Swept Away (21 page)

“How does that make you feel, Lilly?” Dr. Shepherd held her pen poised over her notepad, apparently expecting some brilliant revelation from her.

Sorry to disappoint you
. “Um. I dunno. Pretty invisible, I guess.”

“Invisible?” The doc scribbled on her pad without tearing her piercing gaze away from Lilly for even a second. “Explain.”

“Well. Stan has always preferred not to see or hear me or any evidence of my existence.”

“How do you know this?” Dr. Shepherd tilted her head toward Lilly.

“He does nothing but bark at me. He doesn’t want me to have anything lying around anywhere, and he always wants my door shut,music turned down, talking kept to a minimum. It’s just how he is. I can’t really explain it.”

Dr. Shepherd waited.

“And now, all of a sudden with the baby coming, he had a reason to change. I guess the baby is worth the effort—me, not so much.”

The doctor wrote another note to herself.

Not going to deny it, huh?
“Maybe the baby will be okay because Stan’s the real dad. But I already feel sorry for it.” Lilly offered a wry smile. “I know you probably think I’m jealous of the baby. I’m not. Really. The poor thing barely stands a chance. I wish you could hear one of their fights.” Lilly held up a finger. “Hey, I know. You want me to tape them the next time they fight?”

Dr. Shepherd laughed. “No. As interesting as I’m sure that would be, it won’t be necessary.” She turned back a few pages in her notes. “Tell me, Lilly. When’s the last time they had a big fight?”

“I can tell you the exact night, because we had a youth night at church.” Lilly pulled out her calendar. “Let’s see. Today’s Monday … so … six weeks ago this past Saturday.” She looked at Dr. Shepherd in surprise. “Hmm. That’s probably the longest they’ve ever gone without fighting.”

“What do you think is the reason?”

Not me, that’s for sure
. “I’d say it’s because of the baby—and probably the holidays. They’re both trying really hard. But will it last?”

“One can never know these things for sure. But if each of you tries your hardest to do your part toward fixing things, there’s always a chance.” She made a note on her paper. “And, baby or not, wasn’t it about six weeks ago Stan committed to this change?”

Lilly nodded and stared into the fire.

Dr. Shepherd cleared her throat. “Tell me, Lilly—I know about your boyfriend, but do you have any really good girlfriends?”

“I used to.” Lilly looked down at her hands. “I don’t see them much anymore.”
Ever
.

“Why is that?” Dr. Shepherd put her pen on the clipboard resting on her lap.

“Why? Because I never knew what would be happening at my house, so I didn’t invite them over. When they were never invited, they started to take it personally. They thought I was a snob.” Lilly shrugged it off.

“What would have happened if you’d been honest with them about your reasons?”

“They’d probably have felt sorry for me or thought I wanted their sympathy—which I didn’t.” She shrugged again.

Dr. Shepherd made a note. “How did you overcome those obstacles when you let Jason into your life?”

“Well, Jason’s always been there. And at some point, he just slipped into the role he’s in now. I never had to hide anything from him because he knew it all already.”

“Have you and Jason been intimate with each other?”

Lilly’s mouth dropped open. Was she serious? “If you’re meaning what I think you are, the answer is no. But isn’t that kind of personal?”

“It helps me know where things stand with you. It’s okay. Nothing you tell me goes beyond this conversation. So … you’re still a virgin?”

Lilly nodded, her face hot as the flush rose up her neck. Her cheeks must have been flaming red.

“We’re almost done here for the day, but I have two things I’d like to say if I could have your permission.” Dr. Shepherd put her clipboard under her chair and leaned forward with her elbows on her nylon-clad knees.

Lilly shrugged.

“First of all, I’m so glad to hear you’ve been protecting your purity even though you and Jason are serious about each other. He’s very good to you and good
for
you right now. He’s helping you with your self-esteem and helping you keep your head on straight.” The doctor sat back and crossed her legs. “On the other hand, those things could cause you to fall so hard into his arms that you do something you’ll regret one day. So, please, think twice before you take things any further physically. Call me at any time if you’re considering something and want to talk.” Dr. Shepherd slipped Lilly a business card. “My personal cell phone number is on the back. You can use it anytime. Just keep it to yourself, okay?”

“Thanks.” Lilly averted her eyes in embarrassment and tucked the card into her purse.

“The other thing is a request, really. We’ll call it a homework assignment.” The doctor winked. “I’d like for you to contact and visit with an old friend before the end of the month. Tell her why you let your friendship lapse, ask her to forgive you, and set up a date to get together for something fun—just the girls.”

Lilly shook her head.
How embarrassing!

“I know that sounds difficult, but it will be so freeing. I promise.” Dr. Shepherd gathered her papers. “Do you think you can do that?”

“Well, I can try.”

“Even a marathon starts with one step.” Dr. Shepherd smiled. “I’ll look forward to hearing the results next week.” She stood up to see Lilly to the door. “Remember, you call me if you get into a tricky spot, okay?”

“Jason’s not like that. But I appreciate the concern.” Lilly smiled and opened the door to the waiting room where her mom sat.

“Ready?” Mom stood up from the couch and collected her purse and jacket.

Lilly held open the door for her as they walked outside. Stan had pulled the car up to the entrance to wait for them. As they got in, he said, “Chinese or Mexican?”

Mom grinned at Lilly. “Mexican!” they both shouted.

Stan’s eyes twinkled. “Chinese it is.” He turned the car toward their favorite Mexican restaurant.

Could he be changing for real? If he was, he’d already admitted it was for the baby, not Lilly. Still, any change for any reason had to be better than nothing.

They pulled into the parking lot of Chevy’s—Lilly loved their salsa—and parked next to a familiar Saab Turbo. “Grams? Is she meeting us here?”

“Yep. Someone else is, too.” Stan pointed across the parking lot.

Jason, dressed up in a sleek black knit shirt and a pair of khaki pants, smiled and waved.

“Jason!” Lilly squealed and ran to hug him. She fought the urge to give him a quick kiss, because her parents—er, Mom and Stan—were watching.

“Come on, you two lovebirds.” Mom laughed. “Let’s get inside. I’m sure Grams has a table for us.”

Conversation over their pleasant dinner was free and easy. Grams kept them all laughing with tales of the blind dates she’d been on lately. She’d been meeting men online and going out to fancy dinners and plays. “Time of my life,” she kept saying.

After dinner, while they waited for dessert to arrive, Mom cleared her throat. “We have a few things to say.” She glanced at Stan.

“Yeah.” Stan cleared his throat. “First of all, we’re so glad you’re all here. It’s been a great six weeks, as far as I’m concerned, and I look forward to many, many more.”

Mom jumped in. “I agree. I couldn’t have asked for more.” She smiled sweetly at Stan.

Lilly still had to fight the urge to gag, but itwasn’t as strong as it had been a few weeks prior.

“We have several announcements to make.”

Grams’s eyes opened wide. “Don’t tell me it’s twins.”

“Oh no.” Mom laughed. “This first part is about Lilly. Stan, you tell her.”

“Okay, Lilly, your mom and I feel like you’re ready for some freedom. You’ve been such a good girl—you always have—and now you deserve to be trusted, set free a little bit, so to speak.”

“What does that mean?” Lilly’s eyes darted between Mom and Stan.

Stan continued. “For one thing, you’re sixteen. Your mom always promised you could date at sixteen. So we’re going to allow that to happen. The rules are, you have to be home by ten o’clock, and we want to know where you are at all times. If anyone other than Jason is driving, we want to know about it first. And you can only go out one weekend night for now. How does that sound?”

“Are you serious?” Lilly bounced in her seat and grinned at Jason. “Thank you! Thank you! Did you hear that, Grams?”

“I heard. Congratulations, dear.” Grams smiled and nodded toward Stan.

Was there more? Lilly waited.

“One more thing, Lilly. Layoffs are over. Ameripro hired me back full-time.”

So he hadn’t been fired? “That’s great. Congratulations. I’m sure the extra money will come in handy with the baby coming.”
Not sure what it has to do with me, though
.

“So …” Stan dangled a key in front of her face.

“What’s this?”

“I got a new company car—well, actually, I pick it up tomorrow. So I’m giving you the Accord.”

“Really? Wow! Thanks so much, you guys. I can’t believe it!” Lilly grinned at her mom and then turned to Jason who winked at her. He reached under the table and squeezed her hand.

“We have one more announcement.” Mom beamed at Stan. She pulled a little piece of paper out of her purse. It looked like a piece of black-and-white film. “We had an ultrasound today. The baby looks perfect—here’s a picture. There are the little feet. Here’s a little hand.” She pointed at the picture with the tine of her fork.

Wow. Lilly stared at the human being inside her mother—her baby brother or sister. She couldn’t take her eyes off the picture.

Grams asked, “Hey, do you know the sex?”

Lilly dropped the photo and waited. Was that even possible?

Mom grinned at Stan. “You tell them.”

His eyes welled up with tears, and he puffed up with pride. “It’s a boy. I’m finally going to have a son.”

Lilly deflated like a soccer ball that had been kicked hard too many times. She let herself imagine that love was developing, that they were going to be a real family. But this whole thing—the dating, the car—was just another way, a seemingly happy way, for Stan to get her out of the house and away from his perfect little family with his new son. Why hadn’t she seen it sooner? She’d fallen for it because she’d hoped for it.

Her eyes pleaded with Jason.

He nodded and winked at her—assuring her that he’d stay right by her side. What did it matter anyway? All she’d really wanted was to spend more time with Jason—looked like she got her wish. No way she’d rock the boat by confronting Stan’s true motives.

She’d do what she did best—make herself invisible.

Lilly stared at her blank cell phone screen. What was the worst that could happen? Rejection? Mocking, humiliating laughter? Would it be worse to return to Dr. Shepherd having failed to do her homework assignment? She was supposed to do it before the end of January but was quickly running out of time. Expecting both reactions, Lilly picked up the phone and reached out a finger for the buttons.

No! She dropped her phone, covered it with a pillow as though it might bite, and jumped off her bed. She paced the length of her room, twisting a lock of her hair around her fingers. This was getting her nowhere. She had to make the call—dragging it out just made it worse. Reaching her hand under the pillow, Lilly picked up the phone and punched in the numbers before she could change her mind.

A familiar voice answered. “Hello?”

Samantha Pruitt. It had been at least a year since they’d spoken on the phone. Lilly saw her in the halls at school from time to time, but they seldom spoke anymore.

“Hello?” Samantha’s insistent voice snapped Lilly from her thoughts.

“Um … hello? Sam?” Not off to the best start.

“Yes, this is she. Who’s this?”

“It’s Lilly.” She waited.

Silence buzzed through the phone lines. “What do you want?” Sam sounded aloof, uninterested.

Lilly cleared her throat. “Um, I … well … here’s the thing…. Things have changed a little bit for me, and I need to tell you the truth about some stuff. I feel bad for how things are with us, and I wanted to tell you I’m sorry and explain myself.”

“Okaaaay?” Sam sounded doubtful but willing to listen—maybe.

Lilly forced herself to open up. “Listen, it’s my fault I never let you see the truth about my home life, but things were pretty awful. I didn’t want you to come over and have to see or hear my mom and Stan fighting—which they did all the time. So I never invited you here. I’m sure it made you feel bad that I hardly ever had you over or even let you come in. Eventually, I got so sick of trying to come up with excuses and worrying about it that I pulled away completely.”

“Is that the truth?” Sam sounded hopeful. “I mean, I don’t want that to be the truth, because that would be awful, but at least it would mean that I …”

“That you didn’t do anything wrong.” Lilly sighed. “Yes, it’s the truth, and no, you didn’t do a thing wrong. I’m really sorry.”

“Why are you telling me this now, though? What happened?”

Lilly thought about that for a moment. “Umm … things have kind of changed around here. There’ve been no fights for a couple of months. We’re going for counseling, and Mom’s going to have a baby in a few months. I guess I feel ready to try to bring someone else in.” Lilly hesitated. “I want that someone to be you.”

“Wow. I’m really glad. I missed you a lot. I never could understand what I did to push you away. I thought maybe it was because of Jason, but that didn’t seem likely since the three of us had always been friends. Although, he … Oh, never mind.”

Hmm
. What was she about to say about Jason?
No, don’t ask
. Back to the point of the call. “Hey, want to continue this conversation over a pizza and movie over here?” Lilly’s voice rose with hope.

“Really?” Samantha’s voice lifted, too. “I’d love to. What time?”

“Whenever you can make it. I’ll be here.”

“Give me about twenty minutes.” Sam’s words rushed out; then the line went dead.