All of my hurt fell aside as I let myself become immersed in it.

I needed a dress. In one week, I was graduating. It was difficult not to think of my mother and sister during this time. They should be here. With me. Not in the cold ground in Northern New York. As far as I knew, my father wasn’t going to make it, but I hadn’t expected him to. I almost didn’t want to go myself, but I’d worked too hard for it, and convinced myself that the three-hour drive to my college and the long ass ceremony would be worth it. But I needed a dress.

Nothing in my closet appealed to me. I tried on nearly all that I owned and didn’t like it. I was graduating! I needed to feel confident and accomplished. All my clothes said
eh, it’s just another day.
Lacey and Nicole were out of town for the weekend going on a wedding dress hunt and couldn’t help me. Wally and Charles said that there was no way in hell they were going clothes shopping, so I called the only other person I felt comfortable asking. Paul.

He was more than eager to get out of the house and didn’t mind. We went from store to store and he patiently waited outside the fitting rooms. I only modeled the ones I really liked to him, but by four in the afternoon, we still hadn’t found
the one
.

“This is seriously the last store I’m walking into,” I said.

“It feels lucky,” he smiled.

“God, I hope you’re right.”

It was a small store, with few selections. Only two dresses were in my size—a practical black, and a soft purple. I took them both to the fitting room while Paul walked around the also limited men’s section.

The black was nice. It had thick shoulder straps, and a high cinch just under my breasts. The length went just above my knees. I examined myself from all angles. It didn’t hug my body and flowed out. I liked it, but it was so boring. But maybe boring was good.

Not knowing if the purple would be any better, I tried it on too. Once I finally worked the zipper up, I examined myself. The top was a halter that left my back bare from the bra line up. It stopped directly at my knees and fit me like a glove from top to bottom. Every curve was clearly visible. There was something about it. It made me feel pretty in a way I hadn’t felt lately. I fisted my hair in a messy ponytail, as I planned on for the big day to see how it looked. I loved it. So I bought it.

Paul was standing on the street holding the door open for me as I walked to him from the register. “I told you,” he said. “This one was lucky.”

“You were right. It’s not the dress I envisioned myself wearing, but maybe surprise is a good thing.”

I was just about to step onto the sidewalk when someone called his name. Still holding the door, he turned towards the voice and smiled. “Come on,” he said to me and went towards it.

Busy stuffing the dress receipt in my purse and then checking my phone, I didn’t notice who the voice was, until she said my name, too. “How do you know Paul?” Mia asked with excitement.

Surprised, I looked at her sitting on the caged patio of a coffee shop directly next to the store we’d just been in. “We work together,” I said. “How do
you
know him?”

“Uh, we met at a dinner party Amanda had,” Paul answered. “You and her sister were babysitting her daughter.”

“That’s right,” Mia smiled. “It’s been a long time.”

He smiled back, but then looked to me. “I’m sorry, but how do you two… Oh. Never mind,” he said as Lucas walked onto the porch. My heart sped at the sight of him, but I worked hard not to let it show. Once he got to the table, he grabbed some napkins and dried off his hands.

“No paper towels in the bathroom,” he said then reached out to Paul. “Nice to see you again.”

“You too,” Paul said, giving him a shake.

“And you, Marzy,” he said more quietly to me.

“Yeah,” I said. We stared at each other from opposite sides of the gated patio.

“Do you two want to join us?” Mia asked. “We just got here.”

Paul looked at me for an answer. I was dumbstruck and couldn’t say anything. He bit his lip and gave me a pat on the back. “Yes,” he said. “
We
would love to.”

I followed Paul around to the entrance and walked to their table in the corner. He snagged the chair next to Mia, leaving me the one beside Lucas. The two of them immediately began catching up. Apparently they’d really hit it off at the dinner party.

“Do you want anything?” I asked Paul, deciding to order a drink while I was here.

“Just get me whatever you do,” he said and turned back to Mia.

I left my bag at the table and went into the shop. A moment later, someone came to stand behind me, and I could feel that it was Lucas. Even without turning around, I knew it. The man at the counter finished his order and moved away. I took a step forward, but then he went back, wanting to add something to it. My steps jolted and Lucas ran into me, his stomach pushing into my back. His hand wrapped around my bicep to steady us. I thought he would move back, but he didn’t. He took the opportunity to give my arm a rub, and had the decency to let it go, but kept his torso right up against mine.

It felt like the order before me was taking an eternity, and I didn’t know if it was torture or relief. Lucas’ feet shuffled, making his body brush my back. My body responded on its own, taking a sigh and slightly rocking towards him. I let my eyes close for a little longer than a blink to relish it, but pretended like I didn’t as the customer before me walked away. “A large caramel cappuccino,” I told the barista.

“What about Paul?” Lucas said.

“I’m sorry. Two of those please.” Once I gave them my name, I moved to the side so that Lucas could order.

Before long, we were standing next to each other waiting on our drinks. It felt awkward, both of us trying not to look at the other. He was the first to break. “So… are you and Paul…”

I narrowed my eyes. “Still just friends? Yes. We are.”

“Well are you… uh… with anyone else?”

The barista handed me my order. “No,” I said and walked off.

“Me either,” he called after me.

Outside I handed Paul his drink, and sat. A short while later Lucas came out and reclaimed his spot. I listened to Paul and Mia talk about a book they both enjoyed. As they discussed it, I watched Paul’s eyes. They would never make full contact with Mia’s for long, but hers… she looked directly at him, never letting them waver from his face.

“What’s in the bag?” Lucas asked.

“Huh? Oh, a dress.”

“For the wedding?”

“I still can’t believe they’re getting married,” I said and realized that I was smiling at him. “But, no.” I turned back to my coffee. “It’s for my graduation.”

His chair scooted closer to mine. “That’s great!” Even though I wasn’t looking at him, I knew he was grinning from ear to ear. “When is it?”

I allowed myself one tiny glance in his direction. “Next week.”

“Aww. That’s too bad,” Mia said. I wasn’t even aware she was listening to my conversation. “Mom and Dad will be out of town. I know they would love to come.” Having Bill and Helen at my graduation would be bittersweet. On the one hand it would touch me dearly, on the other it would make me want to break down and cry. “But listen,” she continued, “Lucas and I were just about to go see a movie down the street. How about you two join us?”

“Sounds good to me,” Paul said and I wanted to kick him under the table. Was he doing this on purpose?

“Why not?” I said begrudgingly.

Mia insisted on riding to the theatre with us, maybe to ensure that I didn’t chicken out. But I guess that this is what friends did. I could do it. I could go see a movie with Lucas. As friends.

At the ticket counter, Lucas paid for all of us. While Paul vocally thanked him, I only gave him a small smile as he held the glass door open for me. Since we’d known each other, I realized that he’d never taken me on a date. Maybe that first lunch we had together counted, but nothing after we started being intimate. All our time was spent at either his house, mine, or the bar. Initially, I was mad about it, but then realized that maybe he’d tried and I’d found excuses to not go, keeping him at arm’s length.

As we walked into the theater, my nerves started going. Paul and Mia were clearly going to sit next to one another. Did that mean Lucas was going to sit next to me? It felt very double date-ish. Paul chose an aisle and went down it first, Mia following him. I could either jump them and sit on the other side of Paul or let Lucas sit next to me.
Friends,
I told myself.
Friends can sit next to each other in movie theaters.

I settled in next to Mia, and tried not to let Lucas’ presence affect me. We had about fifteen minutes until the film started. It was a sci-fantasy that I doubted would be as good as the previews let on. Gradually, the room started filling, nearly to capacity. Good. Having more people around would make me feel less isolated when the lights went down. I was leaning on the armrest closest to Mia, planning to use it through the whole film. That was squashed when a tall man came to sit in front of her.

“I won’t be able to see anything,” Mia politely whispered to Paul. He switched seats with her, and immediately leaned onto my armrest. And I mean
leaned
. He was monopolizing the whole thing. With a grunt, I sat straighter in my seat. Lucas had his elbow on the other, chewing his fingernails.

“You shouldn’t do that,” I said reactively. “I mean, do what you want. People just say not to. I don’t care if you do it.”

The last thing I saw as the lights went down was his head, leaned back on his seat, turned to me and smiling. Lights from the screen illuminated his face as he continued to look at me. “Do you want me to stop?” he whispered.

Suddenly, I felt hot and looked to his lips, focusing on his gentle smile. A breathy non-committal sound came out of me. His eyes went down to my mouth for a second before he brought them to the screen. This sucked. If it had been before, I would have wrapped my hands around his arm and leaned into his shoulder. Now all my muscles were tight and I was uncomfortably sitting with my hands in my lap.

Thirty minutes into the movie, I wanted to rest my head on my hand. It was all I could think about. I didn’t even know what the people on the screen were saying. Thankfully, Lucas took out his phone to check a new message. I used to opportunity to snag the armrest, propping my chin on my palm. He slid his phone back into his pocket, and without caring, leaned into me. I could either move, or stay. I stayed, trying hard not to think of his shoulder touching my forearm.

An hour and a half into the movie, I was so bored, I could feel my eyelids starting to droop. The action sequences were over the top and the dialogue was cheesy and unbelievable. I couldn’t even follow the shallow plot, and had stopped trying.

Someone was rubbing my knee. “Marzy,” he softly whispered. I made a sleepy grunt and nuzzled into his shoulder before I realized what I was doing. My eyes came open, and I saw that I was leaning on Lucas, my hand wrapped around his arm. A man was walking around the theater sweeping under the seats and all the lights were up.

“I’m sorry,” I said and quickly pulled away from him. “I don’t even remember falling asleep.”

Lucas stood and started working out his shoulder. “Can’t blame you. I nearly dozed off myself.”

“Where are Paul and Mia?”

“Waiting for us in the lobby.”

I grabbed my purse from the floor and went for the nearest exit, acting as if I wasn’t thoroughly embarrassed. Outside, we found Paul and Mia laughing near my car. She was standing very close to him, moving with him every time he did. The girl had it bad.

“Hey, sleepy head!” Paul called to me. “Enjoy the movie?”

“It was wonderful,” I said sarcastically. “I guess I didn’t realize how tired I was.”

“Poor Lucas’ arm probably went to sleep,” he added.

“I didn’t mind,” Lucas said over my shoulder.

“Well, I need to head home,” I said. “Still want me to drop you off at your place, Paul?”

You could tell that he was contemplating it. Mia’s face was hopeful, but visibly fell when Paul said, “Yeah.” He turned to her. “It was good to see you again. Crazy that Lucas is your brother. Small world, huh?”

“I guess so,” she replied, looking to her feet.
Ask for her number, Paul.

He didn’t. “See you around. You, too, Lucas.” He gave them a wave and walked to my passenger door.

“Thanks,” I told Lucas. “For the movie and the shoulder.”

“Anytime,” he smiled. I couldn’t help it, I smiled back.

When he didn’t say more, and he didn’t try to touch me, I said, “I better go.”