Summer Burns (7 page)

The wash of scents hit me, and I couldn
'
t help smiling. Mom and her herbs. Most people had flower gardens or vegetable gardens. Mom had her herb gardens. The house always smelled like herbs of some form or another--whatever ones Mom was drying in the back office that week.

"
Maybe, maybe not,
"
I said, and in the back of my mind, remembered growing up without a dad.

My parents separated after Autumn was born. Mom
'
s reasons were vague, only that regardless of having children, Dad still wanted to live freely, and Mom wanted something more suburban. So Dad left, occasionally remembering to send a birthday card or letters, but he never came around.

I
'
d always guessed there was more to it than that, but Mom never said what it was.

And I didn
'
t ask. Some things were best left alone.

All those years though, I didn
'
t remember Mom spending time with any man. No constant boyfriends, no going out and partying, nothing.

Mom just sort of delved deeper into her metaphysical ways--like an academic hippy. Even now, piles of books about herbs and green living everywhere.

When Jake died, I figured I could be just like Mom, and live alone, focusing on Emma, yet just spending some social time with Matthew made me wonder if I was kidding myself.

I
liked
having a guy to talk to.

Because my mom can mind read--or so she had us thinking while we grew up--she invaded my internal thoughts, as if answering them.

"
There
'
s a big difference between a father figure and a husband, Summer.
"

"
Is that why you didn
'
t marry again?
"

She shrugged.
"
No one was worthy.
"

"
What were you looking for, Mom? A prince?
"

The tea pot started to whistle.
"
No one was worthy enough for you girls,
"
she said as she poured the boiling water.

"
Oh. So you did date?
"
I watched Mom dunk her tea bag in the hot water, trying to let her words sink in. I
'
d always figured Mom had just not wanted to date. She
'
d evidently put a lot of effort in not dating in front of us.

"
Of course I did. I just didn
'
t do it in front of you girls.
"
She took a sip of her steaming tea.
"
Which is the only advice I can give you about men and your child--do not bring anyone in who will not be there for a very long time.
"

I nodded, because I knew this. We
'
d discussed this after Jake died--part of the reason I
'
d not dated right away. Well, that and the whole grieving thing.

"
I wouldn
'
t.
"

"
I know you wouldn
'
t intentionally. But remember, Emma
'
s been through a lot. You should not let her get attached to someone, if he isn
'
t going to be around for very long.
"
Her gaze darted to Emma and Matthew.

And guilt roiled in my gut, because that
'
s exactly what I was doing--I was letting her get to know someone who likely wouldn
'
t be in her life more than a few weeks.

But he was like her daddy.

The smell of her daddy.

Emma was already very attached to Matthew.

God, I was an idiot. Here I was, the first time I
'
d talked to any guy, really, outside of work, and now my daughter was attached to him, almost instantly, because of a damn smell.

It seemed so important at the time.

"
Now I feel like the fuck up,
"
I muttered.

"
Language,
"
Mom said.

I raised my eyebrow.

She came over to me and put her hand on my arm.
"
You
'
ll make the right decision. I know you will. Just don
'
t try to replace Jake, okay? Be certain that whoever you
'
re with is because you want to be there, not because you
'
re trying to fill a void.
"

Was that what I was doing?

Filling a void?

I didn
'
t know. It confused the hell out of me too.

"
I know,
"
I said. I put my arm around her.
"
Thank you.
"

"
He
'
s not Jake. So don
'
t treat him like Jake.
"

"
I know he
'
s not,
"
I replied.
"
He was Jake
'
s friend. Kind of. And he knew both of us. But you
'
d think, if I was looking for Jake then Hennessey would make me think of Jake. He doesn
'
t. He
'
s a friend.
"

"
If that
'
s all
..."
Mom
'
s words trailed off.

"
It is.
"

She nodded and walked out of the kitchen.

"
If I
'
m causing a problem,
"
Matthew said.

I spun around, surprised he
'
d escaped Emma and the movie.
"
Oh! Hi. Sorry. I was coming back.
"

He grinned.
"
I doubt that.
"

"
Maybe.
"

"
I really should go, though,
"
he said.
"
I have to work early, and I figure you
'
ve had enough of me tonight.
"

"
Not at all. You were great. You freed her teddy.
"

"
We all did it,
"
he said.

I smiled, because he spoke the truth--kind of weird way to spend an evening, winning a teddy bear, but we all had worked together to get it.

And it made Emma so happy. My gaze darted to my daughter, who was riveted to the movie, and even from the kitchen, I could hear her sniffling over the ending.

She was my daughter, that
'
s for sure.

"
I don
'
t want to make you uncomfortable, Summer. If being around me makes it harder, then I
'
ll be on my way.
"

"
It
'
s not that.
"
And it wasn
'
t. But it was. Just standing there, alone with him, well as alone as possible, awoke sensations in me that I thought long ago died the day Jake did.

"
Well, let me make it easy for you.
"

He stepped closer to me, so close, I thought for, a second
...

I turned my head to his. Our eyes locked, and I leaned into him. Was he, uh
...

He snagged a piece of paper from the stack behind me, and a pen.

And he stepped away.

I felt like a moron, and I looked away. Good grief, I thought he was going to kiss me.

"
If you need anything, don
'
t hesitate to call. Even if you want to talk.
"
He handed me the paper with his phone number on it.
"
But if you don
'
t, no hard feelings, okay?
"

I mustered up some dignity to look back in his eyes, and spread a smile on my face.
"
Thank you.
"

"
I mean it.
"

"
I know you do.
"
That
'
s the problem.

With that, Matthew said good-bye to Emma and walked out of the house.

Chapter Six

Friday Night

Matthew had just cracked open a beer when his cell phone rang.

He sighed. What did the rookie from the base want now? He
'
d put in his time with the kid all week. He didn
'
t want to go out to the bar to drink away the work week, and--
"
Hennessey.
"
He growled into the phone.

"
Matthew?
"

It was not the rookie.

"
Summer?
"

"
Hi, um
...
Hi.
"

He straightened in his chair and his feet hit the ground with a thud.
"
What do you need?
"
He sat his beer on the table, glad he
'
d not touched it yet. Didn
'
t want to drive if he
'
d been drinking.

If she needed some help--

"
Nothing. That
'
s not why I
'
m calling.
"

Huh?
He told her if she needed anything to call.
"
Oh.
"
Well, why else would she call? He
'
d heard part of her conversation with her mother last night, and figured he
'
d never hear from her again.

She sounded so conflicted about him being there, so he decided to take off. Get out of her hair, make it easier for her.

And for Emma.

Rip the bandage off clean. It would sting, but then it would be done and over.

Didn
'
t matter that he
'
d been so tempted to kiss her, right there, in front of her daughter. Fortunately, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a picture of Summer and Bettes, and his want cooled pretty quickly.

Stick to the mission.

Make sure she
'
s okay, and be done.

"
No, um, really, I was just calling to tell you that, um, well.
"
She sighed into the phone.
"
Geez, ever get ready to do something, and be sure it
'
s the right thing, and then when you get there, you feel like a bumbling idiot?
"

"
Yeah.
"
That was pretty much how he felt Wednesday when he went to speak to her.

"
I
'
m sure you have. Wait. I mean
...
Ugh. What am I, twelve?
"
The last part she muttered more to herself.

"
I would hope not,
"
he answered.

She smirked.
"
Look, before I make this into something ridiculous, I just called to say thank you for last night.
"

This made him smile. He had rather enjoyed the evening as well--a family type experience, something he hadn
'
t had in a very long time. It had been a bright spot for him.
"
You
'
re welcome.
"

"
Emma hasn
'
t stopped talking about you. She even asked at breakfast if you could have a play date with her this weekend.
"

He laughed.
"
A play date, huh?
"

"
What do you do, she
'
s six. I guess she liked having someone new to talk about
Frozen
to.
"