Stricken Desire (20 page)

“Who’s the father?” my mom asks confused and
looks over to Stacy.

“It’s not him.” I add.

“It’s fucking Johnathan Striker that’s who!
The mother fucker lead singer from the band I manage. Son of a
bitch Emily. Not only did you seriously fuck up by screwing the
dude once. You’re now having not one of his babies but two!” Stacy
yells and throws his chair back it falls over with a loud crash,
and stalks out of the room without another word.

Tears pour down my face. I snatch up my
baby’s pictures and my purse and I run out of front door and leave
in my suburban. My heart hurts so much. I can’t believe Stacy is
that angry. I shouldn’t be surprised but I am.

I drive and I drive in the dark out into the
country. Rows and rows of corn line the two lane roads. I turned my
cell phone off when I left. The tears keep coming and I can’t help
but cry. I hate this! I hate the pain. Ever since I went to work
with Stacy pain has been a forefront in my life. I want to be sad
about being pregnant but I’m not. I’m happy in a way. I want these
babies. With or without anyone’s help. I pull over into an
abandoned motel parking lot. It’s now four in the morning and I am
too tired to drive home tonight. I lock the trucks doors. Hop into
the back over the seats. Curl up with my sweatshirt I had in the
back and drift off.

The sun is shining through my trucks window
when I wake up in the back of my truck. It’s so beautiful in the
country. That’s something you’d never get in the city this much
flat rural land. I sit up and stretch. Time to face the music. I
climb over into the driver’s seat and power on my cell.

It pings for two minutes straight. Five voice
mails and thirty five texts. I seriously don’t want to read them
but I will because I have to know what I walking back into when I
go home. I know my mom is going to be furious one because I skipped
out and two because I am pregnant with a rock stars babies. Not
very responsible, she’ll probably say. Not that I blame her it
wasn’t responsible at all on my part.

I click through my texts all of them are from
Stacy.

Starting with:
What the fuck were you
thinking?

Followed by a bunch that say

Where are you?

I’m sorry, please come home.

I shouldn’t have said that it’s not your
fault. Just come home and kick my ass for being a dick.

The last text was just sent about ten minutes
ago according to my log.

You are scaring me babe. Please. Please.
Come home. We need you to come. Your mom is freaking out. Your dad
left for work. Please don’t do this. We will work this out. Just
come home.

I put the truck in drive and take the scenic
twenty minute ride home. Passing bright green cornfield after
cornfield on the way.

I pull up out front of my parents cream
Victorian and my mom and Stacy are both sitting on the porch swing.
They both stand immediately and come pounding down the front steps
and meet me at the driver’s side of my truck.

“Where the hell have you been?” my mom asks
her voice is soft and low but I can tell she’s angry. Which is
fine, she is entitled.

“I drove around and then fall asleep in a
parking lot.” I push my way past them and go up the stairs.

“You can’t walk away from this little missy.
You need to talk to us.” Stacy cuts in once I hit the porch.

“Oh… So now you want to talk?” I stop and
hiss, staring straight ahead. I can’t even look at him or some
serious violence might break out.

“You want to yell at me and tell me my babies
are a mistake and I’m supposed to WANT to talk to you?” I
protectively cover my belly with my hand, angrily yank the front
door open and stalk the rest of the way into the house leaving it
wide open.

“I know I deserve that.” He’s right on my
tail. “But I’m sorry. I can’t say I’m happy about all of this but I
don’t want to lose our friendship.” His voice is low and tainted
with sadness.

I toss my flip-flops on the ground and snap
my body around to face him. I find my mom is standing in the front
door frame. A sullen look marking her youthful face.

“These.” I point to my belly. “Were never
supposed to happen.” I inhale a giant breath. “EVER! In my life.
According to my doctors. Not without medical help anyhow.” I shrug
frustrated. “I may not want to be a mother right now and this may
not be the MOST IDEAL circumstance. BUT--- I am NOT going to say I
am sorry for being pregnant with them. IF this is my one chance in
my WHOLE life to have a baby and I get two. I consider myself
lucky. Even if these babies just so happen to have a misogynist
asshole for a father. As far as I am concerned he doesn’t have to
have a fucking thing to do with them. I can do this on my OWN and I
WILL. With or without you.” I jam my finger through the air between
us at him.

I turn to leave and he grabs my arm pulling
me into a hug. I let my hands falls to my sides and he’s the only
one doing the hugging.

“I will be here. I will do whatever you
want.” He caresses my back softly under my long hair. “I can’t lose
you. Asshole rocker father or not. I am still their uncle or more
if you want that.” A gentle kiss is pressed to my forehead. “We
don’t even have to tell him and I can raise them as my own. You
don’t have to be with me for us to do that. People do that all the
time. They have babies together and don’t even sleep in the same
house. We could. I could have a bedroom and you could have another
and the kids could share. I dunno” he shrugs his shoulders. “We
could work anything out. Just don’t hate me and don’t take yourself
and them from me. PLEASE.” He’s begging.

I wrap my arms around him and sob into him.
Tears flowing down my cheeks. I always knew Stacy was wonderful but
this is a whole other level. To offer to take care of them as his
own. God could I have gotten any luckier in picking a best friend?
He is amazing! On all fronts! My face is stuffed into his rock hard
chest and I can hear his soothing heartbeat. But I can hear my mom
crying in the doorway. I unlatch halfway from Stacy my right arm
still latched onto him. I open my other out wide to welcome my
mother’s embrace. She runs into my arm and we all three hug and my
mom and I sob together like little kids.

“Thank you Stacy for being so wonderful.” I
sob, clinging to the two most important people in my life other
than my little fetuses.

“I’d do anything for you Em, you know that.”
He kisses the top of my head, I can hear him inhaling my scent.

And I just melt. This is the most amazing man
on the planet and I can’t seem to understand how a woman can’t keep
him or a man for that matter. He deserves to be happy and loved and
have a family of his own. I wish I could give that to him. I can’t
but I wish I could. If only I could tap into my brain and make
myself love him in the way lovers do. I would do it for him. But
the thought of sleeping with Stacy isn’t a sexual one. It creeps me
out and makes me want to throw up. It’s like having sex with your
brother which is so not a good feeling.

We break away from the hug and I kiss him on
the cheek. I can’t bring myself to tell him that what he is
proposing will probably never happen but I can’t ruin the ascending
mood. We go into the living room and I curl up next to him on the
couch. I throw the blanket over my legs and we tangle our bodies
together. He feels so good against my skin. I love this man!

“How about I make up some tea.” My mom
suggests with a smile standing in the doorway to the kitchen.
Wiping her puffy eyes clean of tears.

“Can I have tea still?”

She chuckles so sweetly. “Yes darling but it
will have to be decaf. I’ll make us some and we can talk about your
pregnancy. Stace do you want some?”

He nods with a smile and places a gentle
loving kiss upon my temple. I squeeze him tighter. “How did I ever
get so lucky to have such a wonderful best friend?” I nuzzle his
chest with my nose. He smells like cologne and chocolate.

“I wonder the same thing every day of my
life.” He says and pushes my wavy hair from my face and kisses my
forehead again. His lips are so soft and heartwarming. God I am
lucky to have him. Especially now.

My mom reenters into the living room and
hands me a white mug of tea and Stacy the same.

“Thanks mom.” I say with a crooked genuine
smile. I am exhausted. I need a nap and a lobotomy. That might fix
my major ever growing anxiety issues.

“So…wonderful daughter of mine. I know I
haven’t gotten a chance to weigh in. I just want you to know from
your father and I’s perspective we are happy. I know it’s not the
most ideal for you to be pregnant without a husband. But you’re
pregnant, which is more than we could have ever dreamed for. And if
you need anything from us you always know we will be there.”

“Thanks mom you know that means a lot to me.
You and dad have always been great to me and Stacy.” I kiss his
shirt covered chest. “I’m sorry I couldn’t bring a man with me into
this situation. But I promise I won’t ask for much. I just need you
to be grandma and grandpa and spoil the crap out of these little
two.” I rub my tummy and Stacy sets his tea down on the end table
and places his hand over mine.

“I will take care of her Mom I promise.”
Stacy says rubbing his hand across my belly.

“I know you will Stacy, you two have more of
a functional relationship than most married couples.” She readjusts
on the love seat, crossing her legs. “So honey do you have any
questions on your pregnancy? I think I could help with the
questions. Not only from a mothers point of view but a nurses. I do
work with little babies every day.”

That guides us into a two-hour conversation
of me and Stacy asking my mom a thousand questions. Like how much
weight I am going to gain? Which I guess depends on the woman. But
my mom said with carrying twins I will most likely gain fifty, if I
am anything like her. That seems like a lot of weight on my small
body. I know I don’t know how much I weigh but I figure I am
somewhere around one twenty only because my butt is huge and my
boobs are large. Now adding fifty pounds to my frame I will look
like the Goodyear blimp by the time I am ready to deliver. I was
even lucky enough to find out that I will most likely have morning
sickness for the next two months, my breasts will swell and fill
with colostrum, I will get massive amounts of stretch marks and I
might as well kiss my tiny feet good-bye as they will probably
plump up to be the size of watermelons along with my ass. Oh, the
joys of becoming a mom. And to be honest I would take that and
fifty more things if it meant in the end I deliver two healthy
babies.

The lighter notes my mom decided to tack on
as filler to make my anxiety level simmer down was the fact that I
will most likely glow. Not like a lightening bug but my skin will
radiate warmth. Or some happy horseshit like that. Also, I will be
able to feel the babies move in a few months, which I am seriously
looking forward to and to top off the GOOD list. Is that I am
supposed to be horny all the time. Like a walking orgasm or that’s
kind of how my mom put it. I refused to ask if she was that way
when she was pregnant with me. Knowing her and my dad had to have
sex to conceive me is bad enough. The thought might actually scar
me for life.

The rest of the night goes rather smoothly. I
take a dip in the claw foot tub. Pad around the house in my newest
PJ purchase. A pair of smiley face boxers they have guitars on them
and the smiley faces have Mohawk’s. They’re men’s size medium and
run a little big but I prefer them that way and finding out about
the babies I might get lucky enough and be able to wear them my
entire pregnancy. Fingers crossed.

My mom ordered pizza, Stacy and I lounged on
the couch tangled up together like always. Stacy holding me always
feels so nice. It’s like a big comfy blanket wrapped in unicorns
dipped in chocolate and rolled in pure happiness. Mom sat on the
love seat in her plaid night pants and a baggy T. Stace had on blue
gym shorts and a yellow shirt. Popcorn was stuffed by the fistful
into our mouths throughout the night as movie after movie played on
my parent’s flat screen. It was so relaxing after spending what
feels like the past month drowning in anxiety and stress.

The entire week with my parents and Stacy
went by in the blink on an eye. After the initial pregnancy
revelation and Stacy’s apologetic surprise from his mother the rest
of the week passed rather simply and comfortably. It was the
R&R we needed. Over ten movies were watched, our faces were
stuffed every day with delicious food my mom cooked. We slept in
late every morning and watched the sun go down swinging on the
porch. It was the kind of life you’d always dreamed about but
rarely lived. With our busy lives and schedules it’s hard to sit
back and enjoy life and the small things you take for granted. Like
watching Stacy eat fifteen butterscotch cookies in one sitting and
complaining of a stomachache afterward. Or going to bed late and
staying up remising about life with your best friend in the same
bedroom you spent years bonding together as teenagers.

This whole past week we rarely talked about
Kyle or Johnathan or the band except when I ran some ideas I had a
chance to work on by him. I spent hours when he was visiting his
mom and his aunt jotting down ideas and searching my laptop. Google
is the best invention known to mankind, I swear. I know Stacy
brought me into the band to help when he takes time off. I am
capable of doing and the roadies are set on how they assemble and
disassemble the sets. He’s taught them so well, they rarely need
addressed. So in addition to making sure the bands gigs go off
without a hitch I decided to put my P.R degree to some use. I
studied mainly with public relations at NYU but I also took extra
classes in marketing to make myself more competitive in the
workplace. With those both under my belt I have some great ideas I
want to propose to the men once we get back to the bus which is
parked in Washington D.C ready for our next gig. Eight more weeks
of this tour both in the US and moving into Canada and I am hoping
to use the time afterward to promote the band further. I will work
the media and marketing and Stacy agreed to help with planning and
venues. We seriously make an amazing well-rounded team.