Swept Away (20 page)

“I suppose it’s natural. I hope you’ll give it a chance.” Mom finally glanced up at Lilly.

“Give ‘it’ a chance? What’s the it? Stan? Counseling? Peace? You?”

Mom sighed again. “Yes. All of it.”

Lilly twisted her hands in her lap. “That’s a pretty big request, Mom,” she whispered.

Stan cleared his throat. “I understand how you probably feel, Lilly. I hope you’ll work with us to put this family back together.”

Again with the
back
together. “Why Stan? Why now?”

Mom and Stan looked at each other; then Mom gazed up at the ceiling and exhaled a ragged breath.

“What’s going on, you guys? What’s this all about?” More games. When would it end?

“She’s going to find out sooner or later, Stan.” Mom spoke in a whisper.

Lilly’s eyes darted from Mom to Stan and back to Mom. “I’m starting to freak out a little. What is it?”

“Well, Lilly, your mom and I—we’re going to have a baby.” Stan sat back in his chair with a big grin on his face.

Lilly stared at him with her mouth wide open. She closed her mouth, opened it again. No words would come. She could imagine nothing worse. A baby? Mom and Stan? Together? “How? What are you going to …? When? Are you crazy? Did you plan for this to happen?” Lilly fired off her questions, not really expecting an answer to any of them.

“I’m already fourteen weeks.” Mom’s shoulders slumped, and she started to cry. “I’m sorry, Lilly. Really. It wasn’t planned. These things happen sometimes.”

“Why would you be sorry?” Stan turned to Mom and covered her tiny hand with his beefy paw. “It’s not like you’re doing this to spite her. A baby is a good thing.”

“Stan, things haven’t exactly been great around here for Lilly. I’m sure she’s worried about the way things will change and the kind of home this baby will have, too.” Mom pulled her hand away and rubbed her temples.

“Time will prove everything is going to change. I’m giving it—I’ve given myself—to God. You’ll see. It’s going to be okay—more than okay.”

A baby? She’d always wanted to be a big sister, but this meant Stan and Mom were glued together. Mom, pregnant? What would this mean? It didn’t matter much. Lilly would leave for college in a year and a half. She’d pick one far away. But what if the baby needed her? Not really her problem. But … still.

She ate a french fry then shoved her plate away and stood up. She turned to her mom. “I love you, Mom. I hope you’re going to be okay…. I just … I can’t …” She shook her head and left the kitchen, hurrying away before they saw her tears.

Lilly couldn’t see very well past the flood that rose in her eyes. She made her way to her bedroom, grabbed her puffy down comforter, and climbed into her papasan chair. Cocooned in her favorite blanket, she curled up in a ball and let the tears come. If she’d felt like a third wheel
before
, she’d seen nothing yet. Lilly’sfamily was growing, but she’d never felt as alone as she did at that moment. Could she leave, move out, go to college, run away—anything?

Sniffling, she pulled a tissue out of the box on the floor by the chair and blew her nose. She wiped her eyes and tried to compose herself. Her phone vibrated in her pocket.
Please be Jason
. Lilly pulled her phone out and looked at the display.
Oh, thank God
.

“Hi Jase.” Lilly tried to sound normal.

“Hey … what’s wrong?”

“You can tell?”

“You sound like you’ve been crying. What’s happening?”

“I don’t know how to tell you this.” Lilly shivered and pulled the cover up around her chin. “Mom’s pregnant.”

“What?” he practically shouted. “Are you kidding me?”

Lilly started with a fresh round of sobs. “I wish.”

“Oh, Lill. I don’t know what to say.”

“I mean—it’s not the baby’s fault. But now Mom is stuck with Stan. And if he mistreats Mom, what will he do to a baby? A kid shouldn’t have to grow up in a house with so much fighting.”

“I know. What do they say about it?” Jason seemed at a loss for words.

“Mom and Stan? Well, Stan apologized for the way he’s been acting…. Oh, and he wants us all to go to counseling together.”

“Hey, that’s something. At least he’s aware that there’s a problem.”

“I’ll do it. But I’m afraid it’s too little too late.”

A sterile family room—that was the best way Lilly could describe the counselor’s office. Stan and Mom sat on the plush love seat facing the roaring fireplace. Mom held one of the many multicolored throw pillows in her lap, pressed against her belly. Lilly wandered the room, looking at the diploma on the wall and the books on the shelves.

Hmm. Why was
What Every Counselor Should Know
such a thin book but
Putting Families Together God’s Way
the size of an encyclopedia?

The door opened, and a woman with curly black hair, beautiful ebony skin, and a kind face entered, her high heels clipping against the tile floor. The door closed behind her, blocking out the sounds of the medical center. She stretched out her hand as she crossed the room with long strides. “Mr. and Mrs. Sanders?” She pumped their hands. “I’m Dr. Shepherd.”

“I’m Stan, and this is Peggy.” Stan nodded across the room at Lilly. “That’s Lilly.”

“Lilly LeMure.”
Not to be mistaken with Sanders, thank you very much
. She crossed the room and shook the doctor’s outstretched hand. “It’s nice to meet you,” Lilly murmured as she sank into an overstuffed chair next to the fireplace.

Dr. Shepherd sat on a leather office chair, placed a few files and a clipboard on her lap, and clicked open a pen. “You gave your permission,” she said, turning to Stan, “for Dr. Johnson to share with me what you two have been talking about in your sessions over the past month. It’s at his recommendation that we’re coming together for family therapy. Is that right?”

Mom and Stan nodded.

“From his notes, I have a general idea about how you feel about things, Stan. So if you don’t mind, I’d like to hear from the ladies first.”

“Fine by me.” Stan smiled.

Lilly rolled her eyes.

“Lilly, would you care to start? I noticed a reaction to Stan. Can you help me understand what caused that? Feel free to speak openly.” Dr. Shepherd waited.

How much could she share? But what did she have to lose, really? Things couldn’t get any worse. So … if she wanted open, Lilly would give her open. “What caused what reaction? That I rolled my eyes? It’s him. He is acting all happy lately. Smiling, trying to have conversations, being nice. But I don’t trust him. As soon as I let down my guard, he’ll change back.”

Stan stared at the fire.

“Change back to what?”

Lilly shook her head.

Dr. Shepherd turned to Mom. “What are your thoughts on what Lilly had to say?”

Mom picked at her fingernails. “I can understand why she’d feel that way.” She spoke in almost a whisper. “Things have been … well, they’ve been pretty bad around our house these past few years. We need help getting them back to what they once were.”

Lilly glared at her mom. “How can you say that? What they once were? Things have always been the same.” How could she not see that?

“No, Lill. You forget the good times. It’s not your fault, though. You were young when things changed.” Mom stared into the fire.

“Can you pinpoint the reason? What do you think caused the change?” Dr. Shepherd looked at Stan.

“I have no idea.” Stan shook his head.

Mom smiled softly at Stan. “I know the reason.” She took a deep breath. “When you lost your job at Ameripro and I got my promotion in the same week, everything changed, and I think you became depressed. You took it out on me and Lilly. It started all kinds of battles and power struggles. I know I didn’t help matters.” She wrung her hands in her lap. “I often thought about recommending counseling. But I was afraid to set you off.”

Stan wiped his teary eyes. “I’ve been a real jerk.” He looked at the counselor. “I know I can change. I’m doing it—me and God. But I don’t know how to help my family trust me. Suddenly, with the new baby on the way, it
has
to work. It just
has
to.”

Ah
. Lilly sighed as she watched the passing cars through the window. So, the new baby was the reason for all this?
What about me?
Why hadn’t she been enough of a reason before now?

Dr. Shepherd turned to Lilly. “What do you think of what Stan said?”

“We’ll see.” Lilly shook her head. “I’m sorry, but I’ve seen too much. I’ll try. I promise…. But it’s going to take time.” What did they expect of her? It wasn’t as if she could all of a sudden open up about her feelings or trust a word Stan said. Fat chance he’d ever change for real.

“That’s all we can ask of you.” The counselor looked at each of them. “Are you ready for my recommendations?”

Mom and Stan nodded expectantly.

Lilly crossed her arms and waited.

“Okay. Stan, I’d like you to continue seeing your counselor individually—weekly would be best. I’d like to see all three of you together weekly, and I want to see Lilly alone each week, too—at least for a while.”

“That sounds like a great plan.” Mom smiled and nodded. “Don’t you think, Lilly?”

“It’s fine.” Maybe something would come of it. It couldn’t hurt anyway.

The disco ball made the whole roller rink look like the inside of Lilly’s head. Thoughts swirled, bright highlights glittered in the darkness, and sparkles of excitement were driven by the music of hope. There was always hope. She took Jason’s hand as the DJ announced a couples’ skate.

Jason squeezed her hand and pulled her close.

They fell into an easy rhythm of long strokes as they circled the rink. Lilly wished the song would never end. She smiled up at him and laughed at his white teeth that glowed neon blue in the funky lighting. She’d never been happier.

The song ended way too soon. The calm, snuggly mood disappeared as shocking bright lights flooded the rink. Lilly squinted against the glare. With Jason still holding her hand and guiding her forearm, they barely made their way off the rink in time for the mass of younger kids and die-hard skaters to flood onto the floor in preparation for the races.

“Let’s go get a drink.” Jason tipped his head toward the snack bar and led the way.

With a soda and a plate of nachos to share, they headed for a table in the rear, far away from the crowds. Starving, Lilly took a bite right away.

Jason grinned, his eyes twinkling, as he reached his hand out and wiped away a dollop of melted cheese from Lilly’s chin. He licked it off his finger.

Lilly blushed at the intimate gesture and smiled at him.

He took her hand and squeezed it.

She felt so protected, secure, wanting nothing more than to be enveloped by his arms and stowed away there forever.

“I love you, Lilly.”

“I love you, too, Jase.” There. She’d said it. It rolled off her tongue like the most natural thing in the world. Just as it should be. Love shouldn’t be forced. It shouldn’t need counselors. Right? It should just
be
.

They smiled at each other, neither one saying anything to break the special moment.

Heather and Zach skated by from around the corner. Heather grabbed on to the table to stop herself, her feet almost rolling out from under her. Zach grabbed her arm and helped her steady herself.

“Hey, you two. We’re taking a head count and making sure the youth group is all present and accounted for. You’re all tucked away in the dark. Come on out into the light.” Heather did a shaky turn on her skates. She could barely stand straight without help—her turn was even worse.

They all laughed.

“Oh, we’re just chatting and having a little snack.” Jason winked at Lilly. “Skating made us hungry.”

“Everything makes Zach hungry.” Heather patted her husband’s belly. “Isn’t that right, babe?”

“Yep. I’m daydreaming about last night’s leftovers right now. Lasagna, garlic bread, some salad … It’s a perfect midnight snack.”

“Oh man, that would give me nightmares.” Lilly shuddered.

“Me, too.” Heather grimaced. “But, hey, we wanted to tell you that the bus pulls out in forty-five minutes. We’ll take a head count, but be sure you’re out there. We need to leave right on time.”

“Sounds good. We’ll be there.”

“How ‘bout coming and joining the fun for now, though?” Zach motioned toward the rink. His mouth smiled, but his eyes didn’t.

Oops
. That sounded like more than a friendly invitation. Seemed they were making the youth pastor uncomfortable by hiding out in the corner alone. They’d have to tone down the affectionate displays for the rest of the evening. Didn’t want to raise any red flags.