Sweet Thursday (14 page)

She nodded. Justin’s answer was so typically him. He was one of those people who never really seemed to care where he was or what he was doing. The only time she’d ever seen any real burst of emotion from him was Sunday night when she’d said they couldn’t be anything more than friends. It was that image that had haunted her most of all the past few days.

“Well, here we are. Welcome to sweet Thursday, Lil. K and I have been holding down the tradition for years now. It’s nice to have a new partner in crime.”

She laughed, grateful for the olive branch they were extending. Though they’d said friendship was enough, she’d tossed and turned wondering if they’d follow through on the promise. She knew she’d hurt them with her thoughtlessness, so to be included in their circle once again relieved her more than she cared to admit.

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As they got out of the truck, Justin grabbed her hand and stopped her before they entered. “Just so you know, first round is on the newbie.”

“Oh, is that right? Part of the tradition?”

Killian gave her a wicked grin, putting a friendly arm around her shoulders and leading her into the restaurant. “It is now.”

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“Who’s a sweet baby girl?”

Justin watched his best friend make a jackass of himself playing with his small niece on the living room floor. Somehow Keira had shanghaied them in to babysitting for the evening so she and Will could go out to dinner with a couple friends. The only reason he’d agreed was because Lily was part of the deal.

She came out of the kitchen with a tiny dish of something that smelled repugnant.

“What the hell is that?”

“Strained peas.” Lily wrinkled her nose as well. “Seems a bit like child abuse to me, but this is what Keira said to feed her. Said it was Caitlyn’s favorite.”

Killian picked up the squirming kid and held her on his lap. “Want me to hold her while you feed her?”

“Sounds like a plan since there’s no highchair. Don’t know what kind of bachelor pad you guys are living in here. No highchair, no crib.” Lily laughed as she perched on the edge of the coffee table and started feeding Caitlyn, who surprisingly enough really did seem to like the green mush Lily was shoveling in her face.

Justin leaned back in his recliner and fought down the same discontent, the same anger that had been pulsing through him since they’d dropped the “fantasy” part of their relationship and returned to mere friendship.

While the past two weeks had proven the three of them shared a solid foundation in terms of being compatible companions, Justin couldn’t get past the fact that Killian and Lily had both willingly thrown away the opportunity at something real simply because they were following some stupid set of societal rules that said two men couldn’t date the same woman.

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He watched her wipe off Caitlyn’s face, grasping the giggling baby’s hands and moving them about as if they were dancing. The image reminded him of the day Lily had taught him how to dance.

“Don’t want to miss a thing,” he muttered.

Lily glanced over at him. “What?” she asked.

“That Aerosmith song. We used to listen to it all the time in school. Remember?”

Lily nodded and laughed. “Heck yeah. I wore out my
Armageddon
soundtrack listening to that song.”

He felt his bad mood returning when it appeared she didn’t remember dancing with him. “It was a good song.”

Lily nodded and he could see he’d confused her with his stupid conversation. He sounded like a moron.

Killian used Caitlyn’s bib to wipe up a bit of drool on the toddler’s chin. “Are we still on for sweet Thursday? I was thinking we could skip Pat’s Pub and try that new dance club down on the waterfront for a change of pace.”

“I’m in.” Lily gave the baby another spoonful. “How about you, Justin?” He grunted and Lily turned to look at him. “You’re in a weird mood tonight. What’s wrong? Bad week at work?”

“No.”

“Quite the conversationalist.” Lily smiled at him but he could see she was hurt by his curtness. He mentally kicked himself for being a prick. He’d agreed to her damn conditions, let her convince him they’d be happier this way. Fucking problem was he
wasn’t
happier, not even close. He walked around feeling as if he’d been punched in the gut every minute of the day. He watched Killian act all nonchalant and honorable and he wanted to ram his fist in his best friend’s face.

Lily took Caitlyn from Killian and he fought back the pain of watching her holding the baby in her arms, refusing to acknowledge how great a mother she’d make. She’d 108

Sweet Thursday

never run out on her kid. Never leave him to grow up alone, feeling as though he wasn’t good enough. The pain associated with that thought caught him off-guard and he clenched his teeth against it. Where the fuck had that come from?

Lily stood up and rocked the little girl, the baby’s chubby fist gripping her hair tightly, tugging on it. She laughed while Killian tried to pry Caitlyn’s fingers loose.

Too many inappropriate feelings raced through Justin. Anger at his mother, anguish at losing Lily, confusion about the future and Killian. What the fuck was he supposed to do now? He couldn’t keep playing this drifter game. He was sick to death of pretending he didn’t give a shit about anything.

He looked at Lily and Killian and realized he cared too much. Too damn much.

Jesus, he had to get out of here before he lost his mind completely.

“Well, looks like you all have things under control. I’ve got a date.”

“A date?” Killian narrowed his eyes and Justin knew his friend wasn’t buying the lie.

“Yeah, K. A date. You remember those, right? Guy, girl, screwing. It’s fucking Saturday night. You two might not mind running a daycare on your weekend, but I’ve got better things to do.”

He walked toward the front door quickly, trying to avoid the hurt look on Lily’s face.

After all, it wasn’t his fault they were all suffering. It had been her decision. Hers and Killian’s. He was just playing along for their sakes even though every part of his soul screamed they were missing out on something special, something better.
They
were fucking up the future. Not him.

“Later.”

He slammed the door behind him, not bothering to look back or wait for either of them to say anything else. All he could think of was escape.

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* * * * *

“You’re the life of the party tonight.” Killian’s brother pulled up the stool next to his but Justin ignored him. “You’ve been nursing that beer for close to an hour. At this point, you should either forget about drinking or get Tris to pour you a fresh one.”

Justin pushed the mug away. “You need something, Sean?”

Sean grinned good-naturedly and Justin felt like a prick for his shortness. He’d always liked Sean the most of Killian’s crazy siblings. He was easy-going and grounded, less emotional than the rest of the Collins clan. “Just thought I’d see if you wanted some company. Thought maybe you might wanna talk about why you’re sitting over here like Doctor Doom. You and K have a fight or something?”

“No, K and I aren’t fighting.”

“Ah, then it must be pretty Lily who’s tied your dick in a knot.”

Justin looked up, surprised. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Chad said the ménage thing was a one-weekend deal. I know better. You’ve got the hots for her. I don’t think that’s any secret. I’ve seen how you and Killian look at her when you come around. What’s wrong? Did she pick K?”

Justin ground his teeth together at Sean’s words. So much for playing his cards close to his chest. He didn’t realize he’d been walking around like a dumbass with his heart on his sleeve. “No, she didn’t pick K.”

“She pick somebody else?” Sean’s genuine surprise that Lily wouldn’t want him or Killian soothed his ragged edges a bit and he gave a mirthless chuckle.

“She’s not dating anyone.”

“Oh, well, Chad said she’s been in a mood lately too.” Sean and Lily’s brother had remained friends throughout school and had gotten an apartment together after graduation. Justin had always felt a kinship with the younger guys because their friendship reminded him so much of his with K.

Justin shrugged. “I haven’t noticed Lily being moody.”

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“So you and K aren’t fighting over Lily?”

Justin took a sip of the beer and winced. Tasted like warm piss. “No, we’re not fighting over her.” Then, before he could think better, he added, “Rather than come between me and my best mate, Lily has decided to take herself out of the running for a relationship with us.”

“With
us
or with
one of us
? Thought the ménage was some sort of limited-engagement thing.” Leave it to Sean to pick up on his slip of the tongue.

Justin shrugged. “It was.”

Sean frowned. “No. I’m starting to think maybe it wasn’t. So when the weekend was over, did you guys offer yourselves singly or as a matched set?”

“What’s with the third degree?” he asked.

Sean leaned back nonchalantly. “I’m just making conversation.”

Justin toyed with his mug. He considered waving Tris over for a fresh one, then reconsidered. Why bother? He looked at Sean and felt the devil urging him to wipe the smug expression off the young man’s face. “And it doesn’t bother you to think about the fact that your older brother and I took Lily together at the same time? She didn’t jump between bedrooms, Sean. We were all in the same bed.”

Sean would be hell to play poker with. His expression never changed and he merely nodded. “So what? I may have been younger than you and K, but the stories about you two in high school were still circulating when I got there. You guys were sort of legends.”

Justin shook his head. “Jesus.”

“I know Chad still wants to kick your ass and I’m pretty sure if it was one of my sisters caught up in this kind of relationship, I’d probably react the same way, but I know K. And I know you. Neither one of you would ever hurt Lily.”

“You’re right. We wouldn’t. But that doesn’t seem to matter to her because she’s not giving us a chance to expand on the weekend. We’re all just friends.” Even Justin could 111

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hear the disgust lacing his tone as he said the word
friends
. “Lily is a firm believer in the idea that two men can’t love the same woman at the same time and that a woman can’t return those feelings if they do.”

Sean took a sip of his beer. “Lily loves you both?”

“She hasn’t said as much, but yeah, I’m pretty sure she does. Of course, God forbid she go against the norm. She’s a rule follower. Always has been. She’s not about to break away from the standard society throws in our faces—that says three people in a relationship is unacceptable.”

Sean shrugged. “I’ll admit it’s not the norm, but I don’t see why it couldn’t work.

Look around this bar, Justin.” Justin turned as Sean pointed to a biracial couple sitting at a table near the door. “Fifty years ago that couple would have been ostracized, run out of town on a rail. But not anymore. Society has wised up.”

Justin nodded.

“Check out the two guys in the corner booth.”

Justin followed Sean’s direction and spotted the two men sitting closely, talking quietly. “Society’s growing up in regards to homosexuality too. So who’s to say, somewhere down the line, threesomes won’t suddenly become the norm?”

“Only problem with this whole speech, Sean, is you’re preaching to the choir. I’m the only one who’s willing to fight for the relationship.”

Sean shook his head. “I don’t see you fighting for anything. I see you sitting alone in a bar, sulking.”

Justin leaned back and considered Sean’s words. He’d put up a small argument, a token bit of resistance at the beginning and then, as always, he’d backed down, given up. He’d never really fought for anything in his life. Never felt strongly enough to work up the enthusiasm. Now, well…now he knew what he wanted. Knew it all the way to his gut.

“You’re right. I’m not.”

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“Why not?”

Justin shrugged. “I guess I let them convince me I was wrong to want it. I listened to their words, rather than my heart.”

Sean smiled and put a strong hand on his shoulder. “You’ve told me Lily’s concerns—about what society will think, how Chad will react, her fear of coming between you and K. What was Killian’s argument against the relationship?”

Justin grimaced and gestured toward Sean. “He hasn’t said as much, but I think you and I both know the answer to that—his family.”

Sean nodded. “That’s what I was afraid of.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, I can see Killian worrying about Pop’s reaction.”

Justin frowned. “That’s the thing I never get. Your pop is awesome. One of the greatest men I’ve ever known. The guy supports you all in everything you do. One hundred percent.”

Sean grinned. “Which is exactly why none of us ever want to disappoint him. For what it’s worth, if the subject of family comes up again, tell K I’m behind him no matter what the three of you decide to do. I think it would be kind of awesome to have Lily join the family and you’re already part of it. Always have been.”

Sean’s words went a long way to soothing Justin’s anger and anxiety. “Thanks, man.” He stood and threw a few dollars on the bar.

“So what are you going to do?” Sean asked.

“Go pick a fight.”

Sean laughed. “Knock ’em dead.”

Justin headed for his truck, pulling the vehicle out on to the quiet street. On the trip home, he tried to decide how to present his argument to Killian. If he could get his best friend on board, they could approach Lily together—a united front. He’d seen enough sadness in her eyes the past couple weeks to last him a lifetime. Regardless of her 113

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certainty she’d made the smart choice in walking away from a relationship, he could see what the decision was costing her.

He slowed down as he approached the driveway to his townhouse, surprised to find Lily’s car still parked there. He entered the dark house quietly. As his vision adjusted to the dim lighting, he could make out Lily’s figure asleep on the couch. Killian was sprawled out in his recliner, also dead to the world. A quick glance at the television confirmed they’d fallen asleep while watching a movie. He grimaced. So much for the divide-and-conquer option.