Summer Burns (24 page)

And the thought of Shelby once again trying to come between me and a guy--I wanted to strangle her.

Where did she get off thinking it was okay to hit on someone else
'
s guy? What was the matter with her? It just sent my already tired emotions into panic that much quicker.

I tried to be nonchalant about it, because, really, she could be mistaken.
"
Shelby always has been social.
"
And I was grown up now.

I wasn
'
t going to beat her up under the bleachers again.

Didn
'
t matter if I wanted to.

"
She was hugging him. And she slipped him her number.
"

This stopped me cold.

"
Are you sure?
"
I asked.

Paula nodded.

I put my hand on her arm.
"
Are you absolutely sure? Positive? Like there
'
s no chance in the world you could be mistaken?
"

Paula nodded again.
"
I know what I saw. They were talking over in greeting cards. Me and Emma were picking up a few things.
"

"
Did Emma see him?
"
I asked, suddenly worried about what my little girl would think about seeing Matthew talking to
...
to
that woman
.

"
No. She would have said something. She was too busy reading the book I picked up for her.
"

Good.
I tried to keep my anger in check.
"
I
'
m sure it was nothing. I
'
m sure he was just being polite.
"

"
Better to find out now, then later,
"
Paula said.

"
Yeah,
"
I said through clenched teeth.

Chapter Nineteen

Matthew showed up just as Paula was leaving, and while I didn
'
t witness it, I got the full report from Autumn of the chilly glare my mother-in-law gave him.

Of course, it was Autumn.

She most likely was exaggerating. I was going to go with that. One drama at a time.

Besides I needed to talk to Matthew.

I was a grown up now.

I could handle this. Regardless of the visions of Shelby and Matthew dancing in my head.

It was just like when Shelby went after Jake. She came, she saw, she took.

She stuck her nose into business that wasn
'
t hers--like convincing Jake to join the Army in the first place, because of her very well-known fetish for men in uniform. Even now, I still never figured out how he was swayed by her.

What did she have to convince him so easily? I
'
d wondered all of our marriage, how had she swayed him, turned him against what we
'
d talked about. Because when it was all said and done, he was determined to go into the Army. No amount of convincing could change Jake
'
s mind.

And now, here she was, talking to Matthew.

Giving him phone numbers.

Did the woman just want to torture me? Take any guy I might actually like?

It was enough to make me nuts.

I needed to sort this before I made myself crazy.

Yet with a house full of people, I wasn
'
t sure when the best time would be. It seemed like every corner I turned, I ran into someone to talk to. People were laughing and smiling everywhere. Most of the men had migrated outside and had taken over the grilling.

Really, it was where they all were talking and being guys.

Matthew sat in a patio chair, talking to Nicole
'
s husband, with Emma on his lap.

Probably not the best time to have a private word with him. Anger and frustration boiled in me, and that tiny part of rational left inside knew I was being overly dramatic, but it couldn
'
t seem to squelch the feelings surging through me. The more I thought about him talking to Shelby, the more I was certain he
'
d taken her number, well, because, he was ready to move on.

I wouldn
'
t give him a firm answer.

Maybe that
'
s the reason he came here in the first place--looking for me, for a future, a family, all that. Feeling that mortality, or whatever it was they felt when they came back to empty homes.

He just was looking for a wife--and here I was, former, well, everything, packaged with a kid and all.

I rubbed my head.

"
Good lord, even I
'
m sounding crazy to myself,
"
I whispered. See? This is how nuts I get. I can get all sorts of crazy when I care, when I date.

This is why I shouldn
'
t date.

A moment alone, away from all the people in the house seemed the best idea. I didn
'
t want to fly off the handle at anyone, just because I
'
ve lost my damn mind. I slid down the hall to my bedroom and slipped inside.

"
Paula was just talking,
"
I said to my empty room, and my gaze landed on a picture of me and Jake.

"
Wasn
'
t she?
"
I asked the picture. I picked it up, and stroked the glass, staring at my husband
'
s face. Smiling and laughing. It was taken when we
'
d gone on a last-minute camping trip, to have some time together before he left to go to Iraq again.

Emma was conceived that weekend.

Just looking at his face, I could see Emma, so clearly.

So perfectly.

"
Oh Jake,
"
I whispered.
"
I miss you so much.
"
As the drama of dating, something I
'
d avoided since he died, seemed to crash down on me, I felt horrible. Tears fell onto the picture frame, and I brushed them away.

"
What the hell am I going to do, Jake?
"
I asked the picture. Sometimes, right after he died, I swear, I would look at his picture and I would feel him there, patting my shoulder, promising me that it would be okay, and that I would make it.

Not in so many words, of course, because that would be creepy, but just that
...

That feeling.

I knew that he watched over me and Emma.

At least he used to. I hadn
'
t felt him around in a long time, though. Maybe he
'
d--what do those psychics on TV call it--crossed over.

Gone to Heaven.

Left.

A couple more tears poured down my face, missing my husband and the solidarity and strength that came from being married. While there were aspects I hated--
happily alone
came to mind--I loved being a unit. A team. I could go to him, upset and out of my mind over something and he
'
d get me through.

Even from overseas, Jake could always calm me down.

A knock made me jump, jerking me out of my jumbled thoughts.
"
Come in,
"
I said, wiping my face while I glanced at the door.

Matthew stopped in the doorway. I felt his eyes darting over me, over the scene, and I felt like I was being analyzed and mapped out.

"
Summer?
"
He crossed the threshold, like a man on a mission, but stopped cold just out of reach.

"
Yeah, hi.
"
I sat the picture back down on my nightstand, straightened it to sit just right next to the flag.

"
Are you okay?
"

I nodded. Then I shook my head.

"
Which is it?
"

"
I don
'
t know,
"
I said, my finger stroking the picture of Jake.

"
I see.
"
There was something hard in his voice. Rough. Like he saw a lot more than just me sitting there on the bed.

Maybe it was already over.

Maybe he
'
d already called Shelby, and was just looking for a chance to tell me.

"
Did you get a phone number today at Target?
"
I asked him.

"
How did you know I was at Target?
"

"
Answer the question.
"

"
You answer mine.
"

I stood, and took a step across the room, just a little closer to him.
"
Paula. She saw you today, getting awfully friendly with another woman.
"

He shook his head.
"
That is not what happened.
"

I crossed my arms.
"
So explain it to me.
"
My heart hammered in my chest, from adrenalin, fear, all those emotional things that I haven
'
t felt in a long time, because, well, I was married, and I didn
'
t have to deal with the dating thing and the jealousy thing and the doubt thing.

Yet here I was.

Dealing with it.

Sucked so bad.

"
I shouldn
'
t have to. You should trust me.
"

I glanced at the picture of Jake.
"
Here it is. Completely plain, right in front of me. Why I don
'
t want to get involved with anyone. Because I can
'
t take this stupid bullshit drama.
"

Matthew put his hands in his pockets, watching me.
"
So this between us, it
'
s stupid?
"

"
Yes.
"

"
I see.
"
He pulled a slip of paper out of his pocket, his gaze, now cold, finally turned away from me and glanced at the paper. Then he held it out to me.
"
You seem way more concerned about this than I am.
"

I snagged the paper. Sure enough, it was Shelby
'
s phone number.

My stomach dropped, and I felt cold, all the way to my toes.
"
Were you going to call her?
"

"
Don
'
t know.
"

"
Do you want to?
"

"
Don
'
t know.
"

"
Well, what do you know?
"
I waved the piece of paper in the air.
"
Because this, still being in your pocket, tells me that you actually do know. And if you
'
re intent on being with
...
with
...
her, then you can just see yourself out.
"

He nodded and snagged the piece of paper from my hand, before he turned and walked out of my bedroom.

He didn
'
t slam the door.

He didn
'
t say a word.

But even over the crowd of people, the talking and laughing and all the noise in the house, I could hear him drive away.

And I swear, he took a piece of my soul with him.

Chapter Twenty

Wednesday

Dino
'
s Bar and Grill was not too busy tonight, unusual because right after work, it had a helluva happy hour crowd.

The remnants of the vat of buffalo wings dominated the table, and Hennessey just stared at them, wondering if he could eat the last couple.

"
There
'
s two left. Who gets them?
"
Ortiz asked.

"
Well, it
'
s a difficult job, but someone has to do it,
"
Miller said, reaching for them.