Stilettos & Stubble (21 page)

Then I slammed
the mirror down and frowned.  What was I thinking?  Our last date had been a
complete and utter balls up.  He couldn’t have shown less interest if he’d
tried.  He was a messer - he had to be.  Was there an equivalent to a prick
tease?  Because if there was, he was most definitely one of them.

I stuffed the
mirror back in the drawer in temper, hastily tidied the desk and then cheered
myself up by inventing names for his type.

‘Fandango flirt!’
I giggled to myself.

‘Beaver bully!’ 
Another chuckle popped out.

‘Muff magician!’ 
I laughed out loud and added, ‘Oooh, I like
that
one!’

‘Having fun?’

I lifted my head
and looked fully into the eyes of Luke, instantly wishing that I’d disappear in
a puff of mortified smoke, leaving my size eighteen dress and my size nine
shoes in a heap on the floor.

‘Oh yes, yes!’  I
tittered.  ‘Great fun, thanks.  Erm … just running through a few ideas for my
next book actually.’

‘I bought you a
glass of white wine,’ he placed the glass on the desk and leaned over to me. 
‘I hope that’s OK.’

I felt myself
melting to his charms yet again and knew I had to be on my guard.  He wouldn’t
get away with performing his magic on me a second time.  I accepted the drink from
him with a faint smile.  ‘Thanks, that was kind of you.  I’ll let you get back
to the show now.’

He walked
somewhat reluctantly to the door and then turned back.  ‘Percy, I don’t know
how I keep managing to get myself in this situation, but I feel I owe you another
apology.’

‘An apology? No
no.  I don’t know why you’d think that.’  I really didn’t want to hear that he
felt he’d made a mistake in asking me on a date and I was sure that that was
what it would be.

‘Listen to me,
Percy.  I like you.  I like you a lot and I stuffed up last time.  I had a lot
on my mind and I let it affect our time together.  It was wrong of me and I’m
sorry.  Would you consider giving me another chance?’

Had I just
heard him right?  Would I consider …?

I was just about
to open my mouth with a highly inappropriate, ‘Hell, yeah!’ when, as if
transported to some kind of bad dream, my mother burst in from the street shouting,
‘Persephone, where the fuck is your father and how long have you known he’s
gay?’

Chapter
Twenty-One

You know that
saying ‘Time stood still’?  Well I never knew exactly what it meant until that
moment.

There I was with
the man of my dreams asking me for a second (third?) chance and my mother had
arrived looking as immaculately groomed as ever but with more than a hint of
wild
about her.  In fact, she looked like a woman possessed and I actually caught
sight of Luke stepping back in horror as she approached the desk and gave it a
terrifying thump with her hand.

In a very low and
steady voice, punctuated with deep, measured breaths, she looked at me with
manic eyes and said, ‘Lock … the … club … immediately … and … tell … me … what
… you … know … Persephone.’

Thankfully Betty
appeared to save the day and, spotting that we had more potential trouble on
our hands, offered to take over front of house and suggested I take my mother
to the office.

I was vaguely
aware of Luke slipping away into the background and going back through to the club
and his party, obviously relieved to have escaped the madness of a rather
peculiar domestic.

Shuffling my
mother through the corridor to the office, I couldn’t help thinking how out of kilter
she looked in the place I’d grown to love.  She had no concept of the new life
I’d carved for myself and I knew it was something she could never begin to
understand.  I
belonged
there.  For the first time in my life, I
belonged and I was making a difference.  It had taken the appearance of my ‘oh
so perfect’ mother to make me see that.

She stood in the
middle of my office and wrinkled her nose in disgust.  ‘You expect me to talk
here
? 
Where am I meant to sit for goodness sake?’

I gestured to the
chair at my desk, already beginning to feel my feathers ruffled.  She would
not
turn up at my place of work, embarrass me, and then start to put it or me down.

‘
That
is a
chair, Mother.  Use it.  And this is my office - the only place we
can
talk.  If you insist on turning up at inconvenient times with your ridiculous
accusations,
this
will have to do.  Next time, give me plenty of warning
and I’ll book us a table at ‘The Ivy’.’

My mother brushed
the totally clean chair with a hanky and then positioned herself on the very
edge as if it were flea infested.  ‘Don’t be so facetious, Persephone, and get
me a glass of champagne.  I assume this dive of a place stocks such basics?’

She really was a
bloody nightmare and I’d had enough.  ‘Yes, Mother, we
do
serve it.  By
the bottle.  And if you want to buy one, I’ll happily relieve you of forty
eight pounds fifty.  Shall I organise Tarquin to bring one through?’

My mother
flinched.  ‘What?  You expect me to
pay
for it?  Don’t be so
ridiculous.’

I sat on the
chair next to her and smiled sweetly.  ‘Yes that’s
exactly
what I expect
you to do.  We’re running a business here - not a charity - and if you want a
drink, you’ll have to cough up for it.’

I knew that my
mother was like the Queen when it came to money.  She never carried any as she
knew there’d always be someone who’d put their hand in their pocket for her. 
Not on
this
occasion.

‘So … start
talking, I don’t have long.’  I deliberately ignored her sulky look at being
denied a drink and moved the conversation swiftly on.  ‘I’ve got a job I need
to be getting on with so I’d appreciate it if we could get this little chat out
of the way as quickly as possible.’

‘Yes, and it’s
your
job
that’s got us in all this trouble.’  She spat the word ‘job’ in
much the same way as she would use an expletive.  ‘None of this would have
happened if you hadn’t started to introduce your father to homosexuals.’  This
final word was whispered.  ‘I hold you fully responsible, Persephone.’

It was ludicrous
that my mother could even begin to
think
that my dad was gay but even
more so that she’d point the finger of blame at
me
if by some strange
turn of events he was.

‘Mother, I think
you need to take a step back for a minute and have a little think. 
You
left
Daddy
, remember?  You shacked up with Nigel.  You made it more than
clear that you were done with your marriage and you moved on.  Whatever Daddy
decides to do is actually none of your business.’

‘She’s right, Sophia.’

We both turned to
see my dad standing in the doorway looking more youthful and handsome than I’d
seen him in years.

‘Gordon!’  My
mother stood and went over to him.  ‘I demand to know what’s going on!  I’m
your wife.  The rumours of your shenanigans are getting out of control at the tennis
club and I won’t have it.’

‘Sophia, my love,
you can demand all you like.  It won’t get you anywhere.  And as for the title
of ‘wife’ I think we can only use that in the past tense now that divorce
proceedings are under way.’  He came over and kissed me on the cheek.  ‘Sorry
about all this, Perce.  We shouldn’t be airing our dirty laundry here.  I just
came to see the show and Betty told me what was going on.’

My lovely dad
then turned to my flushed mother and said, ‘I think its best if you leave now, don’t
you Sophia?  Our daughter’s in her place of work, in case you’d forgotten.’

My mother
twitched and blinked furiously, unable to believe that she was being dismissed
without any answers.  She then grabbed her huge designer handbag - which no
doubt had a price tag to match, funded by Daddy - and stormed towards the exit.

With her hand
resting on the doorknob, she turned back to us with a steely look in her eye. 
‘You haven’t heard the last of this, Gordon.  I shall be contacting my
solicitor and telling him of your change in sexuality and I shall also let him
know about your unnatural sexual urges during our marriage.  Good night!’

My father and I
both exhaled huge breaths of relief when she left and then turned to one
another and began to laugh.

I poured us both
a much needed drink and we sat at my desk.

‘So, Daddy?  I
hate to ask but … got anything to tell me?’

He looked at me
with a twinkle in his eye - that twinkle had been missing for a while and I was
delighted to see it back.  ‘No, Percy, I’m not gay, if that’s what you were
wondering.  I just
like
being here.  I like hanging out with people who
accept one another, warts and all.  I feel
comfortable
here.’  He sipped
at his drink and winced.  ‘And no, I don’t have any desires to dress up in
women’s clothes either.’

‘Phew!  Well I’m
glad that’s sorted then.  It’s been quite a night you know.’  I downed my drink
in one and then stood to place the glass up on the tray.

‘I’m really sorry
that your mother came storming in here like that.  She had no right.’

‘Not a problem,
Daddy, and certainly not something
you
should apologise for.  I’m just
glad you feel happy here, cos I do too.’

He stood and
straightened his tie, looking as if he were about to make his way back to the
show.

‘Just one last
question.’  I stopped him as he got to the door.  ‘And it’s a question that a
daughter should never have to ask her father but … what did she mean by
‘unnatural sexual urges?’’  I knew if I didn’t ask, it would bug me to my dying
day and I’d do battle with all sorts of mental images like whips, chains and
oranges stuffed in mouths.  I didn’t want to live my life with thoughts like
that.

Daddy let out a
booming laugh.  ‘D’you know what, Perce?  I have
no
idea!  I do remember
asking her once if we could make love
before
she covered herself in her
anti-ageing cream and she
did
give me a look of disgust.  Maybe it was
that?’

Again we looked
at one another and spluttered.  It was so good to see my dad happy again.

*****

Normality
returned and the rest of the night passed without further dramas.  The acts
left, kissing me goodbye and uttering words of sympathy and solidarity
regarding my mother’s outburst.  My father was enthusiastically tagging along
with the crowd to head back to Lady’s for a nightcap.  I’d declined their
invitation as I just felt I needed time alone to get my head together.  The
bills were lurking in their drawer and I knew I’d be unable to put on a stoic
face with the girls until I’d made the vital phone calls the next day.

I was just about
to put the top lock on the front door when I heard a quiet movement behind me
and I turned to see Luke shuffling his feet and looking a little awkward.  ‘I
hope you don’t mind, Percy, but I wanted to stay behind and talk to you.  I
know what it’s like to have a parent embarrass you and I didn’t want you to
think it changed anything between us.  Your mum was out of order - I hope you
told her as much.’

I finished
locking up and led him through to the performance area.  Suddenly a quiet drink
with a fit bloke seemed to be the best medicine any doctor could offer.

I flicked the low
lights back on behind the bar and asked, ‘What can I get you?  It’s on me.  And
I shall be having a very large one after the trauma I’ve been through.’

We settled with
our drinks, side by side at the bar and I began to relax as I listened to Judy
Garland singing on the CD I’d put on in the background, the troubles of the day
starting to drift away.

Luke spoke
first.  ‘I meant what I said, you know.  I haven’t spoken to my father in seven
years.  What your mum did to you was bad, but what my father did was
unforgivable.’

‘I can’t imagine
not talking to one of my parents,’ I said, ‘although I have to admit I’ve come
pretty close with my mum over the years - but my dad?  No, never.’

‘What if he’d
spent years cheating on your mum until she died of a broken heart and then got
so pissed at her funeral he was caught shagging his secretary in the back
garden?’

He said this very
matter of factly with no hint of bitterness but there was a coldness in his
eyes I’d never seen before.  ‘What then, Perce?’

‘Oh shit!  Well
yes,
then
I can see why you might want to cut yourself off.  It still
must have been hard for you though.’

‘You wouldn’t
believe how hard.  Not only did I lose my dad - I lost my house, my car and my
livelihood.  If you work for the family business, it’s pretty tricky when the
shit hits the fan.’

‘Bloody hell,
Luke!  What did you do?’

‘Well it took a
lot of soul searching.  I was on a stonkering wage, I had a mews house in Bath and a flashy Aston Martin to drive around in.  But it all seemed to be an insult to my
mother’s memory.  I gave it all up, left with the clothes on my back and moved
to London to stay with an old Uni chum.  It was the only way I could live with
my conscience.’

‘Wow!  That’s
pretty admirable.  I’m sure your mother would be very proud.’  I smiled at him
as I realised what a truly decent guy he was.

He smiled back,
his mood lightening again.  ‘Yeah well, admirable, daft?  Who knows?  But I
know I did the right thing for me and that’s all that counts.

‘I sometimes
thought that Daddy would die of a broken heart too,’ I told him.  ‘He’s spent
so many years putting up with my mother’s indiscretions but never really
believing that she’d take it too far.  Then, when she did, he just seemed to
take it all in his stride.  He’s the happiest I’ve known him for a long time right
now and it’s just such a relief.’

‘Do you think
that’s because he’s discovered that he’s gay?’

I spluttered my
wine into my hand and cursed my inelegance.  Then I started to laugh.  ‘Oh no,
he’s not
gay
.  My mother got that totally wrong and put her tiny little
Manolo Blahnik’s in it.  Her shag-buddy didn’t quite work out the way she
planned and now she wants my dad back.  It’s too late though, his mind’s made
up and he’s filing for divorce.’