Style and Disgrace (3 page)

“Didn’t I tell you you’d change? Didn’t I warn you you had potential? I bet you felt sick after whatever you did, am I right?”

I nodded, scowling.

“Remember? Your body will change to adapt to your gifts.”

“I remember…”

“Are you sure? You seem to have forgotten the part where I said it would get worse before it gets better.”

“I didn’t forget I just…I thought I had more than a day or two. I mean, when you were talking to me before I had a vision of weeks…months…a year.”

“Make no mistake, when you turn thirty, it’s only a matter of months before it’s all
over
. The transition has to be swift or you’d just be killed outright. If I weren’t around to help you, like so many others, then you’d have to acclimate by yourself and quickly. You’d have no choice and most people in that position don’t make it. They don’t even know that there
is
a way out…that they could leave it behind until it’s too late and they’re already on one side or the other.”

“That’s awful.” I leaned against the wall and ground my palms into my eyes. “So what did I do? What was that thing?”

“It was gone by the time I got here, but the impression it left behind was easy enough to discern. Some kind of low-level fiend. I haven’t seen one
precisely
like it before, but that’s not saying a whole lot. They’re as varied as fish in the sea, truth be told. I’m not sure what it specifically wanted with you, but I intend to find out.”

“How do you plan to do that?”

“I know plenty of people on this side of the game, Abigail. Don’t worry, my contacts will point me in the right direction.”

“There’s something else we need to talk about,” I said, shoving off from the wall to face him. “My…my mother came here last night.”

He tilted his head curiously. “Oh?”

“Yes, she said my father wanted her to give me something on my thirtieth birthday, but she lost it a long time ago. She had something to tell me but…well…” I flushed.

“You didn’t want to hear it.”

“I haven’t seen her in over a decade! She’s so far beyond absentee she makes abandonment sound like a family weekend at a theme park.” He frowned and I shook my head emphatically. “Don’t give me the disapproving look. She’s a royal bitch with an emphasis on the royal part. Seriously, if there were a hierarchy of shrews, she’d be empress.
Mommy Dearest
would come seeking advice, she was that screwed up.”

“That sounds a bit like hyperbole.”

“Call it whatever you want, I wasn’t going to let her waltz into my life like that.”

“I assume she managed to say
something
that made bringing her up relevant?” Ian asked.

“Yes, she said…” I hesitated. “When I tell you this, you’ll understand just how much I trust you and how little faith I place in my mother.”

“Okay…”

“She said…you…you had something to do with my father’s death.”

Ian straightened, his expression turning pensive. He glanced out at the street, heaving a sigh. I felt my heart race in my chest as I watched him, practically holding my breath for his response. He plunged his hands in his pockets and paced toward the stairs, keeping his back to me.

“I wonder how precisely she knows any of this,” he muttered, “considering your father never wanted to tell her anything. I find it difficult to believe he would have imparted information to her without letting me know…”

“Was there any truth to what she said?” I couldn’t believe I asked the question. I certainly didn’t feel like I had the courage for it, but out it came regardless.

Ian nodded slowly, looking at me over his shoulder. “Yes, Abigail…it’s true. I don’t know how your mother found out or who told her, but I was responsible for your father’s death.”

Chapter Four
Parental History

I just read an article from a famous pop star whining about their amazing tour bus. This thing supposedly has two decks, a kitchenette, full bar, and enough beds to sleep fifteen. Listen up, Silver Spoons, come talk to me when you’ve had to go cross-country in a van with no heat and one wool blanket to share for three. Till then, just do your blow and get over yourself. Meow!

—Abby’s Facebook

I could’ve been knocked over with a feather. There were so many stunning revelations in his confession. One, he was involved in my father’s death. Two, I still felt like I could trust him. Three, and by far the most absurd of them all, was the fact my mother wasn’t lying. That right there was a miracle of biblical proportions and, sadly, the one thing I had a hard time believing.

“I assume you have some kind of explanation you’d like to offer…some kind of…story?”

Ian sighed and averted his gaze to the ground. “Like I said before, your father was an active agent for the
Sphere
. As I’m sure you’ve gathered, I worked for the
Pillar
. I was just an early agent, above a minion, but not quite a knight. Your father was at the top of his game back then and the one time we clashed, I was soundly defeated.”

“But he let you live…” I whispered, afraid speaking too loudly would prevent him from continuing.

“Ultimately, there’s hardly a difference between the two factions. Both fight random supernatural incursions. Yes, there are different overall goals, but where we deviate the most is how we go about our activities. Where the
Sphere
shows mercy, the
Pillar
…well, they do not.

“It boils down to motivation. The
Pillar
leadership threatens its members with entry into their plane of existence, hell, if you want to call it that…the fear of punishment for failure drives them on to avoid eternal torment. The
Sphere
, on the other hand, protects their eventual destination because they want it to stay pristine and comfortable. They fight with passion to preserve their heaven, not to prevent themselves from suffering.”

“You wouldn’t have let him live if you won that fight.” The statement was obvious, but I couldn’t help but make it. Ian nodded.

“Correct.” There was something chilling about the way he said that. It was so final and so matter-of-fact. I hugged myself and backed away. “That first battle was just a precursor. We didn’t meet again for
many
years…until well after you were born. As I said, it was assumed he was out of the game and no longer operating. I suppose he would’ve stayed that way had it not been for me.”

“If he was out of the game, why was I abandoned with my mother?”

“To stay out of the conflict, a man like him would have to be on the move. Rather than drag you both all over the world, he decided to live light and help where he could in a less overt manner than fighting the supernatural. He was a skilled healer and a harder worker. Before he and I met up again, he had touched a lot of lives and made a big difference.”

“Great, my dad was off playing
Highway to Heaven
while I was stuck at home with Piper Laurie.”

“Believe me, he was doing you a favor.” Ian cast me a look full of something I could only describe as raw, passionate rage. It made me gasp as I took a full step back. “I tracked him down, you see, and I had every intention of killing everyone around him. If you and your mother had been with him, you would’ve been fair game. I wanted payback for the one fight we had…I wanted to bathe in his blood.

“But when I caught up to him, despite being out of practice, he defeated me again. This time, I was sure he’d end it all…that he’d kill me off. I even challenged him, demanded he do it, but his bloody compassion was too great and, instead, he saw there was something growing inside me…something uncontrollable driving me on beyond the imperatives of my
Pillar
handlers.

“He fixed me up and over the course of two years he slowly cured the affliction claiming my heart. Throughout that time, I reminded him we weren’t on the same side, that he was aiding his enemy, but he always just gave me a knowing little smile…like he knew something I did not.”

“Did he?”

Ian smirked, but the expression faded quickly. “Yes, he really did. I remember quite clearly we had been staying in some backwater hole in Canada. I felt better than I had my entire life, but he cautioned me, even up to the Sunday morning when that
thing
showed up at our apartment.

“It wasn’t
Pillar
or
Sphere
. Just as I said, there were plenty of creatures in the world and they’re often attracted to power. The two of us were too much of an opportunity to pass up, especially as we must’ve seemed like weakened prey. We had kept our powers so low-key, it made sense we would eventually be attacked by something exceptionally dangerous.

“The battle was brutal. It destroyed the apartment building, leveling it completely. Your father saved everyone inside before nearly being crushed himself. I narrowly finished off the beast, sending it back to wherever it came from. By the time I reached him, it was clear he was on the way out.”

I swallowed hard. Listening to the tale of my father’s last moments was surprisingly trying. The fact I hadn’t ever met the man and only knew what he looked like through photographs and dreams made no difference. Somehow, I felt bound to him and despite the fact we had never spoken in real life, I suddenly missed him.

“I knelt beside him and offered to get him help, to heal his wounds much as he had done for me. He took my hand and shook his head, drawing me closer so he didn’t have to raise his voice.”

* * * *

“Ian,” Richard sounded so weak, he didn’t sound like himself. An hour before, he had been vibrant and alive. Now, on the way out, he was as frail as if old age were claiming him. “Your affliction still lingers. It’s time we freed you of it completely.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Ian said. “We have to heal
you
. Be quiet and let me get you out of here. I know a couple of people in Los Angeles.”

“There’s no time for that. You have to listen. There are two things I need from you for what I’m about to give.”

“You don’t have to give me anything,” Ian interrupted. “You’ve already provided more than I could ever repay and you know that I hate debts.”

“You’re going to try. Listen closely, we don’t have much time.” Richard handed Ian his wallet. “I have a daughter…still young but you know what that means. She doesn’t have a lot of time before things happen. You must find her and protect her through the process. Don’t make her a statistic that has to learn all of this on her own.”

“I won’t.” Ian could barely speak through the lump that had formed in his throat. This man had become more than his savior, he was a mentor and a friend. He brought a balance to his life that he had never known, not since before he embraced what he had become. “I swear she’ll remain safe.”

“Good,” Richard coughed hard and blood flecked his lips. He winced, staring up through squinting eyes. “The second thing I want you to do…is to take my life.”

“What?” Ian stared at him, horrified at the prospect and unable to even fathom the request. “There’s no way! How could I? After all you’ve done, I won’t do it.”

“It’s my final gift to you, Ian. Your affliction requires a sacrifice to be exorcised completely. It feeds on lives, but only those unwillingly stolen. This one, I give freely. Take it. Free yourself, elevate your status in your organization and above all…protect my daughter. You’ll need the clout with the Pillar to do it.”

“You want me to make it seem like I built up to this moment.” Realization hit Ian like a punch to the kidney. “You want the others to believe I wasn’t a traitor but that I was
planning
this all along.”

“Such subterfuge is the very lifeblood of the Pillar,” Richard replied. “When you return, all suspicion will be washed away. You’ll be able to operate independently. You’ll be a full knight in their order, a true operative for their cause.”

“After all that you’ve taught me, how long do you think I can really hold up that façade?”

“Perhaps we’re not all that different, the Pillar and the Sphere. Perhaps it will take visionaries like yourself to point it out. In the end, we only want to integrate them back into the fold…as it was in the old days. If they could get over their grudge, they’d see the only thing holding them back is the acceptance of our forgiveness.”

“I don’t care about the old arguments…I don’t even care about the affliction. I don’t want to…to kill you! I won’t do it.”

“Let the affliction take over,” Richard said. “It knows what to do…and it will burn itself out in the process. You have to do this, Ian. Don’t waste my death. Use it…for your sake and for Abigail’s.”

* * * *'

“I don’t think I have to tell you what I did.” Ian paced away from me, turning his gaze to my neighbor’s house. “The affliction was burned out as he promised. The
Pillar
accepted me back with open arms. I became the knight he supposed I would be and now I’m here, fulfilling the last part of my promise to protect you.

“I’ve done many things I’m not proud of, Abby, and that was certainly one of them. Please don’t think less of me or him for the decisions we made. If you were going to embrace your gifts, you’d understand the meaning of sacrifice and belonging. As it is, we have to work together to make your father’s wish come true.

“So what do you say? Now that you’ve heard the truth, do you still trust me? Are we going to continue on with our arrangement? Or would you rather risk it alone? I will not force myself on you, but truth be told, I would much rather have the chance to fulfill my bond. The choice…is entirely up to you.”

Chapter Five
The Eternal

Life is a matter of perspective. Mine’s definitely skewed, but I can tell you right now that I do not get the appeal of reality TV. Those things are better scripted than your average police procedural and twice as dramatic. Take it from me, people are big enough freaks you don’t have to enhance the flavor for prime time. Just visit the Testy Fest in Montana sometime if you don’t buy it. Unbelievable.